Alcoholics Anonymous Blog & Video July 23 2014
An email from my sister: "Subject: RE: Mum is OK Heart rate now down to 70 and moved to ordinary ward - Parry Ward. Monitoring over next 24 hours with possibility of being discharged on the basis of having an Echo out patient appointment soon. So good news!"
In my world, with the gift of imagination, a catastrophe can be round every corner. I don't know when the gift of imagination, the gift of caution, the gift of foresight, the gift of experience and wisdom can turn on its head and then consume an individual in "catastrophizing." Sometimes there is no catastrophe at all, and when we cannot contact somebody, they are simply busy living life. Catastrophes are few and far between hopefully, and without patience, catastrophizing is never far away.
When I was first taken to an AA meeting, I was vaguely aware that for whatever reason, people had gone behind my back and consulted a peculiar organisation which had been set up to brainwash me and give up alcohol. Having been an ardent drinker for the better part of 35 years, surely alcohol was not the problem, it just made life tolerable. So I was suspicious and probably paranoid. A beer or two after the meeting calmed down. Another five years on, I accepted I was problem and I was an alcoholic. I was not brainwashed, I realised AA had a solution and I would get my freedom back.
Louise, my sister and I agreed on a course of action yesterday before we knew that my mother was going to improve, that I would follow her advice, because she consults with mum and between them they know what they are doing. And it can be unhelpful to the health of anyone when suddenly family turn up like "grim reapers." There is no right or wrong way, they are simply ways to be helpful rather than shock an individual into an early expiration. And even writing this can make me suspicious about whatever is going on right now, and this is catastrophizing, and my head keeps saying "no it's not, yet it is!" And this is the psychosis which can drive anyone over the edge at extremes. So the phrase, "whatever will be, will be."
The middle steps of the 12 steps, step six: extremes of fear, pride and ego. Step seven: extremes of courage without fortitude, faith without foundation, and confidence without a clue. And somewhere in all of these strange emotions which are like a rollercoaster, sanity! Knowing where my feelings go unchecked and not understood and not taking account of them, will drive me into thinking that I need to control everything, and actually I am better off controlling nothing and cooperating with the world as it is.
Surrendering to the truth as is, rather than trying to control and manufacture a controlling outcome is not helpful to myself or anyone most of the time. Unless of course there are things on a personal level which require personal attention and are not part of a bigger picture including others. So I do have personal control of personal matters on the emotional and spiritual level "in the moment of now." Beyond this when others are involved, no matter who it might be, surrendering to the truth and listening is important always.
To be able to access the truth: listening to the world, absorbing what is being said and communicated. This does not mean we take for granted what is being said, we will have to challenge our own understanding and often the understanding of other people in order to get to the truth. Surrendering my opinions and beliefs, when they are not facts and have no base, opens the door to listening and finding out what the truth really is day by day. Whole nations find it hard to agree upon the truth, and I never under estimate that others are in the same boat as me, without a clue until we communicate and share often, over and over again and the truth keeps on emerging and changing by the day and every day. Some people call this a evolution.
Step Seven Video 12 And 12
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