May 24 2012 | AA 12 Steps In Action | Step 5 Admit And Accept | Alcoholics Anonymous Today's AA daily reflection: "happy, joyous and free…" Life will be happy joyous and free, if happy joyous and free is possible. And I do agree with the daily reflection from our fellowship at the same time life can be unhappy, not joyous and certainly not free from the burdens that come our way… We experience the possible emotional and spiritual experience as it is today, good, bad and indifferent…
A reality check is the very essence of our emotional and spiritual life, because we need to know how we feel and what emotions are going on in the moment of now. During step four and five, we begin to see where anger and resentment, even rage and paranoia play their part in daily living. There is no "should be" when it comes to feelings in the moment. Feelings are what they are and we need to know our mood because our mood impacts on our thinking and our actions…
When we are able to live life with good conscience, we can do the best we can with what we have. Good fortune is usually the result of hard work and positive efforts to make good. We don't deserve better than anyone else, we simply need to make the best of what can be done given our life circumstances. We are never immune to the natural forces of life and we live the consequences of our actions…
How do I feel today? Happy enough, joyful about some things in truth and sad about some others. Do I feel free today? Yes I feel free enough. My needs met generally, roof over my head and good relationships around me. And life is as good as it can be right now. I always remind myself in a gentle way about steps one, two and three. And the serenity prayer, and the AA pledge about responsibility. And that is certainly good enough just for today…
Knowing the difference between isolation and solitude. When we feel burnt out from time to time, a day or so of quiet reflection, solitude can work wonders. When we feel overwhelmed by people places and things, isolation may not be the answer, a meeting a day helps us "work, rest and play"
Happy Joyous and Free... Unhappy, sadness and feeling imprisoned? We can be a combination of any feelings any day in recovery. Our feelings may reflect our current life situation. If feelings fit with what is happening right now, we are better able to decide what to do next. Life on life's terms helps with the next step to take today...
"I heard that you only relapse if you don't do a thorough 4th step. I have relapsed a lot and I have done many 4th steps and thought I did my very best on all of them. What is your opinion about that?"
We are all human and we humans react and respond to life events. We feel joy and sadness, we feel bliss and torment. At any time we can react to good living and bad living without regard to dangers and consequences for ourselves and others. With humility, one day counts, this one...
In acceptance of our human condition, a day sober becomes a week, a year... Daily reflections, powerless over people, places and things. With humility, we never forget when we recognise our strength comes from our vulnerability. Human and living reality: unity, service and recovery all key...
Our spiritual condition... How are we feeling today? Can we cherish, love and be loved, be useful. Needs manageable, wants distant. Open, honest and willing to change as we live in reality. Willing to help and be helped, embracing fear with courage, strong and vulnerable, today...
05 24 Reality our Spiritual Key... "One Day" is the milestone! Living in the day, less filters, less denials, less shame and guilt. Learning the truth of ourselves in the moment of now. Letting go secrets which keep us stuck. Truth sets us and everyone free to make choices today...
AA Daily Reflections ~ "HAPPY, JOYOUS AND FREE... We are sure God wants us to be happy, joyous, and free. We cannot subscribe to the belief that this life is a vale of tears, though it once was just that for many of us. But it is clear that we made our own misery. God didn’t do it. Avoid then, the deliberate manufacture of misery, but if trouble comes, cheerfully capitalize it as an opportunity to demonstrate His omnipotence. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 133
For years I believed in a punishing God and blamed Him for my misery. I have learned that I must lay down the “weapons” of self in order to pick up the “tools” of the A.A. program. I do not struggle with the program because it is a gift and I have never struggled when receiving a gift. If I sometimes keep on struggling, it is because I’m still hanging onto my old ideas and “. . . the results are nil.”
May 24 2007
Hypo DonInLondon ‘Day In the Life’
I usually write my journal last thing in the evening. Not sure tonight what to do. I made a correction or change to one video from some time back as the content did make reference to a situation which seems in hindsight to be misleading. All to the good it’s changed and so the correction I suspect will not even be noticed. I feel concern where I may cause misunderstanding. And whilst this particular change has no meaning maybe for others, it was worth doing in deference to another point of view. So if you find it in the last few weeks worth, well spotted!
More on the Idleness Tree
After writing yesterday, what is my truth, I did have some concerns raised by others as to how I was feeling revealing my journey. It does read rather heavily and exposes old weakness and old thinking. A part of my life which for years I buried.
We all have them, those things we do and in hindsight wish to bury and not ever open up again. In essence it may seem pointless to dig up old relics and experiences. The problem is if we don’t face them we don’t make changes in our outlook and the old experiences can trip us up all over again.
The Good Old Days
I do believe there are good times to recollect and there are beautiful times to treasure as much as there may be things we would rather sweep under the carpet of time. There is little opportunity to keep the lid on our past as someone somewhere will rake it up no doubt.
What can we do?
In all the learning I have encountered it seems the right thing to admit deal with and process as much as we can, and put these suppressed and often painful memories in context of time maturity and outcomes.
Hostages we can be to old times if we hide them and make them bigger in our imagination. There always whopping big things we felt over the years which make our ears burn and hearts pound.
These memories are worth excising as we may, and dealing with them leave room for growth.
You it’s very difficult to hide when we start revealing all we are and dealing with what we have done to good , good or less than good conscience.
Hurt People Hurt People!
I don’t know how many times I have pondered on this. I had so much pain from hurt inflicted by others, and then in some way we can adopt the same cavalier and capricious behaviour as if its legitimised by our experience.
Of course we realise hopefully and I do mean this I do hope recognition and torment ends as we develop a better and more forgiving outlook.
Control Inclusion and Love
All key to living. We need some control over choices, some inclusion in our living and community, and of course what drives us most is Love.
So easy to love and be loved? And we make it so hard as we judge and form prejudice. We hide, we try to control and include as we may, and share love as we choose. You know we need remind ourselves over and over that we are not the centre of this universe. And actually we are best letting go control, enabling inclusions by choice and understanding how love grows..
It’s not easy to be human and we need make as many mistakes early as we can to deal with truth as it may appear.
Often we have plenty of early warnings about how we can live. How we can be a part of something and overcome our fears and our worries. At the same time it does none of us any good to hold when letting go means we find our truth.
Truth and Denials
As one shouts truth another shouts lies. So often perceptions made and held as principles and fundamental truths, so no option or opinion has any weight but the one opinion. Then we best head for the hills and bugger off quick smart.
It’s been an interesting day, just a little while ago I had a hypoglycemic low, which has near knocked me unconscious. And it a horrible and unpleasant experience.
So if my words feel tense and staccato it’s because I am very off balance. I will be ok, but there is going to be a few hours of very unpleasant feelings and dislocations in my thought processes. More tomorrow I am very tired.
May 24 2004 2007
Morning and Feeling Brighter
After last night and the “hypo”, a particularly unpleasant incident for me as a Type 1 Diabetic, I feel brighter this morning. Headache abated in the early hours and then some sleep. Ironically I slept well for a change, no railway works outside my window. And the detached feeling which comes with a loss of sensibility is still with me this morning. Another lucky escape from a coma, or just another day in the life?
When we have ailments which can leave us completely vulnerable and in a near panic attack, I always seem to come through just in time. And I guess the writing may stop when I don’t. Living alone there is really nothing anyone can do if the hypo runs its course and I go unconscious. So there we are. It can make me feel breathless and anxious sometimes when I do fail to treat a hypo in time. Waking after is just a relief.
A hypo and a not yet for me. Not yet dead. Diabetes used to be called the silent killer. These days as we are all now self-managing the condition, well it’s always a bit of a worry when we lose it. And no one there to help. Fortunately for me the signs were pretty clear and quick for me last night, so I responded quickly. Now my sugar levels are much too high and the game of balancing the sugar, the exercise, the food intake, the insulin dose, waiting for less confused thinking and a whole bunch of feelings which are not so good. A close call, and never sure sometimes what may happen.
Past Day or Two
I guess the trips down memory lane are not so pleasant when we look at the disasters rather than the happier recollections.
I have loved and been loved. Passion has been so powerful I would and did go to the ends of this earth with love and passion in my mind. So strong in all feelings we humans are often taken aback by our own resolute and steadfast belief in love, we do go to the extremes we might see as great and good. I have gratitude and humility these days. That I could be loved. And happy to know this is not lost over time, the ability to connect and feel love and share with authenticity and unconditionally.
It’s a bit of a haze, where love is, where I am, where it may lead. I am most careful these days to keep the right size in my human doings, as well as being. Circumspect and most careful, with truth as my companion, love is all there is. Friendships and level heads a day at a time stop me running into imagined and then unhappy trails where we are left high and dry. Straight and honest lets friendship out and as we gain confidence in who we are, it can take years I can attest. As to romance, that bridge back to ordinary living in that extraordinary state, is a slow and steady process. As to what may happen, love will always have its power and way, even in a day? More likely in a split second a decision made will change life completely..
Some things to do this morning and then hopefully back with clearer thoughts and feelings tonight. Small and useful tasks. To ensure care of me, keep to careful and routines.
A friend of mine has a situation very complicated and yet most easily resolved. Care and concern for family is paramount I realise after we both got bogged down in what to do. When we are friends it’s not me the counsellor or advisor, it’s me thinking and feeling what is right for my friend as my friend puts most everything family before their own happiness. And yet they want their happiness back too. Quite rightly.
I guess even with a confused head my suggestion to them has been to enquire from those who need support how they might like it to be. And as they are a great distance away, the support needs to be only as a family can resolve. Based on feelings and support and care. So it is I guess a duty of care which has made a whole raft of problems quite overwhelming. And when there is capital at stake I guess it’s easy to get into the material and forget the spiritual which really is the key. A situation based on family love and filial connection, it needs to remain so I feel and this is where my friend is too. The how is yet to be worked out of course, and it will work out as the spiritual path makes the direction and pace just so.
So the solution is simple, let go and help informed choices through asking the right questions about the right issues. That is health and welfare. We cannot go so far off the track if we keep to our prime role as supporter and helper as this was and is the key in family stuff.
Other matters kept confusing us I feel, anyway we shall no doubt discuss again. The outcome is not for me to share. And after all this journal is all about me?
Because I may not speak on or behalf of anyone of course. This is a personal journey and you and I need be general when it comes to others and their living, specific and challenging when it is mine.
Fair and Open
We all are better for open and honest living. So often we squander time and effort hiding in denials and worse secrets which gnaw at our innards. The truth of life will out always, as we are less able to hide it from others even when we try hide it from ourselves.
"Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. Chapter 6, Into Action, Big Book From: Page 72 Thru: Page 75, the bottom of the page. 12 And 12 Step 5."
May ~ All About Step Five:" Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs"
Step 5 "Admit And Accept" Reading Video Link:
May ~ Video Reading Chapter Six Into Action Link:
I do not speak for Alcoholics Anonymous I speak for myself. Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of unique and authentic people who speak for themselves where they will to share experience, strength and hope about recovery on a daily basis. Anonymity affords
sanctuary to find how to live sober and be open, honest and willing to learn life day by day. For me "truth," "love" and "wisdom" offer the best spiritual experience by living reality today. Into the fabric of recovery from alcoholism are woven the Twelve Steps and the
Twelve Traditions, steps to be open, honest and willing to learn, traditions to live unity, service and recovery.
Spiritual principles ~ Forgiveness Acceptance Surrender Faith Open-mindedness Honesty Willingness Moral-inventory Amends Humility Persistence Spiritual-growth Service