Alcoholics Anonymous Videos | DonInLondon

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog & Video | Jan 19 2004 - 2014 DonInLondon | Step 1 "Powerless" |

January 19 Video

January Step One Month: "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable." In our drinking days or substance days or behaviour days of addiction, if you were like me, you always had something hidden and not talked about. A stash of something somewhere, easily accessed and easily administered when no one was looking. Who was I fooling? I was fooling myself and then trying to hide my foolishness from the world. At the same time something kept me in the grip, it is simple to see now, I had a disease and my insane thinking was based on denial of the truth. The truth is, I am an alcoholic, and one day at a time I am sober a long time.

DonInLondon January 19, 2014: we can be sober for many years, and still feel the pull towards oblivion. The oblivion possible with a substance or behaviour to stop some feelings, or to try manufacture some feelings. We are surrounded by opportunity and access, as substances and behaviour are often promoted through media, through the people we live with day-to-day. In those circumstances, is it any wonder that temptation can crush our resolve? Surrendering to the truth on a daily basis, this is the practical way to keep with people, places and things which help us keep sober in all conditions of living. The Fellowship of AA in unity service and recovery, most days helps to keep our feelings in tune with reality and able to cope. And the beauty is we don't have to cope alone, and we are not alone if we choose in recovery.

Often people worried that if an old timer, a medium timer or even a person with a few months sobriety go back out for a drink, a drug, some form of romantic or financial gamble. The Fellowship of AA is made up of highly sensitive individuals who are very human humans. If people did not relapse, and if people were not human with emotions and thinking going on, it would be a very strange Fellowship indeed. There is no shame in losing our way from time to time. Indeed we do lose our way very often and it does not mean we will lose our sobriety. When we lose our sobriety, it usually means we have fallen out of love with ourselves first, because in some way we feel life would be better with a drink or drug, or some romantic or financial gamble. But everything is a risk in life, so it is not surprising to me that many people in Fellowship do go back to the old lifestyle. The good news is most who make it back, continue on their path of sobriety. And very often we hear if we are local in our community, whether or not a person has perished as a result of relapse with nowhere to go.

Everyone in this world is a risk taker. We take a risk walking down the road, we take a risk when we get in a car, and we take risks with "trains, planes and automobiles." And we learn that there are acceptable risks to living. Some people are driven to be risk takers, competitive and the winners are often given a pedestal or platform to show off their success. The dizzy heights of success, they can never be maintained without the dizzy darkness and desolation in failure. High achievers, then no achievements can never be matched as time marches on. And although we strive for balance in this very busy society and how we live today, if we do not recognise the current conditions today, how our feelings fit with the reality we are trying to cope with, any addict or alcoholic can find themselves in dangerous waters.

There is a guarantee which I want to make, but I cannot make it, no one is safe from relapse when the pressure is on and there is no one to talk to. And there is a statement in one of our books, "rarely have we seen a person fail, who has thoroughly followed our path." In a way it is a true statement because if we thoroughly followed the path, we understand our emotional state in the moment and the amount we can cope with day-to-day, when we are on our own and when we need company to find help and wisdom along the way. I have often seen people fail, who know the answers to recovery, but they become overwhelmed in some way and cannot maintain connection to Fellowship or to family or to professionals. Being overwhelmed, being anxious, panicking or clouded in deep depression can be triggers when we seek oblivion. People do relapse, it is a fact and it can happen to anyone.

And then the perverse situation, where we can see people have had extreme situations to deal with, or apparently nothing to deal with and are consumed by a desire to find oblivion, success can be an equally big trigger to anyone and relapse occurs because of happiness. Happiness is a transient state, and so are all conditions of human emotions, because they ought to reflect the current conditions of the day and that we can cope with what is happening. Romance, true romance and love can make anyone forgetful and our thinking and our memories eradicate the horror we have survived. And the same is true of financial success, emotional highs drive out the history we know we have because of the desire to return to an old life and freedom which was an illusion. Addiction of any kind is usually and most profoundly the disease of denial and purposeful forgetting.

A common phrase used in the Fellowship, "stay in the middle of the bed," or be mindful to surround yourself with accessible people who are there and can support you whenever life is becoming extreme, or depressing, and especially when everything feels okay. Denial often creeps up on anyone anywhere, and this is not to scare anybody from Fellowship or any professional help, because everyone who walks through the doors into Fellowship or some form of help, has become a hopeless case with nowhere to go. This is why keeping everything in a one-day framework helps people keep sober very often from the first day they start recovery, to their final breath. A return to normality? There is no normal, and there is no point in going backwards, at the same time we are surrounded by and attracted to the old life. Never underestimate the disease of denial, because denial is part of the make up of humanity. Having said that, those who found their path in sobriety seem more serene and peaceful and more aware of reality than many humans I encounter day-to-day.

And another phrase used in Fellowship, "we can have a life beyond our wildest dreams," is very true if we can live in the truth of now. Anyone in recovery works hard at understanding life, how they feel about it, they are thoughtful and very able to think through the moment and translate this into good actions in unity service and recovery. Good actions do lead to a life beyond our wildest dreams because dreams are fantasies without foundations. Fellowship is about dealing with the truth of our current situation on a daily basis and building firm foundations to live life sober. And life where feelings fit reality, feelings can be good bad or ugly and we learn what they are, means we have a greater depth of understanding life and our personal purpose wherever it may take us. The gift of reality, surrendering to the truth of now is a more rich and deep experience day by day. What a gift we can have. Fellowship of itself does not guarantee anything, because we are all subject to the current conditions in which we live. Fellowship offers anyone anywhere the opportunity to learn and experience real life as it is. And definitely, life is difficult emotionally and spiritually one day at a time. We are human after all in recovery.

DonInLondon 2013 - 2005

January 19 2013 | AA 12 Steps In Action | Step 1 "Powerless" | Alcoholics Anonymous | "compare and despair…" How am I feeling this morning? Why? And what to do? In this present moment I feel good! Why? Because I am warm, have a roof over my head and it is very cold outside. Groceries been delivered on time, so I have enough to eat. And what to do next? My mobility is severely impaired. This morning, I can write, I can feel, I can think, and I can share, experience, strength and hope…

Compare and despair! If we make it to fellowship, we will hear the experience, strength and hope of other people who will be sober, nearly sober and sometimes drunk. We all live in the same day, the present day, and what is important in fellowship is to live one day at a time. Compare and despair on a personal level, can be about what we used to be back in the day when life seemed sweet and before it got ugly with addiction. And then we compare ourselves to today and the present, and we are quite different the longer we are away from the drink. So we can compare and despair between the old life and our perceived successes and excesses, and a new life which is extremely difficult in early days and only when we are sufficiently aware that life in the present moment, without drink means we can enjoy reality, without any need to distort reality, do we actually start to believe that this new life one day at a time is possible and preferable…

Comparing and despairing and judging other people! If we compare ourselves with other people, the ones that are like us, the ones who seem to be better off, the ones who are worse off, we can envy just about anyone and everyone. The rich man or woman, can envy the poor man or woman, they perceive it may be easier to find recovery, when everything is lost. And the poor man or woman can envy the rich man or woman, because it's easier to get to recovery in a grand house with a fat bank account. And of course, the road of recovery is not selective, it is not easier or harder for any one person to recover than another person. Addiction and alcoholism is an equal opportunities killer, and the fatal malady will take anyone down, any time and any place. If you compare your situation, rather than look for the similarities, life will take on new meaning, a very negative meaning. When we look at the similarities, we find we are all the same on the road of recovery…

A fellowship with one primary purpose, to help people with a desire to be sober, and hopefully keep sober one day at a time. And a diverse fellowship in faith and belief, believers in God, Buddhists and every religion, believers and nothingness, Agnostics and atheists as well. What you believe in, or what you don't believe in is part of you and you need not change your opinion, unless your opinion changes. Diversity offers the greatest wisdom, from the greatest number to the greatest number. The only place I know it’s okay to follow your belief and faith without hindrance appears to be in fellowship as people start to understand that no one has a greater hold on truth than another. In the end one way or another, truth, love and wisdom prevail in recovery. And once we are sober, the rest of life keeps happening as it will, and most often, not by our will…

Letting go the addiction, which is a physical and emotional bond, and opening up to a healthy emotional and physical future on a daily basis is going to be a shock to the system. And to get into an addictive state, it requires endurance to the limits of human capacity. And maintaining that endurance in active addiction, will lead to a complete breakdown emotionally and physically, which is why so few people make it to recovery. It is not the fault of the person trying to recover and it is not the fault of professionals trying to help a person recover, and it is not the fault of a fellowship trying to help a person recover from an impossible situation where we cannot stop what is killing us. Step one, the admission of powerlessness over addiction and continued using will leave a person in an unmanageable state, then needs to be accepted one day at a time. Give an addict or alcoholic, a timescale of more than one day, recovery is unbearable and often feels impossible…

Whatever your understanding of a miracle, from a belief in God, to atheist or agnostic, being sober one day at a time, and then continuing one day at a time with the help of other people is quite miraculous. The intervention is learning the truth, learning all about love and wisdom to keep sober. For many people this has a divine connection for many people, the connection to truth, love and wisdom is dictated by their own personal beliefs and opinions. I have learned that truth, love and wisdom are powers far greater than me and reside in the collective truth, love, and wisdom on tap wherever we can find it. And for me, the fellowship of AA has far greater truth, love, and wisdom than me. Being sober, means I can keep on learning how to live life in the moment of now and cope with reality. And if I cannot cope with reality, I can ask for help from appropriate sources depending on my conundrums today. Answers are never immediate in my experience, the answers come as they will, and not by my will, just about every blinking day...

What was it like for me on my first day of real recovery? It started the day I was born, and survived long enough to realise that my life had got completely out of control. Indeed I did not like reality much, I felt like I had failed to get the point. And to get what I thought I ought to have. Somehow I had a sense of entitlement which just grew and got distorted. Somehow I raised my expectations to fantastic levels and perfection which are completely unachievable. And in the grip of trying to be perfect, or sometimes simply staying under the radar because of fear, I was always conflicted about what I should be doing and ought to be doing. Forever searching for the right situation, with the right girl, the right job and the right things, just made life intolerable and impossible. These days I realise, the right people, the right places and the right things are with us always, and what we need is to understand the truth, the love and the wisdom on offer as reality is today. Which means it will be good, bad and ugly, as life is, and freedom of choice, we have is to follow our senses, intuition and if we are uncertain, consult, relate and ask for help at any given moment. We will fall flat sometimes, forwards or backwards and then pick ourselves up, and sometimes with a helping hand, we will make it through the day and possibly return the serenity in the moment of now, or sooner rather than later!

January 19 2012 | Daily Reflection | A wonderful discussion with my dentist all about neuro-linguistic programming NLP, and how dentistry and NLP help plan patient needs through time. A lively debate followed on matters to do with how the brain works, which was part of my old profession. It was quite exciting, and me sharing about AA and how the 12 steps work… The 12 steps for me a natural progression back to reality and living in the day…

What is spiritual? I realise that we all see spiritual similarly and yet we often miss the spiritual angle to living. Every moment where we can see the truth of now, live in the moment and cope with reality is my best understanding so far. Living in reality: coping with it where feelings fit the experience, thinking and actions working. That is a tall order! As the past and the future can upset our balance at any time…

Today's AA daily, "about round-the-clock faith." From Webster's dictionary, "Faith, firm belief in something for which there is no proof: complete trust…" Back in the day, fear in isolation kept me in the dark and I had no faith in me or anyone, let alone a higher power. Step three in the program helped me to let go and let the world into my life…

I know I cannot define God, nor would I wish to because I cannot understand how nature and providence has made the world. Truly, as many say "God works through people," then letting go knowing everything, means I can ask for help about anything. It works, one day at a time. When I cannot work it out for myself, I now know asking for help is strength and not weakness…

DonInLondon 2005-2011

Three measures: To what extent do we cherish people in our lives? To what extent are we indifferent? To what extent are we superficial? As we treat others, we treat ourselves, as we treat others they too work with how we are. We get as good as we give; every day is different as we learn to live life...

Step One "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol-that our lives had become unmanageable"

"God [it is what we understand to be God or a "Higher Power"] grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot, Courage to Change the things I can and the Wisdom to Know the Difference" God is Truth Love and Wisdom in the moment of now...

AA Daily: ROUND-THE-CLOCK FAITH JANUARY 19 Faith has to work twenty-four hours a day in and through us, or we perish. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p.16

The essence of my spiritually, and my sobriety, rests on a round-the-clock faith in a Higher Power. I need to remember and rely on the God of my understanding as I pursue all of my daily activities. How comforting for me is the concept that God works in and through people. As I pause in my day, do I recall specific concrete examples of God’s presence? Am I amazed and uplifted by the number of times this power is evident? I am overwhelmed with gratitude for my God’s presence in my life of recovery. Without this omnipotent force in my every activity, I would again fall into the depths of my disease - and death.

-/-

Step One Video 12 & 12