January 31 | AA 12 Steps In Action | 2012 |

January 31 | AA 12 Steps In Action | 2012 | Powerless over alcohol, people, places and things is my daily reminder. And I know I need to learn powerlessness over computers if I don't read the instructions. Which helps me realise there are steps and an order if life and anything is to be manageable. Humour, powerlessness and unmanageability are a constant reminder of what I can and cannot do today…



Today's AA daily reflections: "our Common welfare comes first" is about unity, service and recovery within the fellowship. We are all equal in our society as individuals. We abide to decisions made in our group conscience. At the same time our whole philosophy is about freedom of choice as individuals, the very essence of sobriety one day at a time…



"The whole is greater than the sum of its parts" and fellowship offers a safe place to grow and develop because of the experience strength and hope we learn over the years, always one day at a time. Sometimes we do go backwards to rediscover and relearn so we may go forwards again, as individuals and as a fellowship.



There will always be loud and noisy persons in our groups, and that is just as life is, and what we need to remember in the group and in fellowship, and especially in the group conscience each voice is equal and each vote is equal. This works in real time and face-to-face, which is why we remain trusted servants and there are no leaders, or the essence of unity service and recovery is lost…



DonInLondon 2005-2011



Learning how to be open, honest and willing with twelve steps of AA has opened the door to a new way of life, sober one day at a time. In unity service and recovery, the twelve traditions serve all as we understand them. If you or I relapsed, the hand of AA is always there, that is my hope today...



Sometimes we are in a meeting where everyone is open and honest sharing their truth and the truth leads to more truth. The preamble, a reading from the big book, an honest chair and we share from the heart, how it was and how it is today, the meeting after the meeting, almost as long as the meeting!



AA Daily: OUR COMMON WELFARE COMES FIRST JANUARY 31 ~ The unity of Alcoholics Anonymous is the most cherished quality our Society has. . . . We stay whole, or A.A. dies. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 129



Our Traditions are key elements in the ego deflation process necessary to achieve and maintain sobriety in Alcoholics Anonymous. The First Tradition reminds me not to take credit, or authority, for my recovery. Placing our common welfare first reminds me not to become a healer in this program; I am still one of the patients. Self-effacing elders built the ward. Without it, I doubt I would be alive. Without the group, few alcoholics would recover. The active role in renewed surrender of will enables me to step aside from the need to dominate, the desire for recognition, both of which played so great a part in my active alcoholism. Deferring my personal desires for the greater good of group growth contributes toward A.A. unity that is central to all recovery. It helps me to remember that the whole is greater than the sum of all its parts.

-/-

January 30 | AA 12 Steps In Action | 2012 |

January 30 | AA 12 Steps In Action | 2012 | Today's AA daily reflection: "freedom from and freedom to?" It can be very difficult in my experience to feel any freedom at all in early days of recovery. Which is why hope is so important and was so important. Hearing people share their stories, experience of recovery in the fellowship of AA, eventually started to make a difference to me. Simply one day at a time, not needing to drink was key. I still had many wants, wanting to be well, wanting a roof over my head and many more, but not wanting a drink or needing to drink was enough for me…



From hopeless desperation and desolation to hopeful and able to cope just enough today, my daily rehab in the community, going to meetings and for the first time in many years being included in something and not looking from the outside meant I kept sober. It felt like a long-distance endurance of fear and looking over my shoulder for some imaginary bogeyman to catch me out. Of course there was no bogeyman, and the extreme fear began to subside when I realised fellowship was my community within my local community, and at last I was included and belonged again.



My first emotion in recovery, extreme fear beyond reality. Fear of being found out, fear of not being good enough, fear of being beyond redemption which felt like a 24 hour nightmare. And then in time fear seemed to become just one of many emotions I may have today. And over the years, I still am learning what it is to be loved and to be able to love back. And every emotion a human being can feel today is more understood by me. The twelve steps help me learn what my feelings are today, and they fit my experience. And when my feelings fit the experience of now, I think and behave consistent with what is happening and my personal outlook today…



The greatest freedom for me is to learn "who I am daily." I start my day with basic routines to understand my emotional and spiritual condition, "How am I feeling, why and what may I do?" Just simply checking out my daily starting point and then reminding myself of steps 1 to 3 and the serenity prayer. And at any time of day, steps 10 to 12 will help me and guide me just for a day. And with humility it's not whether I'm right or wrong, it's what I do and how I live which defines me and helps me understand a little bit more about life and living in the moment, the only place where we can change our outlook day by day…





DonInLondon 2005-2011



Two meetings for me yesterday: At lunchtime about tradition one, freedom of choice in recovery is paramount. And then late evening: all about issues in later sobriety. Each meeting emphasised living real life as real life is, and with acceptance we keep making the best choices to action, action being the key...



Arthur Gordon "Some people confuse acceptance with apathy, but there's all the difference in the world. Apathy fails to distinguish between what can and what cannot be helped; acceptance makes that distinction. Apathy paralyzes the will-to-action; acceptance frees it by relieving it of impossible burdens."



Step One "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol-that our lives had become unmanageable"



AA Daily: Freedom from... Freedom to ~ We are going to know a new freedom... ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 83



Freedom for me is both freedom from and freedom to. The first freedom I enjoy is freedom from the slavery of alcohol. What a relief! Then I begin to experience freedom from fear - fear of people, of economic insecurity, of commitment, of failure, of rejection. Then I begin to enjoy freedom to - freedom to choose sobriety for today, freedom to be myself, freedom to express my opinion, to experience peace of mind, to love and be loved, and freedom to grow spiritually. But how can I achieve these freedoms? The Big Book clearly says that before I am halfway through making amends, I will begin to know a "new" freedom; not the old freedom of doing what I pleased, without regard to others, but the new freedom that allows fulfilment of the promises in my life. What a joy to be free!

-/-

January 29 | AA 12 Steps In Action | 2012 |

January 29 | AA 12 Steps In Action | 2012 | Today's AA daily reflection: "the Joy of sharing" is all about life taking on new meaning. So many new questions in recovery and at the beginning no answers, and often many assumptions by all. The first question, what am I going to do now with all this time? Still in the grip of fear and out of sorts with everything, fear of the unknown can grip. When an old-timer may say "take it easy" it seems like they have no clue what goes on for the newcomer, they do because they are listening to you. Taking it easy means listening and trying to understand as we emerge from the darkest of days…



The shock of being included again, hearing people share their experience, strength and hope with each other is a dramatic turnaround. From isolation and hiding, to knowing it is okay to share the worst of times so we can move on to the best of times, and hear about "new times" from others starts a way of life living one day to time. As we start to learn from our history and stop fearing our future, recovery life is all about our emotional and spiritual condition now. Knowing our feelings fit with reality and we can cope, the best of times is whatever the feelings may be good or catastrophic, whatever the pressure, feelings fit with the moment of now. And we really can cope as we ask for help today…



We are making day by day progress, by sharing experience strength and hope with newcomers becomes essential to understanding our own recovery, and continually sharing how recovery works. And as each newcomer soon realises, the experience they have of each day in recovery is essential to share with their fellow newcomers and old-timers. Newcomers and old-timers alike are only as good as they may be when asked for help in any day, and we keep learning and changing as we put into practice whatever useful comes our way…



I can remember the harsh and stark desolation of those final days of drink. The isolation needed, to hide away from everyone and everything was coming to an end. The rattling and tremors subsiding and just able to get to a meeting and almost hold a cup of tea and munch on a biscuit. It took a few days to realise I was not in the spotlight and no one was looking at me other than to offer help… And "the Joy of sharing" took quite a while for me…



Many discussions about love come my way, from what is love to how can I possibly love myself, to if I am attracted to a person will I fall in love? All good questions and no answers. One critical factor about unconditional love means that we don't put conditions on ourselves about loving ourselves, and if we are wondering if we can fall in love with another person, or we want to, how on earth can this happen? All good questions with no answers…



Attraction and not promotion? This is what we know in recovery in our fellowship, attraction is what you see is what you get. Promotion, a bit like a profile on a web dating site is relating the best and not the worst, or quite the truth of who we are. Fellowship cannot fix through promotion, and when it comes to love and learning about others who we may be attracted to us by what we see may be not quite what we get. Many questions and no answers and often many assumptions…



The truth of love is? So many questions and no answers and so many assumptions. Relationships, we feel a need for them and we feel better in them? The first relationship to find is the one with ourselves where we ask the questions and find out the answers day by day. And as our relationships grow with others, the unanswered questions start to be answered, in the moment when we ask and as we develop as people, in relationships and family and community and society today. The question asked directly to the person in the moment of now offers an answer immediately in the moment of now. Sometimes things work out sometimes they don't, better to know now and not be lost in dream or fantasy without reality. And always in reality today, we find the key…



DonInLondon 2005-2011



I have found that when I let go trying to manage outcomes and let outcomes emerge life is bigger than my imagination and bigger than anything I can control. When I narrow my focus, my world becomes small. When I broaden my outlook, more choice and more freedom, opportunity knocks today...



Spiritual, simply is being in the moment, experiencing 'now'...Voltaire "What then do you call your soul? What idea have you of it? You cannot of yourselves, without revelation, admit the existence within you of anything but a power unknown to you of feeling and thinking."-/-



AA Daily: THE JOY OF SHARING ~ JANUARY 29, life will take on new meaning. To watch people recover, to see them help others, to watch loneliness vanish, to see a fellowship grow up about you. to have a host of friends - this is an experience you must not miss. We know you will not want to miss it. Frequent contact with newcomers and with each other is the bright spot of our lives. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS , p. 89



To know that each newcomer with whom I share has the opportunity to experience the relief that I have found in this Fellowship fills me with joy and gratitude. I feel that all the things described in A.A. will come to pass for them, as they have for me, if they seize the opportunity and embrace the program fully.

-/-



Email | don@doninlondon.com

Music | "music for airports" By Brian Eno | http://www.enoshop.co.uk/ |

January 28 | AA 12 Steps In Action | 2012 |

January 28 | AA 12 Steps In Action | 2012 | Today's AA daily reflection: "treasure of the past" is about honouring all experiences we have had in our lifetime. We are shaped and developed by every experience we have, be it good or bad. Often said, "nothing is wasted in God's economy" and whether you believe in God or not is not the issue. The issue always what have we learned and can determine as important in our life story. We learn from pain, joy and every emotion we feel. And the years when we couldn't feel anything can provide insight into how we develop as emotional and spiritual beings today...




Often in my past, I had a strong desire to be in love and love back. And I would go to any extreme to try secure the love of the girl I was with, and not really understanding how love can grow when we really listen to what is going on. I was so determined to be perfect, and be the right man for the right girl, I never listened hard enough to what she wanted or desired. So many assumptions about love, life and relationships based on hearsay, fantasy and desire, no wonder they ran for the hills… In recovery, life and love our real today…



And often in fellowship, there is another saying "look back don't stare" which is quite good and I would develop it further to "look back and learn and let go the old, and make space for new ways of living." Letting go our old behaviour and releasing ourselves from old ideas and hangups we make room and develop courage, faith and confidence to live in new ways which fit with our feelings and coping with the real life situation as it is today…



A morning meeting, where there is no chair and people simply share about what is on their mind today. The richness of experience shared may be about today, at the same time the "treasure of the past," our history and experiences reflect how we cope and deal with our feelings as they are happening. Emotional and spiritual, the very essence of our fellowship, where we learn how to deal with our feelings and the feelings of others in the moment so we can cope with reality and work together today…



DonInLondon 2005-2011



Listening is an action, to listen before we judge, to listen and clarify "How are you feeling?" Is our chance to ask if we can help, not to swamp another with our world, listen.. ask, then share.. [Mark Twain "Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often." -/-]


[John F. Kennedy "There are risks and costs to action. But they are far less than the long range risks of comfortable inaction."-/-]



Open, honest and willing: Are we consistent inside and out, or does our denial filter, the inner voice chatters and judges...[William Shakespeare "Suit the action to the word, the word to the action." -/-]



[Mohandas Gandhi "Action is no less necessary than thought to the instinctive tendencies of the human frame." -/-]



Perception is our feeling and thinking, intuitive and logical as we are gifted..[Albert Einstein "There is no logical way to the discovery of these elemental laws. There is only the way of intuition, which is helped by a feeling for the order lying behind the appearance." -/-]



[Plato "Wonder is the feeling of the philosopher, and philosophy begins in wonder." -/-]



Spiritual, simply is being in the moment, experiencing 'now'..[Voltaire "What then do you call your soul? What idea have you of it? You cannot of yourselves, without revelation, admit the existence within you of anything but a power unknown to you of feeling and thinking."-/-]



[Ernest Holmes "Prayer is a thought, a belief, a feeling, arising within the mind of the one praying." -/-]



"We conceal it from ourselves in vain - we must always love something. In those matters seemingly removed from love, the feeling is secretly to be found, and man cannot possibly live for a moment without it." Blaise Pascal



"It is not the language of painters but the language of nature which one should listen to, the feeling for the things themselves, for reality is more important than the feeling for pictures." Vincent Van Gogh



Acceptance of how I am today. The consequences of living longer? Gaining wisdom of life one day at a time, what is possible and not possible? Life is neither fair nor unfair. That hard work and endeavour is our journey with joy and sadness thrown together side by side, serenity always in the moment of now...



AA Daily: THE TREASURE OF THE PAST ~ JANUARY 28, showing others who suffer how we were given help is the very thing which makes life seem so worthwhile to us now. Cling to the thought that, in God’s hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have - the key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 124



What a gift it is for me to realize that all those seemingly useless years were not wasted. The most degrading and humiliating experiences turn out to be the most powerful tools in helping others to recover. In knowing the depths of shame and despair, I can reach out with a loving and compassionate hand, and know that the grace of God is available to me.

-/-

January 27 | AA 12 Steps In Action | 2012 |

January 27 | AA 12 Steps In Action | 2012 | AA daily reflection: "Freedom from guilt." When I read this this morning it reminds me of how I was back in the day and I am today, "that was then and this is now." We do live in a blame culture, just listen to politicians "they did it." Recovery is all about new living and being in the moment of now, learning what works now and coping with reality today…



Anyone can adopt the "blame angle" or live the "spiritual angle." The blame angle: all about finding fault and pointing the finger at ourselves or others. The spiritual angle: living in the moment and looking for the solutions and coping with reality. Our step six defects, keep us in the problem of fear and guilt. Our step seven shortcomings, not enough courage, faith and confidence can be developed as we look to the solutions each and every day…



The truth of now is always changing, around people places and things. What seemed cutting-edge solutions yesterday become redundant as life and society moves along. As we learn the truth each day of how life is, we develop an outlook of life changing always and never standing still. Going with the flow and moving along in the present moment offers hope day by day…



Sometimes we do get stuck in the past, or simply feel that life is against us. And probably it was. Realising the extent of what has happened in terms of tragedy or success, loss and grief or surprise and joy can take time. We do need to deal with our feelings about the past so we can live more comfortably in the present. Acceptance of life on life's terms, and acknowledging every feeling or emotion along the way means we keep on learning and developing a balanced outlook as we may…



"I can love a person and cherish them and still find their behaviour horrible and even hateful" I know we always get judged by what we do and sometimes anyone of us can fall short of ideal way of living. "I love you, but when you behave like that I cannot stand it" when we say it like that we don't undermine a person's self-esteem, we just tell them their behaviour is not working for us. People in love, keep learning love, people who've been hurt often keep learning to hurt themselves and others. Always progress never perfection… Forgive everyone everything!





DonInLondon 2005-2011



I am not my job, I am not my house, I am not my car. How we feel about ourselves, our self-esteem is an inside job ~ Rita Mae Brown "About all you can do in life is be who you are. Some people will love you for you. Most will love you for what you can do for them, and some won't like you at all." -/-



Expectations are resentments under construction. As I start my day, I ask myself, how am I feeling, why and what can I do? And then step one, two and three. Powerless over, restored to sanity, let go and let in the world, serenity ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson "The years teach much which the days never know." -/-



Acceptance of how I am today and the consequences of living longer… Gaining wisdom of life one day at a time, what is possible and not possible? Life is neither fair nor unfair. That hard work and endeavour is our journey with joy and sadness thrown together side by side, serenity always in the moment of now...



Every day I try start with an open mind, be honest and willing to learn ~ Socrates "The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing." -/- Always the more I know, the less I know... Wisdom is a daily learning experience and never knowing what is right for you!



AA Daily: FREEDOM FROM GUILT ~ JANUARY 27 where other people were concerned, we had to drop the word “blame” from our speech and thought. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 47



When I become willing to accept my own powerlessness, I begin to realize that blaming me for all the trouble in my life can be an ego trip back into hopelessness. Asking for help and listening deeply to the messages inherent in the Steps and Traditions of the program make it possible to change those attitudes which delay my recovery. Before joining A.A., I had such a desire for approval from people in powerful positions that I was willing to sacrifice myself, and others, to gain a foothold in the world. I invariably came to grief. In the program I find true friends who love, understand, and care to help me learn the truth about myself. With the help of the Twelve Steps, I am able to build a better life, free of guilt and the need for self-justification.

-/-

January 26 | AA 12 Steps In Action | 2012 |

January 26 | AA 12 Steps In Action | 2012 | AA daily reflections: "rigorous honesty" in my experience has become a way of life. Understanding the truth of today means I need not make assumptions that what worked yesterday will work today. Indeed life is progress and to be lived in the moment. An open mind and no assumptions or expectations means it is unlikely that there are resentments under construction…



Living life in the moment, aware of our surroundings and what is going on means all our senses are working to cope with reality as it is, not what we want it to be and often not what we need it to be. Working with what is, the truth of our situation and the people around us, means we can respond and react as everything changes moment by moment…



My step six defects, putting on a brave face, fear without foundation will tend to make me hide from finding out the truth. Once I sacrifice the truth of my situation, or cannot see the truth in my situation the outcomes and consequences are not good. My step seven shortcomings of courage, faith and confidence grow when I find truth. It may take me a while to accept my situation, at the same time my actions and consequences improve today…



Being tough and tenacious in the right place at the right time can be a very difficult call. If we are working alone and there are no consequences for anyone else this may be appropriate. Most often, tough and tenacious when dealing with others and their involvement needs to be a team decision and not my decision alone! We don't know better for other people, life is compromise and understanding…





DonInLondon 2005-2011



No need to hide or fear much of anything today. First Principle in new sober living, open honest and willing to change our attitude and behaviour ~ Thomas Jefferson "Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom." -/- First Step to life choices...



Every day I try start with an open mind, be honest and willing to learn ~ Socrates "The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing." -/- Always the more I know, the less I know... Wisdom is a daily learning experience and never knowing what is right for you!



I'm on the road to? I have always known in a thinking way that it is the journey and not the destination which is important. Endurance can be a fine quality and expression through action. If my thinking says "I will be okay when I get there" I forget what good I have today emotionally and spiritually with friends, family and community. What matters is "now" wherever the road leads...



Our lives change in recovery, changes can be painful or joyful or simply a mixture of both. In fellowship we learn how to celebrate our new living, and to grieve for a life we leave behind, "the alcoholic or addict we were" ~ Anatole France "All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another." -/-



Step One "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol-that our lives had become unmanageable"



AA Daily: RIGOROUS HONESTY ~ JANUARY 26, who wishes to be rigorously honest and tolerant? Who wants to confess his faults to another and make restitution for harm done? Who cares anything about a Higher Power, let alone meditation and prayer? Who wants to sacrifice time and energy in trying to carry A.A.’s message to the next sufferer? No, the average alcoholic, self-centered in the extreme, doesn’t care for this prospect – unless he has to do these things in order to stay alive himself. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 24



I am an alcoholic. If I drink I will die. My, what power, energy, and emotion this simple statement generates in me! But it’s really all I need to know for today. Am I willing to stay alive today? Am I willing to stay sober today? Am I willing to ask for help and am I willing to be a help to another suffering alcoholic today? Have I discovered the fatal nature of my situation? What must I do, today, to stay sober?

-/-

January 25 | AA 12 Steps In Action | 2012 |

January 25 | AA 12 Steps In Action | 2012 | AA Fellowship basics: as an individual to be open honest and willing one day to time. In fellowship to be steadfast in unity, service and recovery, and again one day to time. And if we are diligent we make progress and do not seek perfection. Attraction, what you see is what you get "WYSIWYG" rather than promotion which is a guarantee or a fix and is impossible one day at a time…



Nobody is perfect and on a daily basis it is very difficult to be perfect in our open honest and willing behaviour. Indeed a BBC news bulletin suggests based on broad studies that the individual is less honest because there is a lack of role models in all walks of life, in particular in politics and industry, community and religious leaders. I have learned it is not what others do, it is what I do today…



Tradition three: the principal of inclusion rather than exclusion from fellowship. The only requirement a desire to stop drinking means the door is always open to anyone with a desire to quit, and that we are all equal in fellowship. There is no hierarchy and we will speak with an equal voice in our group conscience. This is what kept me coming back to share and listen to experience strength and hope, learning what I can do and cannot do today…



Contingent on my asking for help, my spiritual condition "being able to cope with reality" is likely to be more balanced than reverting to old behaviour. Step six, defects of character and old behaviour can emerge in the blink of an eye when things are difficult. Step seven, my shortcomings of courage and faith and confidence in doing the next right thing can improve if I pause, reflect and then respond rather than reacting as I might have in the old days… Every day I can be at sixes and sevens with life…



I have learned the difference between "isolation" and "solitude." Isolation from the world when I'm hurt and fearful makes me want to shut down and ignore the reality of now. Solitude on the other hand, is time on my own where I enjoy reflection and meditation, or simply reading a book or watching a film or TV. Isolation can be me in the grip of fear or depression. Solitude enjoying individual pastimes when opportunity arises…



DonInLondon 2005-2011



"Needs and Wants," acceptance is learning the difference, needs met wants forgotten? ~ Gail Sheehy "Would that there were an award for people who come to understand the concept of enough. Good enough. Successful enough. Thin enough. Rich enough. Socially responsible enough. When you have self-respect, you have enough." -/- Humility is essential in learning life every day and just for today...



Step One "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol-that our lives had become unmanageable"



AA Daily: WHAT WE NEED – EACH OTHER ~ JANUARY 25, A.A. is really saying to every serious drinker, “You are an A.A. member if you say so . . . nobody can keep you out.” TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 139



For years, whenever I reflected on Tradition Three (“The only requirement for A.A. membership is a desire to stop drinking”), I thought it valuable only to newcomers. It was their guarantee that no one could bar them from A.A. Today I feel enduring gratitude for the spiritual development the Tradition has brought me. I don’t seek out people obviously different from myself. Tradition Three, concentrating on the one way I am similar to others, brought me to know and help every kind of alcoholic, just as they have helped me. Charlotte, the atheist, showed me higher standards of ethics and honour; Clay, of another race, taught me patience; Winslow, who is gay, led me by example into true compassion; Young Megan says that seeing me at meetings, sober thirty years, keeps her coming back. Tradition Three insured that we would get what we need – each other.

-/-

January 24 | AA 12 Steps In Action | 2012 |

January 24 | AA 12 Steps In Action | 2012 | Wonderful lunchtime meeting of the fellowship yesterday at the Methodist Church on the Kings road here in London: uplifting gave me a feeling of happiness and serenity. The chair all about how the twelve steps work and translate into living truthfully day by day by being open, honest and willing to keep learning one day to time. All about having the humility to keep learning and being ourselves making progress and not trying to be perfect…



And today a trip out with my sister: to see the "Hockney Exhibition" at the Royal Academy in Piccadilly. To be with my sister, courtesy of a wonderful friend helping me with other matters allowed us to see and enjoy the exhibition and then pop over the road to Fortnum and Mason to buy marmalade for my mum. A beautiful and humbling experience in all respects: and an appreciation of an artist's work. Balanced and level feelings, exciting moments and much laughter, I feel really good on this grim rainy day…



Today's daily reflection all about unity, service and recovery: Mainly focusing on service. Practising these principles in all my living means I get courage and faith, building my confidence daily by being helpful and not a hindrance to people in my life today…

Unity in fellowship translates to me being in the “big” community where I can be of service or simply be helpful when people need help. And recovery means I make free choices based on real life situations and can see more clearly what I can and cannot do today…



I must add that service in the community means I need understand there is a limit to how much I can do. Or I run the risk of being overwhelmed and overcommitted. It is difficult to say no, something Gandhi said, "an emphatic no is better than a half-hearted yes." Recovery is very much about balancing our activities on a daily basis, and "no" is a complete sentence…



In my early days in recovery I kept doing more and more service, there were elements of shame and guilt about past times where I could not see beyond my own dreadful situation and how it disturbed family and friends. Today I can say yes to the things in a balanced way and know when I have no energy or capacity to be of use or just useful to others…



DonInLondon 2005-2011



A long time ago I realised I do love deeply and at the same time can love and hate behaviour in me and others, now learning to cherish and forgive always.. ~ Emily Dickinson "Behaviour is what a man or woman does, not what he or she thinks, feels, or believes." -/- We all learn in our own time if time permits…

AA Daily: GETTING INVOLVED January 24 ~ There is action and more action. “Faith without works is dead.” . . . To be helpful is our only aim. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS , pp. 88-89



I understand that service is a vital part of recovery but I often wonder, “What can I do?” Simply start with what I have today! I look around to see where there is a need. Are the ashtrays full? Do I have hands and feet to empty them? Suddenly I’m involved! The best speaker may make the worst coffee; the member who’s best with newcomers may be unable to read; the one willing to clean up may make a mess of the bank account -yet every one of these people and jobs is essential to an active group. The miracle of service is this: when I use what I have, I find there is more available to me than I realized before.



-/-

January 23 | AA 12 Steps In Action | 2012 |

January 23 | AA 12 Steps In Action | 2012 | AA daily reflection is all about, "are we having fun yet?" We're not a glum lot is the assertion I heard in early days and read in the daily reflections. I did see people having fun, heard them talk about fun times they were having. It took a while to believe them, and then an inkling of change in me began. Happy as my situation could be, and sad when my situation was sad. Real feelings happening in the moment of now…



Those early days, it was very difficult to understand that addiction was not a choice. That addiction could happen to anyone. Guilt, shame and deep hurt inside kept me stuck in the darkness for an age. Building courage, faith and confidence took a long while and a deeper understanding of "the human condition" and that redemption was possible one day at a time…



I need understand that the twelve steps are an active way of living life and step one, "I am powerless over alcohol, people places and things, and that life will become unmanageable if I take a drink or believe I can bend the world to my will." At the same time, I have freedom of choice based on my real situation today, and coping with reality is indeed my spiritual path…



Last night I was asked to chair my home group meeting. I shared my experience strength and hope of recovery over the last few years. As people shared back, I was listening for the similarities and not the differences. I heard the principles and experiences of living a new way. Each person unique and authentic on their life path able to share the truth as it is today. And then fun emerges, and indeed we are not a glum lot. Then hot chocolate with friends, laughter and sadness, serious and fun sharing about life today…



DonInLondon 2005-2011



I generally go to AA, and if there were no AA I would go to NA and if there were no NA, I would go to CA and I went to OA by mistake and they were very friendly... I had and have a desire to stop self harm, so I may work with whatever works. People are people in fellowship, inclusive and not exclusive, same steps, same principles, same suggestions, similarities and not the differences? People, change our behaviour…



Sober we can love, be loved and cherish ~ Anais Nin "Anxiety is love's greatest killer. It makes others feel as you might when a drowning man holds on to you. You want to save him, but you know he will strangle you with his panic." And that is why I feel we need lean on fellowship and not individuals...



Step One "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol-that our lives had become unmanageable"



AA Daily: HAVING FUN YET? JANUARY 23. We aren’t a glum lot. If newcomers could see no joy or fun in our existence, they wouldn’t want it. We absolutely insist on enjoying life. We try not to indulge in cynicism over the state of the nations, nor do we carry the world’s troubles on our shoulders. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 132





When my own house is in order, I find the different parts of my life are more manageable. Stripped from the guilt and remorse that dogged my drinking years, I am free to assume my proper role in the universe, but this condition requires maintenance. I should stop and ask myself, “Am I having fun yet?” If I find answering that question difficult or painful, perhaps I’m taking myself too seriously – and finding it difficult to admit that I’ve strayed from my practice of working the program to keep my house in order. I think the pain I experience is one way my Higher Power has to get my attention, coaxing me to take stock of my performance. The slight time and effort it takes to work the program – a spot-check inventory, for example, or the making of amends, whatever is appropriate – are well worth the effort.

-/-

January 22 | AA 12 Steps In Action | 2012 |

January 22 | AA 12 Steps In Action | 2012 | Today's AA daily reflection: "let's keep it simple," said Dr Bob to Bill. And, "let's not louse things up." Fellowship: no rules, no laws or regulations to prevent individual recovery by exclusion. The individual comes first and at the same time the “group conscience” is the decision-making process.



All my life until I got recovery, I was very much a loner and not a joiner to anything. As I read the twelve steps and twelve traditions, I realised here is a society which believes and values of unity, service and recovery. This gave me the comfort to be involved and included in something far, far bigger than me…



And the principles which guide me today begin with how to love, be loved back and useful in whatever capacity I choose in the direction my life can take. I never realised I could choose and be free to choose the direction my life can take. Of course I need follow a path which is realistic and based on reality as it is, not a fantasy or based on something I feel I might have deserved…



Yesterday's spiritual lunchtime meeting, in the spiritual hut next to the spiritual hall of remembrance was brilliant. A fantastic chair and sharing about: dealing with our emotions as they happen, rather than pushing them away and denying the feelings. I concluded I do really have feelings today, experience them as the very essence of living a spiritual existence. Feelings fitting my reality and guiding my thoughts and actions day by day…



DonInLondon 2005-2011



Marianne Faithfull, "I think drugs were used by me as a way of suppressing my natural spirit." -/-. Learning life a day at a time, I learn what I can do and cannot do, the wisdom to know the difference. My feelings more often fit the moment of now as nature intended, no need to fix me or you today...



Step One "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol-that our lives had become unmanageable"



AA Daily: LET'S KEEP IT SIMPLE ~ JANUARY 22, A few hours later I took my leave of Dr. Bob… The wonderful, old, broad smile was on his face as he said almost jokingly, “Remember, Bill, let’s not louse this thing up. Let’s keep it simple!” I turned away, unable to say a word. That was the last time I ever saw him. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS COMES OF AGE, p 214



After years of sobriety I occasionally ask myself: “Can it be this simple?” Then, at meetings, I see former cynics and sceptics who have walked the A.A. path out of hell by packaging their lives, without alcohol, into twenty-four hour segments, during which they practice a few principles to the best of their individual abilities. And then I know again that, while it isn’t always easy, if I keep it simple, it works.

-/-

January 21 | AA 12 Steps In Action | 2012 |

January 21 | AA 12 Steps In Action | 2012 | Two meetings yesterday: morning "just for today," and in the evening "courage to change." Living in the moment of now where everything happens is not easy for any human being. Memories of the past and future dreams can impact on what we do today. If fear grips me, step six and defects may rule my actions and outlook. With faith in the next right action and consultation, step seven improves my outlook. At sixes and sevens is not unusual for anyone even in recovery…



AA daily reflections: "humility and weakness." Over the years I have come to recognise that humility is not necessarily a weakness. Humility is openness to keep learning and be even handed in our relationships. Indeed humility and vulnerability have become part of the bedrock of strong sobriety…



Service to others: all about being supportive and helpful, reminding ourselves what it is like in early days. There are no rules laws or regulations to govern anyone in our fellowship, we are all equal. We may violate each other's sensibilities by our behaviour as newcomers and old-timers, at the same time we all have a right to learn and live sober one day to time…



In a meeting recently, a phone goes off in the newcomer’s pocket. They answer as somebody else is sharing, and the phone conversation starts with "hello mum," and an old-timer says emphatically "take it outside!" The sharer, the phone call from mum, and the "take it outside" comment almost unhinges the meetings serenity… We all learn humility? I imagine some of us do…



Why a one-day programme? So we can handle our situation "right sized." Right sized in the day, where our feelings fit with reality, happy or sad as we are, accepting our feelings. Feelings impact on our thinking and actions. Feeling good, thinking good and actions likely to be good. Feeling sad, thinking sad and our actions likely to be sad… Feelings never lie, our thinking on the other hand does as denial of reality often occurs…



DonInLondon 2005-2011



Recovery and Forgiveness ~ Bob Marley "Life is one big road with lots of signs. So when you're riding through the ruts, don't complicate your mind. Flee from hate, mischief and jealousy. Don't bury your feelings; put your vision to reality. Wake Up and Live!" -/- Just For A Day!



Step One "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol-that our lives had become unmanageable"



AA Daily: SERVING MY BROTHER JANUARY 21, the member talks to the newcomer not in a spirit of power but in a spirit of humility and weakness. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS COMES OF AGE p. 279



As the days pass in A.A., I ask God to guide my thoughts and the words that I speak. In this labour of continuous participation in the Fellowship, I have numerous opportunities to speak. So I frequently ask God to help me watch over my thoughts and my words, that they may be the true and proper reflections of our program; to focus my aspirations once again to seek His guidance; to help me be truly kind and loving, helpful and healing, yet always filled with humility, and free from any trace of arrogance.



Today I may very well have to deal with disagreeable attitudes or utterances — the typical stock-in-trade attitude of the still-suffering alcoholic. If this should happen, I will take a moment to centre myself in God, so that I will be able to respond from a perspective of composure, strength and sensibility.

January 20 | AA 12 Steps In Action | 2012 |

January 20 | AA 12 Steps In Action | 2012 | AA daily reflections, "we pause and ask for help…" An alien concept; in my drinking days and how I was educated. Back then in the day, standing on my own two feet, a brave face and stiff upper lip. Today, asking for help and pausing and reflecting long enough to improve my situation and spiritual condition is second nature to me…



The simple moment of clarity, when I realised I could not stop drinking on my own could have paralysed me yet again. And that life could get no worse somehow was a relief because I was still alive. The first trudge into acceptance and picking up the phone and asking for help was enlightenment…



Early days, the first ninety where thirsty moments produced fear and anguish, started to fade and as each day passed, there were light and dark moments and both light and dark moments became good reasons to talk sharing experience, strength and hope about the reality of recovery…



Sometimes we classify ourselves as newcomers and old-timers. I quite like and feel comfortable being a "day timer." One day at a time, anything can happen and being aware that I don't know the answers means I can ask the help, pause and reflect and make sure that at least my spiritual condition is developing as I cope with reality…





DonInLondon 2005-2011



In recovery we find our feelings fit the experience we are having. We feel life as it is right now, happy or sad, in love or out of love. We lose our irrational fears about life, we live reality. We can learn how to live our real life, and not a fantasy one day at a time today...



Step One "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol-that our lives had become unmanageable"



AA Daily: WE PAUSE . . . AND ASK JANUARY 20, As we go through the day we pause, when agitated or doubtful, and ask for the right thought or action. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p.87



Today I humbly ask my Higher Power for the grace to find the space between my impulse and my action; to let flow a cooling breeze when I would respond with heat; to interrupt fierceness with gentle peace; to accept the moment which allows judgment to become discernment; to defer to silence when my tongue would rush to attack or defend. I promise to watch for every opportunity to turn toward my Higher Power for guidance. I know where this power is: it resides within me, as clear as a mountain brook, hidden in the hills – it is the unsuspected Inner Resource. I thank my Higher Power for this world of light and truth I see when I allow it to direct my vision. I trust it today and hope it trusts me to make all effort to find the right thought or action today.

-/-

January 19 | AA 12 Steps In Action | 2012 |

January 19 | AA 12 Steps In Action | 2012 | A wonderful discussion with my dentist all about neuro-linguistic programming NLP, and how dentistry and NLP help plan patient needs through time. A lively debate followed on matters to do with how the brain works, which was part of my old profession. It was quite exciting, and me sharing about AA and how the 12 steps work… The 12 steps for me a natural progression back to reality and living in the day…



What is spiritual? I realise that we all see spiritual similarly and yet we often miss the spiritual angle to living. Every moment where we can see the truth of now, live in the moment and cope with reality is my best understanding so far. Living in reality: coping with it where feelings fit the experience, thinking and actions working. That is a tall order! As the past and the future can upset our balance at any time…



Today's AA daily, "about round-the-clock faith." From Webster's dictionary, "Faith, firm belief in something for which there is no proof: complete trust…" Back in the day, fear in isolation kept me in the dark and I had no faith in me or anyone, let alone a higher power. Step three in the program helped me to let go and let the world into my life…



I know I cannot define God, nor would I wish to because I cannot understand how nature and providence has made the world. Truly, as many say "God works through people," then letting go knowing everything, means I can ask for help about anything. It works, one day at a time. When I cannot work it out for myself, I now know asking for help is strength and not weakness…





DonInLondon 2005-2011



Three measures: To what extent do we cherish people in our lives? To what extent are we indifferent? To what extent are we superficial? As we treat others, we treat ourselves, as we treat others they too work with how we are. We get as good as we give; every day is different as we learn to live life...



Step One "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol-that our lives had become unmanageable"

"God [it is what we understand to be God or a "Higher Power"] grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot, Courage to Change the things I can and the Wisdom to Know the Difference" God is Truth Love and Wisdom in the moment of now...



AA Daily: ROUND-THE-CLOCK FAITH JANUARY 19 Faith has to work twenty-four hours a day in and through us, or we perish. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p.16



The essence of my spiritually, and my sobriety, rests on a round-the-clock faith in a Higher Power. I need to remember and rely on the God of my understanding as I pursue all of my daily activities. How comforting for me is the concept that God works in and through people. As I pause in my day, do I recall specific concrete examples of God’s presence? Am I amazed and uplifted by the number of times this power is evident? I am overwhelmed with gratitude for my God’s presence in my life of recovery. Without this omnipotent force in my every activity, I would again fall into the depths of my disease – and death.

-/-

January 18 | AA 12 Steps In Action | 2012 |

January 18 | AA 12 Steps In Action | 2012 | Today's AA daily reflection, "would a drink help?" Back in the day, I did not have that level of awareness about my drinking habits. I simply drank pretty much most evenings and weekends because it was part of my daily routine…



Back in my drinking days, most of the people I knew and my family simply drank alcohol as and when we felt like it. When we felt like it, is the key. Feeling happy, drink, feeling sad, drink and feeling like a drink, drink. A drinking habit, just like everybody we knew. The difference for me, it was not only habit, it became addiction and I didn't know I was there in the addiction until I was…



Before I became an addict, there was ignorance of my situation and condition. Then as the truth unfolds, we find ourselves in denial because it simply won't do for us to be alcoholic. A natural and normal reaction to a problem with our best friend, "alcohol"…



I know today I am powerless over alcohol and if I take a drink life will become unmanageable and horrible. Today I don't need to drink, because I have learned to cope with reality, with the help and support of people around me. Taking a drink or even thinking a drink might help is not really an option anymore.



Letting go my best friend, a substance rather than a human being is the best outcome I could ever imagine. How on earth could it ever have come to pass that a substance would replace human contact? It did, is what I know today…



DonInLondon 2005-2011



The AA tool kit ~ so many components and always utilised in our own unique way for a day. Bed rock skills for life, I was reminded in the meeting that three utilities fit all situations: 1. Truth, learning the truth as it happens 2. Love, learning how to love and be loved 3. Wisdom, from experience and most often wisdom shared. Three of many tools today…



Newcomers meeting tonight: 90 minutes, all the trimmings. All the newcomers left at 60 minutes. I wondered why, then reminded myself how I was at newcomer meetings as a newcomer, listening to the answer to all my problems today, I listened to the differences, I was not an alcoholic, "they were" I was just taking a break from drink in a difficult life...



Step One "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol-that our lives had become unmanageable"



AA Daily ~ WOULD A DRINK HELP? 18 Jan 2012 By going back in our drinking histories, we could show that years before we realized it we were out of control, that our drinking even then was no mere habit, that was indeed the beginning of a fatal progression. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 23



When I was still drinking, I couldn’t respond to any of life’s situations the way other, more healthy, people could. The smallest incident triggered a state of mind that believed I had to have a drink to numb my feelings. But the numbing did not improve the situation, so I sought further escape in the bottle. Today I must be aware of my alcoholism. I cannot afford to believe that I have gained control of my drinking – or again I will think I have gained control of my life. Such a feeling of control is fatal to my recovery.

January 17 | AA 12 Steps In Action | 2012 |

January 17 | AA 12 Steps In Action | 2012 | Today's daily reflection from AA "happiness comes quietly" suggests I knew what happiness was in the first place. Before recovery, I seemed driven to produce happiness and control it. It was not a conscious thing with me; it was buried deep inside, a longing for another moment of tranquillity.



The moments of tranquillity in all my life were very scarce. I didn't know much about my feelings or emotions. My understanding of love tainted by my life experience and what I thought love was. I certainly did love, on reflection though it was very needy rather than simply a state of being.



As the Beatles song went "all you need is love" seemed obvious to the world. But it isn't obvious if love has been missing in action. Missing in action for many years, love is elusive if we ever felt it, and if we can only think love, it remains a thought and not feeling. Fear of being loved, and not able to love back was a useless state of affairs…



Sometimes we hear the quote "most folks are as happy as they make up their mind to be" suggests we can think it so, rather than live it as it is. Most folks are happy when happiness is happening, where feelings fit the experience of now. Manufactured happiness? Not for me. I prefer happy or sad as the moment is. And we can be happy as life affords.



I am more aware these days of my delusions and daydreams about love. The ability to love, be loved back and useful is always in the moment of now. Love does happen naturally and need never be forced indeed we cannot force anything, powerless over feelings, we just think we know better some of the time until we really know what feelings are…



DonInLondon 2005-2011



From feeling like I knew all the answers to living or how to find them, I found I no clue how to stop killing myself with alcohol. I took myself to the brink of extinction more than once. When all else failed, I asked for help and found recovery. Humility and asking keeps me alive for today...



Daily Reflections AA ~ HAPPINESS COMES QUIETLY JANUARY 17, 2012 The trouble with us alcoholics was this: We demanded that the world give us happiness and peace of mind in just the particular order we wanted to get it – by the alcohol route. And we weren’t successful. But when we take time to find out some of the spiritual laws, and familiarize ourselves with them, and put them into practice, then we do get happiness and peace of mind. . . There seem to be some rules that we have to follow, but happiness and peace of mind are always here, open and free to anyone. DR. BOB AND THE GOOD OLDTIMERS, p. 308



The simplicity of the A.A. program teaches me that happiness isn’t something I can “demand.” It comes upon me quietly, while I serve others. In offering my hand to the newcomer or to someone who has relapsed, I find that my own sobriety has been recharged with indescribable gratitude and happiness.

-/-

January 16 | AA 12 Steps In Action | 2012 |

January 16 | AA 12 Steps In Action | 2012 | Today's AA daily reflection: "hitting rock bottom" insists that we must hit rock bottom if we are to completely surrender to a new way of living. Nobody suggested or insisted I hit rock bottom, but I was pulled up short when asked, "How many more rock bottom experiences do you need before you get the message?"



As an active alcoholic I may have heard the expression "rock bottom" and had some inkling of what it meant. Most likely a place where life could get no more difficult and no worse, whatever way we might look at our situation. A completely desolate place of existence, no inner resource left inside me, put down and done…



I can remember going to a rehab centre after I thought I had reached rock bottom only to find that the staff were determined to make sure I was at rock bottom by tormenting me further. After months in the rehab centre I left with anger, rage and hate. Bullying people to death is not rehabilitation; it's a death sentence…



At rock bottom we have been hurt by life and by our own hands. My own experience is, hurt people can hurt more people in order to prove a point. Thank goodness fellowship is all about learning how to love, be loved back and useful one day at a time…



DonInLondon 2005-2011



Listening to another share their compassion and concern for another who had deeply wounded their spirit for many years gave me a feeling of joy that redemption is possible, forgiveness is real in the most extreme moments, and being human we can all learn as time affords. Seeing people grow into their true selves is a real joy today...



HITTING BOTTOM ~ JANUARY 16, 2012 Why all this insistence that every A.A. must hit bottom first? The answer is that few people will sincerely try to practice the A.A. program unless they have hit bottom. For practicing A.A.’s remaining eleven Steps means the adoption of attitudes and actions that almost no alcoholic who is still drinking can dream of taking. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 24



Hitting bottom opened my mind and I became willing to try something different. What I tried was A.A. My new life in the Fellowship was a little like learning how to ride a bike for the first time: A.A. became my training wheels and my supporting hand. It’s not that I wanted the help so much at the time; I simply did not want to hurt like that again. My desire to avoid hitting bottom again was more powerful than my desire to drink. In the beginning that was what kept me sober. But after a while I found myself working the Steps to the best of my ability. I soon realized that my attitudes and actions were changing – if ever so slightly. One Day at a Time, I became comfortable with myself, and others, and my hurting started to heal. Thank God for the training wheels and supporting hand that I choose to call Alcoholics Anonymous.

-/-

January 15 | AA 12 Steps In Action | 2012 |

January 15 | AA 12 Steps In Action | 2012 | AA daily reflections: "tapping our inner resource, the power within?" I do believe we have choices in life, and we all make judgements about what is good for us. We keep learning and making mistakes all day long, some with little impact and some with great impact for ourselves and everyone we know. Humility will keep me learning and changing the good, fear and a brave face will keep me hiding and ego will encourage me to cover up. Spot check inventories will keep me learning rather than hiding one day at a time…



And the power within is always limited to what we know up to this point in time. In fellowship I keep learning as each moment passes and each person I meet provides me with new knowledge and ways to live my life today. My power within is always connected to the greater power of the universe; and learning from everyone and everything around me. Making progress never perfect, life is a wonderful calamity lived in the moment where everything happens…



Nature and Providence offer the opportunity to keep on learning, lifting me up rather than putting me down. I need no power over anything these days, life is as it may be and choices are made in the moment. Better choices with inclusion, humility, fearlessness and asking for help. Doctrine and dogma will cut me down and limit me to a point of view. I need be open honest and willing to listen to the world today and not be limited by what I want and unhelpful conventions created by others…



DonInLondon 2005-2011



Step One "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol-that our lives had become unmanageable"



"God [if this is what we understand to be God or a "Higher Power"] grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot, Courage to Change the things I can and the Wisdom to Know the Difference" God is Truth Love and Wisdom in the moment of now...



AN UNSUSPECTED INNER RESOURCE With few exceptions our members find that they have tapped an unsuspected inner resource which they presently identify with their own conception of a Power greater than themselves. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, pp. 569-70



From my first days in A.A., as I struggled for sobriety, I found hope in these words from our founders. I often pondered the phrase: “they have tapped an unsuspected inner resource.” How, I asked myself, can I find the Power within myself, since I am so powerless? In time, as the founders promised, it came to me: I have always had the choice between goodness and evil, between unselfishness and selfishness, between serenity and fear. That Power greater than myself is an original gift that I did not recognize until I achieved daily sobriety through living A.A.’s Twelve Steps.

-/-

January 14 | AA 12 Steps In Action | 2012 |

January 14 | AA 12 Steps In Action | 2012 | AA daily reflections "no regrets, we will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it" fits very well with my day to day experience. Just today meeting yesterday, full of hope, sorrow and joy all mixed together as we shared experience strength and hope.



And today, nothing is wasted seemed to be part of our theme in the spiritual experience meeting. To thine own self be true, let go of the past and by accepting what has happened, it must be about today. Many recollections of beginning and being a newcomer, living in the moment and neither dwelling on past, or wishing for the future. All about now and what we can and cannot do.



"We will be rocketed into the fourth dimension" seemed often to be about tomorrow or some future time. What it means for me, rocketed into the fourth dimension is simply living in the moment and being aware of how I feel, why and what can I do for life to be okay even when terrible events happen.



Sober life is all about now. Anger and resentment is always now if we feel it now. When I came to AA, I had a mountain of anger and resentment, and with the help of the steps and fellows in fellowship I was able to deal with the past. No regrets and all experiences necessary for me to be who I am today.



I can look back, and need not stare balefully at the past. I can recollect wonderful love, to be able to love and be loved back. Cherish always and when we find it difficult, reminding myself I can love people and not always find their behaviour helpful. Love people, understand why they may behave the way they do…



DonInLondon 2005-2011



Tonight over a hundred alcoholics in recovery jam packed into a small meeting room learning how to love, be loved and useful again, just for a day. To forgive, stop self hate and hating the answer which is... fellowship. We can learn to love, change our behaviour from hateful to loving, learn who we are just for a day without a drink inside us. Enough love to stop the old ways and start again today, open honest and willing to change. Secrets keep us stuck....



Step One "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol-that our lives had become unmanageable"

"God [it is what we understand to be God or a "Higher Power"] grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot, Courage to Change the things I can and the Wisdom to Know the Difference" God is Truth Love and Wisdom in the moment of now...

-/-

January 13 | AA 12 Steps In Action | 2012 |

January 13 | AA 12 Steps In Action | 2012 |



A brilliant chair at after eights last night. Newcomers and old timers and medium timers, and one day at a time timers! Our gift is each other, with news from the front line, reality of addiction, to agitation at decades sober, and serenity in the moment when we can live to truth of now and cope with it in the moment. Now how blinking brilliant is that?



We are not cured, we have a life worth living contingent on our spiritual condition… And its Friday 13th. Whenever I chat to my mother on the phone, she often ends the call with the remark “keep a sharp look out.” A very Yorkshire phrase, so I usually do keep a sharp look out, one day at a time…



All the steps are about living as well as we may today. Learning what we can and cannot do. The wisdom is learned all day long. And it is never about getting my way, its about the quality of everything that happens. Good quality “bad” feels as good as good quality “good,” because I get to learn from all elements of living in this one day at a time…



I expressed my feelings about pain and the broken wisdom tooth. The pain has subsided with antibiotics and I feel more able to cope with life, my spiritual condition was not impaired by the pain, it was a reminder not to procrastinate too long before seeking proper professional help on an issue the steps help me deal with on a daily basis. When I feel it, expression helps me make decisions in the moment, and not dally on false hope today!



DonInLondon 2005-2011



absolutely brilliant meetings today: “newcomers” in Portobello and Kings Rd tonight. “Spiritual lunch” followed by “the nuts and bolts” tonight. When adults in recovery have children with the malady it is difficult. We know no single human can relieve us of this malady, yet parent or not we can forget step one so quickly…



Step One "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol-that our lives had become unmanageable"

Living sober | Not for profit or personal gain |

January 12 | AA 12 Steps In Action | 2012 |

January 12 | AA 12 Steps In Action | 2012 | Daily Reflections "Accepting our present circumstances" All about step 1. Powerless and unmanageable! Yes, no and maybe come to mind, because I still want some of my own will to work on the rest of the world... Every time I try impose self will over reality which may not be to my liking, my life becomes a loop of growing anger and resentment... Better to get a grip on reality and then see what my choices are today.



I can have a cunitbollockarsehole of a day when I feel angry and sorrowful about my plight, or I can have a more serene day accepting that the starting point may wind me up somewhat, computer buggered, wisdom tooth buggered, and having to wait for solutions? No! Do what I can, know what I cannot do, and keep learning the cuntibollock wisdom to know the difference...



Dear higher power, thank you very much for sharing how it feels to have wisdom teeth, and especially how it feels for others who have had to endure pain because of them. I have the greatest respect for my ancestors who jumped off high cliffs to their deaths as a result... tooth pain is not the touchstone of my spiritual growth today...



DonInLondon 2005-2011



Today all about page 83 in the big book, "the spiritual life is not a theory, we have to live it" In family, work and community, I know how I am feeling and what to do. I can be assertive, and still see the big picture of "thy will" taking account of everyone and how we are all feeling



today... calm prevails with positive actions

-/-



ACCEPTING OUR PRESENT CIRCUMSTANCES JANUARY 12, 2012

Our very first problem is to accept our present circumstances as they are, ourselves as we are, and the people about us as they are. This is to adopt a realistic humility without which no genuine advance can even begin. Again and again, we shall need to return to that unflattering point of departure. This is an exercise in acceptance that we can profitably practice every day of our lives. Provided we strenuously avoid turning these realistic surveys of the facts of life into unrealistic alibis for apathy or defeatism, they can be the sure foundation upon which increased emotional health and therefore spiritual progress can be built. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 44

January 11 | AA 12 Steps In Action |2012 |

January 11 | AA 12 Steps In Action |2012 |



We need laugh sometimes, powerless over my wisdom tooth, infected and needs extraction by a specialist or life will become unmanageable...



Today’s Daily Reflection is about step one, the 100% step. A good reminder that step one is also contingent on me being vigilant and calm in the face of adversity. I need not fear what will happen, nor be put off by dental surgery required at the hospital because of other health conditions…



Accept that antibiotics and other prescriptions are necessary to my overall wellbeing. AA is for sober living so I may take advantage of professional help from other quarters, deemed necessary by experts in their field…



Accept that my proper computer has finally broken down and life will not end because of it! And trying to fix it on my own is a bad idea! Let go and let good things happen instead, I don’t know what they are yet, but that’s okay….



DonInLondon 2005-2011



Step ten “chair” today, brilliant. Reminded me that step six defects can overload me with fear, a brave face and brittle ego, or step seven can improve my approach to life with courage faith and confidence.



Step six being resentful or seven having gratitude. Psychic change and freedom of choice today…

-/-

January 10 | AA 12 Steps In Action | 2012 |

January 10 | AA 12 Steps In Action |



Today's daily reflection "united we stand," the steps, to be open honest and willing, and the traditions, unity service and recovery. Steps: for personal development and traditions: to keep fellowship safe for everyone, suicide and homicide prevention one day at a time…





I didn't have a clue about how to live any more when I got to AA. And as a raw recruit, dealing with the first step, powerless over alcohol and unmanageable living was more than enough to try and understand. I could just about manage the idea of open honest and willing to learn life again, the rest confusion and put aside for later sobriety…



At first I tried to make the steps work for me, to fit with what I thought was right. And very quickly I learned, I needed to work the steps to find out what was right in the world, the truth of now, dealing with the past and learning how to live one day at a time…



We often say that we have gratitude for what the fellowship of AA does for us, forgetting that fellowship is "what you see is what you get" just for today. And just for today each group and meeting is the fellowship! Our daily basis our connection is as good as it gets. Sometimes brilliant, most of the time simply making progress and nowhere near perfect…



DonInLondon 2005-2011



Kahlil Gibran "Say not, 'I have found the truth,' but rather, 'I have found a truth.'" -/- “Living In The Moment” ~ nature, providence, the universe, beyond definition… happily for me on day at a time



Unity, service and recovery keeps us safe and strong in fellowship. When asked to do service, how do we know when it is right to say yes, and right to say no?



-/-



UNITED WE STAND JANUARY 10, 2012

We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed. Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 30



I came to Alcoholics Anonymous because I was no longer able to control my drinking. It was either my wife’s complaining about my drinking, or maybe the sheriff forced me to go to A.A. meetings, or perhaps I knew, deep down inside, that I couldn’t drink like others, but I was unwilling to admit it because the alternative terrified me. Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women united against a common, fatal disease. Each one of our lives is linked to every other, much like the survivors on a life raft at sea. If we all work together, we can get safely to shore.

-/-

January 9 | AA 12 Steps In Action | 2012 |

January 9 | AA 12 Steps In Action |

Today's AA daily reflection, all about "an act of providence" and it can be quite easy to see why any intervention which changes our lives to the good and sticks tight is surely providence. My sister threw me into a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous and this did change my life completely. I didn't like it, but it did the trick in the end…



Developing courage faith and fortitude is an act of providence. The nature of the act of providence, was acceptance that I could not beat alcoholism and that I needed help to develop an outlook of sober one day at a time. And providence was learning it's not a fight, it is a completely new way of living keeping the good and learning the new…



And as a friend of mine said last night "everything we need really is in the serenity prayer, God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference" that simple and yet so complicated when we start to think about it…



A meeting last night, in the bowels of Flood Street! Crowded, hot and sweaty. A wonderful chair which reminded me I had to change my life completely and give up any idea of the old career. My new career may not be mapped into the far distant future, it's just a simple guide one day at a time, to love, be loved back and useful…



DonInLondon 2005-2011



Freedom ~ Thomas Jefferson "Our greatest happiness does not depend on the condition of life in which chance has placed us, but is always the result of a good conscience, good health, occupation, and freedom in all just pursuits." -/-

Providence ~ “often capitalized : divine guidance or care”



-/-

January 8 | AA 12 Steps In Action | 2012 |

January 8 | AA 12 Steps In Action |



Yesterday; at the hut for our lunchtime spiritual meeting. We read the spiritual experience and then a five-minute chair and raised hands. Newcomers, and old timers new to our area. Chair about acceptance of who we are today. Feels like all the meetings recently have been about courage to change as life is changing. Acceptance; of the past so important and letting go. Opening the door to let go and let the world in, asking for help when it's needed and helping others when they ask. No expectations, no resentments and a clear view to what might happen today…



Today's AA daily reflection is about "do I have a choice?" And my experience is we do have choices today. Sober and sobriety can smack of puritanism. But I didn't get sober to be a puritan; I got sober so my natural instincts would work again. The good news is my natural instincts work again; even better news is I see when other people's natural instincts are working well for them. And I also like the natural instincts of women to like men, or whatever combination floats your boat works as we live and breathe sober today…



Do I have a choice today? I wake up in the morning, as myself how am I feeling? If I feel good I am likely to be thinking good and my actions will result in good things. If I feel angry waking up, my thinking is angry and my actions are likely to be angry as well. Whatever mood I wake up with, as long as I ask myself what it is, I can influence what happens and make choices. But if I wake up with a hangover and don't think my actions may be to act out badly all day long…



I didn't get sober to be a puritan, I love being sober so I may enjoy every single aspect of nature and providence, that is my natural instincts and where life may take me today. Life is all about change, and the funny thing about acceptance is we accept what happened, and accept life is going to be changing forever. Most likely changes for the good when we know what can be done, like to do, and can do each and every day. Can do and cannot do and wisdom to know the difference today… Now how hard is that?



DonInLondon 2005-2011



Powerless over People Places Things ~ Henry David Thoreau "Nature puts no question and answers none which we mortals ask. She has long ago taken her resolution." -/-

Open honest and willing… freedom living in the moment of now



Freedom ~ Thomas Jefferson "Our greatest happiness does not depend on the condition of life in which chance has placed us, but is always the result of a good conscience, good health, occupation, and freedom in all just pursuits." -/-



Powerless over People Places Things ~ Henry David Thoreau "Nature puts no question and answers none which we mortals ask. She has long ago taken her resolution." -/- Open honest and willing.. freedom living in the moment of now

Inner Calm ~ "The greater the demands on us, the more we need to sustain our inner calm and stability." -/- God Is Truth ~ God Works Through People ~ God Is Love ~ Listen To The Inner Voice, Listen To Others, Love In The Moment...



What is the worst thing that can happen when there is a newcomer in one of our meetings?

January 7 | AA 12 Steps In Action |

January 7 | AA 12 Steps In Action | 2012 |



Today's daily reflection from AA "we stood at the turning point" I don't know how many times I stood at the turning point, it was an all or nothing thing for me. Always “all in:” career, relationships around people in the right places and having the right things. I was lucky, or nothing, sober or dead. Dead, the horror would have been over. Alive, turns out to be the best road travelled one day at a time…



After two fellowship meetings yesterday, I felt uplifted and really included and part of something bigger than me. Newcomers and people returning: facing that monstrous decision, to slip away or survive and find well-being again. I will never forget just how difficult it is to make that decision to stick around and try to make good one day at a time…



We are very honest about where we come from in our fellowship: “rock bottom” is the most desolate place to be. And by ending it all the pain, the abject misery can be over. Yet somehow you just give it one more go, and then we can ask for help. And asking for help is really the turning point in my experience…



DonInLondon Posts In Other Places



Maya Angelou "Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at it destination full of hope." Our experience, strength and hope helps even when we have no idea how...



Friday night meeting, at the Bolton's: New secretary, fantastic chair and wonderful sharing by everyone. Sometimes the wreckage of the past looms large again and we can be thrown off course. With the help of Fellowship, we can deal with day-to-day as long as we can keep it in the day. Most important for me was the reminder of the "chief critic" inside me, who judges the world as the world judges me. I am not chief critic, I am one of the player’s hopefully same size and right sized with everyone, even when the bastards play "chief critic" and judge me. If I can forgive me for being "chief critic" then I can forgive them for being cuntibollokbastard's just for today…



Just for today meeting this morning, I shared how brilliant my Christmas and New Year was. No expectations meant no resentments under construction. Gratitude list at night: alive and sober. Learning that normal is whatever I am today. If I feel right I think right, and act right. If I feel wrong, I think wrong and can behave wrongly. All in all it pissed off all the people who had a crap Christmas. Not really, there's was normal as well, simply crap normal… Love yourself enough so you can love other people…

-/-

January 6 | AA 12 Steps In Action |

January 6 | AA 12 Steps In Action |



Today's daily reflection "the victory of surrender" taking the first steps towards living one day at a time. No longer at war with ourselves, no battles and no need to fight. Surrender is simply giving up on something we do not need any more, no more conflicts inside us when it comes to alcohol. The other victory is clarity and freedom to choose what we can do and what we cannot do just for today…



Finding recovery one day at a time, has truly opened the door to new freedoms. What was the daily grind, of work, career, drinking and any other elements of life still going, becomes simply daily life, where our needs are met and our wants diminish. Our needs are met and wants forgotten. Through hard work and living realistically, our natural instincts become more balanced. We treat ourselves and other people fairly in a very unfair world…



The saying "it is not whether you win or lose, it is how you play the game" and "it truly is the journey and not the destination." If we enjoy the journey, and make free choices based on reality, we stop looking at the destination as the reward. The real reward is how we live today, as an individual and part of family, community and society. Sometimes we have never learned these ways of living,distracted and misled by false aspirations and possibilities. After all why would we have taken to drink in the first place if life were that wonderful…



Step one, powerless over alcohol and life unmanageable when drinking. Step two restored to sanity contingent on asking daily. Step three, letting go and letting good things happen and asking for help. Surrendering and giving up and letting go, can only work for a day because tomorrow everything can change and what has worked today may not work tomorrow. Steps are timeless principles, life forever changing and we change as each day unfolds…



Pablo Picasso "Everything you can imagine is real" Including Rock Bottom!



DonInLondon Posts in other places



12 steps, for emotional and spiritual connection to living in the day. Emotional, feeling my feelings as they happen rather than thinking about my feelings and if they are right feelings. Spiritual, living in the moment of now and coping with reality. If I feel my feelings in the moment then I am living right sized. When I feel happy I can be happy, when I feel sad I can be sad. When I feel fear, I need feel it and find out about it in the moment of now…



Open honest and willing, to love and be loved back and useful today. If I know my mood, I know how it influences my thinking. When I cherish people, I acknowledge they are equal and have a point of view. When I stop and ask myself "how does it feel to be in your shoes today?" Then I am likely to ask you, "how are you feeling today?" Likely it never crossed your mind to check what sort of mood you are in. If you're feeling okay and your thinking is okay all well and good. If you're feeling not okay, then your thinking may be undermined by your mood. We can be assertive and have empathy today…



-/-

January 5 | AA 12 Steps In Action |

January 5 | AA 12 Steps In Action | 2012 | Our daily reflections in AA, is all about acceptance and the jumping off point, where we have nowhere to go and no way to go back. How many times did I get to the jumping off point? I planned it, nearly did it, and if it hadn't been for the impact it would have on others I would have jumped…



I needed professional help, and some direction. At first it seemed I could blame everything else, overwork, anxiety, impossible deadlines I had imposed myself. I admitted over indulging in alcohol but never accepted it had a part to play in my breakdown. A mountain of unresolved feelings kept at bay by drink. Total acceptance of my alcoholism was years away…



"It could not be happening to me" I would be stronger and tougher and I would overcome this problem. The idea of powerlessness never occurred to me until family asked for help on my behalf. And even then I rejected and raged at interference in my life, it was up to me to sort my own life out. It took another five years of trying to do the impossible, battle and beat addiction on my own...



When it was suggested I try to do 90 meetings in 90 days, and stop trying to go it alone, I accepted it was worth a go. And I went a lot more than 90 meetings in those 90 days, fearful of a drink and fearful of my own company. In the company of sober people for that length of time I saw it was possible to change…



DonInLondon 2005-2011



Sober Life in action ~ "Tennessee Williams "Success is blocked by concentrating on it and planning for it... Success is shy - it won't come out while you're watching." And gratitude is a reflection on what has happened and being alive so it may happen again...

-/-

January 4 | AA 12 Steps In Action |

January 4 | AA 12 Steps In Action |



AA daily reflections: is all about "Begin where you are…" Seems like a very obvious statement, but when I started recovery I have a mountain of unfinished business with the world, and my feeling was once I sorted out what the rest of the world was doing, I could then work on me. And obviously I got it the wrong way round, once I sorted out what I could do and could not do on a daily basis, the rest of the world could be left to get on with their business. It took a long time to realise I built the mountain of unfinished business, and the rest of the world knew nothing about it…



In my career I worked with a lot of very damaged people, and many of them had drinking problems, and drug taking problems. In their opinion, there was not enough drink and there were not enough drugs to solve their problems. I would often help them find ways to resolve their problems and they stopped drinking and taking drugs. And I never looked at me, going home to take the edge off and push their problems out of my head with alcohol. We don't know we are an alcoholic until we get there because it's always them and never me…



Step one, powerless and unmanageable living: Even when we realise there is something wrong, denial and always tomorrow to resolve the issue kept me drinking because it was important to see through to the end of the day. Step two, insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. And that is the madness; I will sort it out tomorrow and tomorrow never comes. By the time we admit and accept our problem, we are at rock bottom. No wonder sobriety is one of the most difficult journeys into recovery from addiction.



And even in the early days of recovery, I hoped after a few months there would be an inner sanctum, where I would graduate and become immune to addiction. The graduation would be celebrated with a drink, a cigarette, a good time and girls adoring me. The pipedream probably kept me going for a while and then reality bit hard. I got my through the pipedream and found reality, with freedom to choose and learn life. No need to dream or fix my life away… The girls would have been very welcome though…



DonInLondon 2005-2011



"In order to succeed you must fail, so that you know what not to do the next time" Anthony J. D'Angelo

-/-

January 3 | AA 12 Steps In Action |

January 3 | AA 12 Steps In Action |



Step six and step seven, step six all about extremes of fear, putting on a brave face and ego covering up shame and guilt. Step seven, about developing courage, faith and confidence daily. Contingent on asking for help, to see the truth of now and how life really is, the extremes of step six defects as they are known, become less and less. And my shortcomings, courage faith and confidence can grow to meet the day and its challenges. Willing to ask, willing to make spot checks, willing to reflect and willing to share the truth of who I am today…



Experience strength and hope: Back in the day I used to try and prove myself in whatever endeavour seemed right at the time. Old fears and insecurities from childhood, fear of being found out, guilt or shame about what I did not know was always there. I proved I could work hard, be successful, have romantic interludes and keep making life bigger and bigger. But the old fears were always there and alcohol and activity kept them at bay. Nowadays hardly any fear, just enough to keep a watchful eye. Today I can look out and be part of what is good for me, rather than what I thought I ought to be doing to prove myself. Living in the now, is where true happiness can be experienced. Sober and free to make good choices today…



My final Christmas "drinking alcohol" was a living hell. Walking to my mother's house, for lunch, not very far, felt like 1000 miles. Sober nearly, jittery and fragile. I could only stay an hour or so, hardly able to eat a thing. The look of fear on my mother's face, and walking home to recommence the endless drinking, is a long time ago. Today and over Christmas, seeing friends and being sober could not be more different. Seeing family via Skype, and kept in touch every day and was very happy. That first step in the AA program, powerless over alcohol has not changed; I simply need not drink one day at a time...



Back in the day, educated and driven to prove my place in society. To overcome all difficulties through personal power and drive. Left no room for other people to really influence what went on inside me. And the reason, being a man, standing on my own two feet was what I thought it was all about. Today I realise it's not about me and what I think, a very narrow outlook; it's about what is good for everyone and having freedom to make good choices based on reality. There are few vacancies at the very top of society and they tend to be very lonely situations. I love life, have no clue how it may turn out, and a good day is knowing myself a little bit better before I go to sleep…



DonInLondon 2005-2011



"Don't aim for success if you want it; just do what you love and believe in, and it will come naturally" David Frost

-/-

January 2 | AA 12 Steps In Action |

January 2 | AA 12 Steps In Action |



Daily reflections 2012: Just or today focuses on first, the foundation "is sobriety all that we can expect of a spiritual awakening? No, sobriety is only a bare beginning." I guess for me the first thing is to find out what is a spiritual awakening. And each of us comes to understand what spiritual is for ourselves. One man's spiritual awakening is the very end of spiritual for another. Indeed we will never agree on what spiritual is. But my spiritual is this, the ability to cope with reality. Simply to cope with what is going on now, good or bad, sad or joyful, loving or hateful. If it's happening now, it is spiritual.



Spiritual awakening, becomes spiritual oblivion the moment I cannot cope and resort to finding some way to fix my feelings. And if I am trying to control my feelings, I am suppressing something which I either don't like don't want or don't care to agree or admit to. Waking up with a clear head, knowing I can cope is truly a spiritual awakening and I can have one every morning contingent on not drinking and not trying to fix anything.



What on earth did I think spiritual life was? Somebody telling me how to live and improve my spiritual outlook, my spiritual depth, have a deeper consciousness of reality? In the end it is very simple, as long as we are not trying to be more spiritual than the next person, know better than the next person, think we are superior to the next person we are probably seeing the truth of now. Our Fellowship, an emotional and spiritual society learning how to live in the moment and experience life and reality as it is, not as we might wish it, or expect reality to be. The good news, we find truth, the bad news we find truth. Truth is neither good nor bad it is how we see it, not as might wish it or expect it. Simply the truth of how it is.



So a gentle reminder this morning to myself, step one powerless over alcohol and people and places and things will ensure that if I don't try to be powerful I will retain my sanity. Step two, my sanity is contingent on the day and asking for help when I don't know and not trying to provide answers when I don't even know what the question is. And step three, let go knowing the answers, often letting go not knowing what the questions are. And getting on with what needs to be done, if I know what needs to be done and I can't do on my own ask for help...



God grant me the serenity, to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference. And always remind myself that whatever is going on it is only going to be the today. Expectations are resentments under construction. I haven't done anything to deserve anything, no matter how I might feel I'm the same as everyone and if we are truthful we ought to be in the same boat, a lifeboat...