June 22 2012 | AA 12 Steps In Action | Step 6 Spiritual Willingness Alcoholics Anonymous Today's AA daily reflection: "today I am free…" "Of self will run riot and thinking I have personal power over situations beyond my ability to influence." Decades after the steps were conceived, everyone is still evolving in the fellowship and finding out what it is to be free and letting go old ideas and attitudes to let in new ways of living, new attitudes and behaviour which work one day at a time…
Practising these principles, (the twelve steps) in all my affairs opens the door to courage to change, faith in doing the next right thing and confidence in the most dire circumstances to keep a level head. And often the level head means I can tell the truth about my situation to anyone who needs to know who I am, what I stand for and how I am living in the moment of now. Even when we feel inadequate and might face hostile situations, we can always ask for help and not hide away…
How am I feeling today? After a visit to my local hospital to discuss and review my chronic conditions, type I diabetes and clinical depression, and put right the record on my abstinence from alcohol for over eight years, I feel more calm and listened to by the specialists. I felt overwhelmed and broke down at the hospital because of the kindness, support and most importantly advice needed to help me over the next few weeks. And I can take the advice and take action one day at a time…
Yesterday was very difficult, going for appointments to hospital when I knew my progress had been very very limited with regard to dealing with my ailments on a day-to-day basis. I managed enough, but as always with ailments, we don't always connect all the dots about what is happening especially when we suffer from depression. I had clinical depression before I had diabetes and forgot that it can be affected profoundly by having diabetes. Specialists gently reminded me what I need to do just for a day…
So used to dealing with and helping other people in recovery and before recovery, and this applies to everyone in recovery because we are part of something much bigger than ourselves, unity service and recovery needs to include us as individuals. We need to recharge, need the support of other people and that's how it works. Many of us can be very neglectful of other aspects of well-being to do with ourselves. And we all need a balance between looking after ourselves so we can be part of and keep on giving in this wonderful fellowship and then in our lives just for one day. Balance in the moment of now, and in the next 24-hours is one day at a time. A balance of me and you just for today…
AA Daily Reflections ~ "TODAY, I'M FREE... This brought me to the good healthy realization that there were plenty of situations left in the world over which I had no personal power–that if I was so ready to admit that to be the case with alcohol, so I must make the same admission with respect to much else. I would have to be still and know that He, not I, was God. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 114
I am learning to practice acceptance in all circumstances of my life, so that I may enjoy peace of mind. At one time life was a constant battle because I felt I had to go through each day fighting myself, and everyone else. Eventually, this became a losing battle. I ended up getting drunk and crying over my misery. When I began to let go and let God take over my life I began to have peace of mind. Today, I am free. I do not have to fight anybody or anything anymore.
DonInLondon 2005-2011
Step 6 Defects of character: living to extremes with unhelpful attitudes and behaviour which do not fit my life situation. Step 7 Shortcoming, flawed outlook and perception I may not be equal to deal with my real life situation. Step 6 stuck: fear, a brave face and ego. Step 7 developing: courage faith and confidence to live real today.
Contingent on the day I ask for help... I can have a step six day or a step seven day, or a bit of both, I can be at sixes and sevens. To be "at sixes and sevens" is an English phrase and idiom, common in the United Kingdom. It is used to describe a state of confusion or disarray.
Gift of living... long enough to find a path where life happens in the moment. It may seem a strange notion, to be able to feel reality as it happens. To feel fear, the need to cover up, then let go and be able to feel vulnerable, find faith in the next right action. I need to live life rather than think it...
Today I am free... Of the war in my head, the daily battle to face the world. Freedom to learn, to start over at any time, say to myself "Bygones.. it’s done, accept and learn". Free to let go, forgive, and share my life, courage to be wrong, own up to being human and needing help in the moment...
How am I feeling? A good question I ask myself each morning. So many elements to consider as I wake up each day. The rush to work, the rush to be doing the right thing, the desire to be able to fit into life today.
I need pause ask myself how I feeling, why and what can I do. On my own I can resolve the simple day to day tasks. And when it gets complicated by other people, I need ask how are you feeling and why, so we can find common ground in our activities today…
June 22 2007
Powerlessness - DonInLondon ‘Day In the Life’
Seems like an odd word to pick as a subject heading. And as I have read somewhere, who wants to admit powerlessness about anything? When Self-will and will power seem all the rage these days, the idea of anything rendering us powerless is indeed a flaw to many, and yet it’s a gift to me.
I recognise these days I am powerless over alcohol, which is why I became a fellow in the fellowship of AA, Alcoholics Anonymous. And being a “Fellow of AA, FAA for short, I am gratified I have found myself the equal of everyone and everyone equal to me. This may seem a strange observation, but indeed it works for me. To know I am as human as the next, and that life has turned me out the way I am.
Powerless over Alcohol
I am one of those who cannot take a drink safely these days, it leads to another and another. In the olden days when I was young, alcohol helped me through all things worldly, like growing up, getting on, socialising and partying. And in the end I could not function without it, and then I could not function at all.
I spent time in hospital and spent time in rehab, and spent time angry and raging at anything and everything and especially myself for being so weak willed I could not stop drinking.
For thirty and more years, alcohol played a part in my life. I realise towards then end of my drinking days when it never worked to change my feelings or indeed offer any relief from the horror of living, I was abject and self-hating and full of a rage I had no clue what to do with.
I heard a friend of mine sharing this tonight. Some people call it the jumping off point where we go either to more drink and destruction or we stay put in the fellowship and keep on coming back until maybe just one day makes some sense again..
My powerlessness over alcohol. I have heard much to do with co-dependency and sideways addictions. In truth whatever we used external to our insides to fix ourselves and our feelings, we it meant the power over us was greater than our power to give it up.
Ruin
Ruin is quick and swift for some and they get fellowship very quickly. Some like me on the other hand, are so self-obsessed and self-willed, we keep on going and never want to give up our will and our belief. In my case it was definitely ego, fear and putting on a brave face which made me keep on trying alone and getting next to nowhere. I was so mad with rage and drink I was in the gutter looking down on some of you. Now how mad is that?
Recovery
Recovery is the slowest process in my life today. I am in a “recovering mode.” and more than one doctor has commented I will never be recovered, and have had more than one suggest I can become recovered and cured. The one who suggested I was never going to be recovered was a mature person, the other a new Doctor believed I could be recovered.
Recovery is a daily acceptance for me, to know I am powerless over when I take the first drink, and a lot sooner if I have even considered a drink, or a place or a situation where I may be tempted.
People Places and Things
Some people, some places, some things remind me over and over about powerless. I am powerless over everything. And all I have is choices in this one moment to keep sober and get on with living. Or not. If I go and feel I may have power over people places and things, its most likely my ego talking to me, and ‘Ego’s Drift’ is always there. I guess those moments are where my inherent defects might manifest. And they are also to do with Nature and man, and nurture too. We are predisposed to survival, and mankind wars easily on itself, and inside ourselves, when we don’t feel we measure up, or we feel superior to others.
The Steps of AA
These pretty helpful steps of change. Which help me with my attitude and my behaviour are pretty robust for me. And although there is much which I don’t understand regarding the ‘God’ elements, when I place ‘Good Conscience’ and Fellowship as my higher Powers, the programme works for me.
God or Good Conscience
I don’t feel I need reject or be pernickety about other people’s beliefs, it’s what I believe and can live to which counts. And in the Steps of AA, the twelve steps pretty much cover all eventualities in the here and now.
Personal choice
To live well and in fellowship, and in our communities and our societies and civilisation. Well we need follow our path and find our guides where we may. I am apt to hear wisdom from those with strong recovery, some with a strong belief in god and some with a strong belief in mankind and good conscience. I listen and find wisdom where I may. Often from the newcomers who hears life as is and as hard and horrible as mine has been.
I feel calm in many ways tonight, even though there has been disturbance and poor moments, there are made calm with a meeting and listening to fellow who know as much as me and more and often younger voices have as much or more wisdom than me.
Choices
I have some philosophy from AA which keeps me sober. Sober helps me ask when I need ask, helps me when fear gets in my mind, and when ego romps forth as anger follows when we are upset.
Balance today
Even though I may have shouted loudly to a Taxi Driver, it has gone and the anger is passing as I write. As did the broadband fiasco yesterday. And the assessment for next week to do, and all the medical issues I deal with daily. I am doing as I may. Nowhere near perfect.
Progress
When I see where things are today, I feel there has been progress, not perfection. As to more on powerless, it will take a lifetime to understand all this a day at a time. So more may follow as and when. it’s a lifetime living and experiencing, and not something we can study and award ourselves a pass or fail.
Wisdom accepting what we cannot change, changing the things we can. Mostly just me and my attitudes and so it goes…
-/-
--------------------------------------------
AA Official Online Site: Daily Reflections
AA Official Online Site: Big Book And Twelve And Twelve
-/-
Step 6 "Spiritual Willingness" Reading Video Link:
wrongs. Chapter 6, Into Action, Big Book From: Page 72 Thru: Page 75, the bottom of the page. 12 And 12 Step 5."
-/-
June ~ Video Reading Chapter Six Into Action Link:
I do not speak for Alcoholics Anonymous I speak for myself. Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of unique and authentic people who speak for themselves where they will to share experience, strength and hope about recovery on a daily basis. Anonymity affords sanctuary to find how to live sober and be open, honest and willing to learn life day by day. For me "truth," "love" and "wisdom" offer the best spiritual experience by living reality today. Into the fabric of recovery from alcoholism are woven the Twelve Steps and the Traditions: steps to be open, honest and willing to learn, traditions to live unity, service and recovery.
-/-
Spiritual principles ~ Forgiveness Acceptance Surrender Faith Open-mindedness Honesty Willingness Moral-inventory Amends Humility Persistence Spiritual-growth Service
-/-
No comments:
Post a Comment