Alcoholics Anonymous Blog & Video July 21 2014
Defects of character: believing that we need to do it alone to prove ourselves! How many times are we the last ones standing, in the trenches, striving and feeling like the rest of the world does not give a damn? Everyone is against us and what a shower they are! And the one thing I know in recovery, to maintain recovery is to ask for help. Help may not come as we might wish, help usually comes in different ways and as we least expect. If we do not ask for help, we remain in the pit of pity.
The problem is, Friday was okay, Saturday was okay and a fun night out with people in recovery. Sunday morning was okay until lunchtime. And then a friend of mine started chewing on all the things which could go wrong ahead of everything which could go right. It is a good idea to do a proper SWOT analysis: strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats. But doing this analysis on one's own in the middle of the night is not a good idea. And by the time we need to get up, we have been up all night and we are HALT, in the mire of emotional hunger, anger, loneliness and tired. I used to do this a lot when under the cosh. And there is one way to deal with this, put the cosh down and stop beating oneself up.
We have to stop believing that we can change the opinions of others, their belief systems, their attitudes and outlook, we have to keep our side of the street clean. We are not God and we are not here to change others, we are here to have the courage to change, facing doing the next right thing and keep on being confident that we can do our best. Even when others may not be satisfied with what we do, it can be time for a change. But and the big but, we need to ask for help. Help usually comes in the form of human contact and support. Letting go and hope in God will solve it, it can be a long wait, better to ask any power around us for a bit of advice.
It is really important to remind ourselves that we are human and even though sometimes we are heroic. Being a hero is often the status of those who have perished in the battle and are remembered after the war. So number one: and I always encourage anyone anywhere to do this, is to check out our emotional state: if pride ego and fear are driving the thinking, beware. If courage to change, faith in doing the next right thing and trying to be confident or simply learning to be confident, this is usually when we are asking for help. Which is far better than trying to run the whole damn show by doing everything ourselves.
I wrote a letter to the leader of our municipality regarding matters I have been trying to resolve for several years. Even though the response as I would put it has been "indolent," matters are becoming more obvious and less easy to ignore. When engaged in somewhat difficult enterprises, sometimes we can find a good outcome or even a different outcome can be better than what we might intend. The alternative would never work, which in this case might be along the lines of me saying and demanding: "JFDI: just fucking do it." Which is no good because I have no power in these matters personally, they have all the power and can be as indolent as they like. We need to be considered and respectful whenever we can.
So every single day I need a gentle regime which is helped immensely by the serenity prayer, the shortened version is can do can't do and wisdom to know the difference. Emotional and spiritual well-being is always of the educational variety in my world. Living in the moment of now and everything in it is spiritual. Surrendering to the truth of now, can do, can't do and wisdom to know the difference becomes an imperative. Or I can be full of H.A.L.T. Emotional hunger, anger, standing aloneness, and getting very tired very quickly.
So this morning, having spent a goodly amount of time sharing with my friend, I know it will take time to work through the issues and decide what to do. Hopefully not alone, not hungry, less angry and finding some time to rest up and stop thinking about it. That would be great in an ideal world, but the world is not ideal and it doesn't always work the way we would wish it to, even when we are fully equipped with the tools of the programme. Simply because we are human, everything takes time to experience, then have courage to change, faith based on reality and possibility, and some confidence to keep going when life is difficult.
Step Seven Video 12 And 12
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