November 18 2012 | AA 12 Steps In Action | Step 11 Daily Meditation Alcoholics Anonymous Today's Daily Reflections: "when one door closes, another one opens…" Sometimes we feel the wind of change, so chill it makes our bones ache. Usually when we find someone is moving away, or has gone permanently and we don't want it to be so. Loneliness is a desolate place when we are not cherished and grief can send us tumbling back to old ways… Sometimes all the doors are closed in the present moment…
Video For Today:
Times change, we forget that we change and that our attentions are drawn to new matters and new people, places and things. And when we are excited by new changes and possibilities, we put our energy into these new matters and possibilities. Are we forgetting those we cherish as we forge ahead without feeling? And how did it feel when those close moved away from us for whatever reason. And why does it feel like we are being treated with superficiality and indifference? The old gnawing sensations, darkness, fear and self-loathing often lead to self-harm. Don't stop cherishing, every friendship counts and we do not rely on one single individual, as we help others and cherish them, they can cherish us right back. Always the many and not just one… Just one individual will always fall down when others are totally reliant on them, it is unfair to have that expectation…
The AA daily reflection is all about a safety net, and in recovery the safety net is the greater number who sustain us daily with a kind word, a hug and a realistic interdependence. Realistic interdependence is cultivating and growing as many friendships needed to keep us sober today. Sober first with sober friends and fellowship and the rest of life keeps happening. Sober first, and we can develop romance and finance, where our needs are met and our wants are forgotten, and even with heartbreak we stay sober so hearts can mend and we find love again. And the same is true finance: our needs met and often wants are then forgotten… Unless of course we are greedy…
Nature and nurture develop our emotional abilities. And by the time I got to fellowship, my emotional situation was very bleak, broken and seemed irreparable. With each sober day the return of every emotion was turbulent and frantic as each spilled into the other. I could not understand my feelings, and it took time to recognise that every feeling is a response to what is happening now, and every memory that went before it. Then in time, I understood the memories and why I felt the way I did, and these days, my feelings are more to do with the here and now, rather than some episode in the past. Feelings: working in the moment? I wouldn't have it any other way, all the feelings appropriate in the moment of now…
Yesterday two meetings: reminders and remembrances of people. Some are dead and some are living, and still we grieve both, and we are changed as we learn what it is to grieve. We feel the loss more deeply and profoundly if that is our nature and nature is allowed to flourish. Joy is a spiritual touchtone, experienced in the moment. And so are all the emotions a spiritual touchstone, not just pain, although pain is what we used to obliterate. These days we feel it as it is if we are fortunate enough to keep on the journey one day at a time… Feelings are always the spiritual touchstone, intellect, the vehicle to actions we take in the moment, imperfectly perfect moment's where we learn every day, to cherish more deeply or move on blindly with superficiality and indifference today…
A bit of a dingdong yesterday. One old timer with a rather grotesque message of experience, strength and hope littered with profanity and ugliness and yet powerful to the newcomer. Another old timer following on with judgement and complaint about the profanity, "now you're out of the gutter, you can leave the language of the gutter behind you!" And fifty years of sobriety between the two of them! Of course if you are educated and have another way of expressing yourself, all well and good. But if your language is of the gutter, it may take quite a while to find another form of expression? Why bother to judge either way. If a message of experience, strength and hope is being shared? If a person is told to clean up their act, and do not have the tools or inclination, judgement and chastising provokes anger and resentment which is then witnessed and becomes a learning experience for everyone concerned. And so we learn what works for each person is different, still a brilliant meeting and it took away my feelings of loneliness yesterday… And in my judgement, language and expression which is understood is the language of the heart, no matter what its provenance might be…
Outstanding ability to be stubborn and defiant? I was and really did not know, I thought I was simply determined and tenacious, not a quitter and able to keep on going when others would give up. Served me well I thought in matters of romance, finance and work... just because I was good at many ways of living, it did not mean those ways of life were right for me. Today I learn what is good for me sober today...
Alcohol was my best friend for a long, long time helping me to live with all aspects of life. At least I thought so back in the day. Happy me, pour me a drink, poor me and pour myself a drink. In company we fixed ourselves with a drink, took the edge off and then so often took our clothes off too... Tall and short stories of times past. Today, now my feelings fit the reality I am living, no more taking the edge off, I know when to keep my clothes on and take them off in the right place with the right person and at the right time... Progress not protection, one lay no one day at a time...
November 18 2010 ~ Why me... Why not me? Daily life was tough back then in the grip of alcohol and today it is still tough. I smile when writing these words and then feel happier knowing exactly what is going on for me, how I am feeling, why and what I can and cannot do. The difference? Truth, love and wisdom, and freedom today...
November 18 2010 ~ Meditation and prayer helps me develop clarity and purpose. I have clarity today, unlike before, and driven to prove my value one way or another. When I am angry and resentful, and reflect on my part in matters, there is no shame or guilt in asking for help and wisdom from others today…
AA Daily Reflections ~ "A SAFETY NET" Occasionally. . . We are seized with a rebellion so sickening that we simply won’t pray. When these things happen we should not think too ill of ourselves. We should simply resume prayer as soon as we can, doing what we know to be good for us. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 105
Sometimes I scream, stomp my feet, and turn my back on my Higher Power. Then my disease tells me that I am a failure, and that if I stay angry I’ll surely get drunk. In those moments of self-will it’s as if I’ve slipped over a cliff and am hanging by one hand. The above passage is my safety net, in that it urges me to try some new behaviour, such as being kind and patient with myself. It assures me that my Higher Power will wait until I am willing once again to risk letting go, to land in the net, and to pray."
November 18 2007
DonInLondon - ‘Day In the Life’ Consolidating and Getting About
After a battle to keep spam at a minimum on my you tube channel I have worked out a half-way house solution. I do appreciate comments for or against on my You Tube channel, which is really a video blog about me being in recovery from addiction. We are never free of the addiction, it’s a chronic condition. And we can make good as we can by a daily programme.
You Tube is now proving difficult to manage and keep all my “plates spinning” as it were. So I intend to close off comments on early You tube and provide a link to my Primary Website doninlondon.com. This will help me manage the spammers who I feel will always be around, at the same time comments can be made on recent videos for a month or so.
That took a lot of my time today.
Interesting to me is the state of my feet and other extremities, which have taken on a “sponge like feel” which is somewhat perplexing. But it was ok to cycle just about, even though the weather was bitter.
With my mother and sister was excellent and as a result I have come home with some food for tomorrow, which is pretty darn good. The conversation light, reminders and happier memories about Christopher who we all miss. And also much chat about just normal things and hoping my brother is ok with new challenges for him. I need call him soon or email.
Tonight, now yesterday
So a meeting of my fellowship, lots of identification with the chairperson who shared with great clarity their experience strength and hope. I did not share, a big meeting with lots of new people, so I kept silent. And at the end I went and thanked the person in the hot seat tonight, because what they said helped me with being me!
I do get concerned about some aspects of my life. Being single presently does feel right. And yet I still feel the pull to partnership. And I feel sometime someday female company will be something which will happen naturally. Between then and now is much to do to make sure I keep healthy and follow advice.
I have consultations this week on medical matters. I feel it may prove a challenge and I know things are not too bright just now. So much upheaval over recent months has made for difficult times and routines. This is not too good and I am aware of changes as mentioned here and in the video..
Its already Monday and time I was asleep, blood tests first thing and I need be early or there for hours at the hospital. They are good just always busy and this is not a criticism, it’s a blinking good hospital in my opinion..
18th November 2006
Due Care And Attention To Living
Its sometimes hard to know right from wrong, its sometimes hard to keep everything we know in the day. We think from history and everything we do we might learn with care and pay attention to everything that is going on.
And sometimes because things are not discussed or we have no crystal ball to make good our imaginings we are maybe caught out, we have no idea where things are or what may be going on.
Sometimes we isolate and wait a while and sometimes we get a little bit bolder, yet we are most often afraid that what we might want, we may not be even close to having.
Its vital we get reality as is. And be so careful with everyone we encounter. We do not know how deep feelings may run and we might not imagine there are any there at all.
Sharing what we know
Its not so hard if most of our lives we have shared and kept everyone in the loop about our living. We are as careful can be and yet somewhere we can overlook how things may be changing. And we don’t know what might be happening. We fear and have doubts.
Makes us wonder what is going on and we don’t really know just how things are. Yet we have no right to pry. And it is quite awkward. As life on life’s terms, we think its clear and yet the imagination makes us wonder, what if?
If we know
If we know there may be some problem, its best to wait and see. And not be fearful in the meanwhile, because as with all matters distant and unknown we are truly powerless over anything, as often said, over people places and things.
Tonight a really good sharing in our fellowship
A new mother and long term fellow, just back from maternity leave? Well hardly as they kept up their meetings as well as motherhood too. As keeping with the fellowship, a spiritual home which informs us in the here and now how we are doing, why and what we may do..
Friendship in all matters is paramount and close and face to face friendship needs to be a regular part of our way forward. Without this key we are left with fear and doubts as alone we can become inward, looking at our history and what if and why not’s, and more than this wanting maybe what is not there at all. Friendship helps in all matters as we make our path in fellowship. Fellowship can be misunderstood. As easily as any way we are close and especially over long distances.
What we see it really what we get
Over many years, denial has been as much a part of me, as breathing. Not accepting the truth and nature of each day. Surely it is better to remove denials and get with living in the here and now. And still tonight walking back alone from my meeting, I realise there is misgiving and concern in me. Not so much about me, although there will always be a part of me which wonders this and the what if’s, it does no good to imagine.
A friend asks me
A friend asked me about my life today. And he was merely being casual, but all the same it felt intrusive. As I live alone and have made my way very gradually into the here and now, rather than stuck somewhere and worse wishing for the world to change to my way, or no way. I was stuck to answer because he wanted me to be like him. Or some form he would choose for me? And this was no close friend as such, just someone I saw mid-day on the King’s Road.
What we wants for me as he sees normality is a convention, of being with and involved with and having a partner and making a partnership. And for all these years I might have thought the same and then was sorely disappointed as life just was never that way. Until now, as I learn all over and mostly for the first time what I truly am doing. I am just learning about life and living, which means there is no convention and path to follow as if blind or yearning to be like or be something or this or that.
I am learning just to be me.
Our Chair Tonight
As with all matters family, its important to see and be able to relate, and mostly I related to a strong spiritual message and one I find completely right. That if whatever we might believe as a higher power has any quality it is indeed love and good conscience.
Yes for months this has been my message and well put tonight, I felt at ease with the message. And then disrupted by close fellows without a glimmer of any connection to the words spoken. And this is just as it is. And friends wonder how life is for me? It is just progress and nothing ever close to perfection.
As to me and how I feel
Sometimes remote and not always easy with my world. As sometimes more may be sought or asked which is beyond me and this day. And truly might be a path meant for others. I really do not know, other than truth and fellowship help me understand my feelings. And worry for others and theirs too. I try to be careful always, but like any human I am just a learner in living and can be misunderstood as much as simpatico.
Knowing and understanding our condition and our humanity helps greatly and in such intimate moments where sharing is as honest as can be, we are most vulnerable to other questions and deep feelings as sharing so, is as close sometimes as we have encountered in all our lives.
I do care deeply for pretty much everyone I encounter these days, it leaves me stretched too far sometimes, and hard to find when batteries are low. Most likely somewhere in a meeting soaking up yet more wisdom, and then living life as best can be, nowhere near perfection or there would be no point at all. But truly with due care and love, as indeed in good conscience love is all we need.
And as in all human encounters close and often direct with honest hearts we need be so very careful, and be kind in all our moments. Especially this ever present moment of now..
November 18th 2005
Silence is Golden
In silence we find a solution to every problem. On a day to day basis, such a notion is formidable. We might pause and reflect on our silence and ensure we are taking care our own or others problems. Other people’s problems will always be attractive, and a diversion from our own. It's no good trying to do good, it's better to be good!
November 18th 2004
Combination and Balance
I am learning about combination and balance all over again. This is no surprise, I knew it would be necessary. The Learning and experiences over the years are lessons maybe only learned in maturity. From an early beginning where there were no boundaries and the world felt limitless in my eyes, experience teaches me how I may limit myself.
True, we cannot be all things and master of them all. And we have choices and potential to excel and to master art, trade and commerce, every imaginable endeavour man might encounter. We must endeavour too to find a balance in all aspects of living.
Balance is not the natural path, balance is confined to the spread of experiences we have open at any time in our lives. It is finding a balance in the day, and a balance of foresight based on experiences. There are many who apply visionary techniques to achieve a given path and stick with their learning and mastery. We are often tutored to the future potential we will embrace, and fall short. Not just because we may not be imbued with the gift of achievement, but that achievement is limited to a few who can be placed in our desired role and career.
We do have boundless potential for ourselves. Something oft lost in the pursuit of happiness expressed by others. Chasing others dreams and what society sees as valuable may undo our boundless potential and mastery of self.
Self-mastery is a combination, a formula worked out for oneself. Self-mastery combines the day we have before us, the mind’s eye to the possibilities. And especially the enjoyment fulfilled in the present as we build a future.
Future, the unknown may be long and rewarding. The present delivers reward and fulfilment, self-worth and contentment. The future may be moments, or decades, don't forget the present and active, demonstrable delivered and absorbed. Balance is finding one’s own unique formula, a combination of trust in one’s openness and feeling.
The present perfect ~ perfectly present, and imperfectly perfect now...
Just For Today And Every Day, Cherish Always...
“The method of prayer & meditation. We often hear it said in meetings that the speaker "hits his knees every morning." Not being brought up Catholic or Muslim, we envisioned that slapping of the knees might be spiritually significant in A.A. When we discovered that the act of prayer was being referred to, we asked why A.A. tells us to get on our knees to pray. We were informed that A.A. makes no such suggestion. In fact, reference to praying on the knees, in the original draft of Step 7, was explicitly removed to prevent the misconception that such a practice was suggested. Moreover, to be on one’s knees as a prior condition to prayer will prevent prayer at many opportunities during the day. If you or your sponsor think that you should be on your knees for correct prayer, then by all means do so. It might just be the best way to pray. For the content of prayer, see Step 11b that follows.” BB Bunch
November 2012 | AA 12 Steps In Action | Step 10 The Now Inventory
Alcoholics Anonymous | Step Eleven Reading Video Link:
November 2012 | Video Reading How It Works:
November 2012 | Video Reading Into Action :
I do not speak for Alcoholics Anonymous I speak for myself. Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of unique and authentic people who speak for themselves where they will to share experience, strength and hope about recovery on a daily basis. Anonymity affords sanctuary to find how to live sober and be open, honest and willing to learn life day by day. For me "truth," "love" and "wisdom" offer the best spiritual experience by living reality today. Into the fabric of recovery from alcoholism are woven the Twelve Steps and the Traditions: steps to be open, honest and willing to learn, traditions to live unity, service and recovery.
Spiritual principles ~ Forgiveness Acceptance Surrender Faith Open-mindedness Honesty Willingness Moral-inventory Amends Humility Persistence Spiritual-growth Service
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