Alcoholics Anonymous August 20 DonInLondon Step 8 "Amends And Willing"
August 20, 2013: "on the way to acceptance: denial, anger, frustration, and sometimes a reactive depression and sometimes a clinical depression and then some acceptance." Some acceptance, will lead into acceptance of the reality of now and it takes time. And often when it involves habitual and devastating experiences, the process towards acceptance happens and is relived over and over again." DonInLondon
Over the last few days, small irritations connected with long standing problems could have made me feel outraged and unhappy. When I got my last batch of medications which are for type I diabetes and other complications, the prescription was incomplete and it was also inaccurate and some of the medications have changed in terms of manufacturer. And over the last couple of weeks I had felt lightheaded, and when my blood pressure was checked yesterday, sitting and standing, it was quite low and for all the time I have been in recovery and before, my blood pressure was always excellent. Fortunately I will be having blood tests which have been ordered by my medical practitioner. I am unhappy about the mistakes made in my prescription at the same time I am happy that I can see them. I'm not happy that generic medications have been prescribed instead of the brand medications, and only time will tell if there is any difference. On a happier note, with low blood pressure, and some Viagra in the cupboard, I could experiment and see if I get my blood pressure up! Acceptance is a key.
Step eight, starts with forgiving me for not knowing the road I was travelling with the help of a drink. And nobody wants to look foolish or fearful in the face of adversity. I was taught to stand on my own two feet, put on a brave face and get on with it. It certainly worked well, to be able to adapt quickly like a chameleon and then succeed in whatever endeavour I took on. I would always say yes, dive in and have a go at whatever endeavour seemed okay at the time. I do forgive myself, because it was habitual to be a trouble-shooter and learn the skills and actions required. And my way of chilling out was always drink at the end of the day, and oblivion became the norm rather than the unusual. I forgive myself, I was doing the best I could with what I knew back in the day.
Anyway back to my journey of acceptance over the last couple of days. I do accept that people make mistakes and also know that with the change in personnel within my medical practice, and the changing their systems and computers, there have been more than a few mistakes along the way. I forgive them, and still there was some residual denial, anger, frustration and a feeling of being fed up of having to do the same thing again: just put things back to where they were before.
Myths and legends: doctors or medical practitioners may be very well versed and educated and skilled. It does not mean that they are always right, and often because they have their own prejudices about people, places and things, they do not listen and they don't want to be seen as wrong. Professionals with their qualifications are no better than the experiences that they have developed through time. Never fear asking questions, never fear feeling stupid in front of a professional, keep on asking the questions until you feel confident in the answers being given. Yes I can forgive people, at the same time there are consequences and some people I will not deal with again. Indeed some people can fuck off in my humble opinion.
All good! Yesterday was a good day, that is 20 August 2013. Getting medical help on the one hand, getting further tests done to discover if anything has changed and do I need to change anything about what I need to do in future. I can do my part and in so doing, I can improve the knowledge and understanding of those professionals tasked with helping me. Step eight in mind; if I can forgive me for my inner tantrums, it leads me to forgive everyone else as they learn on the rocky road of destiny.
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