Alcoholics Anonymous Videos | DonInLondon

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog & Video | Feb 9 2004 - 2014 | DonInLondon | Step 2 "Sanity"

February 9 Video

DonInLondon February 9, 2014: step two month: "came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity." Today like every day, I do pay attention to what is going on in my life and the people I love. I do have unconditional love for anyone anywhere with a desire to be sober today, just like anyone else in Fellowship. And the same applies as importantly because I don't see a difference, to all my family and anyone suffering loss today. Being restored to sanity means I feel life in the moment of now. I cannot feel the pain other humans go through, I do know the pain I have experienced in sobriety, and relate always to the experiences, strength, and often weakness caused by life, the hope is when we work together, we make progress and experience serenity when serenity is possible in the moment of now.

In meetings of any Fellowship, we hear many experiences of life, and often we hear the tragedy suffered, the truth of tragedy is unbelievably hard and we need denial to help us on our journey back to the truth and how to cope with loss. Very often we hear about the loss of loved ones, loss of relationships with people, and the turmoil caused by relapse and a return to oblivion. By hearing and experiencing the emotional and spiritual journey of other people, which includes every tragic event, we need to remember that the emotional and spiritual path is not to get over tragedy and close it off, it is about living and dealing with tragedy, and how to cope in the most difficult situations any human being can face. Grief is a continuing process and it is not about closure, some people think, closure might be best described as accepting the truth of now and living the feelings which follow as a result.

It would be insane to believe that we can close off the emotions which we share daily, the experience, strength and hope of reality, the truth of now. And we only get to the truth of now and surrender to it when we can cope with it, the truth as it is, rather than denial of all the facts and situations we face. We have constant reminders of our truth daily from newcomers, "the most important people in the room" as we say in Fellowship. They, the newcomers are the lifeblood, ensuring we do not forget the insanity we have all been through on the road to recovery. Life is not a science and it is not about closure, life if anything is a combination of emotions and thinking, art and science developing together in the moment of now. If we feel excitement by discovery of something new, a delight from the past, learning through experience, I hope we don't close off that which sustains humanity. Unconditional love is behind everything?

I feel quite excited this morning, one part of local government is failing to undertake urgent and necessary repairs to me and my neighbours. Another part of local government is threatening me and putting me under an obligation to get other works done. It seems both parts of local government are completely unaware what the other is doing. On the one hand, one part is dragging its feet and not fulfilling its obligation, which would have meant the other part of local government would not be reminding me about my obligations. And all the evidence which has been mustered to put me under pressure, applies equally to another part of local government who are aware of what is going on and have done nothing over the last year to put things right. This kind of situation is exciting and helpful to me. I don't know why people just don't do the job, get the job done and be happy to do that. I am very surprised and delighted that one part of local government, has given me the opportunity to point out the obligations another part of local government has failed to honour as part of their raison d'être, their reason for being. And it is costly in time and effort it all those situations, especially to me suffering at the hands of people not doing their job properly.

When confronted by authority, which appears to operate with immunity, they fail to understand their obligations. However I try cut and dice the process of incompetence over the last year, being tolerant and understanding and trying to get the best result, simply the repairs which need to be done. Generally I feel I've done my bit, will continue to try to encourage people to do what they are obliged to do by law and let go. I am no longer angry and resentful about the situation, I'm just looking for a resolution. The resolution does not need to be amicable, indeed if we took the emotions out of it, the job would have been done over a year ago. But people are people, and they are driven very often by pride, ego and fear. Or if it is a good organisation, they make the leap into courage to change, have faith in doing the right thing, and build their confidence by getting the job done. I will continue in this instance to use logic, practical thinking and let go any feelings that it is personal, even if it is personal, the feelings of negativity are over and time to put some heft into the process of getting the job done.

When authorities produce standard letters which put the service user under pressure, when authorities produce standard letters which say, for example: "you have failed to keep an appointment," when indeed the appointment and has been kept and can be verified, we are dealing with a process which has been designed to put the service user at a disadvantage from the get go. Time to put some heft behind the process of getting the job done better in future. And I am no longer engaged emotionally with anger and resentment, I am engaged and excited to put some heft into what has happened and see what the outcome can be. Whatever the outcome, in these situations it is not personal any more, it is a matter of stating the case and challenging unacceptable behaviour by those who ought to know better.

Having gained some sort of personal perspective, and a greater perspective of the overlying conditions of how others attempt to operate, it is simply a process of what happens next. And the value of the outcome? The outcome does not matter to me because I am not at fault, fault lies elsewhere and all I need do is highlight the facts as they are in the letters and emails sent to me. And let other people deal with the consequences, because I have no interest in what happens any more to those affected. Indifference is not something I favour, it is something I hoped had been lost to my emotional vocabulary and actions. I do have concerns emotionally and at the same time the duty of care which applies to me, ought to be reflected in those who have an investment in the outcome. In this matter, there is no room for denial and yet hope remains eternal, that eventually truth and reconciliation might be the outcome, some day.

DonInLondon 2004 - 2013

Alcoholics Anonymous | February 9 2013 | AA 12 Steps In Action | Step 2 "Sanity" | "emotional and spiritual: good, bad and ugly… Emotional and spiritual insanity: the old days. Emotional and spiritual sanity contingent on reality, just for today…" Fellowship: common ground around the primary purpose of sobriety, individual liberty. Freedom: to choose our path with all our personal opinions, beliefs and alliances. I can be restored to sanity today. If I can find: truth of now, how to love and how to be loved back and keep on learning the wisdom as truth and love change, develop, grow and even wither in the moment of now. Everything is spiritual even when we are blind to it: we can be blind to the truth, love and wisdom around us today…

Back in the insanity of self-harm: of doing the same thing every day, drinking myself to oblivion. I could hear people talking and ignore their words. I did not want to listen to their outlook and opinion about me, already my outlook and opinion about me had been seriously undermined by me. To be in denial of a fatal malady, not wishing to believe something is true, we have to be aware of the malady itself. Back in the day, drink was never the problem; it was the solution, because the world was mad. An insane world and I felt I was the only sane person in it. If I had known I was clinically depressed, self-medicating with alcohol, work and relationships, would I have been able to see it? Of course not! I didn't have the self-awareness to be in denial about my self-harm for a great deal of my life. And then when I became aware of myself harm, I truly denied it, because the world was at fault and it was horrible. Everything back then was a bad and ugly spiritual experience. And the experience now is good spiritual experience. Contingent on the day I ask for help from the universe or my next-door neighbour, whoever and wherever it may be, I right size myself and my senses become sensible and I can cope with reality today…

Developing emotional and spiritual living: understanding and experiencing my feelings in the moment of now and being able to cope with them… If I cannot cope with what is going on emotionally, I will feel overwhelmed in some way or simply not able to understand what's going on. Living in the moment, where everything happens, where we have access to truth, love and wisdom in all its shapes and forms, there is less to fear and more courage to be had as our confidence grows in not needing to know the answers to everything. The spiritual angle! Contingent on our spiritual condition: experiencing the truth, love and wisdom of today…

Spiritual is less theory and more to do with practice. Practising living in the moment is quite difficult when we have forgotten how to relate to what is going on around us. Knowing our feelings and why we have them and why we experience them differently is to do with all our history and our attitudes and our thinking. Many people can think spiritual concepts and make elaborate beliefs and opinions, it does not mean they know their emotional and spiritual life is happening whilst they are still thinking about it. When I feel the truth or lies, love or hate towards myself and other people in the moment of now, I am not thinking spiritual, I am living spiritual moment to moment… As we go along, we do take time out to reflect and meditate about our spiritual being. Are we experiencing emotional and spiritual sanity today? Or are we experiencing emotional and spiritual insanity today? We will not know until we are in the moment of now, and then we can experience how emotional and spiritual works all day long. Not so easy when we have compromised and shut down our senses for so long. And then into sobriety: where everything is prickly, too bright and sometimes just plain ugly when we look in the mirror…

Common ground in fellowship: many people believe in God, many people are atheist and many people are agnostic. The common ground is sobriety, and then everyone has their own personal beliefs, opinions and outlooks, affiliations, controversial notions and whatever it may be, they are all the things which contribute to each of us being a human being. And people will express all their notions and ideas and opinions when they are sharing experience, strength and hope. And why not! The whole point of common ground is the experience shared about sober living, and even when people hold opposite opinions and beliefs, and they may seem mad to us, they are the fabric of their own sanity and not to be messed with by me. When people share about what makes them tick and how they keep sober, there is an energy beyond one human sharing, there is the hope of the many, and many others, simply benefit by being there and listening, one day at a time…

In step one, which is the everyday step, we admit and accept hopefully each day that we are alcoholics, and we prefer and desire sobriety over the alternative, which is falling back into the malady and insanity of drink. And for all these years, sobriety being one day long has kept me right sized about how to live in the world of real people, real events, and be a participant. What has happened? I keep on learning about love, I keep on learning about being included, and I keep on learning about control and powerlessness. And I keep on learning about my needs and wants. What I need to live a happy life, and the wants which can make life very unhappy. If my needs are met, the wants are forgotten most of the time and just for a day...

Common ground in fellowship: sharing and shared the experience, strength and hope of sobriety. Some people utilise knowledge as power and keep their knowledge secret. I can recall in many business scenarios that knowledge was kept secret and the power over that knowledge resided in a few people. I detested some of these knowledge power bases because they disempowered the rest of the people. And outside fellowship we encounter many people who are secretive and feel knowledgeable and superior to those people around them, almost as if they have a superior angle on life. In a small way they do have power. The power of common ground and knowledge is to the common good in fellowship, and we learn how to be human, prefer the truth, love and wisdom in the moment of now. And we carry these principles into our daily living in our own personal way, as we experience the emotional spiritual life we may never have encountered. Until now…

I know that secrets will keep me sick, sick and tired and suspicious of those who keep them and me if I keep them. There is too much energy in hiding the truth, love and wisdom. Applying myself and experiencing life as it is, rather than a half-life, or no life at all is my preference. And that is my preference, to be open, honest and willing today. And this is only applicable to me today, I do not expect it, or feel entitled for others to adopt my preferences of open, honest and willing. In fellowship we are included, if we choose to be, to whatever level feels comfortable. In fellowship we learn how to love and express love, to whatever level feels comfortable and the amount of control we need is to whatever level feels uncomfortable. Letting go and not controlling, letting go and including, letting go and learning how to love is all part of the journey for me one day at a time…

Alcoholics Anonymous | February 9 2012 | AA 12 Steps In Action | Step 2 "Sanity" |Today's AA daily reflection: "looking for the spiritual angle" is always difficult because if we are looking for the spiritual angle we are missing it in the moment of now. In my living, living in the moment means my mind, body and breath are complementary to what is happening, where my feelings fit with what is going on. And if I know my feelings, I recognise how I am thinking and what actions are influenced by the "spiritual angle of now"…

Looking for the spiritual angle is almost like or probably is like looking for the Holy Grail. The more we search for it, the more we miss the point what is going on right now. I guess after all these years of trying to control everything, the Holy Grail and the spiritual angle is always with me in the moment. The range and depth and richness in this moment is as good as it gets based on anything and everything that has happened and is happening around me and inside me. And I realise today, past and present is and always has been spiritual, I just didn't know it back then and now today I do…

Spiritual can be good, bad or indifferent. Happy joyous and free is a state of being in the moment and similarly, unhappy without joy and constrained is also spiritual. Every experience of life is enriching and as I have heard "nothing goes to waste in God's economy" and although the God of my understanding is not likely to be exactly the same as anybody else's, the understanding that nothing is wasted if we understand how we learn from nature and providence…

Everything seems to be connected in some way or other, how we live and interact with everything we encounter. The ability to keep on learning, is the very essence of humility for me and not knowing is an opportunity to find out more. Letting go the fear of the unknown, and letting everything possible into my living today means I find more truth in the moment and this seems to be at the heart of spiritual just for today…

"Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity"

DonInLondon 2005-2011

Spiritual Angle? Living spiritual is living reality, open honest and willing. Ever present, in the imperfectly perfect moment, happy or sad, exhilarating to excoriating ~ Stephen Covey "We are not human beings on a spiritual journey. We are spiritual beings on a human journey." -/-

Spiritual is not something we can pick or choose, like serenity we develop our ability to live in the moment, where spiritual is constant change in real time... ~ Mohandas Gandhi "Spiritual relationship is far more precious than physical. Physical relationship divorced from spiritual is body without soul." Truth is now...

Spiritual understanding for me is explicit in the serenity prayer, can do, cannot do, wisdom in the moment, and then choices... ~ Similarly Oprah Winfrey "It isn't until you come to a spiritual understanding of who you are - not necessarily a religious feeling, but deep down, the spirit within - that you can begin to take control." Working what works for us...

AA Daily: GETTING THE "SPIRITUAL ANGLE" ~ FEBRUARY 9, How often do we sit in AA meetings and hear the speaker declare, “But I haven’t yet got the spiritual angle.” Prior to this statement, he had described a miracle of transformation which had occurred in him -not only his release from alcohol, but a complete change in his whole attitude toward life and the living of it. It is apparent to nearly everyone else present that he has received a great gift;” . . . except that he doesn’t seem to know it yet!” We well know that this questioning individual will tell us six months or a year hence that he has found faith in God. LANGUAGE OF THE HEART, p. 275

A spiritual experience can be the realization that a life which once seemed empty and devoid of meaning is now joyous and full. In my life today, daily prayer and meditation, coupled with living the Twelve Steps, has brought about an inner peace and feeling of belonging which was missing when I was drinking.

Step Two Video 12 And 12