Alcoholics Anonymous Videos | DonInLondon

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog & Video | March 5 2004 - 2014 | DonInLondon | Step 3 "Your Higher Power"

March 5 Video

DonInLondon March 5, 2014: step three month: "made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him." This morning, a beautiful blue sky and very chilly out. It helps to have blue sky early in the morning, means I can shrug off the dark feelings that occur from time to time. I have not written very much over the last few days, other things happening over the weekend, and then sad news about a friend who perished. All the feelings are churned up when we lose a friend.

And yesterday morning, I became very angry that somebody I don't know, doing something which was wrong was hampering my progress. Most of the time I am a tolerant person, but when we are treated with superficiality and indifference, and in my case I was, I was angry. I was also angry about my friend perishing and the two things, the loss of a friend and then being treated with superficiality and indifference pushed all the right buttons for anger, intolerance and impatience. Thank God I'm human, I can feel life, even if sometimes in the moment it is very difficult to deal with angry feelings which tend to take away all reasoning and thinking. We are just left with feelings, and for whatever reason, we are powerless over them? Actually we are all powerless over our feelings, what happens, most often is a delay followed by thinking before we take any actions.

We are not built to cope under all situations, that is why denial can be a very useful process. Denial is a process which applies to everybody when under pressure and we cannot cope with the feelings emerging. And sometimes we are caught out and the emotions just roll-out. I have a lot of gratitude for being a human being, progress not perfect. When my father died, I could not cope at all. And I drank a lot. And my partner at the time, she moved away with very good reasons, and I could not cope, and I drank a lot. A couple of decades later, I realise that sometimes I cannot cope with feelings that manifest in the moment of now, and they'll come out in a way which I cannot control. I can take a step back, and I can pause usually. That requires thinking before acting, or poor actions following.

Surrendering to the truth of now, means I am human, usually feeling life in the moment and usually being able to cope. And then the times when we don't know what to do, when we need to ask for help, and we need to ask for guidance will happen. I need courage to change, faith in doing the next right thing and the confidence to accept the truth of now, especially when put under extreme pressure by life, just for today. Definitely progress not perfection.

And when two people are in conflict, I need to remind myself to step back, if I am one of them, and try listen to the other person. And even then I need to remind myself it is not about being right, it is about understanding the truth of now. The truth of now can be quite simple, two people think they are right, because in their own minds both people are right. I was absolutely in the right yesterday, and I suspect the other person with whom I was in conflict felt they were equally right as well. A bit like Mr Obama and Mr Putin believing they are right as well, even when it is clearly not the case. There needs to be a pause and some arbitration or there may be severe consequences. And the wrong actions will follow on both sides of a justifiable argument where both people are being truthful to themselves.

Thank God I can put it in context today, just because we are both right we can end up doing the wrong thing, and the wrong answer might lead to wrong actions and very dire consequences. No matter what, apart from natural risks to life and limb, where direct action is immediate and necessary, if we can pause long enough to say to ourselves, "hold on, can we start over and see where we can get to?" It is a very difficult thing to do in the heat of the moment.

When I decided the twelve step program might be good for me, and it was worth a go, turning my will over and my life over to the care of God, really challenged me emotionally and intellectually. The care of God: it works for me when I surrender to the truth of now, and sometimes surrendering to the truth of now means I need to find out what the truth of now is by asking others around me in the same moment for their truth. Working together and surrendering to each other's truth goes a long way towards acceptance and being right with the world. Again, it is progress. With each new encounter, we can make progress, it does not mean we actually get to a conclusion which completely satisfies me or others completely just for today.

A big meeting this morning, and many birthdays celebrated, from thirty days to 30 years sobriety. And I had nothing much to add, because I needed to listen rather than speak my mind. Whenever I go to a meeting, I am reminded of every fault I have when it comes to dealing with reality. Namely the reality I think I see, it can be far from the truth because something else is going on. And yesterday I was already angry subconsciously about the loss of a friend, so when a natural opportunity arose where anger could be accessed very easily and come to the fore, there it was, horrible anger and resentment, and it claimed me for a little while. And so I wrote about it, to those concerned and shared about it, and now in the big picture and with perspective, every feeling is fitting closer to the moment of now.

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DonInLondon 2004 - 2013

Alcoholics Anonymous | March 5 2013 | Steps In Action | Step 3 "Your Higher Power" "take it easy," and "easy does it," fellowship is all about action, unity service and recovery, and the twelve steps, open honest and willing to change. Seems like there are some mixed messages in recovery? When we look at the bold statements often said, what is behind them, and how do we take it easy when we need to work and put effort into recovery?

Another suggestion often heard when we are under pressure in the world, family and community and work, "take a chill pill!" In sobriety, the idea of taking a chill pill, using something to fix the way we feel, or stop feeling things, or stop feeling anxiety and pressure is not the answer. Recovery is not about fixing oneself, taking a chill pill or any other form of fixing agent bar one: it is probably the serenity prayer, which offers the best advice in any moment of now. Learning what I can do right now, and do it, and learning what I cannot do right now and asking for help if necessary, and learning the wisdom to know the difference moment to moment. Working hard is taking it easy, and finding balance to stop and chill out without a fix today…

How does a higher power help me on a daily basis to take it easy, and take time out to relax? And what about work? Human resources we are, a component in the means of production, a component in services to other people, not seen as a human being, simply as an asset or a liability which costs money and eats into profit if we are paid excessively or over the top. Depending on the type of company you may be a resource and component or sometimes we might be a treasure? We need to understand the rules and boundaries and how much effort we can put in and still find time to chill and relax. Letting go by working out the can do and the cannot do and the wisdom is all part of working out how to live one day at a time… If you're working in the wrong place, work out how to move on in a way which suits you, and not them, whoever the them might be… Often in sobriety, our whole life changes and our attitudes to what is important in the new life changes fundamentally one day at a time… Then we live smarter… And work smarter…

Letting go and letting other people have their say, letting go having to be right, even when you are right, and allowing other people to share their point of view is essential to finding equality in relationships and improving the quality of relationships. Sometimes we find that other people having their say, and sharing their point of view, gives us a new perspective and a new outlook. We don't have to be in charge, we don't have to control everything, we find an emotional and spiritual understanding of what we want to do and what we do not want to do. I mention Gandhi a lot, and his suggestion paraphrased as, "an emphatic no is better than a half-hearted yes…" Saying no when you don't feel like doing something improves our choices and the types of activity we undertake. And sometimes people will pester us to say yes to things which are just not right for us. If something feels wrong, we can say so with confidence. In recovery, we keep learning to say no to the wrong things, and saying yes to what seems like the right thing. And often, we will have the prerogative to change our minds and say so, again with confidence in the moment and just for a day…

Easy does it, and taking it easy are part of being flexible. Rather than saying to ourselves that we must do and should do, we stop putting the burden on ourselves that we will be successful once we have completed a particular objective. Success is in the journey and not the destination. We may feel that we will be rewarded when we get to the destination in many endeavours, and feel flat and wonder why when we get there. The jamboree at the end of a task can often feel hollow, as the journey is forgotten, and the destination unimportant in the big picture of life. Human relationships, based on fellowship, friendship, family, community and work are all worthy and feel right. When we are in the right company, how we are able to express our feelings truthfully, and how we are able to receive and understand other people expressing their feelings truthfully often improves in sobriety. We get to understand those who live in common understanding, and on common ground and share the same values about life as we do today…

The devil in the detail? Everyone is on their emotional and spiritual journey, inside and outside fellowship. As you develop your own personal values about life and what is important to you, many people have no concept other than, "what's in it for me!" And of course we also need to continue to understand how we fit in the world. And this emotional and spiritual journey of discovery and finding out what is useful and the endeavours we would choose means we are not looking for instant success and we are quite flexible in our next steps each day. Often we will be more pragmatic, taking on difficult and erroneous tasks, taking on work we do not like to keep a roof over our head, and still with a focus on what really matters. Just for a day…

How am I feeling this morning? Sleeping patterns still disturbed, which means physically quite tired and not quite myself. Some basic checks in place, which I need do with regard to blood sugars and insulin. The second day of spring here in London UK. The air quality is different, the city sounds are different, even the sparse wildlife is different. And humans seem to be more relaxed and taking it easy. I certainly feel better emotionally and spiritually when the light comes early and the dark comes much later. Some messages from friends, with a desire to tap into my old life experiences, I don't mind so much, even though there is no essence of asking how I am doing before they start asking. And other friends who just ask how I'm doing and call for a chat. Oddly my best friend asked me the other day, what they could do for me and why I never ask for any help from them, and they forget they are doing just what a best friend does, they are there with unconditional love, any day and at any time, they have time for me...

And surprisingly, or not so surprised, having written the words, about my best friend, they call, and I relate what I've just written which makes them laugh. And now I feel even better, more in tune with myself and feel right sized on the journey today. We have friends who are not so well and we share what we can do to help with the way they are living in the most difficult of all circumstances when life is short. The beauty of fellowship, even when there are grave outcomes on a short horizon there is no need to fix on the emotional and spiritual journey. Acceptance is key. And keeping the quality of the emotional and spiritual experience is always helped by clarity in the moment and just for today…

Alcoholics Anonymous | March 5 2012 | Steps In Action | Step 3 "Your Higher Power" Today's AA daily reflection: "a lifelong task of taking it easy!" Reminds me of the Beatles song "a day in the life…" "I read the news today oh boy!" Life is one day long, sometimes frantic, sometimes chilled and laid-back. Most days manageable, "and I get by with a little help from my friends…"

Skype, one of the wonders of modern technology… A message from a beautiful woman received including the words, "I love you." Meant in the purist sense and unconditional, lifts the spirit and my spiritual experience in the moment I heard them. And I love her unconditionally…

The lifelong task of taking it easy? Not so difficult when we make lifelong one day long, where everything and anything can happen. Extremes happen in any given day, and that same time most days are somewhere in the middle. Letting go the notion that I need have all the answers to all questions I still don't know until something happens, there is always someone somewhere to ask for help, and it is okay to be human today…

Last night’s meeting, and meetings over the weekend simply confirm that without a drink inside me, I can keep on learning life. I need never be alone again or feel so desperate that I cannot ask for help. And equally when another person asks for help I hope I can be there, and also know if I cannot be there, in Fellowship someone else can. It takes time to take it easy, just for a day…

Some days I don't take it easy, rush at life and run the risk of missing the moment of now. So eager to learn, impatient with myself and frustrated that the world turns too slowly. That is when I remind myself of the serenity prayer, "grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference, sometimes quickly and more helpfully, slowly today…

DonInLondon 2005-2011

But just how, in these circumstances, does a fellow ‘take it easy?’ That’s what I want to know

Friendship and Fellowship, we are learning how to live, love and be loved, useful ~ Antoine de Saint-Exupery "There is no hope or joy except in human relations." -/- Gentle, easy does it with a warm passion of experiencing life in the moment, our new and ever present reality...

Complicated by decades, simplified in one day ~ Henri Frederic Amiel "A man must be able to cut a knot, for everything cannot be untied; he must know how to disengage what is essential from the detail in which it is enwrapped, for everything cannot be equally considered; in a word, he must be able to simplify his duties, his business and his life." Truth of now keeps life simple in the moment...

Truth is the absolute simplicity, complicated in sharing ~ W. Somerset Maugham "Simplicity and naturalness are the truest marks of distinction." -/- Open, honest and willing, denial falls away, revealing our ever present moment of now, spiritual and complete...

Courage Faith and Confidence we feel good, Fear Brave Face and Ego we feel fixed? ~ Ernest Hemingway "I know only that what is moral is what you feel good after and what is immoral is what you feel bad after." -/- As we learn the difference, we learn and choose our preferences...

AA Daily Reflection: A LIFELONG TASK ~ MARCH 5, But just how, in these circumstances, does a fellow ‘take it easy?’ That’s what I want to know. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 26

I was never known for my patience. How many times have I asked, “Why should I wait, when I can have it all right now?” Indeed, when I was first presented the Twelve Steps, I was like the proverbial “kid in a candy store.” I couldn’t wait to get to Step Twelve; it was surely just a few months’ work, or so I thought! I realize now that living the Twelve Steps of A.A. is a lifelong undertaking.

-/-

Step Three Video 12 And 12