Alcoholics Anonymous Videos | DonInLondon

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog & Video | Feb 11 2004 - 2014 | DonInLondon | Step 2 "Sanity"

February 11 Video

DonInLondon February 11, 2014: step two month: "came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity." I was in conversation with a friend yesterday, trying to explain how the steps work for me. The twelve steps are quite simple, at the same time, because there is no regulation, no laws and no rules in our fantastic Fellowship, interpretation of the twelve steps or twelve principles can be somewhat chaotic depending upon life experience and the current conditions in which people live. Especially, there seems to be confusion about step six and about step seven. Step six is about character defects playing too much of a part in daily life. Step seven is about shortcomings, shortcomings are often about lack of courage to change, faith in doing the next right thing and confidence to make mistakes and learn from them every single day.

"Contingent on the current conditions today." I am always aware that my personal outlook is always going to be affected by the current conditions today. Current conditions can be good, bad and ugly and any combination of good, bad and ugly depending upon what is going on in my life today. Character defects can be headlined in personal traits connected to: pride, ego and fear. When confronted with bad and ugly situations which we cannot control, likely that pride, ego and fear are manifest within us. And this is a natural reaction. If we can get a bit of perspective and look at how to have an open mind, be honest and willing, our shortcomings of: courage to change, faith in the next right thing and confidence to interact, make mistakes and ask for help when needed will make a big change in outcomes hopefully.

And on any given day: step six defects can be aroused, and underneath the defects of pride, ego and fear are likely the seven deadly sins. And on any given day: step seven shortcomings can be developed: underneath courage to change, faith in doing the next right thing and confidence to learn are the seven virtues. Even though I share utilising the seven deadly sins and the seven virtues, I have no affiliation to the religious order in which they are characterised. Step six defects, pride, ego and fear and the seven deadly sins. Step seven shortcomings, courage, faith and confidence, and the seven virtues. Depending on your current conditions today: awareness of defects on one hand and virtues on the other is where we connect and interact with the world.

In my recovery, understanding that defects of character only become bad news, when we are unaware of them occurring in ourselves. Defects: our emotional situations. And if we understand how we are feeling: with pride, ego and fear, we know our thinking may be stinking! Extreme feelings of pride, ego and fear often lead into bad outcomes all round, and defects of character are not to be dismissed or suppressed, we need to work through these feelings of pride, ego and fear so we can get to a place where we think in a more balanced way and try gain perspective of our real situation. And shortcomings! Very very different to defects of character. And this is something which is often overlooked because when we are halfway through the steps, we are probably eager to get on to the other steps and towards step twelve. Step six and step seven: "this is where we separate the men from the boys." This is a quote from AA literature, and really lacks explanation in the world, where thinking overrules emotions.

Just because something is written in the book, and its requiring some thought to understand it, we often forget that the steps are all about emotional and spiritual well-being under the current conditions today. Emotional: knowing what your feelings are and what you are really experiencing emotionally. Spiritual: experiencing your feelings in the moment of now, and coping with reality, the truth right now. Our feelings are at the root of everything we do, whether we evoke the seven deadly sins and defects of character, or evoke the seven virtues, and work on our shortcomings in the moment of now. And this is about how you and I are able to find a way forward in the truth of now, rather than go backwards into old behaviour in order to solve the problems we face today.

So when I was trying to explain in conversation the huge importance of step six and step seven in daily life, if a person is trying to think the way through living without paying attention to the emotions and mood, they are already in conflict with themselves before they even start to interact with other people. If you don't know what drives your thinking, if you don't know your emotions, how on earth can you solve this puzzle between step six and step seven? Probably the answer is you cannot puzzle out why your thinking does not lead to actions which are agreeable, not only to you, but the other people around you. If you approach life with emotional defects of character, you get thinking defects and defective actions which don't work for anyone. If you approach life with openness to work on shortcomings, and develop courage, faith and confidence, without those feelings of courage faith and confidence to be open honest and willing, your shortcomings will remain and your defects will continually trip you up.

All about practice in the moment of now, and if you stick with old ways trying to crack your problems, you get the same old same old. And the problem is we know the same old ways only lead back to one thing, insanity and no change. If you practice with courage faith and confidence, ask for help, develop an understanding of the current conditions today, you are likely to engage with people and not fear them or try to control them, the old ways don't work and the new way of living is working on shortcomings, where we lack experience of life.

Good news and bad news! Good news, we practice a new way of living by being more aware and able to work on our shortcomings in step seven. Bad news, we may be developing a new way of living to be open honest and willing, be truthful and ask for help, be truthful and share our feelings in the moment of now, at the same time this can be very unusual in real life situations, where other people outside fellowship really don't know or operate in the way you are approaching life today. So it can be a painful process, at the same time, it is the most rewarding process. And practising these principles in all our affairs, means we live in a more enlightened way. Even when the world is full of "endarkenment, chaos and confusion."

DonInLondon 2004 - 2013

Alcoholics Anonymous | February 11 2013 | AA 12 Steps In Action | Step 2 "Sanity" | "Thank you for helping me, and thankful for natural instincts and learning to be open, honest and willing..." A revelation one January morning: after a few hours of oblivion and hard drinking. I was never going to beat my addiction to alcohol on my own. I needed to ask for help, and I phoned a professional I had been avoiding for months. The words, humility and gratitude, had not been in my vocabulary for years. Humility to ask for help and grateful someone was willing to listen to me…

There is a new public information clip being shown on TV about taking time out from drinking alcohol. A humorous cartoon: trying to deliver a message about the danger of drinking too much. Taking time out a few days a week and not to drink and mentioning all the unpleasant ailments which can happen if we drink too much. I hope it works for some people. A drinker, however, is more likely to believe that the information contained in the TV clip is for other people who have a problem and not them! Even though it can be obvious to anyone else who does not drink to excess, the message is lost to those already dependent on their best friend, "alcohol." Seeing a clear message of danger about drinking too much and continuing to drink, regardless of the consequences, is where denial starts and denial of the truth and reality is very common. When drink is no longer joyful and convivial, and habitual and never ending, we have lost the plot…

The insanity of believing drink has no consequences for us and the consequences only happen to other people is as dangerous as it gets for the alcoholic. It is always the first drink which does the damage, and then the insanity of doing the same thing over and over, keeps on happening. Oblivion: that was my way of blocking out and dealing with depression, not dealing with my feelings and not able to cope with my history or the next moment. Self-medicating with the most available drug I could get, alcohol is a drug, after all. Even now, when I write that alcohol is a drug, I feel like denying it, and saying it's different to other drugs. In one way it is, it's not illegal to drink. But if we drink and then cause harm to ourselves and other people, self-harm is covered up. Everyone knows that drink driving is not good, and the legal consequences often played down. The harmful consequences: emotionally and spiritually to all concerned are devastating. Very often untold and covered up… Denial can be as powerful as love, because love will cause anyone to feel denial when love is in danger of being lost…

Humility and gratitude are now a way of life for me. Once I realised my predicament as an alcoholic, to admit and accept on a daily basis that there is no more drinking just for today, and the insanity is only an arm’s length away, I began to practice humility, by listening and asking about anything, anywhere at any time. The good news is that humility opens the door to as many life experiences which are open to us and our reality today. As a newcomer, hearing people talk about gratitude and humility were very alien ideas. The idea that I, gifted with a brain which could understand most things in life, it was hard to admit how much I did not know. Vulnerability can be very powerful when we recognise we do not have the life experience of so many elements of living today. No matter what age we might be, it is okay not to know and say so emphatically. Contempt prior to investigation! The more I know these days, the less I realise I know about elements of life beyond my life experience today…

I do believe it is perfectly all right to admit and accept that I don't know something, and can ask for help. If I ask the wrong people for help, those who may be contemptible in their outlook and bullying or condescending, all I need to do is bypass them and move on. Sometimes those who are contemptible, they may be in positions of authority, and it can be difficult to resolve issues. If I share with them that some things are not in my life experience, it usually opens the door to information and action. Even when they may be condescending and bullying, I don't have too react to their position, simply I can state my case, and need for help. Providing I approach difficult people in the right way, usually they will cooperate if they have the power to do so. Don't forget when others are struggling with their own fear, and fear comes out of them in unhelpful behaviour, we don't have to join in. At the same time there can be great satisfaction in telling them where to go, not recommended if you need their help, even if they push our buttons…

Came to believe that a power greater than me, restored me to sanity is perfectly understood today in my own world. Within the fellowship of AA, it is always the many I lean on and share what's going on. And regarding sponsors within the fellowship, there to help with the twelve steps and not all your problems, we find others with like situations, by sharing our own situation today. How many sponsors do I have? Well for a start, all of you, because sometimes the answer comes from faraway, or just round the corner and local today…

Higher power: with regard to sobriety is the collective wisdom, the truth and love shared within meetings and from all over the world these days. Truth, love and wisdom abounds all around us if we are open, honest and willing. Gratitude: gratitude is not a dirty word in my vocabulary today, I don't know that was ever a dirty word, I was just reluctant to share with the world what my situation was when I was an active alcoholic, unable and unwilling and dishonest with everyone around me back then. It was a relief to my family and friends, and I suspect old work colleagues as well, although I was not able to talk to the old professionals without feeling shame and guilt for a long time. Who wants to admit that they are bankrupt emotionally and spiritually? I didn't for a long time, and then when I did family and friends with their in the background ready to help if they could. I still had to overcome my own self prejudice, my own self harm and all that goes with the dark desolate landscape of addiction to drink… Truth, love and wisdom is always on going, I know when I ask for help, it can only come if I'm listening and the right person or people are there, not in my time usually, and often I need patience, not only one day, sometimes many days at a time…

What happens when we ask for help and no help comes? Maybe we need to ask what we are asking for? Sometimes we still find ourselves in a state of expectation about the possibilities. And we also have a sense of entitlement, because we feel entitled to some sort of help or recognition. Expectations and entitlement are resentments under construction. Asking for help on the basics, to know and understand our feelings right now and how to cope with reality is the starting point for any human being. Once we know our feelings in the moment of now, and understand where we cope well and cannot cope well, the doors open to a new reality, the reality we have one day at a time… And we can change our outlook, our actions and our attitudes today…

The twelve steps of fellowship are really about personal improvement and sobriety. The twelve traditions of the fellowship are about unity, service and recovery. One of the dangers of the twelve steps is that we apply them and believe others may be equipped with the same outlook that we have. And the most dangerous thing we can do when we forget the twelve steps are for personal use and not to judge the rest of the world. Judging others with the twelve step principles... It is very unhelpful and very easy to do. Twelve steps to keep our side of the street clean, to make sure that our behaviour and our attitudes are consistent with our beliefs and opinions and not to judge others. Just for today! Keeping our side of the street clean, it's hard enough, trying to tidy up. The other side of the street and the people on it, is a step too far on any given day…

Prayer and meditation: we all have an inner voice which we are listening to, and it shapes our feelings and understanding of reality. If you pray, and I do pray, even though I could not define or find a definition of God, because if I could define God I might feel as powerful as God, so I keep it simple. And the most helpful, prayer is always the serenity prayer about what I can do and what I cannot do. I can change me and my attitudes, I can share my gratitude, and I can share my frustrations. Expression through prayer, is a form of meditation which often works, because it is a reflection of how we feel in that moment of now. When we feel entitled and we have expectations, we really do get the answers around resentments under construction, that is if we are listening carefully to all the things we are asking for. Prayer, meditation and expression in the moment of now about needs, and not wants works today. We all have desires, sometimes beyond reality, and this is something we share to God, and in good conscience we can find the answers today…

Alcoholics Anonymous | February 11 2012 | AA 12 Steps In Action | Step 2 "Sanity" | Today's AA daily reflection: "the limits of self-reliance" reminds me of how I used to be. Taught to stand on my own two feet, with a stiff upper lip and stand-up for myself and not show weakness. Pretending to be okay on outside and never knowing what was going on, on the inside…

When we are taught not to show our feelings and a phrase comes to mind "I may be hurt but I will not show it" actually blocks our emotional development. Hurt people inevitably hurt other people. Either through ignorance of their own condition, that they are actually hurt by life and so feel it's "just the way it is," to behave badly and hurt others. We need to know we are doing this before we even get to "denial" that we might be doing it, hurting people…

Alcoholics Anonymous, described from within as a "spiritual kindergarten." Where spiritual learning, understanding what our feelings are in the moment and that they fit reality. Our feelings fit what is going on, be it good or bad or indifferent. Learning what love is just day by day. We work together in unity service and recovery, simply day by day developing an understanding of what it is to be a human being in the moment of now…

Self-reliance has its place in our lives, or we are totally dependent or dominant. There is a middle ground where we keep learning from everyone around us, and others learn from us by what we actually do, the action we take on a daily basis. Sometimes we do take the lead, sometimes we follow and always we are interdependent with each other and what is going on around us. We might think it would be better to be in charge of everything, but where did it get us?

Extreme in any direction, and in particular self-reliance means we can become cut off, we look within and look inwards for solutions. And our old solutions did not work, leading to extreme fear, isolation and every other unhelpful emotion as we became distanced from reality. A reality check: How am I feeling? Why? And what can I do? These questions reveal a need to check with others around me what is going on. We share experience, strength and hope with each other so we see a balanced view, what to do next, our feelings begin fit our experience now, "reality" as best they can and keep learning, we can have courage to change…

"Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity"

DonInLondon 2005-2011

A meeting "after eights," Inspiring! Restored to sanity in the day. Feelings can erupt as if from nowhere, good or bad, they are real. But do the feelings fit the moment? Sometimes... What matters is sanity is restored as we pause see the big picture, laugh or cry or simply sigh... love people, hate their behaviour and forgive ourselves and others as we trudge the steps...

Self Will! At the beginning of step four, it is suggested there is nothing wrong with our "natural instincts." And in my experience when I am in balance, emotions and thinking work well. Over dependence on self will run riot when life is extreme blocks us from help and support. Restored to sanity, I can see when feelings and thinking are out of balance and I need help, always in the moment of now...

AA Daily: THE LIMITS OF SELF-RELIANCE ~ FEBRUARY 11, We asked ourselves why we had them [fears]. Wasn’t it because self-reliance failed us? ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p.68

All of my character defects separate me from God’s will. When I ignore my association with Him I face the world and my alcoholism alone and must depend on self-reliance. I have never found security and happiness through self-will and the only result is a life of fear and discontent. God provides the path back to Him and to His gift of security and comfort. First, however, I must be willing to acknowledge my fears and understand their source and power over me. I frequently ask God to help me understand how I separate myself from Him.

Step Two Video 12 And 12