October 2 2012 | AA 12 Steps In Action | Step 10 The Now Inventory Alcoholics Anonymous Today's Daily Reflections: "the acid test in my morning meditations…" What sort of a day am I likely to have? Immediately this morning I thought of step six and seven, I can have the step six day where my defects of character come out to play or a step seven day with courage faith confidence hope… Or being pragmatic and accepting, some things may cause me aggravation and some things will make me happy… I can be at sixes and sevens with life in the moment and fortunately step ten offers the opportunity to make an impact on my next actions to the good today…
Video For Today:
Like all the principles of the fellowship encompassed in the twelve steps and twelve traditions, an open, honest and willing approach to most situations will help me find solutions rather than wallow in problems. The most important solution today is to consult and ask for help for clarity of purpose, clarity to understand the situation I face and my part in it. When I forget and get bogged down in the problems, some fear, some need to cover up and some feeling of guilt may emerge if I feel under threat and exposed when I don't know what to do. If I remain calm, share my concerns and need for help, courage, faith and confidence will point me towards the solutions available in the moment and just for today…
There is an old saying, three types of lie, "lies, damned lies and statistics!" And in many countries, it is the political conference season and political elections which will impact for the next few years. And it is difficult to separate ideas from ideology, the truth from belief and opinion, where there is cover up and where there is openness, where people share their aspirations and where people share a reality check of themselves or their opponents. With this crazy backdrop where people share the selective truth, "half the truth if we are lucky," as an individual I need simply look to my own conduct and principles today KEEPING MY SIDE OF THE STREET CLEAN in order to make decisions which make sense for me today…
How am I feeling this morning? I feel okay, calm and emotionally able to feel right in the moment. Feeling right in the moment means that I am hopeful that any emotion which comes up as a result of real life happening can be coped with and guide me in my thinking and my actions. When I forget and can feel emotional extremes coming on, usually listening to lies, damned lies and statistics, I recognise the source of my anger and resentment, understand what I can and cannot do in the moment of now and keep learning the wisdom to know the difference. Today I can hear the ideas and not get stuck in other people's ideology…
DonInLondon 2005-2011
Every line caused by age, every scratch, every scar, a life time etched into innocence. Every ding and dent of experience is evidence and proof of life. Beautiful to behold, we wear our history with grace in recovery. No need to hide who we are today…
A drinking career 35 years long, and in work 35 years of saying yes, asked and answered in work, successful and when I stopped drinking, everything stopped. “Back in the day:” a void and a feeling of emptiness. Now, more truth, love and wisdom flows, an open honest and willing outlook today…
October 2 2010 ~ hurt and happiness all can happen in the moment. Everything is going on, one moment serenity, the next, memories remind us of old times and we wonder when the spinning head will slow down. As the mountain of history has shaped us, we take it step by step today and we find more level ground and we progress today...
October 2 2010 ~ learning a new approach to our living, acceptance of life the way it is, drowning out the inner voice which is tormented by a want to fix is difficult. It is difficult for anyone open, honest and willing to change. We feel life in the moment without filters, emotions are embraced, understood. We feel, we think and we respond to this day...
I promise you changing our outlook and our way of living is difficult at first. We need to change, and acceptance is the answer:
“And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation -- some fact of my life -- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.
Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes.”
-/-
AA Daily Reflections ~ "the acid test... As we work the first nine Steps, we prepare ourselves for the adventure of a new life. But when we approach Step Ten we commence to put our A.A. way of living to practical use, day by day, in fair weather or foul. Then comes the acid test: can we stay sober, keep in emotional balance, and live to good purpose under all conditions? [12&12]
I know the Promises are being fulfilled in my life, but I want to maintain and develop them by the daily application of Step Ten. I have learned through this Step that if I am disturbed, there is something wrong with me. The other person may be wrong too, but I can only deal with my feelings. When I am hurt or upset, I have to continually look for the cause in me, and then I have to admit and correct my mistakes. It isn’t easy, but as long as I know I am progressing spiritually, I know that I can mark my effort up as a job well done. I have found that pain is a friend; it lets me know there is something wrong with my emotions, just as a physical pain lets me know there is something wrong with my body. When I take the appropriate action through the Twelve Steps, the pain gradually goes away."
-/-
October 2 2007
DonInLondon - ‘Day In the Life’ Happiness In Living
Happiness
A broad subject. I was watching some early morning TV. Seems like there is no one road to happiness. As there as many people, there are as many roads to happiness.
Memories and in Memoriam
Its three months since my sister’s partner died. A man so complex and full of life and intellect. Sensitive and careful as a human being, Full of compassion and full of life experiences now lost. A hospital service today for people who die in hospital. My sister, mother and me, we will be there today.
It is hard to share the impact an individual makes in this world. And always it is those who know a person best who feel the loss and know also the good of life lived. Unsung heroes, we all have them and most often we are too. We all do our best with what we have and our experience of life.
The weather today is suitably murky as if we needed more to feel the sadness. And always these rituals and traditions are here to help us realise that every human has their place in the hearts of those who knew them.
Yesterday
A good day overall, although the rain came down in torrents. I went to hospital for blood tests and to check my appointments for my specialist visits. Seems the computer system has lost me as things have been updated. But good that I am still there somewhere on it.
Much changing of my website codes kept me busy and it is quite a laborious business. I am glad I took my camera out Sunday and the pictures are interesting to me, studies from life and a an afternoon on the Kings road in Chelsea.
Fellowship
The last day or two I have been to meetings and the change in the season does affect how people feel. Its that interim period, and Autumnal weather is giving many including me head colds and cautious feelings. We are animals after all and are always affected by our environment.
Last Night’s Meeting of AA - Alcoholics Anonymous
All About [AA] us! Recovering alcoholics. The fellowship meeting in the Bolton’s, all about our steps of changing back to normal life.
Step 9 - Amends
Our ninth step of change is about making our amends to others about our behaviour. The twelve steps are merely a way of clearing up the debris of life in addiction and finding a way to live in peace. Making amends to others needs careful thought. Sometimes the nature of any of our bad behaviour means there is nothing to be gained by saying sorry, as an apology would never work or make anything better. And in trampling on the feelings of others has no benefit for anyone.
Amends start with ourselves in recognition of what we may have done, then coming to terms with it and changing our way of life. If we don’t sort out the past, it invariably causes more pain along the way.
What is apparent is the amends made come as they will in time. The answer is to be prepared to make them, unreservedly for our part in what happened.
Expectations of Amends
All we do is know and understand, we are ready to make amends as they can be made. There is no two way street in the process, all we may do is know our part, and assuredly it is not a tit for tat exchange. What others feel and think, their response is theirs and we may not challenge or ameliorate our part in life.
We Learn
We learn what works best these days and in principle owning up to human mistakes and behaviour as it happens puts us on track to make less of the same mistakes. And the we can go on to make lots more mistakes as we get sober and live as we may.
We simply learn to live and take responsibility for ourselves and not either hide from our mishaps and sad deeds in this world or offer token sorrows for what we have done. We get more real about living with care for others as well as ourselves.
Always progress, for we need make mistakes and progress, never ever perfect!
My experience of step nine in life, it’s all about learning, all about acceptance, and all about being true to open honest and willing. It’s all about owning our behaviour and whenever the time affords to offer and make amends as time enables. It is not about blame , and actually helps us realise the blame game and the inclination towards retribution is unhelpful as forgiveness finds its way.
We live as we learn to live, best find better ways to live and learn and own our journey of life.
October 2nd 2006 2007
Do the Next Right Thing
Blimey what a day of dodging raindrops and blustering winds. And having a pretty ok Sunday in amongst the angst around at the moment. Seems like the world is really feeling the strain, well my friends seem to be feeling a lot of painful things. And for me? It’s just reminding myself to do the next right thing.
When the world feels a bit odd to say the least and there are a thousand opportunities around which might make equilibrium seem a million miles away, just doing the next right thing is maybe the best solution.
I have had a cracking day in many respects, I have seen the Tiger Cat twice as needed to ensure her welfare. My Mum, Sister and her Partner are happy in Crete and weather is spectacular, according to the &blackberry; device they have with them! I have been to two meetings today as planned, smiles not the one I had planned tonight as there were problems with a key and the lock at one venue. It may have happened I don’t know. But anyways.
My fellows are like the natives, restless and quite peed off with a lot of life, I reckon it may have something to do with coming back from summer holidays and the start of Autumn, and a lot to do with not going to as many meetings as they do usually. But now they are back, normal will come along when it will, without any willpower being exerted. Indeed it seems we mess up most when we get wilful in our thinking and less willing to listen to others points of view.
My learning themes today:
Doing the right thing and needing to be happy
Seems there are differences in doing the right thing and being happy. Or are there? Seems we feel like we have things we need to do, obligations, rules and regulations we must observe, constraints and boundaries. All these things can get in the way of our happiness. Or do they? Good questions we need ask ourselves.
The problem seems to come from inside me, the I feel, why and what can I do. I start feeling something and think it to death before the next thing I know, I am out of whack with everything.
Work, family, places things, especially it seems people can really make our lives so difficult, and all we are looking to be is happy.
This was the theme this morning at my 9-00AM bash down in Chelsea. Smiles it was touch and go if I would make it on time, I did. I don’t enjoy being late, it spoils my mood. But I got there in just good time.
Monday morning
Well I got side-tracked a lot last night so some of this is written this morning. My feelings about yesterday are the same though. It was a good day for me. At the same time I recognise I need be careful.
After the morning meeting, I was invited out for a coffee and ended up in good company with some of my fellowship. I had just enough food to keep me going to the meeting and down to see my Sister’s cat Tiger. And as I was at the coffee shop, I nearly had a hypo(caused by the diabetes condition). I had to have some juice to get my sugar levels back up, to stop the hypo. Not a bad thing just necessary. But a coffee and a juice, here in Chelsea is equal to a day’s food in cost terms. So I need make sure I have something with me next time.
A chance outing for coffee and good company can easily bust my budget, this may seem trivial to most people, for me though its becoming critical as all expenses have gone up this year, gas electric and water, phone which is essential for me and getting help. All those costs are up and I have no extra income, so I am squeezed tight and living on income support affords for no luxuries. Tough and not easy.
Anyways it was a pleasure to be in good company. My friend of some years, at University now, she texted me and it was good to know that life is going right for her. And the inevitable drift to new living means our friendship is more distant, smiles and wistfully there is acceptance in this for me.
A quiet afternoon, with me trying to get the bicycle ready for use. As my feet are still painful after a few minutes walking, the idea of the bike is very much on my mind to get around. Its more risky, but mobility is also an issue which worries me more now. The realisation that I am not as mobile in some ways is another thing to accept.
And then on to the evening:
There was some bad feeling as I got to the venue for last night, the key would not work, the people were a bit fed up and some hard words exchanged with someone who felt they were in charge with another friend of mine over welcome duties. It might sound odd, we do have some &jobs; that need be done to make sure meetings happen and people get the welcome anyone needs coming to AA in early days of sobriety..
Hard and unnecessary words said and feelings hurt, most likely for both of them. And my friend and me set off for an alternative, simply to ensure a bit of peace from otherwise disturbing opinions. It did not work as we became three and headed for another Chelsea venue. We stopped half way, and as we three sat down my unhappy friend decided to go home. So we became two again. The two of us got to know each other better and we had a great evening overall, and I was not able to offer my upset friend much comfort till later and by phone. Now why do things happen this way? They just do!
Evening meeting: Feelings and learning to cope with them in sobriety. That is without any anaesthetic!
(from last night)
This was the theme from just now at the evening in Chelsea meeting where I was earlier, it’s not like me to go to the same venue at different times of day, but it’s a totally different feel and different group of people.
Why on earth am I putting so much into these days? Making sure I get a grip on reality? Or soaking up knowledge or experience or just getting a handle on living again a new way?
(this morning)
Well it was quite a walk to get there from almost Fulham to the heart of Chelsea and I am really paying for it with the &dogs barking; (my feet hurt).
And my back is knackered too, so analgesia works to an extent but the impairment is still there. I must learn!
The other learning from last night was definitely all about feelings coming back after years of suppressing them. Everyone in sobriety had experienced this awful transition back to the feeling world, where nothing is suppressed and feelings are more profound.
Learning how to deal with our feelings is so rudimentary, we might be forgiven for our childishness and petty outbursts as we play catch up with normal people who know feelings better than we do. Or do they? Seems we are not so different really as the world all seems capable of suppressing feeling and not dealing with reality.
At least in our fellowship we are giving it a go and learning how to get things right sized again. And we spent the evening working out how, and listening to successes and less successful attempts at being human.
Denial of truth seemed evident as most of us had made all the usual mistakes in this transition to reality an our feelings told us one thing and reality was quite different. Adjustments take as long as they take, and we learn just one day at a time what it feels like to make every mistake all over again. Hard and good learning from life and our fellows. What a great night it turned out to be!
This morning
On reflection its good, and although I have much to do, and wonder what next, I may ask and seek help. I have another hospital appointment at the end of the week, so some practical advice will be sought. And I need contact the housing department too, I am concerned what next again, as rumours persist, there will be no more housing available soon, there is just none to be had. And this is a worry indeed, as the council cannot conjure somewhere out of thin air and they are as stuck as any council I guess. I have been evicted twice and moved on, simply because available places have shut down as funding and budgets have run out. It’s just the way things are..
So onwards, and simply try to do the next right thing. I just need ensure its with consultation and not just my plan, as my plan has no bearing most likely on what is possible and where I may end up…
October 2nd 2006
Doing a Chair - Insightful Painful - Cathartic
Thanks KT its ok so far and all is fine. And I mean fine actually not the other version Here is the writing from earlier, a bit dark, and something I agree with you about, sometimes visiting the past is maybe not the right time if ever there is a right time..
Doing a Chair - Insightful Painful - Cathartic
Oh my God, will it ever be so? To speak the unspeakable past, to share the awful truth of me.. Well there are some grim moments to recollect and share, and some hard truths. And there will always be more to tell, after all a career and what a career of thirty five years and more.
And when I mention a career, my working life went hand in hand with a drinking life and culture. Somehow between the two, life went along with a lot of success. And so I related my story, how to be a success in working life, and how this led to a life involving an ethos of live hard and play hard.
I suppose it was very much the way to be, all the people, places and things we were about. All involved working as hard as it took, and then celebrating success. And the celebration pattern most likely reinforced my dependence on the drink.
I am not sure it would have been any different had I been a failure, maybe my passage to alcohol would have been quicker to alcoholism? Who knows. What I do know is at the beginning of the millennium, when my life had gone pretty off and clinical depression was as much a part of me as anything, oblivion from the awfulness of life was just the only way to survive.
From being comfortable and reasonably ok, to being uncomfortable all the time and very worn out, and poor! That is the gist of the story. And I don’t really know how cathartic it is to tell it. Maybe if I were less self-aware it would be cathartic to get a grip on truth. Truth is simple I was worn out and an alcoholic. From age 12, with a pattern of work, sometimes for my Dad and then in various jobs in retail, distribution and finance, actually working life had been pretty constant until 2002. At least 35 years of hard work. And nearly as long drinking. No wonder my head and heart were pretty mashed up. There is no resentment in this, merely observations.
In that time, a hardworking and diligent individual, me did his best to make it all stick together. But the glue came unstuck. I realise my feelings and my heart never really got over a lot of hard knocks along the way. And the result in sobriety has been a return of my feelings about life and living and how to make the best of the time I have now. This is what the AA programme gives me today. A purpose and way of living a day at a time.
What I know from the pathology, gone through with specialists, is I have always had severe depressions along the way, the exact nature of them, and what classification they may be, well it matters not. But my way through them was always to self-medicate away hard pains, and get through to the next best time. Sometimes it was years in depression and certainly most of the 1990’s, well they were a nightmare, working hard and seeking some way out of a place where no one functions with much joy. A time of desolation.
But now with help. And the right outlook, the day at a time programme and the fellowship, each day works as it may. I know what is wrong and right in me. I know what causes low mood, a chemical imbalance in my physiology, and the chemistry can be kept as well as it can, with specialist help. I work with professional help, rather than avoid it these days.
So what makes my life work? AA and the fellowship for my emotional and spiritual care. Spiritual to me is making the reality of now the experience, and not just oblivion it used to be. This means I get the good and bad as it comes my way, and just deal with it a day at a time. For my physical I do rely on modern science and Type 1 diabetes needs day by day monitoring. With help support and encouragement, from professionals and friends to make sure I am on track, it can work a day at a time.
Over the last year, there have been months when I was in so much pain, I could hardly walk. And now with the right analgesia, I am walking better, but not without pain and not very far. It was a long time getting confirmation of what it was, diabetic neuropathy, and this is now managed as well as can be for now.
I don’t know whether I have really got acceptance over the disabilities and reduced capacities I have or what this means beyond just the day. Every part of living is affected. And this really has not been my priority, as surviving was all I could do for a while. But there are some things I need find out. And soon, or I may find myself with worse problems, work and where I may live are a concern for me.
The concern is not how I feel about what next. Its more to do with what is expected of me now. And how much I can do to keep making life work. I feel I need work at something, where I might live, I am still registered homeless in emergency accommodation. And with three things to keep monitoring and living with, recovery, clinical depression and type 1 diabetes, with the physical impairments which will never get better, well I reckon I better ask sooner rather than later. Advice, it’s a tough one, and where to get it.
Meanwhile as the mood is always lower after this cathartic exercise, which others find lifts them up and does the opposite to me. I best take a bus and feed the cat, and then go on to a meeting and be silent and listen a while.
I am lucky to still be alive. And there are some days which work better than others, sort of ordinary days, and they are worth having and living.
One thing is really bothering me, and that is the loss of that sharp edge I had before the analgesia for the neuropathy. Its early days and with a change in medication, it may sort itself out, and will seek advice on this. But there is some trade here, between walking and a sharpness of mind. And I am uncertain for now, which is ok, what happens next. Sometimes the pain is worth it, but not for months on end? I am a reluctant acceptor of this hard choice, and I feel it will be acceptance of the pain, as one faculty wins in priority for me, and that is clarity of mind.
Do the Next Right Thing
Blimey what a day of dodging raindrops and blustering winds. And having a pretty ok Sunday in amongst the angst around at the moment. Seems like the world is really feeling the strain, well my friends seem to be feeling a lot of painful things. And for me? It’s just reminding myself to do the next right thing.
When the world feels a bit odd to say the least and there are a thousand opportunities around which might make equilibrium seem a million miles away, just doing the next right thing is maybe the best solution.
I have had a cracking day in many respects, I have seen the Tiger Cat twice as needed to ensure her welfare. My Mum, Sister and her Partner are happy in Crete and weather is spectacular, according to the "blackberry" device they have with them! I have been to two meetings today as planned, smiles not the one I had planned tonight as there were problems with a key and the lock at one venue. It may have happened I don’t know. But anyways.
My fellows are like the natives, restless and quite peed off with a lot of life, I reckon it may have something to do with coming back from summer holidays and the start of Autumn, and a lot to do with not going to as many meetings as they do usually. But now they are back, normal will come along when it will, without any willpower being exerted. Indeed it seems we mess up most when we get wilful in our thinking and less willing to listen to others points of view.
My learning themes today: Doing the right thing and needing to be happy
Seems there are differences in doing the right thing and being happy. Or are there? Seems we feel like we have things we need to do, obligations, rules and regulations we must observe, constraints and boundaries. All these things can get in the way of our happiness. Or do they? Good questions we need ask ourselves.
The problem seems to come from inside me, the I feel, why and what can I do. I start feeling something and think it to death before the next thing I know, I am out of whack with everything.
Work, family, places things, especially it seems people can really make our lives so difficult, and all we are looking to be is happy.
This was the theme this morning at my 9-00AM bash down in Chelsea. Smiles it was touch and go if I would make it on time, I did. I don’t enjoy being late, it spoils my mood. But I got there in just good time.
Monday morning
Well I got side-tracked a lot last night so some of this is written this morning. My feelings about yesterday are the same though. It was a good day for me. At the same time I recognise I need be careful.
After the morning meeting, I was invited out for a coffee and ended up in good company with some of my fellowship. I had just enough food to keep me going to the meeting and down to see my Sister’s cat Tiger. And as I was at the coffee shop, I nearly had a hypo(caused by the diabetes condition). I had to have some juice to get my sugar levels back up, to stop the hypo. Not a bad thing just necessary. But a coffee and a juice, here in Chelsea is equal to a day’s food in cost terms. So I need make sure I have something with me next time.
A chance outing for coffee and good company can easily bust my budget, this may seem trivial to most people, for me though its becoming critical as all expenses have gone up this year, gas electric and water, phone which is essential for me and getting help. All those costs are up and I have no extra income, so I am squeezed tight and living on income support affords for no luxuries. Tough and not easy.
Anyways it was a pleasure to be in good company. My friend of some years, at University now, she texted me and it was good to know that life is going right for her. And the inevitable drift to new living means our friendship is more distant, smiles and wistfully there is acceptance in this for me.
A quiet afternoon, with me trying to get the bicycle ready for use. As my feet are still painful after a few minutes walking, the idea of the bike is very much on my mind to get around. Its more risky, but mobility is also an issue which worries me more now. The realisation that I am not as mobile in some ways is another thing to accept.
And then on to the evening:
There was some bad feeling as I got to the venue for last night, the key would not work, the people were a bit fed up and some hard words exchanged with someone who felt they were in charge with another friend of mine over welcome duties. It might sound odd, we do have some "jobs" that need be done to make sure meetings happen and people get the welcome anyone needs coming to AA in early days of sobriety..
Hard and unnecessary words said and feelings hurt, most likely for both of them. And my friend and me set off for an alternative, simply to ensure a bit of peace from otherwise disturbing opinions. It did not work as we became three and headed for another Chelsea venue. We stopped half way, and as we three sat down my unhappy friend decided to go home. So we became two again. The two of us got to know each other better and we had a great evening overall, and I was not able to offer my upset friend much comfort till later and by phone. Now why do things happen this way? They just do!
Evening meeting: Feelings and learning to cope with them in sobriety. That is without any anaesthetic!
(from last night)
This was the theme from just now at the evening in Chelsea meeting where I was earlier, it’s not like me to go to the same venue at different times of day, but it’s a totally different feel and different group of people.
Why on earth am I putting so much into these days? Making sure I get a grip on reality? Or soaking up knowledge or experience or just getting a handle on living again a new way?
(this morning)
Well it was quite a walk to get there from almost Fulham to the heart of Chelsea and I am really paying for it with the "dogs barking" (my feet hurt).
And my back is knackered too, so analgesia works to an extent but the impairment is still there. I must learn!
The other learning from last night was definitely all about feelings coming back after years of suppressing them. Everyone in sobriety had experienced this awful transition back to the feeling world, where nothing is suppressed and feelings are more profound.
Learning how to deal with our feelings is so rudimentary, we might be forgiven for our childishness and petty outbursts as we play catch up with normal people who know feelings better than we do. Or do they? Seems we are not so different really as the world all seems capable of suppressing feeling and not dealing with reality.
At least in our fellowship we are giving it a go and learning how to get things right sized again. And we spent the evening working out how, and listening to successes and less successful attempts at being human.
Denial of truth seemed evident as most of us had made all the usual mistakes in this transition to reality an our feelings told us one thing and reality was quite different. Adjustments take as long as they take, and we learn just one day at a time what it feels like to make every mistake all over again. Hard and good learning from life and our fellows. What a great night it turned out to be!
This morning
On reflection its good, and although I have much to do, and wonder what next, I may ask and seek help. I have another hospital appointment at the end of the week, so some practical advice will be sought. And I need contact the housing department too, I am concerned what next again, as rumours persist, there will be no more housing available soon, there is just none to be had. And this is a worry indeed, as the council cannot conjure somewhere out of thin air and they are as stuck as any council I guess. I have been evicted twice and moved on, simply because available places have shut down as funding and budgets have run out. It’s just the way things are..
So onwards, and simply try to do the next right thing. I just need ensure its with consultation and not just my plan, as my plan has no bearing most likely on what is possible and where I may end up…
Tea And Empathy
The bike experiment
My day was very experimental as I felt determined to see if the cycle riding might offer better opportunity to keep active and mobile. I think my internal “jury” is out on this activity. As I have mentioned on numerous occasions, walking is proving to be a problem without medication. And cycling is another way of getting about without aggravating the neuropathy. At least I had hoped so. I haven’t said this before, but the actual pain is not just my feet and my sensitivity generally is affected. Which might explain why it is this morning that walking or cycling, the pain remains. But there is much to gain with the cycling I feel as a form of exercise. So I don’t want to quit it, without having a fair go, and after seeing(oh and this is all over the place, as my vision alters a lot because of the diabetes) whether the other aches and pains may be due to the newness of this form of exercise. I don’t know much about neuropathy, unfortunately I may become expert as its with me for good. And I need accept it daily.
Tea
Yes I am the local tea boy at one meeting, again and I am pleased. And it was good to get out and do it. I really do get a kick out of working with another fellow and seeing people and doing the “tea“. It’s part of being sociable and in the fellowship we find that being a part of the activity keeps us involved, included and in the world of now!
Our or rather My Listening Tonight
It was a what we call a step and tradition meeting, where we discuss what the fellowship is about and our subject focussed on AA and its first tradition of Unity in the fellowship.
Unity is all about fellowship. And I guess I always labour the point about fellowship simply because many refer to AA as an organisation. It may be organised, but to call it an organisation always makes me smile, as in reality it’s a fellowship. Calling it an organisation suggests it has a hierarchy and some form of control over its membership. Actually, AA has no control over its fellows or its groups who meet all over the world as and when they choose. The Unity comes from its principles that everyone is equal and may be treated so, with fellowship and being a fellow guaranteed by a simple desire to stop drinking.
And of course the other aspects are about it being a fellowship of men and women. Many have commented that AA exerts no power over anything and has a better understanding of human development in recovery than any other body of people on the planet.
At the same time we are all unique, authentic, diverse as can be and we all choose to get on with each other no matter our background our gender, race, colour, belief systems and anything you might conjure up to cause conflict. We simply get on with our business of living simply or complicated, a day at a time. We develop our individuality, retain it, honour it and still belong to a fellowship which accepts everyone as similar and most of all autonomous in their daily living.
I enjoyed our meeting as people get to see the wonder of what fellowship is. Many get confused and take their time to learn what fellowship means, and that we are organised and have no “organisation” merely a fellowship! I know this sounds odd, and yet it is this fellowship thing which provides the glue to help each other get sober and back to the business of our lives, all different and with this one similarity, our humanity and compassion, forgiveness and growing wisdom of being human.
Tea and Empathy
I suppose one thing I learn is we are never perfect, and the notion of fellowship grows as our personal wisdom grows too. So when we come to AA at the start we don’t get this simple truth. And there are plenty of squabbles and human doings as people try put their mark on proceedings and make AA what they think it should be. There are no should’s in AA, merely suggestions and ways to live in harmony and peace. And everyone has their own belief system and spiritual path as they choose. A cool fellowship indeed.
And I have seen the usual stuff we humans do over the last few days, with arguments and problems all ever so human about people, responsibilities and positions of trust. We are far from perfect! And our imperfection makes us human, and eminently capable of getting angry and parochial about anything. Just like real life. And we have our traditions and steps to help us make every cock up known to mankind in a fellowship which expects just that. And at the same time has tolerance and forgiveness in every capacity we humans have, to keep coming back and try again.
And this Unity tradition, which encompasses the “day at a time” philosophy, means our equality is assured. A person is just one day sober, this applies to all of us in the fellowship, we are just and remain only sober for today. And this tradition and foundation assures us of equality. Even for those thirty years sober are good just this one day. For the wisdom of one day sober may be as good as a lifetime, and every life is due their place and space in our fellowship.
And so “newcomers” and “old timers”, we are all equal with equal voice, smiles, even with a voice to make our point, we need to make sense to our groups, and the “group conscience” to agree any change to anything about our fellowship, and so we learn. So wisdom of the many and not just the individual always makes good our fellowship decisions…
Empathy and understanding, forgiveness and tolerance, so we can keep coming back till we get with sobriety. No organisation has ever achieved that, as personality and ego decree, and eject failed participants. Not so in AA, and we are a “fellowship” we need just one thing to be included, a desire to be sober a day at a time. Darn good in my book of learning, and a good thing as in early days some turn up quite full of their malady, drink, even for years before they get sober!
Overall
A good day, a useful day, some exercise, some more acceptance of not being what I used to be. The better for my fellowship, my powerlessness over people, places and things. The easier for being allowed to be myself, a unique individual, no bigger or smaller than anyone else, with a fundamental similarity with my fellows and a common purpose to live life, “for real” as reality is our spiritual connection to nature and being. And free to believe as my conscience determines, in friendship and tolerance. Developing wisdom and acceptance of choices open, and knowing the difference between what can be done and is beyond me, acceptance of this one day at a time.
And so the start of just another day…
-/-
Step Ten, AA 12 Steps, Alcoholics Anonymous, 12 Steps AA, Addiction And Recovery, Addict, Alcoholic, Alcoholism, DonInLondon, Life Works
-/-
Just For Today, cherish always…
--------------------------------------------
AA Official Online Site: Daily Reflections
AA Official Online Site: Big Book And Twelve And Twelve
-/-
Step 10 "Although all inventories are alike in principle, the time factor does distinguish one from another. There's the spot-check inventory, taken at any time of the day, whenever we find ourselves getting tangled up. There's the one we take at day's end, when we review the happenings of the hours just past. Here we cast up a balance sheet, crediting ourselves with things well done, and chalking up debits where due. Then there are those occasions when alone, or in the company of our sponsor or spiritual adviser, we make a careful review of our progress since the last time. Many A.A.'s go in for annual or semiannual house-cleanings. Many of us also like the experience of an occasional retreat from the outside world where we can quiet down for an undisturbed day or so of self-overhaul and meditation.”
October 2012 | AA 12 Steps In Action | Step 10 The Now Inventory
Alcoholics Anonymous | Step Ten Reading Video Link:
October 2012 | Video Reading How It Works:
October 2012 | Video Reading Into Action :
October 2012 | Playlist All About Step Ten :
I do not speak for Alcoholics Anonymous I speak for myself. Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of unique and authentic people who speak for themselves where they will to share experience, strength and hope about recovery on a daily basis. Anonymity affords sanctuary to find how to live sober and be open, honest and willing to learn life day by day. For me "truth," "love" and "wisdom" offer the best spiritual experience by living reality today. Into the fabric of recovery from alcoholism are woven the Twelve Steps and the Traditions: steps to be open, honest and willing to learn, traditions to live unity, service and recovery.
-/-
Spiritual principles ~ Forgiveness Acceptance Surrender Faith Open-mindedness Honesty Willingness Moral-inventory Amends Humility Persistence Spiritual-growth Service
-/-
About Psychosis And Depression:
No comments:
Post a Comment