Alcoholics Anonymous Blog & Video | Dec 12 | DonInLondon | Step 12 "Freedom To Choose"
Humility "open to learning life today," learning "Truth, Love and Wisdom in the moment of now," liberty, liberation, release, emancipation, deliverance, forgiveness, tolerance and love.
December 12, 2013 Step Twelve Month: "having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs..." Contingent on the current conditions today: how am I feeling? Why do I feel this way? And what can I do? I feel tired, I'm not hungry, I don't feel lonely and I am not angry. At the same time, although I don't feel 100%, I'm not short of things to do today. Physically, routine checks to do, recovery is a full time job, dealing with type I diabetes is a full time job, keeping in touch with fellowship is a full time job. Everything is a full time job! Especially finding out what I can do and what I cannot do today.
This time of year is good to sort out admin, make sure all my bills are up-to-date, which reminds me I have a bill to pay. I don't feel well physically and this is something which I need pay attention to, ignoring and pushing through in order to achieve some end is not actually good for me. I spent years going to work ill, because that's what you do. I spent years doing things to please people and behave in the right way and the appropriate way according to other people's ideas. And to an extent I can become embroiled in mystical notions about turning up to things because it is expected, or I feel like I'm letting the side down if I don't. Now the question is, who is on your side in recovery, and who is the person putting expectations on you in recovery?
With a tendency to perfectionism, having started the routine of going to early-morning meetings, I am somewhat irritated to share that the last two days, well I did miss the early-morning meetings. And the reason why, simply I am tired. And it is a choice whether I push through and get there and then have a lousy day trying to recover physically. The early-morning meetings have sharpened my clarity around quite a lot of issues. First of all, no single person has all the answers in recovery, especially me. And listening with a sense of inclusion is all part of fellowship and helping people. And it has been tremendously rejuvenating to start the day with any fellowship meeting, AA or NA, or any other which might happen to be close. The similarities are without doubt there, and the differences and the diversity of outlooks and experience, strength and hope shared, makes it all worthwhile.
So I am missing the early-morning meetings after two days off. And I hope I can get back to them as soon as possible, at the same time in the modern world we are never without the means and opportunity to find fellowship anywhere, because fellowship is everywhere. Sharing the message, how we do this becomes a personal decision based on the current conditions today. And I do feel that social networking helps people find connection, friendship and fellowship at any time of day. As long as we don't put all our eggs in one basket, as long as we don't depend on one person only, that whether we are a newcomer or an old timer, we still have plenty of connections we can call upon at any time of day. Being there for anyone anywhere is not possible as a single human being. As a fellowship however, the probability is if you have a telephone, hopefully it has many numbers, if you are part of a social network, you have many connections. And if you are really fortunate, there are meetings surrounding where you live. Not always the case and it is not always the case that we can get out and ask for help.
"I'm responsible when anyone anywhere reaches out for help, I want the hand of AA to be there and for that I'm responsible." We say this in groups, and it needs to be said in groups. Within any group, we can hear the similarities rather than the differences. And if we can hear the similarities, it is likely that we might make connections. And at the same time, I need to remind myself to listen hard and not always to broadcast a message of experience strength and hope.
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