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Alcoholics Anonymous | March 22 2013 | Steps In Action | Step 3 "Your Higher Power" "in the old life. We were on a war footing, causing us to fear life in general, use pride as a defence and our ego to cover up shame and guilt. In our new life in recovery, we do not need a war footing, we can progress and be free, with courage to change, faith in doing the next right thing and self-esteem, growing as we develop our sober life… Peace in our time. Today…

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Alcoholics Anonymous DonInLondon "Courage To Change"

Most of the time, courage to change, faith in doing the next right thing and self-confidence grows because life is manageable today. I do not need to feel powerful over anything in order to live. With freedom to choose the next right step based on life as it is, rather than what I might want, the next right step feels good. I guess it is about right sizing and understanding the real opportunities I have today. And if I have opportunities today, so do other people, and sometimes we will work together and sometimes we might be in a competition in work or in other areas of our lives. In order that we are level headed, courage, faith and confidence, means we start on a level playing field with ourselves and our beliefs, and understand that sometimes other people will go forward, and we can stand still, gather our wits and abilities and be happy with what we have today. Life is not fair, and sometimes we may feel passed over. And then, courage to change, faith in doing the next right thing and confidence to change our outlook and direction can be the best way forward. We can always consult and ask for help to find the right path, one day at a time…

Letting go my old life, the one which burnt me out, was as difficult as any addiction, because the way I burnt out was in my eyes very unfair and very prejudicial. How on earth did I get myself into a situation where I was at war with my boss and some of his cohorts? Looking back, it is very easy to see, I was suggesting an ethical code in an unethical environment. I was blinkered by my own values: open, honest, fair dealing and integrity. And as much as I believed in my own values, the environment was utterly driven by unethical people. They didn't have to do anything, just let me keep plugging away at a whole organisation which could not adopt the values I held most, and close to my heart. In the last twelve months that job put me in a clinical depression, and far worse was to follow. It never occurred to me during that time that I ought to change direction, because I was right. And I was broken on my own ethics and burnt out. The insanity of doing the same things over and over again and expecting a different result, they do apply in this situation, as much as what happened some years later when I could not stop drinking and the real insanity of self-harm became addiction…

Starting a new life in sobriety and all the elements of my emotional and spiritual, and logical living had been completely lost in time. Pride, fear and ego kept me isolated, and into a place of homelessness and abject disillusionment. When we have lost all notions of self-worth, it is very hard to even think, let alone feel that life is worth living. If it had not been for the fellowship of AA, I would never have understood that it was okay to be completely bankrupt as a human going concern, and then find people who had faced the same ordeals and desire never to wake up again. And yet, when I really encountered fellowship at the end of my tether, from abject bankruptcy, people have learned how to live again without any addiction. One day at a time, they kept on saying this and I repeat it many times here because it's true, if we can simply cope one day at a time, develop some courage through action, develop some faith by accepting there is support and we are willing to work at life again, then we do develop self-worth and self-esteem, just for a day. It will take a long time for us to trust ourselves, let alone anyone else trusting us, and we need to accept that just because we are becoming sober, it will take time for others to trust us today…

In my old life, I became completely isolated. In my new life: I am surrounded by people who say they love me, and I don't underestimate how much I can be moved by what they say and what they do. It is with gratitude, and an open heart that I was able to accept that I had love inside me, and it can grow again as life changes and I change. And I needed to change and this was very difficult because the world felt very hurtful in all respects, and I was always looking for the hammer to come down heavily on me in my early days because I had no value for myself. And still people befriended me in fellowship no matter what I felt about myself, they put value on me as a human being. All I needed to do was join in and it took a long time to thaw out. And it was completely okay to start from scratch learning everything again, accepting I had lost the plot completely, and to start learning what it is to be a feeling human being with feelings in the moment of now. The gnawing cold of isolation had kept me separate for years, and then the warmth of inclusion took a long time, as long as it takes in recovery, to start feeling human again…

How am I feeling this morning? I just stopped writing for a moment, and what I remember now and why I do these daily meditations is mostly, and always about the most important people in fellowship: newcomers and where they are in their early days. Somehow I feel it's important to let them know that it is okay to be completely baffled by life and life stops working as it might and there is little happiness or solace when we are completely under the sway of any addiction. There will be times as a newcomer, when we persuade ourselves that the old life is better than a new life, because at least we can take the edge off and fix ourselves a drink. And then we remind ourselves that one drink fixes nothing, and a thousand will never fill the emptiness inside. Newcomers are the most important people in any fellowship group, we all learn as they learn and I learned in my early days that the touch of human kindness, although somewhat repellent back then, it is human kindness which helps me become a free person once again. Human kindness is love in action and everything is about action in our fellowship of recovery today… I feel good, and all we need be is learning love just for today…

And although I know that human kindness is the key, natural instincts which have been set at extreme levels for a long time, can always become problematic for old timers, and newcomers alike. We are human beings, full of desires and obviously we do not let go what is in our nature and the extremes and neediness can get in the way if we are not careful with ourselves and other people. If we are attracted and desire a person, it can be as natural as can be, because it is of nature. On many occasions, I have felt attraction and desire, as natural as anything and that emotional connection is perfectly okay for the most part. Providing of course that the person I am attracted to is on an equal footing when it comes to sobriety. Newcomers in my opinion need help and not to be desired by me! Whenever I feel that attraction for the newcomer, I know it is better to keep my distance, and let go any notions for a good long time. We are all of nature, and sometimes although we think we can overcome our natural instinct, I don't see the need to challenge nature in such a way. Right people do exist for each and every newcomer and depending on nature, reality and fairness, integrity needs to win through and acceptance that I am not always if ever the right person to help in the right place at the right time… To cherish and love people, it is always a good idea to check out motives and what we are doing. No single human ever keeps another sober on their own in my experience. It is always the many who make the difference today and every day in recovery

Alcoholics Anonymous | March 22 2012 | Steps In Action | Step 3 "Your Higher Power" Today's AA daily reflection: "no more struggle…" Battling, fighting and winning or overcoming something… Never my favourite concepts and when I started to understand the twelve steps are always about well-being and interdependence and equality I was able to breathe a deep sigh of relief…

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2009 -2012

In my early years of work experience and life experience, it was never about being top dog or competing against the next man or woman. I feel it was always about being the best I could be on any given day. And the fall into alcoholism was a natural consequence of my striving and determination and subsequent disappointment and heartbreak with life. As time has passed in recovery, I can strive and live the best and the worst of life and see the balance as each day unfolds…

On any given day my mood and attitude will adjust to what is going on and life is unpredictable. To try and impose emotions on a situation does not work, at the same time though if I can think a solution my feelings and emotions will improve. And if I cannot think of a solution without help, I let go and ask the help from any source, inside and out. We are not at war with life, more often at war with our expectations and what we think we deserve or what society suggests we should have today…

In the United Kingdom we have just had the annual budget statement from the government. Taxation in our country falls into two categories, direct tax on income and indirect taxes on commodities we buy. Every single person in the United Kingdom is a taxpayer, directly or indirectly. Actually taxation these days is mostly based on your lifestyle choices, taxed being single, taxed being married, taxed having children, taxed for buying a house, taxed on luxury goods, taxed alcohol, taxed for cigarettes, taxed for going abroad by air, taxed on your utilities, taxed for having a car, taxed for saving money, taxed for pension, and taxed for living longer and overcharged whenever possible by big business. Life can be very taxing! Thank God for recovery…

So going back to the question; "no more struggle?" Probably I am pragmatic person, it is a question of mental attitude and what we can and cannot do on a daily basis. Today I can cope with my daily routines and know my limits and how far I might be able to push them. When it comes to issues of government and wider society, I will not be bound by my old attitudes and loyalties. I will look at what is good for family community and society overall and not what is good for a minority who take advantage and manipulate to their own ends…

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DonInLondon 2005-2011

Powerless over alcohol, people, places and things and my choices are manageable, good conscience keeps me sober and sane today, less self-interest and more interest in the common good. I am responsible when anyone anywhere, and reminding myself what I can do and cannot do and when needed, seeking guidance and wisdom today...

We learn our feelings every moment, as life experience offers ~ Dale Carnegie "Happiness doesn't depend on any external conditions, it is governed by our mental attitude." -/- Change is not only possible, change is always happening as we engage in living..

Solitary endeavour is quite different to isolation ~ Eric Hoffer "A man by himself is in bad company." -/-

Life is always about balance..

Sharing experience strength and hope of how it was and how it is today ~ Oliver Wendell Holmes "Beware how we take away hope from another human being." -/- That was then and this is now, in the now new possibilities open for us, real and just for a day? Today is always..

Spiritual and emotional wellbeing, contingent on our sobriety and now ~ D. H. Lawrence "One realm we have never conquered: the pure present." -/- Open honest and willing, we keep open the door to new experiences whatever they may be, and we change as a consequence..

The mind can assert anything, and pretend it has proved it. My beliefs I test on my body, on my intuitional consciousness, and when I get a response there, then I accept.- D. H. Lawrence

Into the fabric of recovery from alcoholism are woven the Twelve Steps and the Twelve Traditions, steps to be open honest and willing to learn, traditions to live unity service and recovery.

-/-

Just For Today, and every day cherish always...

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AA Official Online Site: Daily Reflections

http://www.aa.org/lang/en/aareflections.cfm