November 20 2012 | AA 12 Steps In Action | Step 11 Daily Meditation Alcoholics Anonymous Today's Daily Reflections: "thy will, not mine or working to the common good?" As the song goes, "I did it my way…" And where did it get me? Learning to live life as it is: understanding my feelings in the moment of now and what is driving me could not be simpler! Knowing my feelings in the moment of now? I often need help to know what my feelings are, because its taken a long time to learn them and let go denial and past experiences which prejudiced so much of what I did day-to-day…
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Emotional and spiritual well-being: knowing my feelings in the moment of now. And then the other question which is probably an even bigger one, yet it is the big one, what sort of a person am I right now and what sort of person do I need to be in this world? I already know that I don't want to be a Puritan with a pointy hat, black and white suit and preaching morals. And I don't want to be a bad person who succeeds by deception and takes more than their fair share. But what is fair? And here we go, each person needs to decide what sort of a person they want to be. And in this selfish conundrum we can be what we are today. And then start to work on who we want to be by the end of the day, and what are we going to do about it…
Self-aware, emotionally equipped in the moment of now, I start to see my path today. Some prayer, meditation and reflection: And I feel the need to be sober first, balanced in company and not judgemental. I need to make judgements to keep me safe and my side of the Street clean, and stop my judgement, spilling out to clean your side of the Street clean. Because as I put my broom on your side of the Street, I feel your eyes upon me, sharp and ready to pounce…
If you believe in God and follow your religious principles, which essentially are about looking after each other and do no harm, all well and good. And if you do not believe in God: and are able to follow your good conscience, your principles essentially are likely to be about looking after each other and do no harm. And on top of that we have society and marketing which is all about being number one, and greedy and dog eat dog… And then on top of that we have politics, and so it goes. And that is why in fellowship, we have no outside opinions and one primary purpose, the common good and sobriety one day at a time… Have your politics, have your opinions and beliefs outside fellowship's, and share them, inside or outside fellowship's which is perfectly okay. Simply remember fellowship has one purpose and discussion of outside matters illuminates others to your views, as well as your experience, strength and hope of recovery one day at a time...
And now the thorny issue of tradition eleven, one of the suggestions and also a principle. "Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, and films." And I also have feelings about anonymity being the spiritual foundation of all these traditions. I can only speak for myself; wherever and whenever I feel I need to. The spiritual foundation of life in my opinion is "truth, love and wisdom in the moment." And what illuminates life, is learning the truth, love and wisdom in the moment of now… If we continue to learn the truth, how to love, how to be loved back and gain wisdom as we go, we make progress and not perfection…
So if I am uncertain about anonymity being a spiritual foundation, what use is anonymity? Anonymity can be an equalising principle, that no single person represents another person, which is absolutely right. Anonymity, a safe place to find out what happened to us and where we are now and what can we do about our personal situation. Anonymity, so we do not profit from fellowship in the mainstream world. And anonymity: to keep people safe as they learn what the truth is on a daily basis, and how to live life to the truth of now. Anonymity is a personal choice in the wider world where we share our truth with those we love and with those we work with and the community, which we are part of beyond fellowship… Anonymity is of primary importance until the world and we as individuals, let go our fear, shame and guilt about who we are. Prejudice is bad enough, self-prejudice is something so corrosive, truth can be lost for a lifetime…
Yesterday: a meeting and sharing from the heart. Not mushy or fuzzy, simple reality. What it is like to feel the grip of sleeplessness when there is no reason to be wide awake in the middle of the night. Surrounded by love we can still feel the ice cold fear. And we can feel the fear as we feel powerless over calamity. Feelings are real, and when there is no evidence to fear, we can settle. When there is reason to fear and real calamity, we have fellowship and any other number of people we may ask for help. We need not hide; we need find expression with the right people in the right place and at the right time...
My way: just me, thy way; the many ways of living and wisdom around us. Over time and I do believe it takes whatever time it takes we do learn that isolated feelings and isolated thinking have let us down and made life more difficult than it need be. Fear of asking in case of ridicule, feeling shame and guilt will keep us in the dark. Courage and faith to ask for help, from anyone and everyone, know it is good not to know the answers. Wisdom resides in the many and we need only ask for help. Those who can help will, those who cannot will not. Our response either way is always learning in the moment of now...
November 20 2010 ~ “I did it thy way,” or “I did it my way...” My way or the Thy Way! Expectations are resentments under construction in a world where we are all linked and have common ground, family, community and work. If it were all my way, what a narrow and small outlook I would have, I love the big picture and sober today...
November 20 2010 ~ Thy will and my will, what is the difference? Simple and only complicated by a selfish outlook, my uninformed outlook. Lost in alcohol back then, alone and unable to function, to now and able to see the big picture of life. Perspective is always there if I look to good, good conscience and fit with reality today...
AA Daily Reflections ~ "THY WILL, NOT MINE” when making specific requests, it will be well to add to each one of them this qualification. .” ... If it be Thy will.” TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, pp. 102-03
I ask simply that throughout the day God place in me the best understanding of His will that I can have for that day, and that I be given the grace by which I may carry it out. As the day goes on, I can pause when facing situations that must be met and decisions that must be made, and renew the simple request: “Thy will, not mine, be done.” I must always keep in mind that in every situation I am responsible for the effort and God is responsible for the outcome. I can “Let Go and Let God” by humbly repeating: “Thy will, not mine, be done.” Patience and persistence in seeking His will for me will free me from the pain of selfish expectations."
November 20 2007
DonInLondon - ‘Day In The Life’ After the Rant Was Over
Sometimes we do fid the world disagreeable. And with the benefit of hindsight how is it we can be ok with the world and then suddenly a darkness comes along, we feel the grip inside as we feel fear and everything is changed.
We are animals of nature and often we forget just how we are, of nature and we run with feelings, instinct and experience is warning us of danger. Ignore these feelings and we are in peril. Respond to these feelings and very often we need react to get out of harm’s way.
With enough going on in the world for us to be vigilant. From crossing a road, to simple steps we don’t see and we have mishaps.
For many who have got pretty low down in their living, like in active addiction, harm’s way is every day. There is nothing but pity and ego and pride and a false ignorance in the darkest days of addiction. Worse we might go to any lengths to preserve the addiction which shortens life to living a nothing type of life. A processor of poisons and toxic living.
Restoring the balance to Normal Living
In many ways we who have afflictions and self-harm in our behaviour do want an end to it, to stop self-harm or just stop living. The truth is in our behaviour long before we recognise where we are with living. And it takes time to die, or to get well again.
Denial of the Truth
Denial is a difficult concept especially when a person is in denial of? First we need recognise a problem and then deny it. The problem with a downward spiral into addiction is not the denial at all, it is the perception of society and what is normal first.
To be in denial we need know that we have a problem. As most people are pretty mucked up before they start to see the problem, denial can be way off the agenda of recovery as the issue is not seen as addiction or dependence until its out in the obvious arena in community, in work, in social situations and behaviour is seen.
Denial Comes Knocking
Only when we cannot mistake our problem can we start our real denial process. Even when we are aware we are not quite right we will delay. And delay and delay, and the problems only get worse.
We either realise we are in trouble or keep going until nothing is left inside and then we lose it completely, and either recovery or a short and unhappy existence is left.
Stoic, Proud, Arrogant, Ignorant
Keep right on to the end of the line. And its not too pretty as the ugliness of addiction parades us past our ego and on into insanity. And denial and every egoistic endeavour just makes for more isolation, the paranoia beyond expression and being beaten and without a clue how to survive without using and using and using.
Admission - To Any Last chance Saloon
We get a day, a week a year of recovery. Some bounce back, some flattened a while longer and eventually some of our wits return.
Acceptance - To live Soberly
Still with many issues to resolve, in acceptance there is an understanding that change is needed, sometimes we get it slowly, sometimes we have revelations. Most time we need to start over.
Old Behaviour New Chances
The gift of recovery is to get our senses back. When we get our senses back, we might hope for better times. They may come if we have been clear on the possible and impossible.
Acceptance is the Key
Of being right sized, equal always, neither superior in outlook or always right in a righteous way. We learn humility is letting go and not always being the centre of the universe or the centre of attention. We are one of many recovering and living as all other humans do, with our frailties and strengths as they can be.
Acceptance is no Acceptance When
We forget our equality, others equality, others right and everyone’s responsibilities. We make progress and we are not perfect.
Having connected with humbuggers in recent days, it is no surprise to me that my mind is disturbed, that my outlook saddened and the pervasive touch of ego comes knocking not only at others doors, then as a consequence my own. I have better things to do, yet still feel the attraction to the battle of words for the hearts and minds, and then as a release I need let go and move on to where reason and tolerance and love prevail. Or I too am a bleeding heart and a bleeding nuisance, making statements of the bleeding obvious all over again and again.
Cut the Crap
20th November 2006
Happy Days - Just for Today
From start to finish how often do we have something other than our will guiding us? We may wonder at the choices we have, feel ok with the moment and get on with life and something that occupies us. Now this feels ok, and at the same time it has much to do with having no will and a programme to follow. A programme of suggestions.
I am poor, I have no real home yet, yet I have a roof over my head. I have porridge in the cupboard, I have things to test my wellbeing like, monitors for my ailments, a set of values and principles to live by, a fellowship to help me make good choices, a good friend or two and a bunch of fellows with a simple aim like me, to live one day soberly at a time.
I can be full on nonsense, I can be full of insomnia, I can be laid low by weakness, I can be accepting of all this. I can find something to occupy me and add something to my understanding of life and how to be.
Roses and Beds
Life is not a bed of roses either. Nor am I able to look through rose tinted spectacles at my life. It has been a hard journey. Whatever I have done I have tried my hardest, and whatever I may feel I am still here feeling. And all this is ok. And life is hard and tough and not always a dignified and easy journey.
How am I feeling?
I feel good having had a good night out and seen a film, shared excellent company and got up this morning with a call early from my mother. I felt hardly able to talk as sleep had been a long time coming and deep and very fast in ending. And with aplomb I felt ok. And got on with getting out and to a meeting and listening to some wisdom learned and earned in years of being aware and present in this ever present, present moment.
I feel ok as I write late in the evening, and yet there is always a doubt in there, not to plague me, or to necessarily worry me, the doubt is about my worth I can only guess, as my esteem is always fragile. And long may it be so, and challenged daily by friends and myself. I feel it is ok to be me. And that feels just right. I am living to my principles and my values as best can be.
Today it featured in both meetings I went to, and its hard to understand that to be in denial actually means there needs to be awareness of something we avoid. Denial this lurking self-delusion we hear most of all, it really does mean we need awareness to make sense of it.
And I am wondering where my denials began and where I learned them. As it happens we need total awareness to get with denial. To deny needs a process as much as any other we deploy in our living.
And I hear much talk of denials as we get with our fellowship and what its about. Denial really needs context and elaborate connivance with something we want to avoid or know enough to avoid in our feelings and thinking. That pretty ok and all that I know is, the game and the pitch can change every day.
Denials require knowledge
Once we know we are avoiding and once we aware there is something amiss, then we can be in denial and be wondering what’s going on. We need to be self-aware enough to get out denial or what we are feeling is merely upheaval and nothing feels like it might or right at the time.
Good Sense will prevail if we lose our delusions
Indeed good sense will prevail with help and a way forward, once we can come to terms with what and who we are these days. Yet I know so well, that denials go on for years even when we have the knowledge and this takes forever it seems to sink in to my head.
How am I feeling about my denials these days?
I feel there are less of them, denials that is, and although I may work at this forever I know denial comes along even every day as we live through our moments. And our way of dealing with life is always challenged as we strive for peace and harmony. And keeping to honest ways is surely the best. And of course in denials we share and often find our dishonest white lies, to cover the simplest of things that we do or say in company. And there are deeper truths we might wish never to acknowledge as we get older, and we see time running on and our abilities start to fail.
We all have them and lose them, we learn new ways of living, we learn just to be as we are in the day, its not always easy to accept what and who we might be, especially if we have spent a lifetime doing as we thought we might to please all we meet.
Pleasing ourselves and others
We need to please ourselves and please others as we may, by sharing our truths openly as we never have before, and this is with faith and courage to find who we are, not to be who we may think or what others might prefer. Our challenge in living is to make best use of our journey and live as full as we can with our given capacities. And we share good times and bad times, we learn from them both. And we keep our denials at bay when we deal honestly with whatever and whoever we encounter as we go.
How much time do we have?
Just for today, as history is gone and gives us our wisdom as we are moving along. In a world of danger and never knowing what next, best to live this one day as if its our last. We may work at our endeavours and relax as we may, and learn as we go, that all we truly have is now, our spiritual home in the present. Before and hereafter is either gone or not yet occurred.
And with my perceptions still very much ok, I know there are times ahead the longer I live where these magic moments will lost in other times, where the darkness of depression still awaits, for I know it comes back.
Balance in all matters
Balance will be there as we move along, some up and some downs, some joys and some sad times too. We never know quite what we may encounter as we endeavour and make good as we can. And with certainty all there is, is now, we can accept where we are.
"And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation -- some fact of my life -- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.
Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in our world by mistake. Until I could accept my humanity, I could not be complete in living; unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes."
November 20th 2005
On My... Happiness...
extract from a letter to a friend
"The question about happiness... This may sound strange, I am happy with my lot, even the difficulties encountered. Feels like I was destined to feel these experiences and see how to live them. The onset of diabetes and regime required actually reinforced some of my new living regime. Much to the astonishment of some others, especially medical(but not my medical advisors), I did not experience a downside to taking care of it, I experienced the upside, which was physical wellbeing and improved mental faculties. The one which is a kicker (gut wise) is the clinical depression. A non-reactive depression is something unwelcome at any time and as its not predictable. When this happens to me, I know routine, care and self-maintenance, a bucket of patience and appreciation that in time it will lift on its own means I don't push for a fix, which is where alcohol came into the equation and is now rejected. This took some years to resolve and some desperate times beyond oblivion."
November 20th 2004
Humanitarian: a person promoting human welfare and social reform…
Every day we are confronted with the appalling truth that in many places on this planet there is suffering we will find hard to understand.
No single person who has humanitarian feelings inside them will ever want to see harm come to innocents. And a true humanitarian would wish to persuade those who make war with each other that they have not lost their humanity, and there is opportunity.
As individuals we are powerless over much larger forces for good or bad. Yet we can find and keep faith with our own humanity. We do not need to close our eyes to this chaotic world, we do not need to be feel guilt at others decline into war. We can keep faith with ourselves.
We may order our thoughts and feelings, we may consider and reflect on the world as we would wish, free of war and free of deprivation. We need only keep in mind these notions of what is humanitarian and ensure we live to these beliefs through our actions.
In a world so angry and so drained by perpetual chaos, we may ensure as individuals, our feelings and actions speak by example. Living a consistent life dedicated to peace and harmony is seen by others and absorbed slowly and surely, even though' it may take generations. We may not eradicate or stop conflict, we may not have opportunity to slow the war against ourselves, we do have our inner sense of belief which guides us and our community towards peaceful existence.
Kindness will prevail, even if we take centuries. One day when the world is balanced with God and Nature, will Man walk the earth and see beyond the stars.
Just For Today And Every Day, Cherish Always...
“The method of prayer & meditation. We often hear it said in meetings that the speaker "hits his knees every morning." Not being brought up Catholic or Muslim, we envisioned that slapping of the knees might be spiritually significant in A.A. When we discovered that the act of prayer was being referred to, we asked why A.A. tells us to get on our knees to pray. We were informed that A.A. makes no such suggestion. In fact, reference to praying on the knees, in the original draft of Step 7, was explicitly removed to prevent the misconception that such a practice was suggested. Moreover, to be on one’s knees as a prior condition to prayer will prevent prayer at many opportunities during the day. If you or your sponsor think that you should be on your knees for correct prayer, then by all means do so. It might just be the best way to pray. For the content of prayer, see Step 11b that follows.” BB Bunch
November 2012 | AA 12 Steps In Action | Step 10 The Now Inventory
Alcoholics Anonymous | Step Eleven Reading Video Link:
November 2012 | Video Reading How It Works:
November 2012 | Video Reading Into Action :
I do not speak for Alcoholics Anonymous I speak for myself. Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of unique and authentic people who speak for themselves where they will to share experience, strength and hope about recovery on a daily basis. Anonymity affords sanctuary to find how to live sober and be open, honest and willing to learn life day by day. For me "truth," "love" and "wisdom" offer the best spiritual experience by living reality today. Into the fabric of recovery from alcoholism are woven the Twelve Steps and the Traditions: steps to be open, honest and willing to learn, traditions to live unity, service and recovery.
Spiritual principles ~ Forgiveness Acceptance Surrender Faith Open-mindedness Honesty Willingness Moral-inventory Amends Humility Persistence Spiritual-growth Service
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