Alcoholics Anonymous Videos | DonInLondon

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog & Video | March 20 2004 - 2014 | DonInLondon | Step 3 "Your Higher Power"

March 20 Video

DonInLondon March 17, 2014: step three month: "made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him." Turning my will and my life over? I live surrendering to the truth of now, not my opinions and beliefs which run riot in my head if I am stuck on something, I ask other people for help to understand what the true picture is today. After my self-will wants one thing, and the truth is that I cannot have it, whether it be people, places or things.

Listening to other people share their experience, strength and hope always reminds me that the twelve principles of living, outlined in the twelve steps is all about learning the truth of now. And behind these twelve principles of living, like any principles of living with a moral foundation of some sort or other, it is all about love. Love of oneself, and love of everyone else with whom we form relationships. Sometimes, even when we love a person, we cannot be with them because to do so would block their spiritual path as well as our own. Life is full of moral dilemmas, if we choose love as the currency if ever love could be called a currency, we are going to find ourselves in many moments facing heartbreak as much as we find love in this world.

I am sure I might be toxic to some people, and some people are toxic to me. I don't know what the mixture will be until I meet them. Every human develops belief and opinion based on experience, and some experiences of life, fall into different categories, which can be as simple as good, bad and ugly experiences. We do not need to keep on attaching ourselves to experiences of the bad and ugly kind and we learn how to spot them far sooner than later in recovery. What might have seemed a good relationship based on all the right ingredients back in the day would be completely wrong for an individual in recovery. We cannot drag our past experiences into the present, especially people who follow a path we do not tread any more. Love provides everything including heartbreak.

Happily, I'm not heartbroken myself, although in the past I have been heartbroken in recovery. And heartbreak is about grief and loss, either we change in one way or another, or they change in one way or another. What seemed possible becomes impossible. In recovery we do find common ground, and falling in love in recovery can be as painful as falling out of it, the good news is, in recovery we find out sooner rather than later. If we are true to ourselves and other people, we keep on finding the good and letting go what is not good for us. What is good for a lot of people, is not my path today. And this reminds me of step one, not only powerless over the addiction, I find it better to be powerless over people places and things and accept that powerlessness on a daily basis. That way if people agree to be included, it is a better decision than being persuaded by me or unduly influenced by me for whatever reason I might imagine. In my own head, it can be a dangerous place.

At the beginning of meetings, which become familiar meetings, meeting those we know is great. And we feel like we belong. I was looking out recently and saw someone wandering towards the front door to a meeting. Within moments of greeting, a gentle chat and making another person feel welcome. And sometimes it can be difficult to keep the connection through to the end. I hope someone else caught their eye and shared a kind word of welcome, and please come back. I did say goodbye at the end, and they said they would see me next week, I hope this happens.

Sharing experience strength and hope is really good. And some of the time we can hear it one day, and then the next day, we cannot hear it at all, it just depends on the current conditions of the day. Springtime and nature is going crazy, I feel the spring season comes across most elements on the planet, the season of renewal affects human behaviour, just as it does the animals. As the song goes, "love is in the air." And the magic of life is love, which is often confused with other basic instincts. If it were all laid out as a plan, there would be no point in being here, the good news, life is serendipity, the bad news, life is serendipity. Go with the flow! And have a minor nervous breakdown every day by not knowing the answers, rather than have a big nervous breakdown by trying to concoct the answers today.

DonInLondon 2004 - 2013

Alcoholics Anonymous | March 20 2013 | Steps In Action | Step 3 "Your Higher Power" "bedrock and keystones - shifting sands and flimsy foundations" the art of "fear less" in recovery. What is the bedrock of my life today? I put sobriety first, live the twelve step principles and practice them in all my affairs. A firm foundation, no cracks and no need to fear or rely on pride and ego today. If I build sobriety on shifting priorities in other areas of life, I will not be able to learn how to live the twelve step principles and when I am diverted from this primary purpose of sobriety, I would then live on flimsy foundations one day at a time…

Part of the bedrock of my sobriety has been developing the ability to keep on learning life one day at a time with humility. Asking for help, when the inner voice inside, suggests I can take control and make the world the way I want it, I know it's not my higher power speaking to me through my conscience. When I hear myself thinking, if only, why do I never win? Why are people ignoring me, why don't people just do what I say, that is not the higher power, that would be me complaining about the world and the world has done nothing to deserve my criticism. "Make a new plan Stan, just set yourself free…" Yes just set myself free: asking with humility, not grovelling, asking with purpose and not for gossip, asking if there is another way is always good today…

So bedrock is putting sober first, then like the keystones of an arch, in recovery are these twelve steps, principles which can be lived day by day. And simply understanding that progress means we sometimes go quite a way forward and then double back when we lose our way. We can put the steps into practice, when life experience is happening and the steps are applicable to every life experience, but not all at the same time. A daily reminder of steps 1 to 3, always perks me up to acknowledge that I can have a bad day if I forget some simple meditations. One, powerlessness is liberating, two, I can be restored to sanity learning what I can and cannot do, and three, letting go things needing to go my way, things need to go the way they need to for everyone and not just me today…

We will have all sorts of skills and abilities as we plough through our life and they develop through time. The most interesting and fascinating discovery that the twelve steps blend into life so well is because they do not interfere with our freedom of choice. Indeed, our freedom of choice grows as we become more able in sobriety and the skills we have, come back to life as we come back to living a life on life's terms. Understanding our role and responsibilities in whatever endeavour we choose, we are very much more able to set boundaries, and identify: SWOT - strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats. We learn much faster what we can do for ourselves, and where we need to ask for help to get things done. Our mood: our emotional and spiritual experience is always contingent on asking for help as we live one day at a time… It's not all about me, it's more likely all about "us" today…

A friend of mine is finding life very challenging and feels a strong desire to control just about every element, plan, organise, decide and get moving. And yet at the same time, their emotional and spiritual condition is severely affected by trying to be all things to all men. And the more we try fit ourselves to a pattern that we determine on our own, the greater frustration as the rest of the world refuses to cooperate and often refuses to engage because they cannot see their part in our plans. And this works both ways round in a highly heated and fast-moving life. The urgency to get things sorted and get things on track is often put first. And without referring to any emotional or spiritual extremes we impose on ourselves and other people. My friend is all about the nuts and bolts as well as the strategy for the rest of this century and has not taken account of their own feelings in the moment of now. Ignoring the emotions in the moment is back to standing on a precipice, the jumping off point, and is not very desirable on any given day…

Sometimes when we are under pressure, the suggestion is "to suck it up and get on with it." Whatever the "it" may be. Sucking it up, holding back the feelings and getting the job done can be done, if that is what needs to be done? Every time we suppress our feelings in the moment, it's almost like putting them on deposit in a vault or bank. And the more we put in to the vault or bank of emotions, they accrue just like interest in any bank today. Or we take no interest and a mountain grows within, and then we default as the pressure builds and we have no resources. And at the last moment, as is often the case with those of us in recovery, we remember to ask for help, and then the help, cannot help because the mountain is just too big to resolve as we would wish. In less than one day! So yes suck it up one or two days, maybe if you really have to, but if you set a pattern for yourself where you never deal with the emotions in the moment, the emotions will just build and build on the shifting sands and the flimsy foundation of your sobriety. Just because you can do something, it does not mean you need be doing that something, and that is the freedom and the conundrum we all have today…

I'm glad I'm not the only one being asked for help. Indeed I always suggest professional help, where it is needed. And in fellowship ask as many people as there are available when dealing with tough decisions on any given day. And if an immediate answer is required, ask yourself is it immediate because of procrastination by you or procrastination by others, or by both? Sometimes we do have to deal with the problem in the moment because it is urgent and immediate. And then the spot check inventory, very handy to look back to where the breaking point occurred, and what can be done next time so we don't find ourselves climbing emotional mountains and falling from the top over and over again…

How am I feeling? When we are on the outside and being asked for help, over the years in my careers, even though people asked for help, they did not want to take the help and the don't like the answers that are suggested. And actually very often because the request for help is at the last minute, the person asking is having trouble listening to anything which might help in the moment of now. Pride, ego and fear will take over very quickly in family, work and community life. When we feel our answer is best, in that pressure point, better to let that answer go and listen to the answers of those concerned. Courage, faith and confidence are built through time, changing our outlook and most importantly tending to our pastoral needs: understanding our emotions and how they fit with the reality of now is often the very last thing we think of as we are riding off in all directions at once, "he jumped on his horse and rode off in all directions…" More metaphorical than metaphysical in the ever present, imperfectly perfect moment of now… I feel okay sitting on my metaphorical horse, which is quite stationary right now. And the horse needs no drink and needs no one most of all me trying to direct it to go one way or another, just for today...

Alcoholics Anonymous | March 20 2012 | Steps In Action | Step 3 "Your Higher Power" Today's AA daily reflection: "love and tolerance…" I've often heard it said that words can be cheap and indeed actions speak louder than words. Love and tolerance need start with ourselves and it is an action in recovery, starting with sober one day at a time…

Understanding how step one, powerless and unmanageable, step two, being restored to sanity on a daily basis and step three letting go and making room for new knowledge, skills and actions. When anyone says, "let go and move on," letting go the self-harm and shame and guilt is an on-going action. We do not simply let go and move on, we need to work at it and letting go self-prejudice opens the door to forgiveness for being a human being with an ailment. At the same time there are consequences for how we have behaved. Love and tolerance is part of letting go and accepting new living...

Forgiveness, tolerance and love are all part of the journey in life. The more people have been hurt by us or by others, the more difficult the road because people who've been hurt am more able to hurt other people back. Letting go old behaviour, the fear, shame and guilt associated with how we were, needs to be understood first by ourselves and then through expression and contrition by making amends when possible and not doing further harm. Our past experiences then become part of the toolkit to a better life, being included and useful in recovery…

Expectations are resentments under construction according to many I have heard and I feel like I can completely agree that no one deserves anything more than another person be it good or bad fortune. Usually fear is behind the emotions we feel for a whole variety of reasons. I never expected other chronic conditions in recovery, but I appreciate that I'm alive long enough to get them. Real life can bite deeply and nobody is immune to nature or the harsher side of life including health. For today I have gratitude to have been alive long enough to see much of the world as it really is. A consequence and not always a benefit…

DonInLondon 2005-2011

As Bill sees it... 276 A Higher Power for Atheists "I have had many experiences with atheists, mostly good. Everybody in A.A. has the right to his own opinion. It is much better to maintain an open and tolerant society than it is to suppress any small disturbances their opinions might occasion. Actually, I don't know anybody who went off and died of alcoholism because some atheist's opinions on the cosmos.

"But I do always entreat these folks to look to a `Higher Power' -- namely, their own group. When they come in, most of their A.A. group is sober, and they are drunk. Therefore, the group is a `Higher Power'. That's a good enough start, and most of them do progress from there. I know how they feel, because I was once that way myself." Bill W

We need find forgiveness for our human condition, always fallible, always learning, imperfectly perfect... ~ Hannah More "Forgiveness is the economy of the heart... forgiveness saves the expense of anger, the cost of hatred, the waste of spirits" -/- tolerance and love helps let go the heartbreak of self-harm and harm we did to others

Gerald Jampolsky "Forgiveness means letting go of the past"

-/-

Jessica Lange "Acceptance and tolerance and forgiveness, those are life-altering lessons"

-/-

Bruce Springsteen "Certainly tolerance and acceptance were at the forefront of my music"

-/-

When we realise reality offers the best connection to spiritual we understand ~ Kurt Cobain "Drugs are a waste of time. They destroy your memory and your self-respect and everything that goes along with your self-esteem" -/- So similar, living one day at a time as life is, joyful or sad, unique and authentic in our experience...

-/-

AA Daily Reflection: LOVE AND TOLERANCE Love and tolerance of others in our code. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 84

I have found that I have to forgive others in all situations to maintain any real spiritual progress. The vital importance of forgiving may not be obvious to me at first sight, but my studies tell me that every great spiritual teacher has insisted strongly upon it. I must forgive injuries, not just in words, or as a matter of form, but in my heart. I do this not for the other persons’ sake, but for my own sake. Resentment, anger, or a desire to see someone punished, are things that rot my soul. Such things fasten my troubles to me with chains. They tie me to other problems that have nothing to do with my original problem.

Step Three Video 12 And 12