Wednesday, 11 December 2013

Alcoholics Anonymous | Dec 11 | DonInLondon | Step 12 "Freedom To Choose"

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog & Video | Dec 11 | DonInLondon | Step 12 "Freedom To Choose"

Humility "open to learning life today," learning "Truth, Love and Wisdom in the moment of now," liberty, liberation, release, emancipation, deliverance, forgiveness

Step 12 "Freedom To Choose"


December 11, 2013 Step Twelve Month: "having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs..." Contingent on my current conditions today will impact on how I can function. In other words I need to know for myself: "how am I feeling? Why do I feel this way? And what can I do about it?" If I don't know how I'm feeling or I am trying to suppress feelings, deny feelings or ignore feelings, my current conditions are severely impacted.


Just fucking do it! We often find ourselves in situations where somebody is telling us what to do because they think they have the right to do so. Any person in recovery is going to be annoyed by the behaviour of other people telling them what to do. Unless of course they have a legitimate reason and position for instructing us on a daily basis. At the same time, the social rules, the rules of politeness often hide malevolent people telling you to just fucking do it. I suggest a change of scene when these things happen and people are unreasonable and their behaviour is going to remain unreasonable now and in the future. I am not here to change you, I'm here to make the best of what can be going on today and in the future. In recovery, everything can change if we plan and develop new ways to live.


Step twelve: all about sharing a message of experience strength and hope. And it is not about pretending things are okay when they are not okay. Or we make no progress at all. If we come to believe in something which is working on a daily basis, there is no need to change. If on the other hand, something is not working on a daily basis, we will eventually change our behaviour or we become embittered and unhappy which could lead back into old ways and old behaviour. Even though in recovery we know all the reasons why we became addicted to particular things, we know trying again won't produce a new way of life, it will simply stop progress and probably put us back into old habits which will kill our nature and our outlook. We cannot change everything overnight, however sober and living in recovery, we can plan changes which suit us best and those we love. And hopefully we actually share our needs and our misgivings to get help and support towards our goals and what we feel are necessary changes.


Step twelve: the newcomer is the most important person in the room. And any newcomer will wonder if this is true. I remember hearing when I went to newcomers meetings in my early days that the newcomer was the most important person in the room, and then I felt like I was ignored by the majority who had much to say and did nothing for me. I felt like a bit of a shambolic old timer yesterday, I wanted to share how good the meeting was and what I was getting from it, I did not share and I was not picked to share. Sometimes, I would like to share but cannot, and to an extent I accept , unless the person doing the picking is not picking in a fair and equitable manner. But I would say that because I was not picked. And I smile, why should somebody I don't know pick me to share when they have an abundance of friends in the room? That's life!


I have been helping out with some arrangements for a friend's funeral. A good opportunity for me to learn some of the vague yet popular uses computers have. And although my computer is much improved since repairing and having new parts put in, it still behaves oddly at times. And I have learned patience, tolerance, acceptance and everything else associated with serenity. At the same time, serenity is a journey with good bad and ugly bits on the way. Just like life, good bad and ugly bits still happen and I need to know my feelings as they are happening or I can find myself full of negative vibes which spoil any endeavour which is to be cherished.


Listening to the similarities and not the differences over the last few days, it is so good to hear what people say and be able to understand their recovery and my recovery which do not have much in common when it comes to the particular details of living. The similarities, how the twelve steps work in practice, all these things are good indicators that I am listening and not ready to broadcast. And yesterday did make me smile, because I wanted to broadcast just how much clarity was coming to me by going to early-morning meetings. Having regular meetings, it establishes regular routines. And then, once I am back in my pattern of looking out, rather than looking inwardly, then life takes on more meaning than before. It is a fascinating and beautiful world.


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