Alcoholics Anonymous Videos | DonInLondon

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog & Video | Jan 22 2004 - 2014 | DonInLondon | Step 1 "Powerless" |

January 22 Video

DonInLondon January 22, 2014: I am never quite certain how people participate in the Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous or any other Fellowship. At the same time I do have great gratitude for every newcomer who comes into the Fellowship and develops a desire to be well one day at a time. Over the last few weeks, indeed months, newcomers have been an inspiration. I don't know what's going on, somehow the message seems to have become clearer in my local area and the amount of help on offer from everyone is remarkable. Of course to see what is going on, we do need to participate in some way. Just getting to a meeting and then another is a real step forward towards truth one day at a time.

January Step One Month: "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable." Very often January is all about new beginnings, somebody mentioned that many of their friends were having a "dry January." And rather than push their luck in being dry in January, they were avoiding going out and hitting the town, going to the pub, simply going out in general. Fellowship people? We go out any time and in suitable places where we feel able to be ourselves without the need for a drink. Of course there is always that caveat, that if we indulge ourselves and put ourselves at risk, there is some sort of inevitability that we are dicing with death, rather than living life to the full. We don't need to linger in dangerous places, because we do have the ability to become dangerous to ourselves.

The beauty of social networks! We can share our experience strength and hope with each other, finding very diverse friendships across the world. Networking in this way has improved my outlook no end, having the benefit of reading about life in recovery on a daily basis. In all my years in the Fellowship, seeing people develop their own way of living, their own path which is authentic to them is of prime importance. There was a reading yesterday which is all about sharing our authentic message with each other, without imposing our beliefs and opinions on other people. This freedom to choose our path is something fundamental to me. When I was very much younger, I had judged a person very badly with regard to the career choices and their personal life. The rebuke I got was fully justified, how dare I judge another person finding their unique and authentic path in life? These days I dare not, and hopefully when people understand me better, they accept that I too have a path which is authentic to me.

It can be very difficult in recovery when we find ourselves with a particular set of beliefs, codes of conduct and personal values which might not fit exactly with the pattern that other people have around us. What we come to understand on a daily basis, the truth as it is today, finding unconditional love in our lives, and learning the wisdom on offer through experiences we will have feels right in my own living today. Learning the truth, surrendering to the truth indeed, love and wisdom in the moment is where we learn through experience. When I isolate and only have my own personal beliefs and opinions to rely upon, before recovery and before Fellowship, I almost expired completely. Given the opportunity to learn life again and start from scratch, make sense of my history, and find that a path of openness, honesty and willingness to learn keeps on opening the door to new experiences I never dreamt were possible.

The return to sanity on a daily basis is something I have great gratitude for, and being able to let go personal beliefs and opinions which do not fit reality has been eye opening and mind expanding. Learning to be an emotional person, in other words knowing what my feelings are and really experiencing all these different feelings over the years in recovery, has helped make me more able to cope with reality. Life without prejudice, which starts with self-prejudice, is a daily maintenance job for me. And no doubt will be to my last breath.

Every day we will be confronted by difficult situations, historic and present which impact on what we do in the moment of now. I have quite a few difficult situations presently, more health checks, another scan today and another one next week. I'm still trying to get some reasonable response from people contracted to do work in my home. There is no clear picture, and on my own I cannot make it so. At the same time I can say no to future intrusions until the nature of works to be done are clearly communicated as time allows and people cooperate. Cooperation, communication, asking for transparency, and with an attitude of being open honest and willing, hopefully progress will be made. It may not be in the timescale I hope, because that is not how it works, we need to interact and then understand what can and cannot be done.

Gratitude for being alive, gratitude that I have an authentic path of living, and a great deal of Fellowship and friendship from everyone across the world. We don't all think the same way, which is very important to me, because I need the points of view and understandings about life and what makes each of us tick as we do. And also gratitude when I learn from mistakes, preconceived ideas and judgements being wrong. Humility to learn, humility to apologise when I am wrong, and humility to keep on learning. And especially humility to accept the diversity of outlooks on life, which are quite different to my own. Underneath our authenticity, the emotional and spiritual journey continues for everyone as it may in the moment and one day at a time.

DonInLondon 2004 - 2013

January 22 2013 | AA 12 Steps In Action | Step 1 "Powerless" | Alcoholics Anonymous | "help yourself to say no to the wrong advice for you…" Very important in recovery, and the beginning we are still driven mad by thousand forms of misunderstanding not about our drinking, because that has become obvious, more to do with how to live life free, freedom of choice in every moment of now…

I received an email from a friend this morning, and I have not been in contact with them for some years. After leaving the fellowship, they have pursued their own recovery. And for a good many reasons, and one bad one, recovery did not work as suggested in all the literature. Paying attention to the wrong people, in the wrong places doing the wrong things reminds me that fellowship is a very human enterprise. And the trouble with human doings is some things we do, don't necessarily help all the people all the time. In order to get our freedom to live to good choices, we have to find the right people in the right places doing the right things. One day at a time. And some days, we find the wrong people, the wrong place, and the wrong doing going on. And the worst part of it, the right people can turn into the wrong people, the right place can turn into the wrong place, and the right things can become the wrong things. As we progress, we learn what is good for us and where freedom is just for one day and not a lifetime…

Anything human, anything we humans do, is a process of change. What used to work for us, like drinking and everything that went with it, becomes something we need let go, or suffer an untimely death. If we are alcoholics, admit and accept it, we often get stubborn and revolt, because we are frustrated and we want the one freedom we cannot have, to drink again with immunity to bad consequences. And without the negative consequences we would, would we not? I don't debate this anymore for myself, I cannot drink again without negative consequences. And although that is obvious, without emotional and spiritual learning, I can defy reason and common sense, I can defy emotional good sense, get stubborn and defiant and tried the old ways again. Letting go completely the notion of safe drinking, and understanding the freedom I have today, to live reality, to live life on life's terms, is far better than any drink or imagined future with drink. Where my feelings work now, it is as good as it gets. Today, I feel good for myself and my decisions, and sorrowful about the decisions of friends who are back out on the lash, or starting again, just for a day…

In the UK, there are some groups who are part of the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous, who never have a bad day, and are not allowed to share the negative sides or aspects of recovery. And this is the truth that I have learned in recent weeks, and suspected since I avoided some of these groups who find life completely, joyous and free, and have no down days, and actively make it the fault of the person if they have a bad day. Any person can have a bad day in recovery, where it is painful and difficult, or they haven't been around long enough in recovery! I don't know why some people are attracted to the notion that there is no such thing as a bad day, that happy, joyous and free can be maintained all the time. To deny the truth that life is difficult, that life can be horrible, that we have to grieve for the losses we experience through life, well, I might despair and wish that the truth of life could be somehow infused in people. But then I would be as bad as those who say they're happy when they get run over by a bus, or get some horrible disease. I got a horrible disease in recovery, not because of anything I'd done, but because I had a minor operation which led to type I diabetes. The good news in it, I lived long enough to get it. And with fellowship cope with it. One day at a time…

The friend who wrote me this morning, he used to sit on my couch and said that I was a special case, and needed to be in recovery because I had type I diabetes and had no choice. He did not hear the facts and truth that I had been in recovery for a number of years before the diabetes happened. And the notion that I had no choice about drinking as a type I diabetic; it is truly a stupid and ignorant suggestion. So if we are looking for a way to knock AA and any fellowship group and any individual, we are going to find a way. It is just unfortunate that one or two shiny bright groups suggest that fellowship is a cure-all for everything, and it isn't, it only works one day at a time, and it only works if you work it, and it only works on sobriety, not the rest of your chuffing life… Or rather, it does, because simply we live reality and have the freedom to make the free choices, and know full well, that nobody is immune from relapse, because life is chuffing difficult…

And the friend who went to the bright shiny fellowship groups, decided recently that the normal fellowship groups, full of the good, full of the bad and full of the ugly are far more attractive, rather than those who promote themselves as saviours, not only of the alcoholic, that their worldview is the chuffing best. Those who instigate segregation policies in fellowship, rather than clump everybody together are missing the point of wisdom and diversity, when it comes to learning sobriety. The rich man in his castle needs the input from the surf down the road who has found a way out of drinking one day at a time. All we need is humility and anything can happen, even the surf can learn from the rich man in his castle, and find equality in sobriety and in fellowship. Well, that may be a bit farfetched, because were all full of chuffing prejudices. When you're trying to get yourself and the camel through the eye of a needle, any lifeline on that road need be welcome…

How do I feel about my two friends [not here or on any network where they can be found by you] experiencing two different things about the negative aspects of some of the things they experienced? It is an imperfect world, and if you're still judging and trying to find a bright and shiny future and wanting to be fixed, so the rest of the world will let you have it, it ain't going to happen. I still love my friends, but they have a sense of expectation, a sense of entitlement and not enough understanding that we start over every day, and if we don't ask for help from the right people in the right moment, recovery will always be elusive because recovery will not come to you, you have to find it and live it one day at a time. At least both of them, and independent of each other and quite different personalities, except for one quality, “EGO”, which gets in the way of everything. And the way it worked for them, because I've seen it and discussed it, was a negotiation with God in their lives. As far as I know, God does not negotiate, the wisdom of God is all around us and available when we ask for help. Just because you're being good one day, sober, does not mean you are entitled to anything at all. Other than, the prospect of one good day, and if I get to bed tonight, and wake up sober, I can start again for another day…

In chapter 5 of the big book, "how it works." Where it suggests that the fellowship has rarely seen a person fail if they thoroughly follow the path; I feel that is very true. If you are a perfect specimen in recovery, you can thoroughly follow the path. And the one part, which is often forgotten, is humility to keep on learning the path. There is no exam pass or fail. In recovery, we live one day at a time, we make progress and if you expect a bright shiny medal at some point, it usually comes in the form of a piece of tin for the number of days sober, or the number of years sober. I like my chips, and feel good about receiving them, although I didn't get last years, and it's a bit late on to go and get one, maybe ego will stop me? The point is this, and made very clearly, that ego will kill a person and their recovery, because if you don't get what you think you deserve for whatever reason, you are still in fantasyland and feel entitled, rather than working for it. Fortunately, alcoholism is an equal opportunity killer, from gutter to Castle keep, from believer in God, to atheist to agnostic, to those who believe in good over bad, without humility to keep on learning life and know that the answers and the solutions are always around us if we ask and continually ask for help from anyone anywhere, and not just fellowship! Now that's chuffing bloody brilliant!

You can be sober today, you can be drunk today, if you are sober today, your freedom to choose a path is open and at the same time, the door to the pub is only a few steps away. And some people say, the next drink is only an arm’s length away, and in a split second, the sad deed can be done, the drink taken and then if we are fortunate and have enough wits about us, we realise what we have done, and hopefully can make a choice to the good. Self-harm can lead into a downward spiral so quickly, and self-forgiveness is key or there is no forgiveness for this life and where it might lead. I don't fear a drink, I choose not to have one and if for any reason life turned me upside down, to the point where I could not cope, I hope that I would be able to ask for help and get help which would happen sooner rather than later, or when it was too late for it to happen. Alcoholism is a fatal malady, and yet even in recovery we can treat it with forgetfulness, and contempt. Even though written these words as a warning to myself as much as you, I feel okay and not fearful of what might happen just for this day…

January 22 | Daily Reflection| 2012 | Today's AA daily reflection: "let's keep it simple," said Dr Bob to Bill. And, "let's not louse things up." Fellowship: no rules, no laws or regulations to prevent individual recovery by exclusion. The individual comes first and at the same time the “group conscience” is the decision-making process.

All my life until I got recovery, I was very much a loner and not a joiner to anything. As I read the twelve steps and twelve traditions, I realised here is a society which believes and values of unity, service and recovery. This gave me the comfort to be involved and included in something far, far bigger than me…

And the principles which guide me today begin with how to love, be loved back and useful in whatever capacity I choose in the direction my life can take. I never realised I could choose and be free to choose the direction my life can take. Of course I need follow a path which is realistic and based on reality as it is, not a fantasy or based on something I feel I might have deserved…

Yesterday's spiritual lunchtime meeting, in the spiritual hut next to the spiritual hall of remembrance was brilliant. A fantastic chair and sharing about: dealing with our emotions as they happen, rather than pushing them away and denying the feelings. I concluded I do really have feelings today, experience them as the very essence of living a spiritual existence. Feelings fitting my reality and guiding my thoughts and actions day by day…

DonInLondon 2005-2011

Marianne Faithfull, "I think drugs were used by me as a way of suppressing my natural spirit." -/-. Learning life a day at a time, I learn what I can do and cannot do, the wisdom to know the difference. My feelings more often fit the moment of now as nature intended, no need to fix me or you today...

Step One "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol-that our lives had become unmanageable" AA Daily: LET'S KEEP IT SIMPLE ~ JANUARY 22, A few hours later I took my leave of Dr. Bob… The wonderful, old, broad smile was on his face as he said almost jokingly, “Remember, Bill, let’s not louse this thing up. Let’s keep it simple!” I turned away, unable to say a word. That was the last time I ever saw him. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS COMES OF AGE, p 214

After years of sobriety I occasionally ask myself: “Can it be this simple?” Then, at meetings, I see former cynics and sceptics who have walked the A.A. path out of hell by packaging their lives, without alcohol, into twenty-four hour segments, during which they practice a few principles to the best of their individual abilities. And then I know again that, while it isn’t always easy, if I keep it simple, it works.

Step One Video 12 & 12