November 6 2012 | AA 12 Steps In Action | Step 11 Daily Meditation Alcoholics Anonymous Today's Daily Reflections: "emotional and spiritual, going with the flow: self-appraisal, then prayer and meditation." Self-appraisal: how am I feeling, why and what can I do? I feel all right this morning, a nagging doubt and a desire to ask forgiveness of someone. Prayer and meditation? Asking for guidance, and a simple reflection. If I'm self-seeking and selfish, probably the best thing to do is desist from pen and tongue…
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Emotionally, I feel this need to communicate to another person from the light-dark past. And still it seems wrong, I don't want to disturb their serenity. Spiritually? I'm coping right now, even though physically not so good, walking is difficult. And I have had a cold for a week. So generally a bit run down. Quite a few extra meetings over the last few days has perked me up. At the same time, I've seen a lot of pain in the rooms. Feels like many people are stuck and unable to forgive themselves and forgive other people for past experiences. No human starts out to hurt another human, and yet we can be de-humanised by early life experiences which were not our choice and still demonise and cause self-hate which makes it possible to hate other people…
I need to remind myself that when I was very young, I did not have the power or the personal choices that we can have as an adult, and as we mature. Indeed, when we look back, we can see how some people treated us in almost mediaeval ways as serfs and slaves and things to amuse them. They learned how to do that. And now we learn not to follow their path, and if they had known better… Absolutely forgiveness is key, looking out and looking in, people did the best they could with what they knew and so did we…
Going with the flow today is quite different to how going with the flow was in yesteryears. The principles of the twelve steps and twelve traditions are so important to me now in living life. The steps help me be open, honest and willing to live life one day at a time. The traditions help me understand unity, service and recovery, give me a new perspective. Every single day, step six, the old life and step seven the new life! Going with the flow, I will get a bit of both today…
When we go with the flow, we do keep on learning and we keep humility in mind. If I need to learn, then the whole world is learning if it can. And sometimes we cannot, the serenity prayer always is key when I am looking to resolve the can do and cannot do. God, grant me the serenity, to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference… And certainly, let go and let good things happen to other people who are no longer in my life today…
Elemental living helps me accept that life is difficult always and if I accept life is difficult, I need often ask for help to improve my conscious contact with reality today. I need to look beyond my opinions and beliefs to find the truth of now. I keep learning how to love and be loved back without conditions. And I need experience to develop wisdom, and hear your wisdom of life too. Truth, love and wisdom, all elements improving my freedom and choices today…
“Going with the flow” for me it feels like waking up and saying out loud, “hello world what’s new?” Of course there is no answer I can see or hear. And at the same time my inner voice answers, “routines, I am sober, wash, coffee, check my blood sugars, insulin and a morning reflection on life.”
Great chair yesterday, included waking up from drinking and using dreams. Rare yet vivid dreams where we are drinking and the horror still thick as we wake. And then breaking through into reality and the relief the experience; simply a dream. The shock “OMG” moment, “was that real?” And then we share about the dream. Expression is key to letting go and letting out a tormenting reminder and freedom and relief of sober reality.
November 6 2010 ~ if I could keep a positive outlook all the time, I certainly would be joyful and happy. Life is full of up and down moments which are beyond my control. When I can feel my emotions as they are and in the moment of what is happening, feelings tend to be "right sized." I don't need to pretend anymore, I feel life as it is, not as I might wish today...
November 6 2010 ~ going with the flow is much easier for me now. No longer tortured by addiction, each day I can wake up with a clearer perspective, reflect that I am part of life, included as I may be and as my life is developing day by day. Prayer and meditation keep me balanced, able to cope as life changes every moment. Hopefully no catastrophes today...
AA Daily Reflections ~ "GOING WITH THE FLOW Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him… TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 96
The first words I speak when arising in the morning are, “I arise, O God, to do Thy will.” This is the shortest prayer I know and it is deeply ingrained in me. Prayer doesn’t change God’s attitude toward me; it changes my attitude toward God. As distinguished from prayer, meditation is a quiet time, without words. To be centred is to be physically relaxed, emotionally calm, mentally focused and spiritually aware. One way to keep the channel open and to improve my conscious contact with God is to maintain a grateful attitude.
On the days when I am grateful, good things seem to happen in my life. The instant I start cursing things in my life, however, the flow of good stops. God did not interrupt the flow; my own negativity did."
November 6 2007
DonInLondon - ‘Day In the Life’ Newcomers Before Christmas
There seem to be a lot of newcomers in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. It does seem strange to me, to come to AA before Christmas. My experience was to see Christmas through and if I were still in the Land of the Living I was uncertain what to do.
Live or Die
I had been at this jumping off point before, how many times is uncertain, so many elements of my secure living were taken and some the people I had cared for over the years gone. The living who cared about me, well I had battled with depression and wanting to die for a long while. And yet somehow I felt it would let them down if I expired. I had no reason to make them feel worse by ending my shabby existence.
It was a real mess, the life led in the new millennium by me. And it only got worse the more I sought oblivion. How many breakdowns can a person have and somehow have just enough wits to cling on to a remnant of living?
These were the questions as 2000 rolled into more years of sadness and no joy in living at all. Doing anything to be worthy, doing anything to get anyone off my case and doing as much to obliterate my self-pity and self-hate.
It took a long while for the penny to drop. That the life I was leading for many years had been pretty shabby indeed.
Work And Career
From the mid-nineties my life took a real downward spiral. The essence of the downward path was a nervous breakdown through work: And then compounded by the revelations of many home life issues. Deaths, births [not of my making] and many other elements, career gone, homelessness in the sense I had no means to keep myself going. Evading my own situation and generally hiding from life. Everything hurt inside and out.
And through all these internal pandemonium’s and break-downs I kept a brave face, a mask and did nothing to get the right help. I was not worth a light in my own life. And of course if it were to end with some accident, I had not one care to live.
Why did I have to break completely, in order to listen? Why did I have to be hospitalised and why did I ever come back to life?
Somehow along the way, as they say in Alcoholics Anonymous we do have that moment, “a moment of clarity.”
I am not the only one
So of I am not the only one, where the other addicts and what are they doing. I knew most were still drinking and a really small number were living and being happy sober.
Will power was killing me, I had used it up a long time back. And when I realised life could get no worse, I asked for help. From the NHS the National Health Service and they helped me detox all over again. And I started a path of sober living.
Rage and Relapse
As time went along I found my feelings return and they were mainly rage, turned inwards and gnawing at me. I relapsed in a state of rage after I had been sent to rehab.
Rehab or Hell Hab
One in the same for me: I went to a rehab local in Kennington London. “The cheapest rehab in the world, and a very damaging experience for me.” Even now I can recollect the letters to the principle charity running Hell Hab, the London Methodist Mission.
I am certain they did not understand the nature of the way the place was run, and after a psychiatric assessment at hospital sometime after I left, they told me the Rehab experience had harmed me more than helped me.
Hell Hab was closed down in the end. And with a lot of relief shared from former inmates who like me spent months there, the truth hopefully made the decision to close more easy.
A Return to Gravity and my feet on the Ground
When a professional, a Psychiatrist understands the nature of the experience we encounter, and tells us the Rehab Treatment Programme was not right, then we know where we are. I went for an assessment because I was tormented and not able to understand why I was hurting so much and worse after months of not drinking, had relapsed on rage and then drink to stop me self or other harming.
Relapse that time?
Was to be expected actually, as the rehab Hell Hab bunch of counsellors were playing the inmates off against each other and setting up crisis for people to experience. Horrible manipulations of people by those with professional status and very little aptitude for understand process and people. Of course this is with benefit of hindsight. A blinking miracle I made it back to AA
AA and Homeless
So homeless and having experienced harsh moments on the streets. I have to say my harsh times on the streets were very short compared to many. But homeless I was and actually homeless for more years I care to mention, as floors of friends gave way to streets and along the way.
Most fortunate for me in all those years was my Sister and her partner Christopher [Chris who sadly died in June this year] who helped greatly, gave as much as they could and kept me safe when I was really unable to care for myself at all.
Now years later I am ok and have a roof over my head I can call home.
Sober and being the Newcomer
So difficult as everything in fellowship becomes familiar over time, we need be mindful of the hard times in early days.
Other organisations and Recovery
I am going to repeat my feelings on other recovery organisations and ways to be sober.
“Whatever Makes Life Work sober and free from Active Addiction - Work It?”
AA is not the only game in town. There are many institutes of medical practice to help. There are books, there are people, family friends and community. There are the Anti AA angry people, the Anti AA happy people.
In all these combination of preferences we hopefully find our path.
I can criticise what I know about, I cannot criticise what I don’t know about or have not experienced.
Stories of recovery however we get there help is my view. Happy or Sad, joyous or just plain happy to be alive for a while, that is all it is. Your way and choices is your best way to keep safe daily and by whatever means allows for goof living and good conscience.
I chose AA, stuck around for a while and found a way to make life work. As this is not the only way, you need choose as you find.
I prefer not to judge you and your recovery, the best seems to be to live as full a life as we can, get help where needed, most often medical help and good direction from people with experience and hope for the day and future.
It has saved my life, I had thrown in the towel and had given up, now I have hope a day at a time.
November 6th 2005 [experience from the past]
The true nature of every human being is kindness
Nature provides our raw material, society provides nurture
November 6th 2004 [experience from the past]
Self-Respect and Regard
If you develop your sense of self-respect, then regard will follow you like your shadow.
A strange morning. Off to another part of the City to meet someone and attend a meeting of the fellowship. I have a mixture of emotions. Some there I knew, yet I was unable to speak to them as other business was afoot. It was good to hear from another where the drift of life had taken them. And it was right to feel as I have always inside, about many complicated matters so close to me it still hurts. And another I had help peel from the pavements not long ago and visited in hospital. Strange times these Saturday morning adventures. My mission accomplished and plenty more, not one of the outcomes expected, except one, Just for Today, the world is as it is meant to be, and I am still in it, with a humble heart, strengthening and yielding to the day as it unfolds, just so...
Just For Today And Every Day, Cherish Always...
“The method of prayer & meditation. We often hear it said in meetings that the speaker "hits his knees every morning." Not being brought up Catholic or Muslim, we envisioned that slapping of the knees might be spiritually significant in A.A. When we discovered that the act of prayer was being referred to, we asked why A.A. tells us to get on our knees to pray. We were informed that A.A. makes no such suggestion. In fact, reference to praying on the knees, in the original draft of Step 7, was explicitly removed to prevent the misconception that such a practice was suggested. Moreover, to be on one’s knees as a prior condition to prayer will prevent prayer at many opportunities during the day. If you or your sponsor think that you should be on your knees for correct prayer, then by all means do so. It might just be the best way to pray. For the content of prayer, see Step 11b that follows.” BB Bunch
November 2012 | AA 12 Steps In Action | Step 10 The Now Inventory
Alcoholics Anonymous | Step Eleven Reading Video Link:
November 2012 | Video Reading How It Works:
November 2012 | Video Reading Into Action :
I do not speak for Alcoholics Anonymous I speak for myself. Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of unique and authentic people who speak for themselves where they will to share experience, strength and hope about recovery on a daily basis. Anonymity affords sanctuary to find how to live sober and be open, honest and willing to learn life day by day. For me "truth," "love" and "wisdom" offer the best spiritual experience by living reality today. Into the fabric of recovery from alcoholism are woven the Twelve Steps and the Traditions: steps to be open, honest and willing to learn, traditions to live unity, service and recovery.
Spiritual principles ~ Forgiveness Acceptance Surrender Faith Open-mindedness Honesty Willingness Moral-inventory Amends Humility Persistence Spiritual-growth Service
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