Alcoholics Anonymous Videos | DonInLondon

January 26 2013 | AA 12 Steps In Action | Step 1 "Powerless" | Alcoholics Anonymous | "here it comes... your daily nervous breakdown" the Rolling Stones, nineteenth nervous breakdown! When I had a nervous breakdown, or whatever it might be called today, I asked a professor of psychiatry what to do to explain the break in my employment on my curriculum vitae. His suggestion was to lie through my teeth, or there would be no return to my successful career… He did assume that I wanted my career back, and that would put me back on track with the world and myself…

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Alcoholics Anonymous, DonInLondon, Emotional Breakdowns

I don't know why I thought it might be a good idea to lie about a mental health condition which had rendered me useless, not able to look after myself, not able to work and not able to make sense of anything in the world. After all, it was a nervous breakdown, and when a person is in a nervous breakdown, the strong desire is not to be here on the planet any more, or was in my case. And then to try and pretend that the nervous breakdown had not happened, in order to secure work again, it might seem like the only sensible thing to do, if I were able to do those jobs again, but there was no chance of being capable or able to go back to the old way of life. I was broken, and I realised a return to the old ways was my desire, and my ambition, but there was no way to replicate and restart. I had broken down and could not function in that type of work again. I was twisting in an emotional panic, no clue what to do, pretend or die, pretend and die, or just try and understand the truth and live… Admit and accept the truth and live. It only took seven years to admit and accept the truth, and those dark years, were profoundly good, bad and when it was ugly, it was truly desolate…

Looking back, a daily nervous breakdown, or simply a breakdown in communication between me and reality does not have to be a life threatening event like it used to be. That one big nervous breakdown, based on heartbreak, based on disappointment in myself, exhaustion at work and no sensation of happiness and joy, all swept away and only bleakness and a voice in my head, which would only reinforce my notion of failure, I was 'failure.' Investing everything in one element of living, my career and work, meant if anything went wrong with work and career, there was nothing left of me. I hope I don't make that mistake again, and writing this I know I won't. I would rather have minor nervous breakdowns on a daily basis, or rather failures in communication, or a breakdown in communication between me and my emotions, me and my thinking, and when the breakdown happens in my internal workings, ask for help, or simply sit with other people in fellowship who may be going through the same experience. Sharing experience, strength and hope of emotional breakdowns in the moment of now, and getting the support of people who understand brings me back to normal a lot faster and trying to do it on my own, in the dark, pretending I know the answers are within me. Unconditional love is a two way street, and when we are having an emotional breakdown, better not to save it up, better to start sharing soonest rather than later, the sooner we admit and accept our situation, the faster solutions may come, there is no guarantee of a solution which we will like, usually though a solution will form. And then we can take action, to have an emotional breakthrough, letting go the shit and heading for the shinola...

Emotional breakdowns happen all the time to everyone. Emotional breakthroughs happen all the time to everyone. It is not about resilience and tenacity, doing the same thing again and again to get to the result, it is about doing different things and adopting different approaches again and again to get to a new result, a breakthrough in how we live, how we cope, how we ask for help, knowing that help may come, usually emotional support is the key. If we ask for help. And how to ask for help? It really does depend on who and what we know. I know in fellowship, there is so much wisdom available if only I knew how to ask. And the simple answer is, share the experience, share your strength in knowing the problem, and share that they may be someone with an answer, or by sharing the truth, being open, honest and willing to change, we stand a chance of hearing something to our advantage. This is generally wisdom in the moment of now…

When a person has been knocked from pillar to post, try to do the right thing all their lives, try to be open, honest and willing, and then finds themselves in a rotten situation, the logical thing to do? Get out of the way and move on. For those who have been taught to stand on their own two feet, put on a brave face and suck up the pain, and cover-up and keep marching on leads to the opportunity for post-traumatic stress disorder. PTSD is a recognised condition in war veterans, and quite rightly help is needed. PTSD of any sort has the same impact and will render a person unable to cope. So back in the day, when it was unfashionable to be emotionally aware, we did keep on going right to the end of the road. Stoicism is not useful when dealing with impossible situations which put people under intense pressure for long periods of time. We are often told that we have to have a career, family, and be responsible. And we all accept this is probably so, and for the stubborn and defiant who will keep on going on to the end of the road, end up in very difficult places, like I did for many a year. Fellowship has taught me that responsibility, accountability, living to the truth of now will stop me faster than believing in stoic ideals of persistence, tenacity and resilience doing the wrong things, the wrong things generally and specifically around people, places and things. Just because you have the skill and tenacity to do something, does not mean that is what you should be doing…

Emotional breakdowns and emotional breakthroughs: keeping them right sized in the moment of now, rather than saving them up to the end of the day, to the end of the week, to the end of the month or to the end of the year. Or just simply trying to suppress the emotional turmoil is usually done with the most freely available self-medication, in my case alcohol. Now there is no alcohol to self-medicate, and with the tool kit of the twelve steps in the fellowship of AA, I do not need alcohol to broker my hold on reality. In reality I face emotional turmoil when life is full of turmoil. Emotional well-being as happens in the moment and in the day. My feelings fit with reality, and I can cope with, or not cope with reality. With humility to ask for help, anything is possible and first and foremost, because I am a learner and willing to ask, willing to be open, willing to be honest, asking for help is a strength and not a weakness today…

Emotionally, how am I feeling? Well, it's still early, and nothing has gone wrong, so far, other than I haven't had time to return all the phone calls and that bugs me a bit. But I hope to catch up as soon as possible. The cold weather is impacting on my bones, and my nerve endings in a very unhelpful way and that life is painful physically. What to do? Accept I can only do so much in one day, that I will do my best to be in touch and connected to those I love. And there has been quite a lot of sadness around, a dear friend and fellow died a few days ago, from being alive and sober, nine years, every day, had been an extra day in living. He was a gentleman and helped many with kind words and practical suggestions, more than anything he offered friendship to anyone with courtesy and humility, one day at a time. What is the difference today? In recovery, we cherish people, and love them unconditionally, we are not superficial or indifferent to each other, we care deeply and profoundly for everyone we know and love today…

January 26 2012 | Daily Reflection | AA daily reflections: "rigorous honesty" in my experience has become a way of life. Understanding the truth of today means I need not make assumptions that what worked yesterday will work today. Indeed life is progress and to be lived in the moment. An open mind and no assumptions or expectations means it is unlikely that there are resentments under construction…

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2009 - 2012

Living life in the moment, aware of our surroundings and what is going on means all our senses are working to cope with reality as it is, not what we want it to be and often not what we need it to be. Working with what is, the truth of our situation and the people around us, means we can respond and react as everything changes moment by moment…

My step six defects, putting on a brave face, fear without foundation will tend to make me hide from finding out the truth. Once I sacrifice the truth of my situation, or cannot see the truth in my situation the outcomes and consequences are not good. My step seven shortcomings of courage, faith and confidence grow when I find truth. It may take me a while to accept my situation, at the same time my actions and consequences improve today…

Being tough and tenacious in the right place at the right time can be a very difficult call. If we are working alone and there are no consequences for anyone else this may be appropriate. Most often, tough and tenacious when dealing with others and their involvement needs to be a team decision and not my decision alone! We don't know better for other people, life is compromise and understanding…

DonInLondon 2005-2011

No need to hide or fear much of anything today. First Principle in new sober living, open honest and willing to change our attitude and behaviour ~ Thomas Jefferson "Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom." -/- First Step to life choices...

Every day I try start with an open mind, be honest and willing to learn ~ Socrates "The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing." -/- Always the more I know, the less I know... Wisdom is a daily learning experience and never knowing what is right for you!

I'm on the road to? I have always known in a thinking way that it is the journey and not the destination which is important. Endurance can be a fine quality and expression through action. If my thinking says "I will be okay when I get there" I forget what good I have today emotionally and spiritually with friends, family and community. What matters is "now" wherever the road leads...

Our lives change in recovery, changes can be painful or joyful or simply a mixture of both. In fellowship we learn how to celebrate our new living, and to grieve for a life we leave behind, "the alcoholic or addict we were" ~ Anatole France "All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another." -/-

Step One "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol-that our lives had become unmanageable"

AA Daily: RIGOROUS HONESTY ~ JANUARY 26, who wishes to be rigorously honest and tolerant? Who wants to confess his faults to another and make restitution for harm done? Who cares anything about a Higher Power, let alone meditation and prayer? Who wants to sacrifice time and energy in trying to carry A.A.’s message to the next sufferer? No, the average alcoholic, self-centred in the extreme, doesn’t care for this prospect - unless he has to do these things in order to stay alive himself. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 24

I am an alcoholic. If I drink I will die. My, what power, energy, and emotion this simple statement generates in me! But it’s really all I need to know for today. Am I willing to stay alive today? Am I willing to stay sober today? Am I willing to ask for help and am I willing to be a help to another suffering alcoholic today? Have I discovered the fatal nature of my situation? What must I do, today, to stay sober?

-/-

Just For Today, and every day cherish always...

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AA Official Online Site: Daily Reflections

http://www.aa.org/lang/en/aareflections.cfm

AA Official Online Site: Big Book And Twelve And Twelve

http://www.aa.org/lang/en/subpage.cfm?page=359

January 2013 | Step One Reading Video Link: