Alcoholics Anonymous Blog/Video Sept 17 DonInLondon Step 9 " Amends Into Action"
September 17, 2013: "oh dear what calamity, just for today I might be restored to sanity!" And what about the rest of the world? The world seems to be suffering great anxieties, great anxieties make me feel anxious too. I do know however, some things I am powerless over and each day the serenity prayer helps me understand what I can do, what I cannot do and the wisdom to know the difference. There are many things I do not know, and the amend to myself is finding out, keeping a level head and not getting frightened by how things used to be in the past, just be calm with the way it is today.
Over the last few weeks, due to a change medication, I have experienced low blood pressure and dizzy spells. And this change in medication is really a change in supplier and no other elements of my life or medical care has changed. So one would suppose that the change from one supplier to another is the cause? Trying to get information out of my medical practice, the chemists/drugstores about what is going on is proving to be an education in itself. No one seems to know quite what is going on at the sharp edge except me, because I am at the sharp end of other people's actions and rules. When did I stop being the client?
Taking responsibility for myself and my actions is part of my living amend. Some of the practices and actions of others has deeply upset me and my outlook. One of the medications I take is for clinical depression, and when this medication is interfered with, the impact is significant. I'm going to find out the can-do cannot do and learn the wisdom to know the difference. A non-reactive depression is the worst of situations because being non-reactive, the cause is difficult to identify. Other than a change in manufacturer of the medication I take. Why do people change medications without telling the patient who is at the sharp end of such changes? I need the wisdom sooner rather than later.
I've been wondering what's going on all month, and although I'm not the best at dealing with all the various things which I have to contend with, changes and mistakes in prescriptions leaves me feeling very let down. Just because somebody else thinks it's okay to change my medical regime, well my amend is to check out the reasons for doing so, and hope there are answers which can rectify a situation which leads to darkness in my life.
There is a general malaise within this country, people have got their business hats on, cost-cutting hats on, and believe they are not accountable or responsible for what they do to other people. When medical people, and their IT departments and their Administration managers make changes to prescriptions, without telling the patient, I am at a loss, and I have been harmed as a result. But I don't know this until there have been further tests, and the problem is when people are defensive about their actions, they hide behind other actions which are beyond their control. This is wholly irresponsible in my opinion, as a casualty of their incompetence.
Now I have had my say, I need to work out what I can and cannot do and listen carefully to the replies I get to the questions I ask. When a person is suffering from depression, their outlook is somewhat distorted and not aligned with reality. And as I have this particular issue of depression which is non-reactive, I have to be doubly careful, getting to and from, overcoming an overwhelming desire to stay in and hide away from reality which is painful right now. And in expressing my feelings and thoughts here, I am starting to feel a whole lot better, even if it is just in the moment of now. Progress not perfect.
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