June 12 2012 | AA 12 Steps In Action | Step 6 Spiritual Willingness Alcoholics Anonymous Today's AA daily reflection: "forming true partnerships…" Alcohol, our co-dependent friend with all the power. No wonder it takes time and recovery to develop new outlooks with regard to romance and finance. And especially to mix up both romance and finance in relationships. If we are needy for love and have money, the first losses are our wits and then the emptying of our bank account…
Finance and romance are very difficult in recovery. Old feelings are hard to let go. And co-dependency is just a moment away. We don't choose who we fall in love with and we can be very forgiving of those who are flattering and teasers. If we are needy we can get fleeced in so many ways financially and romantically. And understanding how to form a true partnerships and loving relationships is often the most painful experience living sober today…
Am I treating the person with whom I feel connection with unconditional love and most often the challenge is to understand how they treat me. I am very forgiving and know people do the best they can always even if it seems to be the worst of experiences for me. I don't need to keep throwing myself back into the same old insanities. I can love people and hate their behaviour and it’s not for me to correct their behaviour at all… This is when I let go with love…
Love people love their behaviour and they cherish me and I cherish them. And even when I love people and they treat me with superficiality and indifference by their hurtful actions and behaviour, I need not hurt them back directly or try correct them in some way. We were sharing about detachment with love over the weekend, the topic in a meeting. And detachment with love through to acceptance takes time depending on the nature and depth of our feelings today…
When we mix business with pleasure we will meet scoundrels and we might have been scoundrels, defined as: scoundrel...baddie (or baddy), beast, brute, caitiff, devil, evildoer, fiend, heavy, hound, knave, meanie (also Meany), miscreant, monster, Nazi, no-good, rapscallion, rascal, reprobate, rogue, savage, scallywag, scamp, scapegrace, villain, varlet, wretch. Great words in Webster's dictionary, they can be trouble in sobriety and be a problem, the solution? Tell them to fuck off and begin forming true partnerships one day at a time…
AA Daily Reflections ~ "FORMING TRUE PARTNERSHIPS... But it is from our twisted relations with family, friends, and society at large that many of us have suffered the most. We have been especially stupid and stubborn about them. The primary fact that we fail to recognize is our total inability to form a true partnership with another human being. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 53
Can these words apply to me, am I still unable to form a true partnership with another human being? What a terrible handicap that would be for me to carry into my sober life! In my sobriety I will meditate and pray to discover how I may be a trusted friend and companion."
Learning to be me… Life confused me from the get go, good people and bad people baffled me, never sure of their intent. Looking back I feel I was mainly a good person with a lot of harsh experiences. Alcohol helped with oblivion and was my best friend. Now I make friends with humans as they are today and can form relationships in an open honest way even though they may still baffle me…
Learning to be a trusted companion… As time goes by, truth helps me learn to be open, honest and willing. How to love, be loved takes time. Not to judge others, simply accept them as they are. I have made friends, formed loving relationships and know there will the vexatious people too, best left to their own devices today…
June 12 2007
Making Good & Making Tea - DonInLondon ‘Day In the Life’
An interesting day. After much research and finding ways to upload my videos with or without You Tube, I have found alternatives and may run both the you Tube account and another account, just in case I overstep and add something too controversial. It’s not to undermine you Tube, at the same time though’ it can happen we have ,material which is outside the community of You Tube’s remit.
So today I have found out much about video streaming and what it entails, of course the mighty Microsoft have their bases covered. And glad they do, however it can be an expensive business! So caution required.
My co tea person is not so good and has a problem with a metatarsal, very unfortunate. But I will send her loves and best wishes. And my good friend and fellow was available to help. Indeed more than one good friend would help out. it’s the nature of fellowship and getting along.
Tonight we talked about step nine and it’s hard not to mention step eight again in order to make sense of our steps.
I have studied and done some of these actions, and have borrowed some words and adjusted them for my style of writing, so here goes with step eight and nine. Acknowledgments that there is nothing new in this commentary and at the same time it is just one interpretation. We all choose our path in this fellowship and how we go about the steps. Sticking with the knitting pattern feels right, at the same time I feel most comfortable with good conscience to guide me and maybe not God, as I have yet to understand, merely moving from bewilderment to confusion and having a sense of good conscience does not undermine belief of others in any way or my path to understanding in the future. Respect!
Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
Here again in Step 8 we take pen and paper in hand and proceed with the action of writing out a list of all we have harmed with our attitudes, behaviour and reactions caused by our alcoholism. Referring to our 4th Step Inventory, we list ALL the people, businesses, institutions and organizations noted there, even though we may not as yet be willing to make any amend to them. We need ensure we are thorough or we skimp and leave aside at our own peril and discomfort.
The willingness will come in time, as we complete the amends to those we are willing, and can and feel the weight of guilt lifted, this will happen some of the time and other times we may feel quite the opposite as not everyone will respond with forgiveness. We may feel the "monkey" sliding off our back. We can begin to walk down the street, on either side and in either direction without looking back over our shoulder, with the constant fear that someone/something is going to catch up with us. And I do recommend counsel with a mentor before proceeding with these actions as some may cause more difficult if we are imprecise in our aim and amends.
But for now, not to worry about any confronting, or actual making of amend. All we are doing is making a list and becoming willing to become willing to make amends to them all.
When the list is complete, even with some whose names we don't know or remember, the next action is one of reflection and discussion with your mentor or sometimes called sponsor. To become willing to begin making the amends, one at a time, one day at a time, as circumstances and time present the opportunity to make the amend.
With our willingness to begin, Step 8 is "started", but again notice that the step contains the word ALL twice. Step 8 is not complete until ALL are included in our willingness, even though we may never, or not in the foreseeable future, cross paths with some. That opportunity is not in our hands, experience will help as these opportunities present and we are ready to make the amend.
Step 9. - Made direct amends to such people, wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
We should waste no time beginning the actual amend making. We can begin immediately making amends to our loved ones who have most been affected by our insanities, our self-serving unloving, our fears and resentments. Although one purpose of doing the 9th step is to bring our lives to order, our purpose is to Be ourselves and live life to good conscience. To be right sized and integrate into living with people in our communities. Setting past relationships right as we may and accepting some amends could cause harm and cannot be made. We are then more able to establish new relationships with better understanding and in good conscience.
Remember this when it comes to making amends. That we develop our faith, courage and confidence, and our family and community most affected by our alcoholism, will see the result of our ’living’ the steps in our new attitudes and behaviour. Our new attitudes and behaviour will be worth much more than all the words of amends we can express.
Remember also that the way we make amends to society and those we may never be able to contact is by staying sober a day at a time, practicing all the steps in all our life's affairs, continuing to help one another, doing all things out of love and fellowship. In this way we improve and develop our outlook, come to find peace within ourselves, and able to carry a message of faith, courage and confidence in our approach to living sober. We learn to favour Love and Hope and Peace in the world and this is reflected in what we do and how he live to good conscience.
With the willingness to make complete amends to all, and the making of amends to those about us where we are able, the 9th step is "started", and it is unlikely that we shall complete the step in this lifetime.
But worry not, the sooner you get started the more opportunity to live well, make amends for past insanity and make good as we go along.
So finally tonight
From the above you may recognise words from other sources. And the omission of god from my interpretation must never influence you to my viewpoint, it’s just my own. Choices and belief are very personal and we may not serve any purpose judging others and how they prefer to conduct and live their lives. Our fellowship is in better shape having a wide and broad appeal for both believers in God, and believers in the common good and good conscience of people. And whatever your higher power is, is not for me to judge.
The outcome is the same either way, sobriety. And a spiritual path, not predicated on a particular form of religious observation, one which helps us live to the good, a day at a time. Can we do this 24 hours a day, just one day only? Well, we make progress and develop our spiritual connection to reality, the very essence of spiritual development. May your force be with you..
Spiritual as defined
1. of soul: relating to the soul or spirit, usually in contrast to material things
2. of religion: relating to religious or sacred things rather than worldly things
3. temperamentally or intellectually akin: connected by an affinity of the mind, spirit, or temperament
4. refined: showing great refinement and concern with the higher things in life
Step 6 "Spiritual Willingness" Reading Video Link:
wrongs. Chapter 6, Into Action, Big Book From: Page 72 Thru: Page 75, the bottom of the page. 12 And 12 Step 5."
June ~ Video Reading Chapter Six Into Action Link:
I do not speak for Alcoholics Anonymous I speak for myself. Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of unique and authentic people who speak for themselves where they will to share experience, strength and hope about recovery on a daily basis. Anonymity affords
sanctuary to find how to live sober and be open, honest and willing to learn life day by day. For me "truth," "love" and "wisdom" offer the best spiritual experience by living reality today. Into the fabric of recovery from alcoholism are woven the Twelve Steps and the
Twelve Traditions, steps to be open, honest and willing to learn, traditions to live unity, service and recovery.
Spiritual principles ~ Forgiveness Acceptance Surrender Faith Open-mindedness Honesty Willingness Moral-inventory Amends Humility Persistence Spiritual-growth Service