Alcoholics Anonymous Blog & Video | March 13 2004 - 2014 | DonInLondon | Step 3 "Your Higher Power"
DonInLondon March 13, 2014: step three month: "made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him." Surrendering to the truth, love and wisdom in the moment of now. Now that can seem like a tall order! How to love people may seem difficult, until of course they're not there and then we miss them terribly. And when other people express and demonstrate their love for us, we can break down and be very upset that somebody cares about us right here and right now.
This morning I was trying to explain what happened when I had a nervous breakdown, and I don't think I did it very well. Creating a masterpiece of myself, successful and healthy. And financially okay. It was a facade, and I was always trying to be the person in the right place, with the right people at the right time. Life would be okay when I got to wherever it was, but in the meantime, I was like a chameleon, and was able to fit in most places with the right people and the right things. Eventually, I was exhausted because the amount of work and effort put into being that chameleon, exhausted me in every major endeavour I might undertake.
Oddly enough, the nervous breakdown stopped me in my tracks and I could not replicate that old life again. What happened next, would seem like a disaster on the outside to anyone looking in at the old life and now, the broken person. And it took some years to find myself in a ruinous state and unable to cope with life at all. There were two directions in which to go, keep on doing the same old thing or try to start over from scratch. Addled by alcohol, I was lucky to have that moment of humility, which meant I could ask for help, rather than carry on and expire quite quickly.
And this morning in the meeting, it was all about step seven. In essence step seven is developing a part of ourselves which we have neglected: "shortcomings; not enough courage to change, faith in doing the next right thing and self-esteem." My old life which led to a nervous breakdown and then into a path of destruction through addiction, it was all about step six: "extremes of pride, ego and fear to cover up and put on a brave face, these extremes are the primary defects which cover up our lack of self-worth." And on any given day, the defects of character: "pride, ego and fear," can drive out the new life where step seven: "courage to change, faith in doing the next right thing and building self-worth helps as we 'feel life as it is' in the moment of now."
I don't feel judged about my nervous breakdown, and my over reliance on substances which in my case was alcohol, I feel it is okay to let everybody know that anyone anywhere can find themselves in this predicament. And listening to other people in the room, my experiences are not too different to anyone else's. The old life, full of step six characteristics of pride, ego and fear. The new life, full of step seven, developing courage to change, faith and building self-worth by emotional and spiritual living. Feelings fitting the reality of now, and it's okay to be a learner every single day.
I am glad and happy to be me these days. I am not better or worse than anyone else. Learning to live in the moment of now really does depend on the current conditions today. And the current conditions can be good, bad or ugly. Often we learn more about our emotions which we have suppressed when life is difficult. We are allowed to experience every feeling and learn about them as we go along on our path today. Being able to cope with daily encounters and to be able to be comfortable learning and asking as we go, is probably as good as it's going to get, because we simply keep on learning wisdom of living right now.
Full Daily Blog Link 2014:
DonInLondon 2004 - 2013
Alcoholics Anonymous | March 13 2013 | Steps In Action | Step 3 "Your Higher Power" emotional and spiritual: feelings are real, and spiritual is living in the moment of now, with all the knowledge and skill learned over the years. From feeling useless when stuck in the killer malady, to feeling useful in the solution today. Life will always have good, bad and ugly parts to it because life is like that, in recovery we do not need hide from the truth of now. When life is normal we can cope, when life is at extremes we can ask for help…
In the U.K.'s national news, stories are about taxing alcohol to reduce the level of disruptive behaviour and reduce the level of alcohol consumption. The implication is that rich alcoholics and disruptive individuals can continue immune to the economic costs of drinking to excess and the poorest continue to pay more. If people need to drink alcohol to blot out reality, no amount of cost will work because thirsty people will start to brew their own. Using taxation as a means to create social harmony only leads to further social disorder one day at a time. The implication that poor people are responsible for all the ills of society is a myth. Rich people with money have done more to undermine social and economic wealth than anyone on the planet. It is so easy for the comfortable to blame "the great unwashed" in any society. Usually the well healed don't suffer the consequences unless they fall into a killer malady which has no prejudice at all…
Although there is nothing in the literature of the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous, which suggests that we are powerless over people places and things, I do believe that if we try exert power over people places and things to get our own way, will lead anyone back into unmanageability and peril. We can influence, we might persuade and might encourage people to our point of view. With tradition three, being a desire to stop drinking as the only criteria required to join in fellowship, I feel very comfortable with the idea that we try to attract people and not promote fellowship. Attraction: what you see is what you get on a daily basis, good bad and ugly. Promotion: a guarantee or fix that if you join fellowship sobriety will happen. Attraction showed me I needed to work very hard and then simply work hard at life and there were no guarantees. And if you had told me there was a guarantee of sobriety, I would not have believed you, and would have dismissed fellowship as a dangerous group of people completely deluded…
In chapter 5 of the AA big book, the first sentence reads, and “rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path…" To a new person coming in and confused, this assertion can be very unhelpful. I know there are fortunate people who have not had a drink since their first meeting of the fellowship of AA and that first sentence in chapter 5, has worked for them. However, most people who came into fellowship at the same time as me and subsequently who I know personally, struggled greatly, and were not thoroughly following the path in their early recovery. And the problem if we are in any way, egotistical or prejudiced to the person who has not managed to thoroughly follow the path, they can be put down and written off very easily. Fortunately, those who would write off the newcomer for not thoroughly following the path are usually the last people you might want to associate with in recovery, namely the bleeding deacons, the people who never have a bad day in recovery and the people who have no emotional range whatsoever. Because they cannot see when life is either good, bad or ugly, they white knuckle their perfect sobriety and espouse their own perfection and squeaky clean exterior…
When I really understood those words: rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path, I might want to point out that no alcoholic has suddenly and magically become sober and seen the light, or they wouldn't be in fellowship would they? As it takes a village to raise a child, it seems it takes a fellowship to help keep all of us sober today. Not going to meetings for a few days, weeks and months, or whatever length of time is not helpful, because the old life is always there and open to anyone in recovery. So it's like anything else really, the power greater than us starts in fellowship, the wisdom we learn, the experience strength and hope we share, helps keep us on our sober toes one day at a time…
How does it work: sobriety? We learn how to cope with life, we learn how to cope with reality and if we cannot cope, we ask for help is where we get to. Your higher power: wisdom shared, knowledge and skill developing day by day about how feelings work, thinking works and actions help us learn a new way to live. The old life of fear, pride and ego versus the new life of courage, faith and confidence? It is not that clear cut, pride, ego and fear are always going to be part of who we are. And if we have pride, ego and fear at extremes at any time, this will undermine our courage, faith and confidence at any time. We learn courage, faith and confidence as we face reality, and cope. And when we cannot cope, we ask for help. God works through people, sharing truth, love and wisdom on any given day. And usually available in the moment of now. If we feel we are deserted and alone, all we need do is go to a meeting, pick up the phone and ask anyone inside or outside fellowship for help…
"Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him…" Took me a long time to realise that in my early years my father was my higher power. After all, he was convinced he was the higher power! He always knew better than anyone else, and made certain that I liked his outlook and his omnipotence. And he was quite a violent individual in some respects. When I saw him break down and become human and fallible, all notion of a higher power left me. Some decades later, the higher power is obvious and available at any time. If I am realistic about life, understand my feelings in the moment of now and can apply thinking to my situation and ask for guidance, guidance is usually available today...
Progress not perfection. We do make progress in life, and hopefully we learn what is important. Hopefully we learn our feelings and how they work. And that we don't control them, feelings are the mood we have, which is caused by our environment and learning. Feelings can be very unhelpful if you have decided on a particular outlook on life. If you have decided life will only be okay if it is the way you want it, expectations and entitlements are resentments under construction. If you are able to go with the flow of life and not be confounded by your own perception of how life should turn out, and you are open to how life is, you will make your way more effortlessly as you work hard and your endeavours will be far more satisfying. Of course I could be wrong…
How am I feeling this morning? I feel angry at people who continue to put the blame on the poor. And I am angry that political ideology sets neighbour against neighbour and puts the blame on those who were powerless over economic failure and weakness. I can be angry and accept that the best I can do is share my feelings about it. And maybe say something to my MP or make a comment to a newspaper. Some things cannot be changed overnight, the greed of the rich and the plight of the poor, me being in the latter category. But it does not make me feel like a drink, or even thirsty for a drink these days. Knowing what I can do and cannot do and the wisdom to know the difference put everything into perspective. And there are far more effective people arguing the case for fairness in society than me. And actually all I need do is cover my needs, keep a roof over my head if I can and do something useful with the knowledge and skills. I have a purpose today, to share experience, strength and hope and hope also many others will do the same too, actually I am glad, to be one voice amongst many voices sharing how sobriety works, and the twelve steps and twelve traditions help us all in recovery one day at a time…
Alcoholics Anonymous | March 13 2012 | Steps In Action | Step 3 "Your Higher Power" Today's AA daily reflection: "all about the world of the spirit." Spiritual understanding is only complicated when we try and emulate another person's understanding of "what is spiritual." Speaking only for myself, the best spiritual experience is: living in the moment where feelings fit reality. Any further complication or deeper explanation means I am further from the action of living in the moment of now where I learn what I can and cannot do and the wisdom to know the difference…
I was sitting on the embankment in Battersea Park. Taking photographs of everything and anything. A man approached me and we had a conversation about his wife and his family, nature and nurture. At the end, he asked me if I was a man of the cloth and I said no. He then said, "you are a spiritual person…" And I replied, "if living in the moment and experiencing everything as it is, good or bad then I'm making progress." For me everyone and everything is spiritual, I guess what matters is how I cherish my relationships with everything that is in the moment today…
"The usefulness of any vessel, is in its emptiness." There is a more complicated quote about this and I cannot remember it. It is relevant though when it comes to step three, letting go and letting in new experiences, new actions and of course, the consequences of what we do. People say that truth hurts, for me, falsehoods hurt more especially when I make them to others. Truth, love and wisdom are forever changing as we learn more about life…
Last night a meeting and a share about step six, removal of defects. My primary defects are extremes of fear, putting on a brave face and ego to cover up my ignorance of life or simply feeling inadequate. Contingent on the day I ask for help, defects are less extreme, and my step seven shortcomings, courage, faith and confidence can develop so I may find the truth and live it… I can be at sixes and sevens at any time if extremes are felt by me as a reaction to my situation…
DonInLondon 2005-2011
Not invented here...we know the answer and there is the problem. Knowing the answer often means we stop listening, then we start hurting as no one hears us. Then we assert to the point of defiance and stubbornness. We hurt more, hurt ourselves and in justifiable anger hurt others. Blinded by knowledge, negative actions are easy to follow...
Spiritual is constant and always inside us and outside us ~ Buddha "Just as a candle cannot burn without fire, men cannot live without a spiritual life." -/- Let go self will let in new living, truth, love and wisdom of others, everything is spiritual, spiritual is what we do.... What goes around comes around…
I understand spiritual to be everything: unconditional love, joy, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, self-control and humility. Any time I find I am selfish, dishonest, resent and fear to be a part of me, it too is spiritual. Sobriety and being spiritual is a lifelong process. Spiritual being continues, accepting there is nothing outside spiritual, it is my conduct and choices which make my life what it is today. ~ Marianne Williamson "The spiritual path - is simply the journey of living our lives. Everyone is on a spiritual path; most people just don't know it." -/-
Buddha "Teach this triple truth to all: A generous heart, kind speech, and a life of service and compassion are the things which renew humanity. -/- Third Step Meditation
Don meditation ~ "With good conscience, I need live today as it may be, included and a part of life, with choices developing as life offers to the common good of humanity. I need be aware of the bondage of self will, know what I give, I may receive. Know I am human, that fear in me can evoke false bravery and ego. Courage, faith and confidence will help me live in peace with my fellows, as I learn truth, love and wisdom in the moment of now. Cherish always."
spiritus contra spiritum ~ from dry to sober to spiritual ~ " Maya Angelou "Life loves to be taken by the lapel and told: "I'm with you kid. Let's go." -/- Humphrey Bogart (Rick): "My health. I came to Casablanca for the waters." Captain Claude Rains (Louis): "The waters? What waters? We're in the desert." Humphrey Bogart (Rick): "I was misinformed." -/- Later... "Humphrey Bogart (Rick): Here's looking at you, kid.” -/- We may not realise we always live life on life's terms -/- Don
AA Daily Reflection: A WORLD OF THE SPIRIT We have entered the world of the Spirit. Our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness. This is not an overnight matter. It should continue for our lifetime. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 84
The word “entered” . . . and the phrase “entered into the world of the spirit” are very significant. They imply action, a beginning, getting into, a prerequisite to maintaining my spiritual growth, the “Spirit” being the immaterial part of me. Barriers to my spiritual growth are self-centeredness and a materialistic focus on worldly things. Spirituality means devotion to spiritual rather than worldly things, it means obedience to God’s will for me. I understand spiritual things to be: unconditional love, joy, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, self-control and humility. Any time I allow selfishness, dishonesty, resentment and fear to be a part of me, I block out spiritual things. As I maintain my sobriety, growing spiritually becomes a lifelong process. My goal is spiritual growth, accepting that I’ll never have spiritual perfection.
We all have our roles to play in life no matter how far down we have gone. Recovery is about developing and growing into our communities as we may do today. In early recovery the best community for me was and is Alcoholics Anonymous. Emotionally and spiritually fit to meet the challenges of life. Well-being growing as life offers opportunity, no expectations or feelings of deserving something, simply open to what I can do and cannot do and knowing the wisdom each and every day…
And what about God's plan? When I consider nature and nurture, nature is what I have been given, nurture is what I am learning. Each play their part and each can be separated as part of life. We can certainly plan and make plans as life is evolving and make the best of what is today. I need to work on my spiritual living in the moment, and my emotional needs, where my feelings fit reality, always a good starting point even when I have no clue what might be the outcomes today…
Springtime! It is a beautiful world, and I feel it and have felt it these last few days. Even though great physical pain has hampered my ability to function, there have been many beautiful moments… Learning useful skills, reminding myself to be a beginner at the start of each day opens the door to new possibilities and new beginnings any time, any place and anywhere. Always the journey, and not necessarily the destination…
DonInLondon 2005-2011
We can restart our day anytime, with courage faith and confidence to keep learning in the moment of now ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson "All life is an experiment. The more experiments we make the better." -/- Truth works. Fear, brave facing and ego isolate us, we need be included, right attitude and behaviour, our world opens to good choices…
Restart our day anytime, right now? Expect nothing, deserve nothing, anticipate nothing, judge nothing, do something! Mark Twain "Don't go around saying the world owes us a living. The world owes us nothing. It was here first." -/- Love people, places and things as they are, forgive everyone and ourselves, make choices to good conscience, right sized and maybe we get to be included..
Emotional and spiritual balance like time, available in the moment of now ~ Jim Rohn ~ "Learning is the beginning of wealth. Learning is the beginning of health. Learning is the beginning of spirituality. Searching and learning is where the miracle process all begins." One small step for a child, a giant leap in recovery...
Complicated, apoplectic and sober? Let go and keep it simple ~ Kahlil Gibran ~ "Perplexity is the beginning of knowledge." We can jump start our outlook as many times a day as it takes… new beginnings possible always...
AA Daily Reflection: A DAY'S PLAN ~ MARCH 12, On awakening let us think of the twenty-four hours ahead. We consider our plans for the day. Before we begin, we ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 86
Step Three Video 12 And 12
AA Big Book Video | Chapter 1 | Bill's Story |
AA Big Book Video | Chapter 2 | There Is A Solution |
AA Big Book Video | Chapter 3 | More About Alcoholism |
AA Big Book Video | Chapter 4 | We Agnostics |
AA Big Book Video | Chapter 5 | How It Works |
Alcoholics Anonymous Videos, AA is for Alcoholics, AA 12 Steps, Addiction And Recovery, DonInLondon, Don Oddy,
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