Alcoholics Anonymous Blog Video August 15 2014
The master class of life, allow myself to learn a little bit more about who I am becoming one day at a time. Don't get in the way of other people learning about who they are becoming one day at a time. Trust to the truth, surrender to the truth of now. Every feeling, as they may be is an instrument of understanding. And we all need help understanding when life is unclear and that clarity is as sharp as it need be to make a point. And I am content in the moment of now. And if I have emotional breakdowns today, better to have them, rather than save them for a real rainy day.
How am I feeling? Why and what can I do? Always a good start with H A L T. Do I feel hungry, do I feel angry, do I feel lonely and do I feel tired? Probably best way to start the day. It's obvious if we ask these questions, what we need to do. I don't feel hungry, plenty of porridge in me today, I don't feel angry even though repair works are ongoing in my abode, and I suppose I did have a moment of loneliness yesterday, but not today. I do feel tired because this week life has been disrupted by workmen and the fact that I needed to be here when they were here.
Education was heavily featured this week in the United Kingdom. Examination results for those wanting to get to university. Back in the day, I could have gone to the London School of Economics, which would have been prestigious. Unfortunately family needs made that possibility go away. But I do remember the excitement and the opportunity which was taken away because of adverse conditions at home. Seeing the brightness of people able to move forward is always good. Oddly enough, before getting my qualifications to go to University, I aspired to being a lorry driver, having a girlfriend, and the hobby of photography. Life took me in all different directions, two successful careers, burnout and breakdown, alcoholism, clinical depression, and in recovery type I diabetes, and a plethora of other conditions. I never went in the wrong direction, I realise now that life is serendipity and there is contentment in the journey these days, rather than the fear of screwing it all up.
I was fifty-eight yesterday, and thank you world that I'm still here. And these days life is one day at a time. The gift of being in the moment of now, not trying to control anything, not needing to cover up and resort to pride, ego and fear helps me find serenity on any day. Even when people this week have been drilling and creating noise, dirt and disorientation, life is far better than it's ever been. I don't drink alcohol any more, I don't need to medicate reality and dull my senses. I appreciate knowing my feelings, how my feelings impact on my thinking and the actions which can follow in the moment of now. What a gift! And this makes me smile, to have courage, faith and confidence to surrender to the truth of now.
I feel like step eight helped me a great deal, making that list of amends to everyone and being willing to make them. Understanding my human condition all the way to recovery was undermined by my inability to cope with my feelings on a daily basis. From having had a desire to be a lorry driver because I liked it, to having had the opportunity to continue education at universities and business schools which I came to enjoy immensely and two successful careers along the way, not sure I liked them so much, but I was good of them, to now where I belong. I feel better in the moment of now, I don't doubt myself, because if I do doubt myself or what I know, there is no fear in asking for help when I don't know the answers or even the questions most of the time. The journey is best savoured and understood right now.
I don't walk away from situations feeling wrong footed most of the time. If I feel wrong footed, I can say so, "I don't feel right right now, can we pause a moment?" This immediately takes the pressure off me for answers, and time to reflect on what might be the right questions with the help of anyone who might be handy and have some wisdom. And wisdom comes by surrendering to the truth of my ignorance, and other people might be in the same boat, and then we can both work on it together.
And so to today and step eight: forgive everybody everything, whatever they are up to, it is probably not my business. And when people let us down for whatever reason, those reasons are haunting them and not me. Forgiving is essential, if I can forgive myself for my inadequacies and defects of character, and work on my shortcomings on any given day, that is the best I can do. If I sit in judgement on other people who have let me down for whatever reason, I need to consider what expectations I might have and if they are reasonable. Life is the teacher, I am the student.
Step Eight Reading 12 And 12
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