August 13, 2013: "whoever said life was fair?" Life is not fair, and as the world is, competitive advantage, competition and everything that goes with it means that some people will become rich and some people will not. Some people will be rich financially and completely lost in all other directions of life, or they may find a way through to living life on life's terms, doing the best they can with what they have and find generosity in their living and breathing today. People can be positive or negative either about their own situation, but most often people look at the situations of others and wonder if and where they fit in society. Or are they simply getting on with it?
In recovery, we do learn that life is not fair, that the playing field is not equal and that we probably have quite a lot to do to become a decent human being living a decent human life. And to be a decent human being in recovery I found it is possible to be human and kind and loving and not work against the interests of others. Its almost like I returned back to my teens, where anything is possible and I could be anything I chose to be. And then there was some harsh times which turned me into a very flexible person seeking the best income, from whatever career I was asked to do. Before recovery I was seeking safety and security through hard work and a way of life which would bring me happiness through good relationships with the world and everyone in it. And addiction, fear and everything that goes with it turned my life into a nightmare. By trying to find safety and security and a place where I would be the person I could become, I lost my way in the labyrinth of doing the wrong things for the right reasons. Happier today than I have been for many a year.
Step eight: making a list of amends and being willing to make them. The immense relief and being able to find out where I need to make amends and be willing. It was not fear that I felt, it was relief and making a list and being willing. And then at the same time knowing that list would be incomplete, that the list will change over time, that it was not a self-serving exercise. And putting myself on the amend list, giving myself a break for being human, for not being the person I wanted to be, for letting you down if I did. And it was about seeing my part in what happened and the consequences for you, for me and if there are more consequences to come. That's how life is, and the longer we were distorted in our outlook, the more likely amends and willingness is absolutely necessary.
The list of amends and willingness is a simple starting point to a lifelong exercise in personal development. Keeping on track, being open honest and willing to change, keeping faith in doing the right thing, and correcting ourselves and our actions if we are heading in the wrong direction emotionally and spiritually. We can't do this on our own because on our own we only have one perspective and outlook which is prejudiced to our self-interest. The world becomes bigger, less controllable and less about control. It is about how we adapt to our real-life situation and the possibilities we have. It is not about my way, it is about finding the best way forward in a good way for everyone. It may seem idealistic? It is not particularly idealistic it is very practical to understand the world and how we fit in it and how it may change us or we may influence and change the world today. We can still dream, we can have passion for change and have goals and ideals. All these things are likely to be more practical if we know the next step one day at a time.