Alcoholics Anonymous Blog Video August 11 2014
Step eight: out of isolation, "made a list of amends and be willing to make them." I know I missed a few, and I know I need to keep on learning and have the courage to change, faith in doing the next right thing and be confident to have my own opinion, my own beliefs, which help me surrender to the truth of now. Where we are now is always the starting point. And I need to remind myself that pride, which arises when I feel entitled, that ego will flourish when I am hurt, and behind this is fear that other people treat me badly and I'm hurting as a consequence.
Today, workers coming to rip out my bathroom floor/walk-in shower floor, because it is leaking into my downstairs neighbour. I did not want them to come without somebody from the landlord coming to agree works that need to be done, following recent events which have nothing to do with a bathroom floor/walk-in shower floor, and that repairs need to be done in addition, and there will be some form of resolution to the satisfaction of the landlord's representative and me. One of the things that happened to me along the way to recovery was an HR director, who was my boss, who was the best bully I have ever met. And I had a nervous breakdown, because I challenged him, and at the same time I found myself becoming like him. The very opposite of open honest and willing to change.
My philosophy of life is to keep on learning, one day at a time. It requires humility, and confidence to make mistakes, challenge other people, and at the same time respect them, because they are on a spiritual journey themselves, even if they don't know it. So it is okay to have an opinion on how things need to be done, and it is perfectly okay to suggest that matters are written down, so we know what is expected and should happen. These things need to be done but will they be done? It is not my will, I am trying to educate myself about how others commission projects. How they do this is their business, providing it does not fail and interferes with me and my business. I don't know how many years it is, landlords can be very difficult when it comes to fulfilling their obligations.
My mum was okay over the weekend, heart and blood pressure more normal and my sister is making sure that mum feel secure enough to recover physically from the last few weeks and a heart condition which has developed. It is a worrying time, and I am glad I was able to go and see her last week. All about step ten, gratitude and keeping an eye on my behaviour, all about step eleven prayer and meditation based on my beliefs which are more Buddhist and Zen than anything else, oddly just like my mother! And step twelve, being able to share experience strength and hope, and simply learn how to be myself, open honest and willing, just for today.
I feel it's always good to go back and read the twelve steps and twelve traditions. And always good to go back and read the big book. So today is a good day to read again, step eight and tradition eight. And if I feel able, I will probably have a good read of the other steps as well.
From going to meetings every day for the first six months of the year, I have become involved in other matters, which is no reason to stop going to meetings. Regular meetings are really good fun, they open the door to accepting other people as they are. It is very easy to get judgemental for one reason or another, until we remember that as we point at one person and with one finger wagging at them, the other three fingers, they are pointing back at me. Grrr... :)
Step Eight Reading 12 And 12
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