Alcoholics Anonymous Videos | DonInLondon

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog & Video | Feb 27 2004 - 2014 | DonInLondon | Step 2 "Sanity"

February 27

DonInLondon February 27, 2014: step two month: "came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity." A great meeting this morning! I can say I was there, but I can't say who else was there. I can share how it impacted on me, and I cannot share about other people, which is great, because other people's business is their stuff and not mine, at the same time the breadth of perspective gained is phenomenal.

I am really enjoying these early-morning meetings, because later in the day I often conk out, which is caused by other medical issues related to1 diabetes. The reading this morning was step five: "admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs." This follows the self-appraisal, the fearless moral inventory. And being reminded of step five for the second time this week, really hits home how valuable the twelve steps are and how they work under all conditions! So it is appropriate always to know and understand and experience life in the context of our emotional and spiritual life.

The world often makes us live in certain ways. We will have ambitions and aspirations, and we often spend a lot of time thinking about what it would be like if we were like: "good at something," "winner of something," "top of something," "best at something," "something which shows up in the world as success." All these things are often based on Materialism and not about the twelve steps, we learn and experience in Fellowship. Understanding and living and experiencing the emotional and spiritual life is being at one with our feelings in the present moment and coping with whatever happens. When we share our step four with another human being, we are trying to unravel the real truth about ourselves on an emotional and spiritual level. Simply revealing the truth.

When I did my first step four, I tried to work out what might seem important to the person I might share it with, rather than write down the facts of what happened over the years, the good the bad and the ugly. So when I started to share my step four, historically, the feelings and what it meant, I discovered to my horror that I only had really experienced half the emotions a person can have, and had used alcohol and drugs to suppress those feelings I really didn't know how to cope with. So quite a revelation at trying step four and five, to realise that I might as well do it again and see what feelings, I really didn't experience until I got sober.

Sober: emotional and spiritual, where all feelings are working in the moment of now was a bit of a terror experience for me. All the negative feelings around anger and resentment had been suppressed for decades. And the negative feelings about me, started with self-hate, and the horrible thing about self-hate is that it opens the door to behaving hatefully towards others. And we can all get angry and resentful when our expectations are not consistent with reality and the current conditions today.

How do we get out of self-hate? Indeed step four was the answer, it levelled me to being a human being. And nowhere near perfect, I had lost my senses, lost myself and lost any connection emotionally to anything. And that desolate place of no love, no friendship and only oblivion and darkness seemed preferable to the journey into recovery. If I had not had that one moment, where I said to myself that I could not get sober on my own, there were not many days left in my life. I did ask the help, and I did get help, but it was nothing like the help, I perceived, and the help was many people and not just one person. Without Fellowship I would have perished.

These are the things that meetings remind me of: to thine own self be true, then check out with another person if I am being truthful and the truth is real in the moment of now. Learn about my feelings every day, I don't know what I'm going to feel like later, because it hasn't happened yet. Forget entitlements, expectations beyond reality. And anything coming our way is good news, bad news or ugly news. The steps help me cope with all aspects of living today, not yesterday, and not tomorrow.

And this morning, there were painful reminders of me, how I used to be, from very successful, and then to very ordinary and happy. I have said before that ordinary living is extraordinary. Ordinary living is feeling life in the moment, knowing and experiencing feelings in the moment and first-hand. Not from a book, not from a fantasy, simply exploring the ordinary, extraordinary life we have in the moment of now.

DonInLondon 2004 - 2013

Alcoholics Anonymous | February 27 2013 | AA 12 Steps In Action | Step 2 "Sanity" "what is fellowship to me?" I never wanted to join anything in my life, I liked to be on the outside and I liked to be included, just enough to understand why I didn't want to join in. Our fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous, not an organisation, not an institution. And certainly for many a year, it was the last place I would ever go. And when I learned that I could not quit drink on my own, I was surprised to find that the fellowship of AA is always what you see today, what you see is what you get, today it is always a mixture of good, bad and ugly experiences shared as the truth comes out. I was lucky, I realised I had finally found a place of sanctuary where I could find out the truth of me, and I only find out the truth of me on a daily basis…

I found I could join a fellowship which had no rules or regulations and no laws to violate and was based on one principal: "love." Emotional and spiritual, love is the absolute foundation of living and I found people in the fellowship of AA, who were all about love. How people express love, how people help each other and how it works with raw people is profound. In the last chance saloon, love seems to be the only currency which works one day at a time. On arrival, the initiation process into the fellowship was a complete let-down based on my old ideas: I turned up and nobody bothered me, that was because I didn't speak. I went to another meeting, and had to say my name or so I thought and I said, "my name is Don and I am an alcoholic," and everyone in the meeting, said, "hello Don." I also said I had been to one or two meetings, and still had no clue what it was all about. And people shook my hand and said don't worry, it will be all right, just try to keep coming back…

There was no fanfare, no one gave me the rule book, and they gave me a pamphlet of where to find meetings. They gave me tea and biscuits. And I was so desperate, sitting there, and looking at two scrolls on the wall, one entitled the twelve steps and the other entitled the twelve traditions, above the head of the person speaking at the beginning of those meetings. I didn't have to pay any money, and people were freely expressing their opinions, sharing about their beliefs, sharing about politics and sharing about the truth that was troubling them today. And everyone seemed to have their own opinion about everything, especially the truth of now. It was all very confusing, the truth the people spoke, well some of it seemed to be lies. I thought what an odd place where people share their experience, strength and hope and nobody seems to care what people say. At last! A place where I could just spill the beans of me, listen to funny stories, listen to the tragedy and the horror others were feeling and my horror was no worse than theirs…

Being in fellowship, a society of people who were just rubbing along and getting on with life. And the only thing in common, which they kept on saying was that all I needed was a desire to stop drinking and keep on coming back. So nobody was trying to convert me into anything, and although there were a lot of religious people about, and they talked about God freely, nobody was asking me to believe in anything, least of all God, and they kept on sharing about a higher power, which some said, was God, but many didn't believe in God and they said the higher power came in the form of the experience, strength and hope shared by everyone. And by listening to everyone we could piece together the jigsaw of how sober works for different people, and we will bonded by this similarity of addiction to alcohol and all that entails…

There were lots of fancy words, and psychology words which I had known from my previous life in business and commerce and personal development. All these fancy words being bandied about, and I thought how misguided and how difficult it could be to judge the people who seemed as confused as me. And then somebody said, "Judge not lest you be judged," and I was not too keen on the biblical reference, and at the same time it seem right to me. Listen to the similarities, said the secretary and you will hear all the differences as well, and then he joked, "a lot of people seemed to off load all their beliefs and opinions in the meetings," which in their opinion was quite right, because inside all of that stuff, the person speaking and sharing was sober just for today, and then he said, "well, as sober as you can be today. In our emotional and spiritual fellowship."

Very often, and very confusing to the newcomer, is the basis of the fellowship. A fellowship founded in love, all about emotional and spiritual well-being for people who need and have a desire to be sober one day at a time. And those who are confused by this are those looking for an organisation which might fix them and get them back on track. So they can be the person they used to be. And the answer is with addiction, there is no going back to a place of freedom and drinking. When drinking requires control and we have to control the amount we drink, we will never have that freedom to drink like it used to be before we crossed that line. And then, amazingly, I realised that the fellowship of AA, once I started going to meetings and stopped drinking, I was part of AA, by just being there and I didn't have to do anything else, or prove anything to anyone else. The fellowship of AA is as good as it gets today, there is no secrecy behind the scenes, no leaders, you can complain at. And certainly there are no rules, laws or regulations about what you can or cannot do. You have the right and the freedom to be yourself, inside meetings in the sanctuary of anonymity, just for today. And if you are lucky and find through experience, the wisdom to be yourself anywhere, the freedom to be yourself as best you can, under any circumstances, surely that is the best freedom for anyone on the planet today? And with that freedom comes life, good bad and ugly, and always we find a little bit more truth, developing and growing in the moment of now...

I had no clue about freedom, how to love and be loved back at the end of my drinking. And the journey in recovery is remarkable, we make huge mistakes on the way to rock bottom, and we make huge mistakes on the way out of rock bottom too. That's life. The biggest freedom, free of addiction, one day at a time to open the doors to any kind of life that may be open to us today. We have to work hard, that's life. And we do work hard. Emotional and spiritual: the fellowship offers a way to find out what feelings are in the moment of now, based on my feelings, I can then think clearly and see how my feelings impact on my thinking. I always thought that, intellect and thinking put me in control, it might seem that it did, but it did not in my case. Knowing my mood and feelings, that they come first, and shape my thinking and shape my actions was a bit of a revelation to me. Before recovery, I'd suppressed all my feelings and sought oblivion: into recovery, I now realise emotional and spiritual lead to clear thinking and actions as best they can be today…

So what is fellowship? A place to learn about love: how to love, how it is to be loved back and how it is to find our useful endeavours. One day at a time. There are twelve steps to help me to be open, honest and willing, to find my higher power enshrined in "truth, love and wisdom being learned in the moment of now." And there are twelve traditions, which hold us altogether. In unity, service and recovery. Humility to keep on learning, humility to keep on changing and the humility to be able to speak the truth as we find day by day. The group conscience works to define and understand the scope and how meetings work in practice. And the more people engage in the traditions and the group conscience, the more we define how we work together in fellowship. Fellowship is not about agreeing, and it is not about accepting other people's beliefs and opinions, it is about working together, despite and because of our differences. The fellowship of AA is always moving forward as each day unfolds. And as new people find their way into sobriety. We are all fractious people and we are argumentative and we might shout at each other from time to time, we all have diverse opinions and beliefs, and we all have affiliations which might be disagreeable to others, we are rich or poor or somewhere in the middle, we belong to different sects, read different newspapers, see the world differently and share about it incessantly all day long. And yet we are together, we learn how to love each other, even when we hate each other's behaviour, and we rally around a desire to be sober one day at a time…

How am I feeling today? I am still out of sorts, for some reason my blood sugars went all over the place and had been four times higher than what they ought to be. It makes me feel unwell and physically it’s not so good. Emotionally and spiritually? Having written about what is fellowship to me, I feel better and more stable and right with a desire to keep on being sober one day at a time. Having to stop and be still is all I could do in the last twenty-four hours, type I diabetes, measuring blood sugars and injecting insulin of different types to find the balance… I smile here, I'm sure it's nothing like injecting illicit drugs, and I have to do insulin injections a number of times a day, depending on how I eat. And my general health, if I fall ill with colds or flu, the calculation for insulin is extraordinarily difficult, so I have to do more checks and injections as the hours pass. And there are the complications as well, too many to mention. For me, what helps most in all these complicated procedures is the simplicity of the twelve steps as principles of living which make anything possible today. Five years into recovery, and then I developed type I diabetes. And because fellowship, love: learning the emotional and spiritual journey of now, my daily meditations, together with my daily medications keep me on track one day at a time. In early days, somebody said when they were reading out step eleven, "sought through prayer and medication," instead of "sought through prayer and meditation," I laughed because I do both out of necessity, one day at a time…

And today I have gratitude and can reflect that I'm alive, much longer than ever I thought I would be, and each day is filled with promise, sometimes things work out sometimes they don't, and I don't have to set myself up for failure on any given day. Progress not perfect, and simply living in the moment, and having plans as a weather changes and hopefully the onset of spring will improve as I start my wanderings and photography as circumstances permit. And the serenity prayer embodies the can do and cannot do and the wisdom to know the difference in the moment, minute, hour and just for a day…

Alcoholics Anonymous | February 27 2012 | AA 12 Steps In Action | Step 2 "Sanity “Today’s AA daily reflection: "no single leader, we are trusted servants working together in fellowship." The readable quote in AA daily reflections says, "A loving God as he may express himself in the group conscience." Experience, strength and hope is key in the group conscience. Decision-making is by vote on matters to do with how the group works within fellowship. Democratic and difficult, just as life is day by day in recovery…

Sometimes we might want our own way when it comes to how a group works and operates. We have the right to express our view, and to put forward our suggestions which can then be voted in or out. Good ideas which are voted in become part of the group's process and ideas which do not have support are let go. As trusted servants, we do not lay down rules, laws or regulations. We abide to groups coming into existence for people with a desire to stop drinking. Trusted servants working together and everyone with the opportunity to contribute as they may and can on a daily basis…

If there had been rules, laws and regulations to impose on people who have a desire to stop drinking, the wisdom is the fellowship would have disappeared long ago. Which built on tradition one, no one in Alcoholics Anonymous can tell another what to do and at the same time we do work in unity, service and recovery to keep sober day by day. I have deep gratitude for these traditions, traditions one and two and how they not only work within the fellowship, they work in my day-to-day living, the application changing as life changes in the moment of now…

With step two, a higher power working through people and tradition two again based on the wisdom of the many being applicable in all conditions of life makes it possible for me to keep right sized on a daily basis. I don't need to know the answers, because often I don't even know what the questions are until life happens. All the twelve steps and all the twelve traditions work as we experience life day by day…

DonInLondon 2005-2011

Into the fabric of recovery from alcoholism are woven the Twelve Steps and the Twelve Traditions, steps to be open honest and willing to learn, traditions to live unity service and recovery...

Let go fantasy, live in reality has been the key message for me today in both meetings, one at "the hut" in Chelsea this lunchtime, and "after nines" in Belgravia tonight. And to see people I love okay with life today. Sober every feeling is real, balanced or at extremes fitting the experience we are having...

What is spiritual? As each of us comes to understand spiritual today. Some say, the ability to cope with life [an Archbishop said this] and what matters for me is we do find our spiritual connection, whatever it may be to the good for everyone. I feel it need be a personal understanding similar enough so we may keep learning from each other... and we can love, be loved back and useful in the ever present imperfectly perfect moment of now, where everything happens always...

No pulpits in fellowship, simply chairs ~ Mary Douglas "The natural response of the bleeding deacons is to build a strong moral wall against the outside. This is where the world starts to be painted in black and white, saints inside, and sinners outside the wall." -/- Old timers know there are no moral walls…

A bridge to spiritual living, needs met, wants forgotten ~ Mohandas Gandhi "Man falls from the pursuit of the ideal of plan living and high thinking the moment he wants to multiply his daily wants. Man's happiness really lies in contentment." From deserving a life, into acceptance of life on life's terms...

Sponsorship requires fidelity and adhering to our primary purpose, sobriety ~ Helen Keller "Many persons have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification but through fidelity to a worthy purpose." All about inclusion freedom of choice and love...

Sponsors are humble and in service as listening posts, sounding boards, step guides to emotional and spiritual sobriety. Sponsors don't want to control you, want your money, to be bought dinner, to be known, or want their washing done. Sponsors are equal and need be awake when hearing step five, and never judge your faith...

As a sponsor can I conduct myself with humility, share experience, strength and hope of how the steps and traditions work in life, listen without judging, be a listening post, a sounding board? As a sponsor do I know what I can and cannot do. Do I foster or hinder spiritual growth today?

AA Daily Reflection: A UNIQUE STABILITY FEBRUARY 27, Where does A.A. get its direction? . . . These practical folk then read Tradition Two, and learn that the sole authority in A.A. is a loving God as He may express Himself in the group conscience. . . The elder statesman is the one who sees the wisdom of the group’s decision, who holds no resentment over his reduced status, whose judgment, fortified by considerable experience, is sound, and who is willing to sit quietly on the side-lines patiently awaiting developments. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, pp. 132, 135

Into the fabric of recovery from alcoholism are woven the Twelve Steps and the Twelve Traditions. As my recovery progressed, I realized that the new mantle was tailor made for me. The elders of the group gently offered suggestions when change seemed impossible. Everyone’s shared experiences became the substance for treasured friendships. I know that the Fellowship is ready and equipped to aid each suffering alcoholic at all crossroads in life. In a world beset by many problems, I find this assurance a unique stability. I cherish the gift of sobriety. I offer my gratitude for the strength I receive in a Fellowship that truly exists for the good of all members.

"Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity."