May 20 2012 | AA 12 Steps In Action | Step 5 Admit And Accept | Alcoholics Anonymous Today's AA daily reflection: "one day at a time…" Our Fellowship program is all about improving our emotional and spiritual well-being and a desire to be sober one day at a time. Every moment we experience our emotional [our feelings] and spiritual [the moment of now] state of being, living reality as it is and not wishing it different…
I have often heard that we can't change the past and we cannot live in the future so we need to be living in the day. I know that for years I wished to be taken backwards in time, to good times and then to imagine the good times ahead and it will always be better tomorrow. This was something I learned from a very early age. Now I see living one day at a time is about being right in the moment, and of course still having a vision of what the future might hold but not living in the future!
In my first attempt at recovery, I did reach that magical number of 90 days sober, and I did attend more than one meeting a day, if I could I would have lived in meetings of the Fellowship. People, places and things happening after that 90 days took me straight back to drink. It was not the fault of the Fellowship and it was not my fault either, it was just the way could be back then. Relapse was dreadful and coming back more difficult, and it was then that one day at a time became clear and sensible and possible and still is today…
Sometimes we need a great deal of patience with ourselves and other people and we cannot solve everything which needs resolution in one day. And so with a great deal of difficulty I needed to accept that every step in Fellowship as part of the 12 steps lead me to understand that I can make progress and cannot be perfect. And sometimes as someone said to me yesterday, we may have to move several steps backwards to find which steps we can take forward in this wonderfully imperfectly perfect moment of now…
My experience is fear and ignorance can lead people to run because they simply cannot cope, denial will grip many in different ways. Modern life has stripped us humans of experiencing and “living compassion” because we never really learned about it in our family or life situations.
We: all human beings experience everything. We can be overwhelmed by extremes of feeling and stuck. Desire and obsession amplify our problems beyond reason. Recovery offers a journey into solutions. The deeper the problem, the more thorough our journey in recovery one step at a time...
Daily Reflections ~ "ONE DAY AT A TIME... Above all, take it one day at a time. AS BILL SEES IT, p.11
Why do I kid myself that I must stay away from a drink for only one day, when I know perfectly well I must never drink again as long as I live? I am not kidding myself because one day at a time is probably the only way I can reach the long-range objective of staying sober. If I determine that I shall never drink again as long as I live, I set myself up. How can I be sure I won’t drink when I have no idea what the future may hold? On a day-at-a-time basis, I am confident I can stay away from a drink for one day. So I set out with confidence. At the end of the day, I have the reward of achievement. Achievement feels good and that makes me want more!"
May 20 2007
Forgive Everybody Everything - DonInLondon ‘Day In the Life’
I used to think this was an impossible ask. How many times have we done things we would rather have wished we had not done? And how terrible, and how much shame and guilt can shroud our outlook? And as we learn the right ways to live and behave, other people are in the same boat, or a better boat, or a boat so full of holes they are forever sinking and in danger of being drowned in all their past history.
The relative disasters and shaming incidents we may have, the awful things that happen we might wish had never transpired. Well it would be easy enough to be sorrowful and be consumed in guilt and shame.
In our Fellowship
We need to find a path which acknowledges all our deeds good or bad, the measure of where we behaved well and where we have people, places and things to be faced where our behaviour was less than what we might have wished. The connection to good conscience and our understanding grows as we learn over the years where we were ok and level and even, and where we may fall short of our own standards, often impossibly high and often impossible, it feels, to reconcile.
Learning and Accepting
We do learn and need accept there are people places and things we have done, where we need forgive ourselves and make amends as we may. I have made most of the amends for past times, but there are things which still make me shudder and wish to put right somehow and some day. I have my list and need do what I may as I may. I cannot ask forgiveness from others I can do my best to make amends as life helps me make them.
Accepting how we have been how we need find a better path of living and consistent with being open honest and willing also means for everything we have done, we might look to others and their behaviour towards us and forgive equally and unequivocally.
In Life We Need Understand Forgiving
Forgiving surely is one of the most important character traits we have. To forgive, it’s not a divine thing at all, it’s the recognition of paths we tread and what we learn as we develop as civilised and human, human beings.
Learning as we go, we make mistakes, we think and feel, we are righteous often and then suddenly find we are equally able to make horrid, mistakes and have very difficult issues to face. What we learn in life is the journey is as it may, that we get to endeavour and learn over and over humility and gratitude. Sometimes humility and gratitude is hardest when we are at our weakest. And in many ways I have gratitude for family who have supported and still support me emotionally and in every way help me live as best I can.
Often my pride gets me in trouble as I last as long as I can and then find I cannot do things all on my own. And then I am humbled and understand what others do for me, I do my best back, and this can be now and in the future. I have a future a day at a time, and one day...
Till the days arrive where in my own way I can share and support as needed and be there, then I keep safe to doing as much the right thing as I can.
This imperfect world with us, imperfect and merely progressing as we can and with good heart, and sometimes my old mind gives me pause to reflect and have those “if only” moments…
Endeavour and Live well
We can endeavour and live as we can, meeting needs and not wanting or pushing too hard. We have been dealt the cards we have and might do best to do our best.
I am still haunted by old memories and deeds done to me as much as I have been a part of them too. The forgiving mind helps as we acknowledge and see our and others parts played and outcomes.
We are never that forgetful that we cannot recall? Some things are so dark, sometimes we wonder if we are better to bury them in denials. Love lost, love not as we might have wished.
And how we may have hurt others with our careless words and emotions. I am clearly unaware to all I may have done when not in my right mind. But who is when things happen and often bigger and worse tragedies happen as we live and move along around us and to other people. We see and understand our humanity as we live. As we do and not by our intentions.
Simple and straight yet we can twist and turn around guilt and shame and for having found the truth of ourselves and others. Forgiving ourselves and our failings or just plain incapacity, well it’s as hard as anything else we may do.
Forgiving is hard and does not come easy. As has been said for centuries, let he who is without guilt pick up the first stone, and people in glass houses should not throw stones. And so on…
Why am I so passionate about this tonight? Well for myself and my behaviour, for others and how they have been treated recently by events, and pain inflicted often without thought or intent yet the pain still hits.
We are all vulnerable, we are all trying to do the best we can as we live and develop. I hope there is enough time to make amends where I need do so without harm. I accept some times have gone by and what I still wish to amend I cannot and its inappropriate or hurt for others might ensue. And some I would wish well are no longer alive to wish it so. Those amends and how I feel strikes deep to powerlessness we all have had in living and being humans just doing our best and best felt less than adequate.
I cringe as my more mature eyes look at things I have done and others do. And forgiving and well just plain forgiveness must be the path best trodden with humility and without Ego.
And tonight when another shared their story to me I could understand their shock completely and how things had turned out and the carelessness we all can have around each other.
We don’t need to become less sensitive, we need acknowledge our sensitivity and feel even sized for the understanding we have. And accept as we learn our humanity over and over again or we fall into bitter times and poor outlooks.
It is doing the same things over and over and expecting a different result. Sometimes we need change our attitudes and behaviour and keep from harm’s way. As we may and still accept another’s path may never offer enlightenment. I am learning the truth of me and the truth generally.
And I hope a day at a time I live long enough to share gratitude in practical and helpful ways for every assistance I have had in my recovery from a disaster most people never get over. And I am grateful each and every day to support as I may and be there when I can. And just a day at time? There is no other way for me these days. Acceptance and acceptance again is a key as is forgiveness help and support as we may and life affords.
Our gift is our endeavour and our actions to support and be there for everyone we can. As in all living we need keep safe as we may and not put ourselves in harm’s way unnecessarily and at the same time have courage to do what we can.
Never lose faith in people and accept their chosen path as we accept ours, have courage and be confident and be involved in life. There is no other way but experience as we live and learn. And every day I learn some more.
"Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. Chapter 6, Into Action, Big Book From: Page 72 Thru: Page 75, the bottom of the page. 12 And 12 Step 5."
May ~ All About Step Five:" Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs"
Step 5 "Admit And Accept" Reading Video Link:
May ~ Video Reading Chapter Six Into Action Link:
I do not speak for Alcoholics Anonymous I speak for myself. Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of unique and authentic people who speak for themselves where they will to share experience, strength and hope about recovery on a daily basis. Anonymity affords
sanctuary to find how to live sober and be open, honest and willing to learn life day by day. For me "truth," "love" and "wisdom" offer the best spiritual experience by living reality today. Into the fabric of recovery from alcoholism are woven the Twelve Steps and the
Twelve Traditions, steps to be open, honest and willing to learn, traditions to live unity, service and recovery.
Spiritual principles ~ Forgiveness Acceptance Surrender Faith Open-mindedness Honesty Willingness Moral-inventory Amends Humility Persistence Spiritual-growth Service