Wednesday, 4 January 2012

January 4 | AA 12 Steps In Action |

January 4 | AA 12 Steps In Action |

AA daily reflections: is all about "Begin where you are…" Seems like a very obvious statement, but when I started recovery I have a mountain of unfinished business with the world, and my feeling was once I sorted out what the rest of the world was doing, I could then work on me. And obviously I got it the wrong way round, once I sorted out what I could do and could not do on a daily basis, the rest of the world could be left to get on with their business. It took a long time to realise I built the mountain of unfinished business, and the rest of the world knew nothing about it…

In my career I worked with a lot of very damaged people, and many of them had drinking problems, and drug taking problems. In their opinion, there was not enough drink and there were not enough drugs to solve their problems. I would often help them find ways to resolve their problems and they stopped drinking and taking drugs. And I never looked at me, going home to take the edge off and push their problems out of my head with alcohol. We don't know we are an alcoholic until we get there because it's always them and never me…

Step one, powerless and unmanageable living: Even when we realise there is something wrong, denial and always tomorrow to resolve the issue kept me drinking because it was important to see through to the end of the day. Step two, insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. And that is the madness; I will sort it out tomorrow and tomorrow never comes. By the time we admit and accept our problem, we are at rock bottom. No wonder sobriety is one of the most difficult journeys into recovery from addiction.

And even in the early days of recovery, I hoped after a few months there would be an inner sanctum, where I would graduate and become immune to addiction. The graduation would be celebrated with a drink, a cigarette, a good time and girls adoring me. The pipedream probably kept me going for a while and then reality bit hard. I got my through the pipedream and found reality, with freedom to choose and learn life. No need to dream or fix my life away… The girls would have been very welcome though…

DonInLondon 2005-2011

"In order to succeed you must fail, so that you know what not to do the next time" Anthony J. D'Angelo


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