Alcoholics Anonymous Videos DonInLondon

Thursday, 31 July 2014

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog & Video July 31 2014

July 31 Video

Early days risk assessment: even if I can keep sober one day at a time, how am I going to do deal with all this pain? Emotional pain, physical pain and all in the moment of now and very real. I can remember having done three months and one day sober. These sober days were not really all that sober because I was in the Big Brother house, Boot Camp, the last chance saloon all rehabs: St Luke's mission in Kennington London, thankfully shut down not long after I left it. Don't think amateurs save you always in the context of rehab, rehab requires professionals. Alcoholics Anonymous is forever nonprofessional and there are good reasons that it remain so to the end of time.

I needed to escape from rehab on a daily basis, it was the pits, where people were undermined so thoroughly with the intention of breaking them so they would surrender. Of course the rehab people did not tell you what they were up to, and they used personal information in group therapy, completely disregarding any confidentiality. It was suggested that I ought to stay for another nine months, I preferred homeless and alcohol to restore me to my former sanity! What a total cock up! But I did go to AA, and the nonprofessional, emotional and spiritual people, who shared experience strength and hope provided context, and when I came back to AA, I realised all the pain would be worth it. After all, I did get over 100 days of non-alcohol drinking time, and that did restore me to a place of complete insanity upon leaving rehab. This restoration of me needed my tacit acceptance of what was going to work and by that stage after another bout and relapse I was ready to become a member of the Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Everyday risk assessment: one day at a time I need to remind myself of the first three steps. I am powerless over alcohol, and if I drink again life will become unmanageable. It would be insane to consider going back to drinking, and accepting that I'm an addict means that I don't need the consequences of drinking any more. Letting go of my self will, and finding out how to live life in a self-determined way: "the way I want to live my life and do the things which I like," this is the freedom and still I find life changes every day and I let go thinking I know all the answers. Every time I engage in conversation and Fellowship and life, something new happens out of the ordinary and is different.

The whole question what is a sober person? I would never be able to answer that question for you, because you determine what your life is going to be with the help of the world. The 12 steps develop personal freedom, to make choices which fit your lifestyle taking drink out of the equation. And this is the beauty of Fellowship, for every person going in with one similarity which is "addiction" those who make the change into a new emotional and spiritual experience, remain special and different and do not give up their own personal characteristics which keep on developing through time. Same principles, same result of sober and completely diverse and no two individuals ever the same.

So is it worth it in recovery? Some people add something after the serenity prayer at the end of meetings, "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference; and then added particularly in NA meetings: it works if you work it so work it because you're worth it." How worthy is anyone to have a go at recovery? As often as we need to try until something sticks, like a whole sober day, the pain and the anguish and utter helplessness is worth it in my opinion.

Some people say it takes a village to raise a child. I go along with this idea although I don't have any children. But I've learned over the years that one alcoholic on their own is unlikely to survive into a meaningful recovery without the help of many people. The experience my family had of me, professionals who are only available occasionally and a well-meaning and often stretched professional service could not provide the backup and support to keep me sober. Fellowship, amateurs and nonprofessional who don't tell each other what to do, and yet able to share experience strength and hope of recovery, seem to have all the time in the world. Providing we do not expect one person within Fellowship ever to keep us sober on their own. It is the many in Fellowship who keep one person sober by spreading the load and not trying to do the impossible, to be a God, a leader or someone who thinks they have all the answers for you.

The imperative in my case was to be able to listen to every person in recovery, the good the bad and the ugly, especially ugly because my life had become very ugly and I had become very ugly in my own eyes. When we are driven mad, listening to people who've been restored to sanity, have learned how to let go and let in new information and make use of it, worked on a self-appraisal of the past and shared it, tend to be able to share a meaningful message no matter what their background may be. The language of the heart, rather than the language of the head becomes more and more clear with time. When I say heart, I mean our emotions, and when I say head, it is everything that we think and it is usually our heads which carry historical messages which get in the way of progress emotionally. This emotional Freedom has been the key to living more in the moment of now than anything that I learned in the past. Feelings are very real, and these feelings need expression in the right way, without the expectations our thinking heads try to make right and proper and justified. Freedom of expression on a personal level is paramount, but it does not give us licence to tread hard on the toes of our fellows and the world. Conscience need dictate the truth of can do and cannot do today.

Step Seven Video Reading 12 And 12

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Wednesday, 30 July 2014

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog & Video July 30 2014

July 30 Video

Step six: defects, overusing or extremes of feelings which do not fit reality. Step seven: shortcomings, overusing or extremes of courage, faith and confidence without foundation. Is it any wonder that many people cannot get to grips with defects and shortcomings? There is no definitive answer, it is whatever you choose it to mean to you. And if it works, the way you understand step six and seven, contingent on the current conditions today, keep on working it.

Falling back on old habits: anger, resentment, rage masquerading under pride and ego. All about blame and not about now usually. Reality in the moment does not have to escalate to a battle of wills, your will or my will is not always if ever the answer. Falling into new habits of let go, it really depends on what you're letting go. Letting go self-will, and putting on our listening mode is very helpful. Letting go with the anticipation that things will just go right without any effort is rather pointless. When we let go in the context of improving situations, it is being open to what is possible rather than trying to make the impossible happen. What is possible, usually requires negotiation and agreement when we are involved with other people.

Anticipation is really important, to know what sort of an impact we are going to have on people. If we have an idea how we come across to other people, we might actually try see how other people see us. And worse, we could ask for feedback on how we are doing from other people! It can be horrible to understand that we don't make much of an impression, other than our defects of character. And trying to break through as we improve in sobriety, is contingent on the current conditions today and our own attitude, rather than the attitude of the rest of the world.

Some say that the world is becoming more enlightened when it comes to breaking with tradition, letting go old attitudes and behaviour. And yet the world is plagued by history, old attitudes and behaviour. Seeing a documentary on the children of Syria, those children are growing with hate and jihad as their language. And no country bears too close an examination where people seem pitted against each other, competing for scarce resources, and competing beliefs and opinions are set in tablets of stone. No wonder we drank, and just how wonderful it is to not have to think that one single voice has the answer on Earth. We all have good conscience or bad conscience depending on our point of view. Today is where we make a difference in reality in our own world of now.

I am very grateful that I am no longer at war with myself, gratitude every single day to be a learner and doer. Mistakes are abundant, and although step 10 seemed a long way off in my early days I was very fortunate that guidance provided suggested that I start the habit of gratitude and step 10 in conjunction with each other. A way of getting balance, gratitude the learning, gratitude that the mistakes were less huge in general. And overwhelming gratitude for the freedom of choice offered by sobriety one day at a time.

Just because we know we are making progress, it can be very difficult when we see just how little progress is being made around us. 12 steps and 12 traditions best utilised for self-appraisal and self-reckoning, absolutely useless and very dangerous in some cases to apply the steps and traditions in a judgemental way to other people. Other people have their own journey with their principles, and most of the time provides harmonious relations with the rest of the world as long as we judge not. We can support and challenge at our peril, providing we do not overstep and rule out the voices of other people around us.

Step Seven Video 12 And 12

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Tuesday, 29 July 2014

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog & Video July 29 2014

July 29 Video

Step seven shortcomings: the difficulty of being open, honest and willing; courage to change, faith by trying to do the next right thing, confidence developing because we keep on trying new ways to live, without throwing out good ways to live which we have, sometimes these traits are buried deep. In this difficult world, surrounded by people living in their defects of character, in the company of thieves, or in the company of those with fear pride and ego, we can find ourselves struggling in this world where life is difficult. When in Rome? It is not always right to do what the Romans do, better to leave Rome.

I was having a chat with mum the other day who has a two-year-old. The two-year-old easily picks up on all the bad things that they hear and can repeat them over and over again, driving mum mad because she does not use these words in his company. And yet the two-year-old knows that the use of bad words makes mum feel awkward. The more you tell a two-year-old not to use bad words, the more likely they will? Seems to be true in general. And back in the day when I used to drink alcohol, even though I might be the last man standing, one or two girlfriends back then were quite emphatic that I ought not to drink so much, I drank more and they left. Job done! Terrible.

Even though on the way to alcoholics anonymous, some people were emphatically sure but I was not an alcoholic, they had to admit in the end that I was an alcoholic. And yet I didn't believe them or anybody else, alcohol was my best friend in those isolated times, until the time came when I could not stop drinking and I had no clue what to do. If I had known where I was headed with alcohol, any amount of education would not apply to me, because my pride and ego and my experience always made it okay to drink. Now in recovery, I have no problem admitting I'm an alcoholic, and accepting it every time I wake up, and then it ceases to be a problem one day at a time. Courage to accept, faith and trusting the truth and the confidence to learn life with freedoms beyond my imagination in the past.

Grief and loss: often heartbreak is so complete, living at all just does not feel worthwhile. And death, and then the loss of a relationship, with the girl of my dreams and my reality at that time, certainly tipped me over into grief stricken times. Loss of loved ones is a continual process and never ends. Some look for closure and death does afford acceptance to an extent, at the same time heartbreak and a partner still alive can be even more excruciating. The desire to get back what we had, to be in love again feels impossible. And starting over is not a consideration. Over and over, the rollercoaster of grief: denial and disbelief, anger and resentment, frustration to depression is on the path to acceptance. And acceptance to me is seeing and cherishing and remembering the good, the good and the love that sustained us back then. And acceptance may take a lifetime of cherishing ourselves and whatever it is and whoever it was that we have lost. Step one: to admit and accept our current state, our emotions in the moment is always good for me, and I don't know about you. And the rollercoaster keeps on going as long as it takes, backwards and forwards, because we are human.

To admit and to accept that I'm an alcoholic, and could be addicted to anything is always a good starting point. It is always in this acceptance of who I am that I gain my freedom of choice on a daily basis. If I hide my situation from myself let alone anyone else, I cannot help myself and I cannot be helped by other people whether the day is wonderfully good or horribly bad. If people know me they can help me. If people don't know me, they can only guess even if they have an inkling, they could be wrong.

Step Seven Video Reading 12 And 12

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Monday, 28 July 2014

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog & Video July 28 2014

July 28 Video

Swings and roundabouts, at sixes and sevens with life is very pertinent in the 12 steps for me, and I can only speak for myself. And that's good, because I don't want to speak for you ever, it would be wrong to even suggest that I could speak for another person in Fellowship. The good news in Fellowship, nobody can tell you what to do, it is enshrined in tradition one. So where we choose to speak is a personal choice always. I can be at sixes and sevens, even apoplectic at world events unfolding every day.

On the one hand, we know the answers to all the world's ills and the devastation being wrought by human beings. On the other hand, nobody is listening, and nobody seems able to engage and get over their hatred, the prejudice which has evolved over centuries, let alone what has happened one day at a time. Nobody is listening when they are fearful, prideful with ego running riot. The courage to stop doing the old things, and build some courage faith and confidence to change on a daily basis is hard enough for an alcoholic let alone a nation with decades to thousands of years of conflict. And my nation is no better, easily able to rush to anger, domestically and nationally. An alcoholic is fighting a war with themselves, until surrender has been accepted on a daily basis.

I bumped into a friend of mine not far away yesterday. Still in full flow, drinking whatever he drinks in the way of alcohol from a Lucozade bottle. He saw me and greeted me, calling me by the wrong name, the name of a person I hated with murderous intent in my early days. Not a good start to our encounter. I reminded him of my name, and I said I hadn't forgotten him and his name. He grabbed me by the neck, and pulled me in so that our heads merged. I said to him that I was aware of what he was drinking from a Lucozade bottle, and he said, "What can I do?" And the only answer I had for him, "just try to be yourself." And he knows what I mean by this because he is a very gifted clever man and is heard me speak many a time about recovery.

And for ages yesterday I was chatting on the phone with another friend in recovery, who is quite a number of years sober and never wants to go back to the old days of chaos and misery. And they had been in the company of many friends in recent times, some of whom had relapsed after many years in recovery. We agreed no one is immune from the trials and tribulations of daily life and if we do not have support and challenge in our lives, anyone anywhere could be sucked under into the mire again if tragedy were to strike. And this is why Fellowship is so important to me, if something happened and I could not cope, or something just happened when the pain and anguish might strike, I need meetings and people who are aware of me and would listen to me if and when such a time happens.

This thing of being at sixes and sevens in my world: where defects of character described in step six, pride ego and fear with the seven deadly sins, and where step seven shortcomings of courage, faith and confidence and the seven virtues are always part of everyday life. We can stumble blindly into our defects given the current conditions today, and we can spend quite a while rebalancing with step seven with the support of other people we have inside and outside Fellowship with the current conditions offer today.

Road rage, even as a cyclist can happen if we engage in confrontation. And rage is an issue for every human being challenged and tested by the current conditions today. In the 12 and 12 "steps and traditions," within the 12 step reading it suggests that under the current conditions today, the steps can work. But they can only work if we put the action in, and learn about them, and put them into practice over and over again, or relapse is possible. Just knowing the 12 steps and 12 traditions is not enough, applying them in everyday life, outside Fellowship has been the key to happiness and serenity when happiness and serenity are possible. And when happiness and serenity is not possible, the 12 steps and 12 traditions help me cope and ask for help as needed.

Being a practitioner of life, is to be immersed in life and not talking about it. As many people who go to university or college find out, a qualification is a starting point and then real life dictates that we need produce and work to understand life, experience it and gain wisdom over and over again. The same is true within the Fellowship of AA, if we are lucky, we listen and learn and then find out how things work in practice one day at a time. Life is your best teacher, not somebody with their belief and opinion trying to dictate how you live your life today. The only qualification required to start the journey is to try to be sober today.

Step Seven Video 12 And 12

Step Seven Reading Video 12 And 12

Alcoholics Anonymous Videos, AA is for Alcoholics, AA 12 Steps, Addiction And Recovery, DonInLondon, Don Oddy,

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog & Video July 28 2014

July 28 Video

Step Seven Video 12 And 12

Step Seven Reading Video 12 And 12

Alcoholics Anonymous Videos, AA is for Alcoholics, AA 12 Steps, Addiction And Recovery, DonInLondon, Don Oddy,

Sunday, 27 July 2014

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog & Video July 27 2014

July 27 Video

A professional interviewer interviewed me recently, not about recovery per se, more about living in recovery and how I keep on learning life one day at a time. The professional interviewer, equipped with a voice recorder was able to help me share my story or as we call it in Fellowship: "experience strength and hope." An interviewer needs good listening skills and this particular one, with a backup of a digital recorder was able to accurately portray my life experience.

Often said in meetings: "take the cotton wool out of your ears, and put it in your mouth." But how do we do that when we are bursting with information we want to share, rather than listen to the experience strength and hope of others. And how can we listen to anything outside our own head, our heads are thumping with our own inner voice screaming to get out of the meeting and find any sort of oblivion from our problems today? We need to learn to listen, so we can learn how others manage to keep sober even when conditions on that day may feel intolerable. No one is immune to life, at the same time as life throws the same problems and many who listen can find answers. Listening! A key skill for anyone anywhere.

When a person cannot get an edge in to a conversation, sometimes the wisdom is to stop trying to speak and see what happens. When one other person is present and cannot stop themselves, by not saying anything, the reward will be silence eventually. But if we are dealing with a person who cannot let go of something, feels they are completely right, feels like they need to raise their voice to be heard, the capacity for anyone to listen goes down dramatically. Anyone of us will shut down when bombarded and we can fail to listen to anyone under those circumstances.

Listening to people, even when what they have to say may be horrible and unpleasant, the horrible and unpleasant may have some basis in truth. And surrendering to the truth, listening for the truth, does open the door to reconciliation based on fact rather than opinion and belief. Underneath opinions and beliefs, there are truths to be found about ourselves and other people. Just because we might find the truth unacceptable some of the time, we have to listen to find it, the truth rather than confirm or deny the opinions and beliefs. Opinion and belief often fosters hostility, prejudice, pride, ego and fear. In the case of a recovering addict or alcoholic, surrendering to truth in step one provides an exceptional starting point every day. What happens next, often depends on the opinions and beliefs of those we encounter.

Surrendering to the truth of our emotions, the basis of all our thinking, opens the door to enlightenment in the moment of now. In early recovery, surrendering to the truth of where we have got to becomes part of daily exercise in well-being. And yet surrendering to the absolute truth of our feelings on a daily basis is something we can be very neglectful about, because we are always likely to be thinking about what we need to do now, and what we need to do next, and where we ought to be with our lives rather than dealing with where we are starting from today.

How am I feeling today? Why and what can I do. The basics of assertiveness training in my old days: knowing my feelings in the moment, why I feel this way, and what can I do. Knowing my feelings, my mood, I then understand what is driving my thinking. Assertive with oneself is a starting point to open the door to having empathy with other people. Empathy in the moment of now, where people understand each other, their mood and what is driving their thinking would be perfect if people could listen to each other and express their feelings openly. Defects of character: pride, ego and fear will get in the way of sharing the truth of now. Shortcomings being improved: courage to change, facing doing the right thing, this builds confidence to share truth and hopefully to listen to the truth other people express to find common ground. In a perfect world it would be wonderful, the best we can do is make progress where it matters and with those we impact upon today. And never expect others to share their truth unless we do. And even then an expectation of agreeable common ground can be some way off.

Step Seven Video 12 And 12

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Friday, 25 July 2014

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog & Video July 25 2014

July 25 Video

I was very tired yesterday, and very happy to have a long chat with my mother. The previous evening she had come home from hospital and felt much better in herself and to be out of the insanity experienced in a ward of people driven mad by their circumstances. Being in hospital is not a happy experience, and at the same time she was able to help other people which is just what my mum always does.

I asked my mum if it had been a worry that I hadn't gone to see her, and part of me had wanted to jump on a train and go see, and the other part of me was aware that that was the last thing that she would want. Everyone has an idea of what is right for them, but the point for me and my mum is that we are in daily contact most of the time, and there is nothing unsaid between us. So the hour-long chat yesterday was full of humour and seriousness all at the same time.

In the moment of now: the absolute when it comes to emotional and spiritual living, we are always making the best decisions based on what we know. Even the best decisions made in the moment of now will be right for some and wrong for others because of belief and opinion. And what is right for one person can be absolutely wrong for another. It does not mean there needs to be any conflict, it means we need to be respectful of each other's beliefs and opinions. And expectations one way or another are not particularly helpful without a conversation to find common ground.

Tradition: based on history, based on family, community, current culture, and religion can be very divisive. And without respect for other people and their outlook, conflict is always inevitable. Just because you and I are evolving in a particular way, it does not mean we agree on even the basics of how to live. The difference between tradition based on history which tend to lock people down, and the traditions of the Fellowship of AA, is that they offer the greatest flexibility, diversity, and acceptance of people how they are, leads them to be timeless principles in the main. And the most important part of all the traditions is there timeless nature and that they can be interpreted to suit an individual's needs, and at the same time ensure a common purpose. And an underlying principle which is timeless is: "judge not."

We live one day at a time, in the moment of now. And concentrate on the moment of now often means that we let go power notions like "multitasking." For example if we are in a meeting of the Fellowship, in order to concentrate on recovery it is recommended that we listen and share based on what is going on. We do ask that people turn off their electronic devices, and tune in to what is being said, and experience strength and hope in the moment. It is hard enough to stop and listen in a meeting, turn off that phone, and be present in the moment. Unless of course you and I relinquish the notion of power, that we can multitask at 100% across a multitude of issues.

I do have a mobile phone, indeed I have more than one. When I am out in company, most often the phone stays at home, or the phone is off because it is a distraction in the ever present moment of now. When I am taking photographs around London, the phone is definitely at home. Because if I am waiting for the phone to ring, or trying to anticipate that I can ride my bike, take photographs and answer telephone calls all in the same moment of now, I am deluding myself. My existence does not require the notion of being a "multitasker" because if you encounter me in the moment of now, I need to focus my attention on you and not be distracted.

I mentioned a few days ago: "the fuck up which is the NHS," does not mean I have no respect for those who work tirelessly. Listening to the experience that my mother had, people overworked, people doing their best under the most difficult circumstances, the NHS, the national health service in the UK is definitely unwell because of the way it is run and because politicians do not know how to initiate change and progressive methods to improve the structure and the demands on the service. And worst of all, there is no common sense of what it is there to do. Easy for me to say, not easy to suggest the cure.

Step Seven Video 12 And 12

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Alcoholics Anonymous Blog & Video July 23 2014

July 23 Video

An email from my sister: "Subject: RE: Mum is OK Heart rate now down to 70 and moved to ordinary ward - Parry Ward. Monitoring over next 24 hours with possibility of being discharged on the basis of having an Echo out patient appointment soon. So good news!"

In my world, with the gift of imagination, a catastrophe can be round every corner. I don't know when the gift of imagination, the gift of caution, the gift of foresight, the gift of experience and wisdom can turn on its head and then consume an individual in "catastrophizing." Sometimes there is no catastrophe at all, and when we cannot contact somebody, they are simply busy living life. Catastrophes are few and far between hopefully, and without patience, catastrophizing is never far away.

When I was first taken to an AA meeting, I was vaguely aware that for whatever reason, people had gone behind my back and consulted a peculiar organisation which had been set up to brainwash me and give up alcohol. Having been an ardent drinker for the better part of 35 years, surely alcohol was not the problem, it just made life tolerable. So I was suspicious and probably paranoid. A beer or two after the meeting calmed down. Another five years on, I accepted I was problem and I was an alcoholic. I was not brainwashed, I realised AA had a solution and I would get my freedom back.

Louise, my sister and I agreed on a course of action yesterday before we knew that my mother was going to improve, that I would follow her advice, because she consults with mum and between them they know what they are doing. And it can be unhelpful to the health of anyone when suddenly family turn up like "grim reapers." There is no right or wrong way, they are simply ways to be helpful rather than shock an individual into an early expiration. And even writing this can make me suspicious about whatever is going on right now, and this is catastrophizing, and my head keeps saying "no it's not, yet it is!" And this is the psychosis which can drive anyone over the edge at extremes. So the phrase, "whatever will be, will be."

The middle steps of the 12 steps, step six: extremes of fear, pride and ego. Step seven: extremes of courage without fortitude, faith without foundation, and confidence without a clue. And somewhere in all of these strange emotions which are like a rollercoaster, sanity! Knowing where my feelings go unchecked and not understood and not taking account of them, will drive me into thinking that I need to control everything, and actually I am better off controlling nothing and cooperating with the world as it is.

Surrendering to the truth as is, rather than trying to control and manufacture a controlling outcome is not helpful to myself or anyone most of the time. Unless of course there are things on a personal level which require personal attention and are not part of a bigger picture including others. So I do have personal control of personal matters on the emotional and spiritual level "in the moment of now." Beyond this when others are involved, no matter who it might be, surrendering to the truth and listening is important always.

To be able to access the truth: listening to the world, absorbing what is being said and communicated. This does not mean we take for granted what is being said, we will have to challenge our own understanding and often the understanding of other people in order to get to the truth. Surrendering my opinions and beliefs, when they are not facts and have no base, opens the door to listening and finding out what the truth really is day by day. Whole nations find it hard to agree upon the truth, and I never under estimate that others are in the same boat as me, without a clue until we communicate and share often, over and over again and the truth keeps on emerging and changing by the day and every day. Some people call this a evolution.

Step Seven Video 12 And 12

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Tuesday, 22 July 2014

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog & Video July 22 2014

July 22 Video

My mum is unwell. And my mum lives with my sister quite a long way off, and mum had to go to hospital to be observed and then medicated for rapid heart rate, high blood pressure and various other things. My sister is doing her best, and is ensuring that mum gets the right treatment as far as possible. When something like this happens, it really highlights the gaps, the lack of continuity, the shortage of staff, bad handovers, lack of information, and the general fuck up the NHS has become. All the steps are needed. And I need to respect the way my sister wants to handle matters, and she is very capable. I love my mom dearly.

Thankfully my sister was able to tell me this morning what I needed to know and what I needed to do. Which is to sit tight, and await instructions. And I'm completely compliant because Louise knows what to do. Louise my sister, told me to be prepared for any eventuality. And thank goodness I have a few years sober and the steps. A whole bunch of emotions erupt, and step one is the starting point to helping me cope.

There are distractions fortunately, the state of my abode and its impact on my neighbour through no fault of mine. I was able to share the latest news with my sister which made her laugh, and I laugh about it too because it is never-ending. Anyway with the courage and fortitude to await instruction, faith that the best is being done, I'm hoping and confident that whatever happens next, we will be able to cope together. Hopefully mum will recover, at the same time if I get to her age, I will indeed be a fortunate individual.

Another distraction on top of everything else, they are digging up the road outside, with diggers and pneumatic drills and the usual cursing from "Murphy contractors." When I asked myself how my feelings were being impacted, I didn't really need much thought. When I watch the news about aeroplane disasters, the state of Israel and Gaza, the appalling tragedies, and even the opening of an enquiry about a Russian spy shows me my emotions are on a rollercoaster. And that's okay, that is how I cope by letting the feelings happen rather than holding back tears.

Recovery is beautiful, restored to sanity we see the insanity. We know the can do and cannot do, we work with what we have and with everyone. Recovery is not about control, it is about making the best of what is and what we can do. Working with others is imperative, and corporation is based on mutual respect. Providing of course we do get mutual respect, life will flow positively. Sometimes we do hit brick walls, and we need to consider the pain involved trying to break them down rather than walk around them.

Step Seven Video 12 And 12

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Monday, 21 July 2014

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog & Video July 21 2014

July 21 Video

Defects of character: believing that we need to do it alone to prove ourselves! How many times are we the last ones standing, in the trenches, striving and feeling like the rest of the world does not give a damn? Everyone is against us and what a shower they are! And the one thing I know in recovery, to maintain recovery is to ask for help. Help may not come as we might wish, help usually comes in different ways and as we least expect. If we do not ask for help, we remain in the pit of pity.

The problem is, Friday was okay, Saturday was okay and a fun night out with people in recovery. Sunday morning was okay until lunchtime. And then a friend of mine started chewing on all the things which could go wrong ahead of everything which could go right. It is a good idea to do a proper SWOT analysis: strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats. But doing this analysis on one's own in the middle of the night is not a good idea. And by the time we need to get up, we have been up all night and we are HALT, in the mire of emotional hunger, anger, loneliness and tired. I used to do this a lot when under the cosh. And there is one way to deal with this, put the cosh down and stop beating oneself up.

We have to stop believing that we can change the opinions of others, their belief systems, their attitudes and outlook, we have to keep our side of the street clean. We are not God and we are not here to change others, we are here to have the courage to change, facing doing the next right thing and keep on being confident that we can do our best. Even when others may not be satisfied with what we do, it can be time for a change. But and the big but, we need to ask for help. Help usually comes in the form of human contact and support. Letting go and hope in God will solve it, it can be a long wait, better to ask any power around us for a bit of advice.

It is really important to remind ourselves that we are human and even though sometimes we are heroic. Being a hero is often the status of those who have perished in the battle and are remembered after the war. So number one: and I always encourage anyone anywhere to do this, is to check out our emotional state: if pride ego and fear are driving the thinking, beware. If courage to change, faith in doing the next right thing and trying to be confident or simply learning to be confident, this is usually when we are asking for help. Which is far better than trying to run the whole damn show by doing everything ourselves.

I wrote a letter to the leader of our municipality regarding matters I have been trying to resolve for several years. Even though the response as I would put it has been "indolent," matters are becoming more obvious and less easy to ignore. When engaged in somewhat difficult enterprises, sometimes we can find a good outcome or even a different outcome can be better than what we might intend. The alternative would never work, which in this case might be along the lines of me saying and demanding: "JFDI: just fucking do it." Which is no good because I have no power in these matters personally, they have all the power and can be as indolent as they like. We need to be considered and respectful whenever we can.

So every single day I need a gentle regime which is helped immensely by the serenity prayer, the shortened version is can do can't do and wisdom to know the difference. Emotional and spiritual well-being is always of the educational variety in my world. Living in the moment of now and everything in it is spiritual. Surrendering to the truth of now, can do, can't do and wisdom to know the difference becomes an imperative. Or I can be full of H.A.L.T. Emotional hunger, anger, standing aloneness, and getting very tired very quickly.

So this morning, having spent a goodly amount of time sharing with my friend, I know it will take time to work through the issues and decide what to do. Hopefully not alone, not hungry, less angry and finding some time to rest up and stop thinking about it. That would be great in an ideal world, but the world is not ideal and it doesn't always work the way we would wish it to, even when we are fully equipped with the tools of the programme. Simply because we are human, everything takes time to experience, then have courage to change, faith based on reality and possibility, and some confidence to keep going when life is difficult.

Step Seven Video 12 And 12

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