June 17 2012 | AA 12 Steps In Action | Step 6 Spiritual Willingness Alcoholics Anonymous Today's AA daily reflection: "deep down within us… The core of being human…" What is at the very core of us? Love in its most profound state and pure based on truth and the wisdom given through our instincts which are natural, and then how we learn with each day that turns…
Indeed, when we do pray and meditate and it does not matter to what we may pray and meditate given there are seven billion experiences one way or another each day, it is to what end in the deep of us which matters. Truth, love and wisdom growing each day in each of us. How deep, how profound is contingent on our ability to grow with conscience. And still, nature and our circumstances will bend us and sometimes break our hearts over and over again…
When we cannot cope with reality and the core and deep within is hurt by loss, denial will keep us numbed and in shock for a while. Then we learn through time how to mend, how to come back to reality and deal with whatever the circumstances may be. This is what we do if we can keep on learning how to deal with emotional storms and tempests which come out of nowhere in any given day. And the key most often is asking for help from anyone anywhere in those moments today…
The core of being human, to love, to be loved back and useful. Always a good starting place in my reflections. Do no harm, realise if I am with people who are hurt, they are vulnerable and capable of hurting other people. When people are in denial of the truth of a situation, I can help is asked but most likely I will be cut off if I offer them an outlook inconsistent with their beliefs, their feelings, their thinking and consequently their actions day by day. If asked I can share the deep of my experience, strength and hope and only if I am asked. And of course I need be aware when I am in denial, because I will be in denial sometimes, it is essential that I need to keep on listening to the wisdom of the universe and the people with wisdom today…
AA Daily Reflections ~ "DEEP DOWN WITHIN US... We found the Great Reality deep down within us. In the last analysis it is only there that He may be found . . . search diligently within yourself . . . With this attitude you cannot fail. The consciousness of your belief is sure to come to you. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 55
It was out of the depths of loneliness, depression and despair that I sought the help of A.A. As I recovered and began to face the emptiness and ruin of my life, I began to open myself to the possibility of the healing that recovery offers through the A.A. program. By coming to meetings, staying sober, and taking the Steps, I had the opportunity to listen with increasing attentiveness to the depths of my soul. Daily I waited, in hope and gratitude, for that sure belief and steadfast love I had longed for in my life. In this process, I met my God, as I understand Him."
Today I feel calm, a morning meeting for me. A home project completed another underway. Every morning I set my expectations to zero, at the same time good ambitions prevail. Sober first, forgive everything and everyone. Love those I know, have an open heart and let go the past…
Esteem... courage and faith flow... We may have grown up in fearful times, a brave face to cover up, a drink or drug, a way to behave making life seem worthwhile. Sober, with time, as we develop esteem; secrets, shame and guilt may be let go, courage and faith in being open, honest and willing is possible. We live our consequences; we need not fear them...
Deep down within... we have a connection, an inner voice which prevails. The inner voice: of good conscience? Or to God: and good conscience? Life may produce many contradictions and conflicts, anger and resentments. In recovery as we change, to living in the "now" helps us make choices, as we feel right, we think right as best we can, today...
Step six and seven. Defects and shortcomings? Many ask what is the difference. For me defects are extremes of behaviour which are frequent, unsustainable and unhelpful. For example: fear, putting on a brave face to hide the fear, and ego which locks us into pretending we are okay when we are not okay. Similarly when we have courage faith and confidence to extremes, without any real foundation, we can be somewhat deluded.
In the real world, when our feelings fit our situation, we will feel right. Enough fear when there is danger, enough bravery when we are faced with difficulty and fortitude and openness to deal with complicated situations. And of course, faith, courage and confidence is part of learning and living each new day. Sometimes we need find acceptance of life on life’s terms, especially when we feel the pressure of life, joyful or sad, our feet need to come back on to firm ground where life happens right now…
June 17 2007
Two Meetings and a Crash - DonInLondon ‘Day in the Life’
Quite a good day and a bit of a crash on the way home! It was one of those things we wished had not happened but it will one day. A crash of two cyclists aiming at the same space. Me and one other and were both a little at fault, we both spilled on to the road and fell. And I will have a few bruises as a result. Well it had to happen. What I guess will keep me wondering a while, is why did the man on the other bike have a very big crow bar? And what on earth was he using it for? I have no idea. It was big though and we picked ourselves up and seemed to be ok. I will check out the bike in the morning.
Two meetings Today and some more Photo’s
I got to the Early meeting of AA, alcoholics anonymous, at Chelsea and Westminster hospital. It’s so good to know we can just turn up anywhere and join in. Our only entry requirement is to have a desire to stop drinking and then take it from there on a daily basis.
Seems easy and it can be or as hard as anything. We never know how hard until we try give up something we rely on, and worse in my case became addicted to.
The question of addiction
The self-inflicted wound? I realise these days it has nothing to do with self-inflicted wounds or in some others opinions a lack of willpower. But you know, I have to forgive anyone who is at the mercy of drink and anyone who has been completely hurt by those who have become alcoholics for all they may think about us alcoholics, powerless and at the mercy of drink.
For the most part I have never yet met anyone who has welcomed addiction or anything like it. And has been driven bonkers trying to control their drinking only to find we slide down and down and cannot stop.
We who have drunk ourselves to oblivion and most often without really understanding how it all started, well we too were as prejudiced about addicts until we became one, and then worse did believe we had some terrible loss of will, and had awful self-hatred as a result.
Actually the truth is anyone can become an alcoholic, it is often the first drink which we come to understand was really the culprit in all this awful mess of alcohol addiction. If we had known in advance it would change us forever would we have never taken a drink? Yes we would have and did because it’s so easy to deny anything we feel may overwhelm us especially as most people can drink and tolerate its potential impact. Addicts cannot stop, George Best showed us all how hard the struggle can be.
I had no clue when I first started drinking it would end up the way it did.
And this morning was a good reminder for me.
Friendships and Coffee
We all go for a coffee and somehow the most disparate group imaginable of people, who have this one common bond, sit get noisy and drink some coffee and hang out for a little while. And then we disperse till the next time and other days and weeks. And then we meet and get busy in fellowship and do this and never in the most part look back with much fondness for times when we could never stop the alcohol and life never make sense at all when we were hooked. Eventually that is as many of us kept it secret as much as we could. Denial and filters kept us in the dark when often others guessed our true state of hopelessness.
Chelsea Festival Is On
Yes a festival of local talent and music and arts. And this morning in the Duke of York Sq. just off the King‘s Road, Much music and a farmers market I never knew was on until today. It’s there every week, organic food and all sorts to attract the discerning shopper… the Festival an annual event during this month.
And music was playing and I have a video short to upload when I can, to share the morning fun.
Later having taken some photos and uploading them takes forever, I left the job going and went off to the ‘old curiosity shop’ for the afternoon meeting I got to and see other friends in fellowship.
We are Never alone
Essential for anyone in recovery is to find safe places where no one drinks. At least in early days it’s better to just meet and be with people who don’t drink. And today it was just like that.
For me even now I feel wrong footed around alcohol and this is my start of the fourth year in sobriety. I still laugh at myself thinking one day they in AA would reveal a safe way to drink. Smiles and there is one. Drink anything else but never alcohol. And I keep out of pubs designed for drinking as much as one can. And my clubbing days as they are called now seem a far distant memory. And glad there is little for me to feel worried about, provided I keep safe and in good company. And in any day I can feel very off if I miss a meeting of fellowship types.
Tools of Sobriety
The important one is really contact with people and something we consider bigger than us. Most obviously a conscience we all have and how to live to good conscience. Some in fellowship believe in God, and feel God is on their side. I am still open and not yet able to understand, to believe or disbelieve. And what works with any shadow of doubt is how to utilise 12 suggestions and recommendations and a set of principles to keep fellowship safe.
Hungry Angry Lonely Tired
I realise these days much of my life involved any combination of hungry angry lonely and tired. I worked hard a good many years and always had more to do. So in truth a lot of anger, a lot of hunger, a lot of feeling lonely and most definitely tired.
As I realise the hungry angry lonely tired is all about emotional and physical wellbeing it is no wonder I filled in the gaps with booze. Booze gave me oblivion and now I realise just “self medicated” me and made me less able to face these truths of life.
Outside and not quite included, a strong desire for family and all the normal things and children of course. Yet somehow it never happened and I see now the gap there has been a torment over the years. Fuelled with low self-esteem and all manner of misunderstandings about life. It is strange I was so good on the outside at so many things and yet never worked out how to be me.
Without doubt a chameleon. And it’s always a bit of a two edged sword, being able to fit in most of the time and be as alone as anyone might feel.
Speaking with my Mother this morning she mentioned my depressive illness and one or two other things like tinnitus are directly connected to lineage, my Grand Mothers side of the family had these obvious defects of genetics. And a thirsty lot on the male side of the family for drink and being out of reality. We learn and we also realise they had no choice either in these matters. Harsh truth, we are not born perfect of live perfect, we are good at finding ways to make life less horrible. And drink is an obvious outlet when we are so broken inside.
And of course AA is pretty new around and other fellowships or religion never really did much for my ancestors. They must have been a rum bunch. But as we all find we cover up our deficits and put on brave faces..
Anyway even though I have bruises and some amount of pain from the crash, it hardly compares to the other ones I have daily. So enough said really for today.
I am modifying my websites so there may be some confusion for a while. It grew a bit in all directions and now I intend to make it more accessible and shorter pages.
Till later, its already another day here in London
Step 6 "Spiritual Willingness" Reading Video Link:
wrongs. Chapter 6, Into Action, Big Book From: Page 72 Thru: Page 75, the bottom of the page. 12 And 12 Step 5."
June ~ Video Reading Chapter Six Into Action Link:
I do not speak for Alcoholics Anonymous I speak for myself. Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of unique and authentic people who speak for themselves where they will to share experience, strength and hope about recovery on a daily basis. Anonymity affords sanctuary to find how to live sober and be open, honest and willing to learn life day by day. For me "truth," "love" and "wisdom" offer the best spiritual experience by living reality today. Into the fabric of recovery from alcoholism are woven the Twelve Steps and the Traditions: steps to be open, honest and willing to learn, traditions to live unity, service and recovery.
Spiritual principles ~ Forgiveness Acceptance Surrender Faith Open-mindedness Honesty Willingness Moral-inventory Amends Humility Persistence Spiritual-growth Service