October 14 2012 | AA 12 Steps In Action | Step 10 The Now Inventory Alcoholics Anonymous Today's Daily Reflections: "every day we write our book of life into history…" From waking up, knowing how we feel and our mood, we know how our feelings will impact on our thinking and actions during the day. We can start out with good intent and then all hell breaks loose around us and inside as possibly? As feelings change, thinking changes and actions are what they are. And we can reflect at the end of the day how we did…
Video For Today:
The spot check inventory, the daily inventory takes time and patience with ourselves when we first start the process. We can look at the good of the day, maybe there are some bad parts of the day and sometimes it can be downright ugly. And how did I do, how did the serenity prayer help me understand: God, grant me the serenity, to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Cannot do, can do and the wisdom learned today, all the ways it seems I can make good choices around bad and ugly situations and preserve integrity by being open, honest and willing to change…
When I turn the spot check inventory on to other people, take their inventory, and become impatient because they won't do what I want them to, my expectations are resentments under construction. When I have no right to try make things my way, that is to make people do what I want them to do, which does not mean it will work out for them, I am probably wanting to manipulate, control and be in charge of everything around me. Naturally then I start to fear that might lose something, and I pretend to be okay when I'm not okay and I lose sight of the big picture and replace it with my smaller picture of demands and wants all in one day…
Step ten will always help if I apply it to myself, and not to other people. I may see the calamity in other people's lives because they are fearful and driven by extreme feelings. And at the same time I will see peaceful people who are not fearful and are not driven by their extreme feelings, because they don't have extreme feelings, they are probably and simply happy, joyous and free. They probably have, that is the happy people, a sense of their own identity, they are loved by other people, and other people love them and usually they are doing something useful in their family and or community and society… I prefer to take a lead from the happy ones and find out how they do it…! Simply for one day mind you…
Feelings And Thinking!
Feelings and thinking, all part of the spiritual experience coping with life in the moment, right here and right now. Over time my mood, my feelings have changed about life in the moment of now. In the old days I could not express or feel some feelings because they had been suppressed as things people just didn't do in my family, community and society. And when I came to recovery, my feelings suddenly erupted, all the feelings became accessible and at the extremes made me overwhelmed and unable to cope.
Studying the human condition over many years as part of my career, and listening to a great many learned people, the conclusion I have drawn is that feelings happen or simply are the way they are as a response and a reaction to current events and historical learning. Mood and feelings are forever changing depending on our situation. How these feelings and how our mood changes is a learned response, and so is our thinking. When it comes to what we do, our emotional state will influence our thinking and our actions. So the way I understand my emotional state, is simply to do a spot check, "how am I feeling, what's causing it, and what actions might help me if I need help to change?"
If I feel…HALT: hungry, angry, lonely or and tired, it does not take much thinking to work out what actions are needed to improve my situation. What I'm trying to say or write down is we have feelings and we don't actually control them as they are right now. The feelings are there and it then depends on our thinking process and the actions which follow which can change the way we feel. In other words we take action and we can change our emotional state.
If I feel… Happy joyous and free: yes this does happen to me as well most of the time! I do a spot check of my emotional state which then helps me with my thinking and next actions. Again, when I wake up feeling happy, joyous and free, I know usually that it is because I am following a good pattern of self-preservation and self-maintenance. In this case or in my case my emotional state is often impacted by type I diabetes and insulin management, and following professional advice with regard to clinical depression. And what makes this possible is the fellowship which is always there to help me with my emotional and spiritual state.
This is really important to me, not to think that I control my mood and feelings, indeed I am suggesting that I am powerless over many aspects of my environment with regard to people, places and things and as a consequence powerless over the emotions that happen in that particular situation. What is happening day by day because of the serenity prayer, learning the can do and cannot do, the type of feelings I feel about situations changes. So when I feel hungry, I eat something, the type of anger I experience with people is very infrequent these days because I have learned the can do and cannot do and wisdom to know the difference today.
So what used to happen, where I would walk away and then feel something about extreme situations with people, has changed completely. Rarely do I go away angry and resentful. Today I feel the feelings, so if I am angry I can express the anger if there is something I need to do about the situation. So nowadays my emotions are different to the ones I used to have. Knowing my mood, the can do cannot do and the wisdom to know the difference keeps on developing through time. And I know I've said this before, the poem by Max Ehrmann, desiderata helps me so much in my outlook, my emotional state and coping with life in the moment. I still don't know if I am making any sense with this explanation.
I am not a fan of cognitive behavioural therapy on its own. It tends to put a person back in a position of power and control without reference to how people are living today. It can be seen as empowering, but if life is not empowering in that moment, it is more likely to cause psychotic breaks and fundamental breakdowns in people who cannot cope with life as it is just now. It can create false hope and a feeling of being in control, when control is not the answer to our life experience. What matters most to me in the journey of life is working out the best choices I have, based on understanding my mood, what is going on inside me and then some thinking and action. Fortunately for everyone, this whole process can be done in moments as life is happening, for the big events of life as well as run-of-the-mill living like crossing the road and brushing our teeth, in the right place of course and at the right time…
Although this element of control is seen as crucial in many aspects of living, it can be a real hindrance for me and my spiritual experience. I let go and try let in the world, feel inclusion and will network with anyone anywhere, love and cherish as we go. And of course there will be people who have intolerable traits and are vexatious as Max Ehrmann said. I avoid them and don't try control them or their situation. And the serenity prayer is so fundamental as a guide, accept the things I cannot change, "people places and things" courage to change the things I can, "how I feel, and then think and then action" and wisdom to know the difference? The wisdom to know the difference is what I learn in each and every situation, often in the blink of an eye, or if I get really stuck on something, it could be a year or two making progress and not perfection…
DonInLondon 2005-2011
A chair by a fellow 48 years sober at our after “eights meeting” last night was full of grace and humility. They were a co-founder of the group. Still the daily balance sheet: step ten and gratitude. A touch of the iron fist in the velvet glove, strength and wisdom tempered by love in fellowship…
An opportunity to share and utilise old skills and wisdom is always a challenge. My life has moved on to different challenges. How I used to be can be good to help others, it cuts deep into inner resources within me. Each day I learn limits to can do safely and cannot do. Self-awareness is key…
Hearing people talk about their spiritual awakenings helps me find the truth for me. From day one, born into the world I feel spiritual was and is living in the moment. Every experience good or bad or in the middle, shapes me in the moment. I hope what you see is what you get as “truth, love and wisdom” works, just for today…
DonInLondon 2005-2010
October 14 2010 ~ a meeting last night and we had a group conscience. All good: we may feel progress is often slow in our fellowship, for me it feels like we find a measured response as group embarks on decisions. As we find in fellowship, the less rules we try make, the more attractive to the newcomers we remain. Freedom, choice and anarchic democracy!
October 14 2010 ~ Step ten last night. I wanted to impose my views on others, I kept silent. I felt the rise of ego, my way is best and I know what is good to do. And then I smiled, let go and listened, the best way emerged as time and the debate of many made possible the best choice for everyone. The best choice for everyone today...
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AA Daily Reflections ~ "A PROGRAM FOR LIVING we retire at night, we constructively review our day. . . . On awakening let us think about the twenty - four hours ahead. . . . Before we begin, we ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self - pity, dishonest or self - seeking motives. Alcoholics Anonymous Page 86
I lacked serenity. With more to do than seemed possible, I fell further behind, no matter how hard I tried. Worries about things not done yesterday and fear of tomorrow’s deadlines denied me the calm I needed to be effective each day. Before taking Steps Ten and Eleven, I began to read passages like the one cited above. I tried to focus on God’s will, not my problems, and to trust that He would manage my day. It worked! Slowly, but it worked!"
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October 14 2007
DonInLondon - ’Day In The Life’ Serenity Now is An Option
Serenity
Even after the rugby last night, England won over France I guess there has been a lot of serenity about. Although insomnia and the related fatigue has been busy with me this week. I don’t always know what is bothering me. The death of my Sister’s partner, mu powerlessness to take the pain away is part of it. And last night for the first time in months on a Saturday I did not go see her. A choice she made. I am happy to be part of Saturday and yet she feels it’s time to make some changes in her routine, which is really all to the good. Patience always and gentleness is needed I feel.
Serenity Prayer
As you may well know the serenity prayer:
God grant me the Serenity
To Accept the things I cannot Change
Courage to Change the things I can
And Wisdom to know the difference
I had to get used to the idea of what represented to me. And for me Ghandi summed it up when he said
“God is Truth”
And the rest now feels like history. Once the understanding that God is Truth, the spiritual connection to living made sense. Whatever we may come to understand about our own God, the God of my understanding, then the rest of my Alcoholics Anonymous Fellowship life seems pretty attractive. As the programme utilises power greater than myself, and for me this is good conscience, then with Truth being God my programme of recovery holds together really well.
Spiritual Connection
The spiritual connection we have to this day is to experience it as best we can without filters or denials. I have always found I can bend truth and bend my outlook to suit me a little bit better maybe? And when the truth is as it is, then we can see very clearly where we deviate of the path of honesty.
As with spiritual, the emotional and physical wellbeing we can get is dependent on our honesty and integrity.
Progress and not Perfection
We can be driven mad by trying to be the best, to be perfect and actually all we do is obsess often over how things could be rather than as they are today.
If we believe we are doing the next right thing, have checked it out, have shared it when it’s necessary and is something of significance, we are mostly on track.
Conduct
Conduct becoming? Becoming better oriented to truth and living as we may with everything. Now that is something to be happy about and understanding we are forever learners at living .
As we learn we adapt, as we learn we change. It would be very sad to become stuck again where I ended up, in the gutter it seemed at the time.
Life Changes
If we can accept what we cannot change, and change what we can, then life really does stand a chance of moving along. So often we doubt, we have fear, put on a brave face and our ego pushes us along anyway. Better to be open have confidence and realise courage to change is better in all aspects of life. So I am learning always to be a learner again and not be tempted back to old ways. And this is my experience, strength and hope today. And just for today…
October 14 2007
DonInLondon - ’Day In The Life’ Serenity Now is An Option
Serenity
Even after the rugby last night, England won over France I guess there has been a lot of serenity about. Although insomnia and the related fatigue has been busy with me this week. I don’t always know what is bothering me. The death of my Sister’s partner, mu powerlessness to take the pain away is part of it. And last night for the first time in months on a Saturday I did not go see her. A choice she made. I am happy to be part of Saturday and yet she feels it’s time to make some changes in her routine, which is really all to the good. Patience always and gentleness is needed I feel.
Serenity Prayer
As you may well know the serenity prayer:
God grant me the Serenity
To Accept the things I cannot Change
Courage to Change the things I can
And Wisdom to know the difference
I had to get used to the idea of what represented to me. And for me Ghandi summed it up when he said
“God is Truth”
And the rest now feels like history. Once the understanding that God is Truth, the spiritual connection to living made sense. Whatever we may come to understand about our own God, the God of my understanding, then the rest of my Alcoholics Anonymous Fellowship life seems pretty attractive. As the programme utilises power greater than myself, and for me this is good conscience, then with Truth being God my programme of recovery holds together really well.
Spiritual Connection
The spiritual connection we have to this day is to experience it as best we can without filters or denials. I have always found I can bend truth and bend my outlook to suit me a little bit better maybe? And when the truth is as it is, then we can see very clearly where we deviate of the path of honesty.
As with spiritual, the emotional and physical wellbeing we can get is dependent on our honesty and integrity.
Progress and not Perfection
We can be driven mad by trying to be the best, to be perfect and actually all we do is obsess often over how things could be rather than as they are today.
If we believe we are doing the next right thing, have checked it out, have shared it when it’s necessary and is something of significance, we are mostly on track.
Conduct
Conduct becoming? Becoming better oriented to truth and living as we may with everything. Now that is something to be happy about and understanding we are forever learners at living .
As we learn we adapt, as we learn we change. It would be very sad to become stuck again where I ended up, in the gutter it seemed at the time.
Life Changes
If we can accept what we cannot change, and change what we can, then life really does stand a chance of moving along. So often we doubt, we have fear, put on a brave face and our ego pushes us along anyway. Better to be open have confidence and realise courage to change is better in all aspects of life. So I am learning always to be a learner again and not be tempted back to old ways. And this is my experience, strength and hope today. And just for today…
14th October 2006 [all about last year]
[email to me] Hi Don,
Thanks, and yes tonight I am going to have a bit of fun (I hope!) Also noticed that Gordon Ramsay is hosting Have I got News for You. So I shall tape that and watch it when I get home. He really endeared himself to me on one of his programmes. Very understanding to alcohol and its problems so a big hug from me.
I hope the hip sorts itself out. I know this may sound silly, but Pilates is meant to be good. Unless it is wear and tear....but I guess you are getting the best advice already.
Take care and have a good evening xxx
[my post] A Quiet Night Out - Happy and Sad
Thanks XXX. As Friday’s go it’s been good in between doing some basic chores. Being a Friday 13th and all, so far so it goes.
In fact not much to relate for a change. With many mysteries unfolding to the inner workings of my head, I seem to have found this elusive serenity we all keep wondering about.
And indeed being in a programme of recovery, from whatever has been our malady, a peaceful day can be as troubling in itself. Have I missed something? I think not. At the same time the turbulence of life is all around and quite honestly, a bit of inner peace has been cathartic. It is not all blood and guts in recovery. So my programme worked today.
And being the 13th and a Friday, smiles here well I haven’t won the lottery. And I have news that all relatives are ok. And there is nothing I have forgotten.
I spoke with friends, not all of them as the friends I have go way beyond wherever they were before recovery. And seeing many I know daily helps keep the focus on the day. Out of sight does not mean out of mind as soberly I can recall many things these days and how life has turned out.
I posted a few replies here and there in the Times and guardian and Independent to political articles and got published a couple of times. Even on Nick Robinson’s political blog. I have to share my opinions and the blogs do afford the right to express opinion. A great safety valve in this colossus of a world, where a single voice can have as much power these days as leaders may strive for in a lifetime.
Indeedy! Some leaders probably are feeling the heat inside their shirt collars today as news worldwide does not paint the picture we might wish of our free and democratic governments behaviour. And this is good, as challenge to authority generally means politicians will sit up and do something when complacency would otherwise be their choice.
For Tonight and my Meeting
For me it’s been straightforward, a night of listening. And because of anonymity I cannot relate location or content other than how I feel today. And it is simply being able to feel things right sized. Be upset as others relate their torments, being able to feel some joy at happiness expressed and over the self-obsessions that drove most like me quite potty as addiction made life impossible.
And seeing and chatting and hearing some news, quite important and demanding in the listening department. And being supportive too, not dishonest or smoothing over issues, just trying one’s best to offer whatever feels appropriate in the spirit of friendship.
We had other issues too, buts that’s just internal AA things and quite covered as anonymously sorted. And so to tonight and what’s left.
I feel like I would like to write and let old acquaintances know about me, and am satisfied the urge will pass, as their lives are full in other directions. I am glad to be forgotten, and will look forwards not backwards.
Having an agile memory and the gift has remained for most of my life, although some years are thoroughly hampered by black out. Black outs mostly to hurt and torrid times. What survives is compassion and good recollections. And the knowledge of where I was in most deeds done. And where harm was done to me, well, I know better now and what may happen next. A benefit indeed of standing up and facing each day as it comes.
This quiet in my mind: A phenomena quite new to me...
It was odd tonight seeing and listening and being present in the moment. Where I have got to today, and where we are journeying, this moment to the next stilled to the heartbeat of time.
Just For Today And Every Day, Cherish Always...
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AA Official Online Site: Daily Reflections
AA Official Online Site: Big Book And Twelve And Twelve
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Step 10 "Although all inventories are alike in principle, the time factor does distinguish one from another. There's the spot-check inventory, taken at any time of the day, whenever we find ourselves getting tangled up. There's the one we take at day's end, when we review the happenings of the hours just past. Here we cast up a balance sheet, crediting ourselves with things well done, and chalking up debits where due. Then there are those occasions when alone, or in the company of our sponsor or spiritual adviser, we make a careful review of our progress since the last time. Many A.A.'s go in for annual or semi-annual house-cleanings. Many of us also like the experience of an occasional retreat from the outside world where we can quiet down for an undisturbed day or so of self-overhaul and meditation.”
October 2012 | AA 12 Steps In Action | Step 10 The Now Inventory
Alcoholics Anonymous | Step Ten Reading Video Link:
October 2012 | Video Reading How It Works:
October 2012 | Video Reading Into Action :
October 2012 | Playlist All About Step Ten :
I do not speak for Alcoholics Anonymous I speak for myself. Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of unique and authentic people who speak for themselves where they will to share experience, strength and hope about recovery on a daily basis. Anonymity affords sanctuary to find how to live sober and be open, honest and willing to learn life day by day. For me "truth," "love" and "wisdom" offer the best spiritual experience by living reality today. Into the fabric of recovery from alcoholism are woven the Twelve Steps and the Traditions: steps to be open, honest and willing to learn, traditions to live unity, service and recovery.
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Spiritual principles ~ Forgiveness Acceptance Surrender Faith Open-mindedness Honesty Willingness Moral-inventory Amends Humility Persistence Spiritual-growth Service
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About Psychosis And Depression:
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