On one of the hottest days of the year, I need to be careful to be sober and be safe. Over the years in sobriety, picking up other complaints and clinical ailments and growing older and older, it makes me smile. With a meeting at the beginning of the day and the reminder from newcomers of the turmoil and then realising that turmoil is but an arm’s length away, it does not make me fearful, the obsession is gone. I never knew my emotions back in the day, I am learning my emotions in the moment of now, we have emotions in real time, real feelings about the world, people places and things…
It was so hot, after my morning pottering, a siesta, then time to watch a nature programme I would never have thought interesting before, a shower and then heading out to the late evening meeting. London is full, and celebrating 60 years of monarchy amongst other things. I pottered around Buckingham Palace, up the mall to Trafalgar Square and mooched! Took some photos, very blurry and I need to learn a few things about night-time photography. Then up Charing Cross Road to Leicester Square, it was late-night and the crowds were really buzzing. And wandering through to Eros and Piccadilly, happy people, tired and exhausted people, people ready for a night out and to dance till dawn… I went home, elated and happy to be in the throng of humanity, then home to cook pasta, chill out in the heat and then wake to the usual news of what happens in this world.
Meetings before meetings, not in the morning I was late, but in the evening I talked to somebody who I have never talked to before and listen to their story. Learning what is spiritual, it is always in the moment of now and as big as the moment of now. The depth of how we feel spiritually, in this one moment we have is contingent on our current ability to absorb the truth. Somebody said close to me in the meeting that they could not hear the words of the person speaking first because their head was full of noise and problems; it had taken them 10 minutes to calm down and open up their senses. I can understand this, in early days I heard very little at the beginning of meetings, fear pride and ego kept me busy and absent in my own thoughts. Last night I heard every word spoken in the moment, and could sift and absorb what is relevant and can be relevant on any given day. Space to grow always…
It was good to share and be able to speak. We pick up on the themes in meetings and a word: "fearless," and letting go guilt and shame. Why do we get so bothered about our own ailment? We still believe sometimes that we are not as able as we might wish when it comes to feelings, emotional and spiritual elements. I feel like we find our spiritual awakening when we let go trying to control our environment that we accept the environment in which we live as it is, and then make some choices about what we can and cannot do. Choices yes and the 12 steps and 12 traditions and Fellowship keep on opening the door to freedom one day at a time…
Alcoholics Anonymous Videos, AA is for Alcoholics, AA12 Steps, Addiction And Recovery, DonInLondon, Don Oddy,
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