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Alcoholics Anonymous | March 24 2013 | Steps In Action | Step 3 "Your Higher Power" "our feeling and thinking intelligence... are they balanced and what happens if we ignore feelings, and what happens if we do not think before we launch into action?" In my own experience and I can only speak for myself, I need to challenge my own feelings and thinking before taking action, and I need to share my feelings and thinking very often before taking action, because my way is not enough, and most likely not right for you…

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Alcoholics Anonymous DonInLondon "Love Is The Essence Of Life"

Always good to get to a meeting of the fellowship of AA, I fit in and feel like I belong. At the same time everyone else feels like they fit in and they belong? Newcomers, they don't fit in yet and the notion of fellowship is very strange. Where everyone is equal, no one can tell you what to do, and they make all sorts of suggestions as if they were instructions to living life. If a newcomer is not suspicious, if a newcomer accepts everything we say, as if it is gospel, I feel the prospects for the new man or woman are likely to be bleak. Stubborn, defiant and rebellious, these traits kept me alive all the way to the fellowship and I still needed them to challenge my own outlook and the outlook of everyone around me in meetings. The complete surrender to admit and accept that we are powerless over alcohol, this was right and then I needed freedom to be confused, and freedom to start making new choices to the good of living, rather than an end to living one day at a time…

Our feeling and thinking intelligence: I was unable to understand what my feelings were most of my life because I suppressed half of them with alcohol, ones I thought you didn't want me to have, what I would consider negative feelings. And yet those feelings were still there, building up and only kept at bay with self-medication and then self-harm. If we don't deal with our feelings it is harmful to ourselves and other people because we are being dishonest, closed down and unwilling to share truth. The same applies to our thinking, and sharing half of what we think so we may gain an advantage of some sort becomes pointless and recovery because personal relationships do require and openness, honest approach and willingness to develop the truth of now. When I say I love you, I mean it emotionally and spiritually, I love you in the moment of now. It does not mean you will love me back, I cannot make you love me, and you cannot make yourself love me either. And that's just right in the moment of now…

Sometimes people think and don't feel life. They think if they do all the right things, life will be okay and ask anyone in recovery does it work? To think things will be all right just because? I hope the answer is a resounding no! There are many ways we can live and find love in our lives, the best way and surprisingly, the easiest way is to be together with common purpose and usefulness. Common purpose can be as simple as starting a conversation, finding common ground and similar outlooks. And every time we keep things level and truthful, the likelihood is we either like someone, or we don't. And naturally we develop friendships and kinship, or distance and no common ground. Either way we can be respectful as long as we do not undermine each other. Ask any couple who have different political views why they can be in love with each other and at the same time, almost at war over their political ideals… Same is true in fellowship, common purpose, common ground, sober first and then anything can happen… Tradition three, a desire to stop drinking, that similarity is the glue of life in recovery…

Romance in recovery is a wonderful thing! The odds are good, and the goods are odd? I've learned that many times and it really does undermine the truth that in sobriety we can find love. As long as we are getting sober, of course, and though some equality and then some common ground, and then the usual natural desires and needs. And we do need time for these things to develop the right way round? Actually, I still don't know what the right way round is because then I put my thinking ahead of my feelings. Nothing undermines recovery, like another person suggesting how to love people, which people to love, and what my love looks like to you. Go with nature and let that work once you understand more about your feelings and thinking and actions without alcohol, causing a disruption to what nature gave us. The notion that some people are from Mars and some people are from Venus is not particularly helpful, we all live on Earth. And if we can be truthful, really truthful, then we have a starting point, and often a much quicker endpoint as we keep on making natural mistakes, just like everybody else…

And of course when it comes to romance, depending on our age and our natural state, we all have our own truth. The most important part of love and romance is open, honest and willing, and sharing truth. The sooner the truth is out, the sooner people make decisions on a one-to-one basis, about what is right for them. And as Gandhi said, "an emphatic no is better than a half-hearted yes." And be righteous if you don't feel it's right, say no! There is no point in trying to be something or feel something you don't. If you don't feel it, the love that is, don't pretend or lead yourself or another person on because that's where we cause harm to them and we can cause harm to ourselves by becoming judgemental and prejudicial looking for faults. And sometimes we fear being loved. And we cannot return it… Until we are ready and the right person comes along at the right time in the right place, no guarantees. And no rule book, or set of instructions seems to be available since the beginning of time…And of course we all might need to get a few frogs sometimes before we find our Prince or Princess today...

It was so good to see one or two friends who have been around most my recovery in the last few days. Some friends have been sober for decades, and I rarely see them. Some friends have been out for some more research into what alcohol does on a personal level, and some friends have simply returned of their own volition to restart their recovery. And I feel good when that happens, to reconnect and be so happy that they are there. I cannot explain the feeling other than love and feel very moved by what they say and what they do. When we hear the truth shared stripped of any varnish and without guile, simply to wake up with a clear head and not a mountain of empty bottles, I am simply happy. And I can share that and share that fellowship is a desire to stop drinking, and sobriety comes first in all respects…

Which brings me back to romance in recovery. I have a responsibility for my personal conduct, and the same is true for each and everyone. And fellowship is described as a spiritual kindergarten, and in the spiritual kindergarten, it does take a lot of time to understand what our feelings are and what drives them, why we think the way we do and the actions that follow. And in the spiritual kindergarten, we are all learning how to love one another, how to love each other, and how to be loved back. And we all have needs and desires, I will have thinking going on, and in the past we have probably got away with a lot. And so romance happens regardless of all the concerns we will throw into our thinking as individuals and as groups. Relationships will happen, and the reality is somehow most of the time we do put sober first. If a woman sees that a man has been able to drink like her, and the man has been able to see that the woman can drink like him, they are on common ground, from the past. Without a drink inside each other. It is highly likely that the same attractions are going to be there? I cannot comment for other people, the most important part of any romance is that sober must come first in my humble opinion or there will be no relationship of any kind with anyone. So if a romantic interlude occurs, no matter how long it may be, keep going to meetings, do not let go any friends, do not undermine your recovery, simply find a way to include a romance along the way and do not undermine your sobriety, and hopefully your lover will keep to their programme of sobriety as well, as you do too… Of course, romance outside fellowship, I feel the same applies, sober first, and romance can happen and every other sort of relationship too... Open honest and willing to find the truth, love is the very essence of living…

Alcoholics Anonymous | March 24 2012 | Steps In Action | Step 3 "Your Higher Power" Alcoholics Anonymous Today's AA daily reflection: "active not passive, man is supposed to think and act…" I don't really like the word supposed, when it comes to thinking and action. And the omission of the word emotional is not helpful to me. Humans are emotional and spiritual and we derive serenity from our ability to cope with reality...

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2009 - 2012

Three words came to mind reading the daily reflections from AA this morning, "expectations, ambition and aspiration" and I know expectations are resentments under construction for me. At the same time I do have ambitions and aspirations on a daily basis. My ambition? To have a sober day and my aspiration is to cope well and enjoy and appreciate what is beautiful. My ambition is constant, to be sober and my aspirations can change in any given moment as long as I am open to change and be flexible as life changes in the moment of now…

I was never overloaded with my own expectations, indeed my expectations of life never amounted to much. And my ambitions and aspirations were always limited by my imagination or by the present state of the world. When I narrow my outlook to expectations, it really is a very small outlook. And my ambitions and aspirations can be so narrowed if all I have is expectation. Letting go expectations, opening my eyes and letting connections be made in all directions will always improve my outlook, ambitions and aspirations. Letting go and letting in the world makes anything possible as long as I see reality and not a fantasy…

At the same time, being a proper human I still have fantasies and they are good fantasies I assure you! Emotional and spiritual well-being, for complicated human beings. I need to understand my feelings, what is real and what is not real and how to cope with my situation on a daily basis. Trying to resolve all my issues on my own is very limiting, asking the help and letting go and letting the world in will always provide a broader and deeper understanding of what I can and cannot do on a daily basis…

In the United Kingdom, there seems to be a rush to increase the unit price of alcohol in order to stop disorder! Like anywhere else in the world, when a government aims to impose its will on the will of the people, the people will prove to be tenacious and resilient in their pursuit of happiness. Taxation and penalties drives behaviour underground, home brewing is where it all started for me, under the guidance of a rebellious father… The greater the limits of liberty, the greater the defiance created…

And for me as an individual in recovery some time, the restriction of liberty does not lead to a change in mind-set when it comes to personal behaviour. And the question is what is the greater good? People learning from experience or people being restricted through taxation. The issues are moribund and full of prejudice. And the breadth of the problem is far too big for me, my ambition to be sober and my aspiration to enjoy what is beautiful today…

I will always aim to develop opinions and beliefs based on reality rather than a fantasy. When it comes to trying to help in the fellowship of AA, very early on rules, laws and regulations would lead to exclusion rather than inclusion. So there are no laws, rules or regulations in the fellowship of AA and everyone is included if they have a desire to stop drinking. Personal choice and making informed choices is the very essence of this emotional and spiritual Fellowship. Learning about the truth of life, how to love people and be loved back without conditions and useful in whatever capacity we can. And it works, when we work at it, just for a day…

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DonInLondon 2005-2011

With challenge and support we can develop courage, faith and confidence [enough stress] , distress then fear, brave facing and ego may pull us down.. Inspired by Marilu Henner ~ "having realistic expectations helps identify where we have stress and distress, important in finding balance and to living a happy, healthy and rewarding life" ~ Expectations are resentments under construction!

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AA Daily Reflection: ACTIVE, NOT PASSIVE MARCH 24 Man is supposed to think, and act. He wasn’t made to God’s image to be an automaton. As Bill Sees It, p. 55

Before I joined A.A., I often did not think, and reacted to people and situations. When not reacting I acted in a mechanical fashion. After joining A.A., I started seeking daily guidance from a Power greater than myself, and learning to listen for that guidance. Then I began to make decisions and act on them, rather than react to them. The results have been constructive; I no longer allow others to make decisions for me and then criticize me for it. Today-and every day-with a heart full of gratitude, and a desire for God’s will to be done through me, my life is worth sharing, especially with my fellow alcoholics! Above all, if I do not make a religion out of anything, even A.A., then I can be an open channel for God’s expression.

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As Bill sees it ~ Eternal Values

Many people will have no truck at all with absolute spiritual values. Perfectionists, they say, are either full of conceit because they fancy they have reached some impossible goal, or else they are swamped in self-condemnation because they have not done so. Yet I think that we should not hold this view. It is not the fault of great ideals that they are sometimes misused and so become shallow excuses for guilt, rebellion, and pride. On the contrary, we cannot grow very much unless we constantly try to envision that the eternal spiritual values are "Day by day, we try to move a little toward God's perfection. So we need not be consumed by maudlin guilt for failure to achieve His likeness and image by Thursday next. Progress is our aim, and His perfection is the beacon, light-years away, that draws us on."

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Just For Today, and every day cherish always...

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AA Official Online Site: Daily Reflections

http://www.aa.org/lang/en/aareflections.cfm