Alcoholics Anonymous Blog October 7 2014 “Reality Check”
Things that go bump in the night. There was some sort of ruckus in the early hours, shouting and door bashing going on. And then everything went quiet again. I still don't know quite what went on, but when I got back from the early morning meeting, an ambulance was parked outside and a police van was observing the comings and goings in my apartment block. Of course I'm interested, at the same time maybe one day I will know the answers, but not today.
Good news about my mum, able to get back home and discharged from hospital. An underlying heart condition was probably aggravated by giving my mum contra-indicated medications. At eighty-two years of age, a developing heart condition, eye drops for glaucoma, hip replacements, arthritis, and all the rest… Anyway we spent an hour on the phone, and completed quite a difficult crossword puzzle. And a particular clue which had an answer of "rigor" is quite relevant: shivering or trembling, which might also be sometimes known as "rattling." Although not necessarily used as a term for withdrawal from alcohol or drugs, "rigor" might be a good word to use or adopt.
Step ten month: making amends and everything else, step ten won't work very well without a gratitude list accompanying anything that is going on. Gratitude for being alive, gratitude for being able to experience life and feelings fit with reality. Which means that sometimes we are angry and resentful, when life feels unfair. Which is where step ten is so useful to break the pattern of ingratitude. Even though we might get angry and resentful, and fear pride and ego may come up and cause difficulty, gratitude often opens the door to changing our outlook and attitudes. It is of course the difference between step six bothering us and our defects becoming more active, and step seven where we can find the courage to change, faith in doing the next right thing, and developing our confidence even when life is truly difficult. Asking for help and expressing what is going on is always part of the answer.
Early morning meetings, and understanding the way fellowship helps us develop inclusion rather than isolation really works well. And because this is a well-established room where more than one Fellowship holds morning meetings, the crossover and the understanding I am developing is proving to be very helpful. Learning about our fellows, and the similarities and not the differences is profound. We keep on learning from each other no matter which fellowship may be more dominant in our lives. Immensely grateful I am.
I am enormously relieved that my mother is still alive and kicking. Simply because she has more to do and more life to live. And by making the most of what she can and cannot do, and the wisdom to know the difference, is inspiring to me. And I have good relationships within the family, even though we are not joined at the hip, because as a family we have very different outlooks and experiences, I for one value the diversity even though sometimes it may feel adversarial some of the time. Certainly we cannot choose our family, and valuing the differences is another place of acceptance and gratitude. Maybe because I have always been nonconformist, not because I chose nonconformity, simply I did not follow the pattern which might have been expected. And similarly, the same can be true of other outlooks in the family and their expectations of me. Tolerance and love, it's all part of step ten!
It's okay to be me today.
Step Ten Reading 12 & 12
Alcoholics Anonymous Videos, AA is for Alcoholics, AA 12 Steps, Addiction and Recovery, DonInLondon, Don Oddy,