June 21 2012 | AA 12 Steps In Action | Step 6 Spiritual Willingness Alcoholics Anonymous Today's AA daily reflection: "fear and faith, how do they work for us on a daily basis…?" Enough fear when things are not right with ourselves or a situation, I need to be alert and be honest about what is going on. Faith in doing the next right thing, open honest and willing to ask the help when it is needed, usually when I don't know what to do next because it is beyond my experience…
In the AA daily reflections the suggestion is that freedom from fear is a lifetime undertaking which cannot be completed. At the same time it seems more of a thinking intention rather than living our emotional and spiritual connection to now. What do I mean by that? My emotions and mood, fear or faith will influence how I think and how I take action in the moment. Emotional, asking myself how do I feel right now emotionally, then knowing how my thinking is influenced by my mood and the next actions I take...
Fear and faith in action: today I have an appointment with specialists at the hospital regarding my type I diabetes and other conditions associated with it. I always try to write a report of how things have been since the last consultation. Fear can make me dishonest about difficulties in following the regimen suggested. Faith in being open honest and willing to share the truth of how difficult it has been informs those who can help me most…
Fear and faith in action today: writing a report to specialists about my medical conditions, type I diabetes, clinical depression and other physical ailments which have developed over the years is important. If I don't write it down and report, I will forget or miss the opportunity to get the right help at the right time. And regarding support to help me, I have included a review of the incompetence of general practitioners unable and unwilling to work outside their limited working practices to help their patients keep well and on track one day at a time. Writing a report which highlights incompetence in all respects is difficult, if I do I upset GPs, if I don't I put myself at risk because of their incompetence…
Fear and faith in action today: I need to put my faith in telling the truth, open honest and willing to face the consequences of my actions. And this does give me some fear, because so far nothing has been done to correct mistakes administratively and as a medical practice. Highlighting and sharing this with other medical professionals, I have faith in doing the right thing. If I get the wrong advice or medical professionals do not listen, I can die, I don't fear death fortunately and I have faith telling the truth will work long-term. Not necessarily for me but for those who follow and are able to say, "Doctor, you're not fucking well listening to me, take the cotton wool out of your ears and put it in your mouth. And listen to what I have to say."
In the UK today there is a worker strike taking place. The medical practitioners or some of them are taking strike action, a one-day strike about pay and pensions. Many deserve the pay and pensions agreed, whilst political hacks in government still maintain their pensions and extras with impunity. The hacks try split and make trouble with their antics by comparing public and private sectors pensions. In hard times when everyone is suffering, fat cats suffer less, workers suffer more. The inequality and the fear of exposure to the public of what doctors earn becomes the issue, rather than the government taking more and more, and raiding the pension pot every year put aside for those working 45 years to retirement…
AA Daily Reflections ~ "FEAR AND FAITH... The achievement of freedom from fear is a lifetime undertaking, one that can never be wholly completed. When under heavy attack, acute illness, or in other condition of insecurity, we shall all react to this emotion – well or badly, as the case may be. Only the self-deceived will claim perfect freedom from fear. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 263
Fear has caused suffering when I could have had more faith. There are times when fear suddenly tears me apart, just when I’m experiencing feelings of joy, happiness and a lightness of heart. Faith–and a feeling of self-worth toward a Higher Power -helps me endure tragedy and ecstasy. When I choose to give all of my fears over to my Higher Power, I will be free."
DonInLondon 2005-2011
Spirituality means something different to everyone. For some, it's a personal lord, for others a feeling in the wind. Research suggests that even sceptics can't stifle the sense of something greater. Humans can't help but ask big questions, even if no one manifests to answer them.
An Arch Bishop when asked to describe spiritual replied, "it is the ability to cope with reality." Now that is a description which helps me greatly, it means everything is about now, how we are, our attitudes and behaviour. Spiritual is the common currency of mankind, truth, love and wisdom in the moment of now. Good for today...
Wisdom in the moment of now... We have the wisdom, can we stop reacting to fear, anger and resentment long enough to respond, see the whole picture, us and them? Courage and confidence grow as we remind ourselves "it's not just about me" or "my way or the highway..."
Fear and faith... Extremes of fear, extremes of faith? As we experience our choices in the moment, unlike the old days, new possibilities open up. We learn enough fear keeps us safe from danger and faith in the best next action helps our confidence, one step at a time for today...
June 21 2007
Ordinary - DonInLondon ‘Day In the Life’
I don’t know quite where to start tonight. It’s like a roundabout sometimes in recovery. And we cannot get off. In the olden days for me I used to take the “edge off” with a tipple or two. Actually it was rarely one or two, it was half a dozen drinks or more. How was it I heard all the advice about safe drinking levels which applied to everyone, except me of course?
I would have reasons and it seems over the years a steady increase in capacity to drink alcohol was inevitable. A law of diminishing returns as we heavy drinkers need more to get the same effect as so little did the same years before. The dramatic increases were often seen as rights of passage into adulthood I felt. And adults who held their liquor were admired rather than shunned in my circle of friends back then.
And of course I tried to hide my behaviour over the last few years, as much as I could for even I realised it was out of control. And nothing worked then especially booze.
Two Meetings of AA Today
I had hard words with my broadband “non” provider who keep billing me when the account has been shut already and advised in writing twice as repeated attempts by telephone have elicited long waits and no response as the phone cuts out after a while.. So an earlier meeting today
At Eaton Square
I knew a lot of the fellows and got there just on time. And listened and heard my story. And of course with my story there is more than just the one ailment. So it was good to hear professional advice being sought for those other things we have as time goes by. I was struck by the honesty and what was said. People don’t pull too many punches when it comes to recovery. We realise being open and honest keeps us safe. And especially when we get uncertain and confused, like I did.
Other ailments
It does not matter what other illness or conditions we get in recovery, we still feel some guilt I feel about going to doctors and anyone who might help professionally. Two reasons, first is we feel we might not be working the AA programme as well as we might, and we all feel we have some blame when it comes to our situation. And seeing doctors can make us very uncomfortable simply because the phantoms we had in the past might be haunting us now.
Doctor and Government Assessment Next Monday
Even though my Doctor and the hospital have told me I am not to work presently, the government doctor has to assess me for fitness to work. And this I checked on this morning, and they said I must attend, and I will of course. What purpose is there these days in doing this and checking up on two sets of professionals who have given their opinion. And what am I to do?
I need not feel undermined I am told and it’s just the way the system works.
So I realise a powerless and rather unpleasant day on Monday next. So in between I will do nothing to aggravate of think about Monday. There is no point and nothing to change how these processes work.
So Today and Tonight
My blood sugars have been all over the place, one moment I feel ok the next its feels like close to blacking out. Something is not so good right now. And I am also concerned for my Sister’s partner who is not well either. So stress is a factor today, and the impact is as is, very profound. So keeping level is something I need to work pretty hard to achieve, and not become embroiled in going round in circles about matters I am powerless over.
Most days acceptance is the key, and yet we need to challenge those boundaries with care to make we are doing our bit and enabling good choices and outcomes during the day.
Love and Spiritual
In tonight’s meeting, I was looking back at those times where there was peace and harmony in my life. And those moments are rare. Where I loved and was loved, and I felt the warmth of human contact and love as profound as any spiritual experience. And in truth no drug or any amount of alcohol every assisted my outlook to equate to absolute moments of utter peace. Any spiritual connection has always been in a moment where nothing was in between me and the truth of those moments of love without condition.
In sobriety and in particular, these past couple of years I am understanding what I have been missing all my life. A constancy in me, and in my relations with other human beings. Friendship and understanding as we do in fellowship is unconditional and what we know for ourselves. And our open honest and willing outlook can develop and we live to a set of values we come to understand. And also understand the world does not always work that way, even if we do!
A far cry from other times where I may have felt loved and loving. I realise without doubt that loving me in the past was very hard for any partner and my best friend was always about in a bottle. Even though I had integrity in many aspects of my living, I see how I devalued my own worth as time went on and nothing could stop my drinking. I may have started with low esteem from my early years, and I took it to more than one rock bottom.
Rock bottom, is the place where we are most vulnerable, we either realise our end is certain or we make an effort to find a path to recover.
Clarity is not a gift seen or understood in the deep gloom of rock bottom. And I realise my moments of clarity came after I relapsed long after many horrors and close shaves with death. I look back and shudder. And knowing now that it was inevitable as night follows day, this disease of the body and mind kills many easily and never goes away. Self-inflicted? There is where shame and guilt need be thrown off as we learn the disease of addiction through recovery. It was always the first drink which did the damage and recovery is maintain just one day long.. There is no blame just chemistry as we understand the nature of our malady and the emotional obsessions we are ultimately consumed by over time.
And tonight I just had a few words with a good friend who I will see in the morning and share a few minutes with. Tomorrow feels far away and my mind is still calming down with acceptance being the key.
Tools of the Trade - In Recovery
We learn through experience and develop skills we never imagined we had. We forgive as we may, and learn humility inevitably every day. Or we go towards Ego’s drift in no time flat when we are shaken by unfair moments. And we respond with care if we are in time, as we remind ourselves of the truth, powerless over people places and things. And we make choices wisely. Some things we need not do again and some things are best left completely not just for today, every day.
In the quieter moments over the last few days I have felt enormous gratitude for partners I have lived and shared time with over the years. Women in my life so different in their makeup and personalities, all so gifted and authentic. Memories and fondness felt, even when relationships foundered for whatever reason. I loved with passion and know also what was going on for me. I never felt quite good enough, was driven by career and careered all over never finding peace in myself. A man driven and running empty inside. Calmer now and accepting where life is, I see much magic over the years and not all is lost to time.
Now I See
And understanding the clinical cause was depression and seeking oblivion one moment and love the next, I was a nightmare to know. And I know more now than ever that time heals, and there is no fix to living. We need relish every moment as reality bites or delivers profound moments of bliss.
Less Than - More Than
These days I am not seeking to be more than anyone, or feel less than anyone. I guess just plain ordinary will do me, and ordinary is the extraordinary capacity we all have to love and be loved. We need work and endeavour to be extraordinary and ordinary in this one day we have, best without denials and filters…
Maybe I am a slow learner in some elements of living, I am glad and grateful today to have experienced the truth of ordinary and extraordinary moments all in this one day.
Love is all we need..
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AA Official Online Site: Daily Reflections
AA Official Online Site: Big Book And Twelve And Twelve
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Step 6 "Spiritual Willingness" Reading Video Link:
wrongs. Chapter 6, Into Action, Big Book From: Page 72 Thru: Page 75, the bottom of the page. 12 And 12 Step 5."
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June ~ Video Reading Chapter Six Into Action Link:
I do not speak for Alcoholics Anonymous I speak for myself. Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of unique and authentic people who speak for themselves where they will to share experience, strength and hope about recovery on a daily basis. Anonymity affords sanctuary to find how to live sober and be open, honest and willing to learn life day by day. For me "truth," "love" and "wisdom" offer the best spiritual experience by living reality today. Into the fabric of recovery from alcoholism are woven the Twelve Steps and the Traditions: steps to be open, honest and willing to learn, traditions to live unity, service and recovery.
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Spiritual principles ~ Forgiveness Acceptance Surrender Faith Open-mindedness Honesty Willingness Moral-inventory Amends Humility Persistence Spiritual-growth Service
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