Alcoholics Anonymous Videos | DonInLondon

Alcoholics Anonymous | March 12 2013 | Steps In Action | Step 3 "Your Higher Power" Ninety meetings in ninety days to start in fellowship, medication can take even longer! My name is Don and I'm an alcoholic in recovery… Where was my higher power, what was I doing to avoid the higher power all those years? And would it have turned out different with a higher power? Ignorance is not bliss, if I had known where I would end up. Could I have stopped the inevitable? With my old beliefs, standing on my own two feet, hiding my feelings and heartbreak, putting on a brave face and thinking it was all my fault when things went wrong. On my own, with my own voice in my head trying to make things right ended up making everything go wrong. I thought it was down to me, and feared asking for help as a weakness and not the strength it became in recovery…

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"Medical Support In Recovery"

Taking responsibility for everything, trying to make life perfect, and hoping it would be all right when I got "there," and never sure where "there" was, I missed the point completely. At work or at play, I could be "the man" and strive and strive and strive. I became an expert chameleon, changing the outside and trying to fit in and successfully pretending to be the person I thought you wanted me to be. Inside I never recognised loneliness because I had always been lonely. And all the relationships very intimate and beautiful all came crashing down, I preferred loneliness. Even though I didn't recognise it, loneliness, had always been my true companion. And then the companion to rock bottom was alcohol. Alcohol for a while was my higher power, solved the problem of loneliness, and heartbreak over and over again…

Last night felt peculiar, no particular reason for insomnia, and it is still a rare night where I sleep through. And when I do sleep on these occasions after many hours of insomnia, I wake up out of dark dreams which seem inexplicable in recovery? Not really, insomnia is just a factor in my recovery. A quote, "if you cannot sleep, you may as well get up and do something useful." Very true, and I did find useful things to do. If I obsess and make insomnia a problem, it is a problem and I cannot solve it, and then it can lead back into worry and fear quite easily. I don't worry, and usefulness is anything which I find interesting in those long nights. And then I can seek company in fellowship, in family, even though they may be a distance away, and just for one day…

There was a post on a social network about medical treatment for emotional disorders. And somebody had been diagnosed with clinical depression and given antidepressants to help them improve their emotional condition. Antidepressants: expectations are resentments under construction. When a person is given antidepressants without explanation of how they work, expectations are to be fixed, and the resentment in the interim period which can be several weeks before they work in any way which is significant can cause resentments. And worse, self-destructive behaviour, because the antidepressant does not work quickly and fix depression, it does not work for several weeks and it can be the wrong antidepressant to improve the mood disorder... Sometimes when it comes to prescribing antidepressants, the catchall antidepressant will not work for a person, sometimes like me, it can take a year or two, to find the right antidepressant which offers a better chemical balance in the brain and then makes recovery possible and sustainable over the years to come… And then sometimes the need for the antidepressant goes. And sometimes a chemical imbalance will return without help. Medical advice is absolutely necessary to find what works for you…

I was diagnosed with clinical depression, an anxiety state and suicidal tendencies in nineteen ninety-six, and a nervous breakdown, and was informed I would never be fit for the type of work, I used to do, my life was very difficult. I was very fortunate, the psychiatrist prescribed various drug treatments until something worked and it took over a year before I was able to open my front door to anyone, even those who loved me in family were very fearful people to me. The anxiety state subsided after two years, and the suicidal tendencies diminished and I recognised after three years of bluff and pretence that the nervous breakdown was caused by burnout and I could not operate professionally again in the environments where I was successful. The drug treatments seem to work to improve the imbalance in my brain chemistry, they could not stop me from trying to be the person I was before, I had to seek counsel to help me get back to reality. Drug treatment did save my life. At the same time I could not let go old attitudes and ideas that I would be the man I used to be...

If you have clinical depression, it means there is some sort of imbalance in your chemistry which leaves you prone to low moods and very deep emotional insecurities, and worse, a desire never to wake up. I experienced this for years after a complete breakdown emotionally and physically. Even though I tried valiantly to be the person I thought I ought to be, times were tough, and I lost everything materially and hid away from life as much as I could. I ran away for a year, hoping an end would come and it never did. I was not particularly aware of my desire to end my life, but it had no value to me and I had no value to me either. And then drink took over completely, a few years later. And when people said, "you can come back from this," I had no desire to come back. And if I had not had one moment of clarity, that life could get no worse and I could ask for help, I would not be here…

Self-medication with alcohol. Simply it keeps us in the problem and most people do not survive and have a useful life. And reactive depression is almost guaranteed when we give up the drink or whatever we use to fix. And the idea that in recovery antidepressants will resolve our emotional condition is a mistake if we see it as a fix. This is my personal opinion, based on my recovery and not yours, first we have to stop self-medicating with alcohol. Second, we need medical advice, so we know what is going on. And medical advice really needs to be informed and it is worth getting a second opinion sometimes. Never expect antidepressants to work immediately and often the depression seems worse because we expect more of an improvement in our chemical balances. We expect the antidepressant to be the solution, when it is only part of a solution for some. We still need to learn how to live sober and free of the old life and recognise the new life offers freedom as we learn. Recovery is one day at a time. And if you expect an antidepressant to work from day one remember, in fellowship, it is suggested that we do ninety meetings in ninety days to glimpse and feel that there is a chance that we can live sober one day at a time. So the expectation I have of antidepressants these days? They keep me balanced, so I can enjoy recovery, be it good, bad or ugly, today!

How do I feel today? Still quite tired, and at the same time I am not anxious or fearful, I don't need to cover up or put on a brave face, I can say it as it is, life is difficult. And still there is great hope, because I know, even though life is difficult, when the sun shines, well we all know how that feels, it feels good. And daylight and activity and being part of something bigger than me, family and fellowship, community and society. We never know if we are helping other people, but sometimes people do get in touch and say what they are up to with things we do. An email from another continent, from an old timer, he has been busy, utilising my videos, adjusting them and amending them to help other alcoholics hear a message of hope when they would otherwise be neglected. And if one person is helped by the words, we share, wherever we are and however we do it, saving a life for a day means everything has been worthwhile over the years… I'm thankful when people share, they are healthy and in recovery just for one day, this one day makes all the difference. And even when I am criticised, because I tell you it happens, even when I make people angry, they are still sober, alive and kicking, argumentative and alert to what is right in their life. Just for today…

Alcoholics Anonymous | March 12 2012 | Steps In Action | Step 3 "Your Higher Power" Today's AA daily reflection: "a daily plan, the big picture!" Upon waking I ask myself, "how am I feeling, why and what can I do." That's all about me! I do not live in isolation, and then I consider, "how might this day be for everyone, why and what can we do together." The daily plan is about being included and part of life, sharing and agreeing what needs to be done and not about what I want for me just for today…

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2009 - 2012

We all have our roles to play in life no matter how far down we have gone. Recovery is about developing and growing into our communities as we may do today. In early recovery the best community for me was and is Alcoholics Anonymous. Emotionally and spiritually fit to meet the challenges of life. Well-being growing as life offers opportunity, no expectations or feelings of deserving something, simply open to what I can do and cannot do and knowing the wisdom each and every day…

And what about God's plan? When I consider nature and nurture, nature is what I have been given, nurture is what I am learning. Each play their part and each can be separated as part of life. We can certainly plan and make plans as life is evolving and make the best of what is today. I need to work on my spiritual living in the moment, and my emotional needs, where my feelings fit reality, always a good starting point even when I have no clue what might be the outcomes today…

Springtime! It is a beautiful world, and I feel it and have felt it these last few days. Even though great physical pain has hampered my ability to function, there have been many beautiful moments… Learning useful skills, reminding myself to be a beginner at the start of each day opens the door to new possibilities and new beginnings any time, any place and anywhere. Always the journey, and not necessarily the destination…

DonInLondon 2005-2011

We can restart our day anytime, with courage faith and confidence to keep learning in the moment of now ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson "All life is an experiment. The more experiments we make the better." -/- Truth works. Fear, brave facing and ego isolate us, we need be included, right attitude and behaviour, our world opens to good choices…

Restart our day anytime, right now? Expect nothing, deserve nothing, anticipate nothing, judge nothing, do something! Mark Twain "Don't go around saying the world owes us a living. The world owes us nothing. It was here first." -/- Love people, places and things as they are, forgive everyone and ourselves, make choices to good conscience, right sized and maybe we get to be included..

Emotional and spiritual balance like time, available in the moment of now ~ Jim Rohn ~ "Learning is the beginning of wealth. Learning is the beginning of health. Learning is the beginning of spirituality. Searching and learning is where the miracle process all begins." One small step for a child, a giant leap in recovery..

Complicated, apoplectic and sober? Let go and keep it simple ~ Kahlil Gibran ~ "Perplexity is the beginning of knowledge." We can jump start our outlook as many times a day as it takes.. new beginnings possible always..

AA Daily Reflection: A DAY'S PLAN ~ MARCH 12, On awakening let us think of the twenty-four hours ahead. We consider our plans for the day. Before we begin, we ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 86

-/-

Just For Today, and every day cherish always...

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AA Official Online Site: Daily Reflections

http://www.aa.org/lang/en/aareflections.cfm