Alcoholics Anonymous | March 2 2013 | Steps In Action | Step 3 "Your Higher Power" "sponsorship: fellows in fellowship often sponsor newcomers. A sponsor can help a newcomer settle into practical routines, help them with the first ninety days, help them begin to understand the principles of fellowship, the twelve steps and the twelve traditions…" As a sponsor, I am never your higher power, and you are equal to me in all respects and I will not tell you what to do today…"
New Video For Today:
A friend on a social network commented and is concerned about newcomers being overtaken by unfortunate circumstances around sponsorship and friendship. All of those in fellowship are sensitive on our emotional and spiritual path, learning what we can do and what we cannot do on a daily basis. And part of this learning becomes a way of life. We look for the virtues of life and try to be open, honest and willing and be truthful in our intentions. Even the best of us need check our motives and our moral compass when interacting with newcomers. There can be many lotharios and cougars on the prowl, and sometimes these predators are unaware of their own activities, when everyone else can see it. Now what would you do about that?
Step three: "made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him." Sometimes we can see a sponsor, who seems to be really good and we want them to help us. And sometimes somebody suggests they should sponsor you! Either way there can be a lot of flattery going on. And fellowship, it is like any other walk of life and more powerful when it comes to looking for a fix, to fill the emptiness and find sanctuary in another human being. That is why in fellowship, many stress emphatically that we need a higher power which is bigger than any single human in fellowship, or on the planet. The combined wisdom in fellowship. The higher power, and not expressed through one single voice, not me, and not you, the many voices in fellowship, where wisdom resides…
Step three is so close to step four: let go and let good things happen, letting go the old life, and asking for help, opens the door to all the vices and all the virtues humans have within them. Many of us are still wanting something, the old life back, or some of it, and to be the person we used to be who found satisfaction in fixing life with a drink, a substance or particular people, places and things. The allure of the old life, and some of the extremes are still hangovers which impact on our emotional and spiritual well-being. Neediness, desire, lust are a very heady concoction. And with an outlook of proving we are still able to function well, the vices can lead anyone into misbehaviour when seeking love in all the wrong places? We are powerless over many things, and finding the right path takes time. And it is very difficult sometimes when the natural instincts have been restored, it does not mean that we have been restored to sanity… And sometimes misbehaviour abounds before step four, has begun. And of course, step four is not a cure, it simply offers an insight to our emotional and spiritual condition one day at a time…
It is very easy to fall in love, or to fall in lust, to want to save a person we find attractive, both emotionally and physically. And therein lies the road of destruction. If we are not careful, we misunderstand our motives and find ourselves in a real pickle. When we are asked by someone to sponsor them, we need first ask ourselves if we are fit and able and we have our motives clearly defined. Me included, I'm human and because of it I'm quite traditional in my outlook. When it comes to sponsorship I would not sponsor a woman, because I do not need test my human instincts and my nature as a man on the emotional and spiritual development with the steps as principles. People get close as a sponsor or a sponsee in emotional and spiritual development, and testing natural instincts gets in the way, when learning the principles and sharing the principles one day at a time... Love and intimacy are our dangerous territory and absolutely necessary in learning how to live life sober and not fixing today…
There is a constant agitation in all humans around vices and virtues. Often in the old life, where extremes of behaviour covered up our fear, we put on a brave face and pretended to be okay and our ego made us control or suppress much of what was going on under the surface, the emptiness and a desire for love is there. Drink was a fix, substance was a fix, people, places and things could be a fix. We might do geographical transitions, and many relationships starting up and slowing down. And the attitude in the old life was about power over and controlling our situation, from day-to-day. And yet, because we were fixing, we didn't realise just how unmanageable everything had become. The new life, courage to change, faith in doing the right thing and self-confidence growing hopefully. And yet there is a vestige of ego in sponsoring, and also in relationships within fellowship, where power and knowledge and a desire to be loved, can block progress one day at a time…
Romance and finance in early days of recovery, and any day in recovery actually will happen, even if we think we don't want it to happen it may just happen because humans and emotions go together, natural instincts are there, as well as extreme feelings and extreme needs and extreme fixing of feelings with people, places and things. When people suggest best not get embroiled in romance or finance within fellowship for at least a year, and a newcomers emotions are extreme, trying to put the feelings or the genie back in the bottle… Very difficult indeed. Which is why the guidelines for sponsors are so straightforward. A sponsors for the steps and suggestions and principles in fellowship and certainly not for romance or finance...
In the olden days, we would read a rule book and throw it away. The rules always applied to other people and we could see why they needed them. And one of the things in fellowship we know beyond all doubt is that rules, regulations and laws do not help under any circumstances in our emotional and spiritual fellowship. Either the rules would be so difficult that nobody would be able to join the fellowship, or the rules would be used by gatekeepers and control freaks, marshalling people in and out of fellowship. That is why we need rely on common sense and gumption and sensibility to show us the way forward. One day at a time, we learn our moral compass and we do not need test our nature, when ego says one thing and common sense says another…
Learning what love is, in recovery is a daily journey. And how you conduct yourself is your personal journey. If you truly live step one, step two, and all the steps through to step twelve, the thirteenth step need not apply, even when you feel it ought to, because you are a special case, and so are they… We are not here to ruin other people, we are in fellowship, learning how to love, and be loved back, as we may and followed the endeavours which suit us on the journey of life and just for today…
I know the pitfalls of romance and finance within fellowship, having experienced them. With all the best intentions, if a person does not have a grasp, and utilise the twelve steps on a daily basis, romance and finance still happen and the consequences make life difficult. At the same time, if we do not engage in romance and finance, we will never learn. Fortunately, the twelve steps do help anyone anywhere learn more about what it is to be in a relationship with intimacy, love and affection which are primary needs for most human beings. Romance: we definitely had enough sobriety, my partners equal with me, and learning how to live together. And the truth is old patterns can emerge, ego can come into play and much more besides. We learned, we parted and we are still sober, much learning about love and intimacy which is all good on the road of recovery. I'm thankful and respectful. Learning how to cherish and not be superficial and indifferent in relationships… And so the journey continues and we never know how life is going to turn out, especially with romance, let go expectations and let go entitlements or the resentments are real, and under construction day by day… To love and to cherish is wonderful and intimacy will flourish naturally and as we let go ego we are less superficial and indifferent to others. Life will be good, bad and ugly, how we cope with reality is as we learn and endeavour and the twelve steps always help me on my way…with regard to finance in fellowship, not really a good idea on any given day…
How am I feeling this morning? With the benefit of a couple of meetings in the last few days, phone calls with friends in fellowship, being helped by conscious contact with many people, more informed and cared for, and able to care for others, life feels okay. And daylight comes early and stays later as the season changes and spring starts to emerge. Happier in myself because of fellowship and more able to cope. Always the many, always the experience, strength and hope of many voices in recovery helps keep me restored to sanity. Until of course life impacts in a good, bad or ugly way, if I cannot cope, I can ask for help. And I can work out what I can and cannot do and the wisdom to know the difference, the higher power prevails in the moment, minute, hour and for one day…
Alcoholics Anonymous | March 2 2012 | Steps In Action | Step 3 "Your Higher Power" Today's AA daily reflection: "all about hope" and my reflections "letting go self-prejudice." Hope is about seeking or desiring good outcomes for ourselves and other people. Hopeful is a positive attitude, without foundation and a wish to the good of life...
Video For Today:
"Hope springs eternal," and words like optimism and enthusiasm come to mind describing my desire that life can be simply good! And for me it is an attitude of mind, hopefulness helps me with my faith that life will be the best it can right now. Even when life is almost torturous and difficult, I am learning from personal experience and the experiences and wisdom of others...
One of the most difficult aspects of any addictive and alcoholic behaviour is realising that we have a chronic disease. There is no cure, like anything which won't go away it is what we do with our situation. I can blame myself till doomsday, I can blame the world, family and community and society for my condition and chronic ailment. Self-prejudice, stuck in the mould of having a "self-inflicted wound," will surely make me isolate and hide away in misery. Self-prejudice promotes self-harm…
Letting go self-prejudice and self-harm, and coming out of the problem and looking for solutions is all part of the experience of life and recovery. Once I stopped blaming the world and myself, I needed help and support to find solutions on a daily basis…
I have the good fortune to have at least three chronic conditions which are recognised and understood. If I dwell on how many problems these conditions give me, I certainly will get stuck and hide away from life. If I accept my chronic conditions and work with solutions just one day at a time, with hope and faith that life is the best it can be right now I need not undermine my situation or that of anybody else.
I needed to let go my sorrow and continually asking myself "why me?" And when somebody said to me, "why not you?" I stopped looking at it as if it were a punishment. I am alive today, always a good reminder and that it is not a punishment. Happy or sad as life is, dealing and coping with the reality of my situation, decisions are easy based on truth and being open, honest and willing to learn today…
It's 2012 and my diaries and sharing daily reflections has been going on since June 1, 2004. One of the things I recognise in recovery is an attitude of self-prejudice which can prevail and hamper a person’s recovery. Shame and guilt, fear of being found out, a feeling that if people really knew my true situation I will be exiled and excommunicated from all elements of society I cherish…
Self-prejudice leads to self-harm. A hurting person, will often lash out at another person and find it acceptable to try and push, control and manipulate in early recovery and for some people the hurt just seems to go on and on and leads to death. Or worse a living hell making life hell for everyone who loves the person in trouble...
Anonymity in fellowship provides sanctuary to find out more truth and more about the solutions and how to live life with freedom of choice, freedom may be for the first time in our lives and freedom to choose what is good for us, what we can do and what we cannot do just for today. Always learning the wisdom to know the difference…
I have hope today and faith that if I cannot see the next right thing to do, I can ask the help from anyone anywhere within and outside the Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous…
DonInLondon 2005-2011
Gone are the days of feeling entitled to something, that I know my rights, that I deserve this or that. I need not resort to blame or fault finding. When I ask for help and suggestions, I find out what feels right for others in any given situation. Interdependent yes, and we are all stakeholders in the outcomes...
AA Daily Reflection: HOPE ~ MARCH 2, Do not be discouraged. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 60 Few experiences are of less value to me than fast sobriety. Too many times discouragement has been the bonus for unrealistic expectations, not to mention self-pity or fatigue from my wanting to change the world by the weekend. Discouragement is a warning signal that I may have wandered across the God line. The secret of fulfilling my potential is in acknowledging my limitations and believing that time is a gift, not a threat.
Hope is the key that unlocks the door of discouragement. The program promises me that if I do not pick up the first drink today, I will always have hope. Having come to believe that I keep what I share, every time I encourage, I receive courage. It is with others that, with the grace of God and the Fellowship of A.A., I trudge the road of happy destiny. May I always remember that the power within me is far greater than any fear before me. May I always have patience, for I am on the right road…
Just For Today, and every day cherish always...
-----------------------------------------
AA Official Online Site: Daily Reflections
http://www.aa.org/lang/en/aareflections.cfm
AA Official Online Site: Big Book And Twelve And Twelve
http://www.aa.org/lang/en/subpage.cfm?page=359
January 2013 | Step One Reading Video Link:
January 2013 | Video Reading How It Works:
January 2013 | Video Reading A Vision For You:
January 2013 | Playlist About Step One:
http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLD1355CD80542DBFC
don@doninlondon.com |
"music for airports" By Brian Eno | http://www.enoshop.co.uk/ |
No comments:
Post a Comment