Alcoholics Anonymous | April 2 2013 | DonInLondon | Step 4 "Fear Less Inventory" Truth, love and wisdom in the moment of now… We can make progress towards finding the truth of who we are today. The step four fearless moral inventory opens the door to all manner of recollections over the years. And sometimes, the disasters of times past can still come back as a jolt reminding us that because of our fear, our pride and ego, even simply being unaware of love being expressed towards us. Resentments at what we missed can be haunting, until we recognise and cherish what we have missed and learn to let go...
Video For Today:
When I was much younger, I was a very shy person and to overcome this shyness I put on a bold front, pretending to be okay with the world, when clearly inside I was in turmoil. A chameleon: a man who could understand situations and boldly go into all manner of different organisations. Ready to evolve into anything and be the person needed in organisations to the point where I became whatever the organisation wanted. A desire to succeed: romantically, materially and financially. Nothing wrong with the desire to succeed if you have a clue about where you're going with your life. I don't feel that I have ever really enjoyed my success in business; I was always looking for the next opportunity. And romantically, I would find myself in good female company, and often be the person who could be desirable, but the man inside was still confused about love. Romance… Good at starting relationships and completely at sea, entangled over and over again. Lonely man out there "clubbing," lonely girls… As the song goes, "time after time…" Fear, pride and ego were not good companions back in the day…
With the benefit of hindsight, when I look back, I really didn't have much of a clue when it came to love. There was certainly love inside me to express, and I did. And yet fear very often stopped me from expressing my true feelings, ego and pride a thin veneer of protection. The good news today, letting go, that fear, pride and ego really opens the door to a new way of life. Courage to change, faith in doing the next right thing, which is often simply expressing the truth, and the confidence to share the truth makes anything possible. It does not mean that my desires will be reciprocated; it simply means I can tell the truth one day at a time… And romance happens and can flourish in an open, honest and willing way. You never know, in my case, the right girl, at the right time in the right place with empathy and mutual affection, anything can happen and there is always hope. I am smiling when I write this because it's true, with courage, faith and confidence, romance has happened! And although I may be single today, hope springs eternal…
Step four does require courage, faith and confidence. Courage to face up to the person we have been and what happened to us. Faith in the process of looking at our history and where things went badly. And also where things went well. And we gain confidence, by writing down, and often working with other people on how to express the good, the bad and the ugly bits of what happened in the past. Sharing and beginning to understand the past can be done in so many ways. The reason why I make my videos, to share experience, strength and hope is because sometimes it is very difficult to write, and without doubt, some people cannot read or write and need some help. And some of the most creative people I have met have no desire to write anything down at all, and needed to share their inventory by talking and understanding the fearless moral inventory through discussion. However we get to the conclusion of the inventory, which shows how the old life, hampered our emotional and spiritual experiences, whatever method works for you is the best it can be…
When I look at my life with the help of the fearless moral inventory, it is very obvious that the type of living I enjoyed for many years, kept me on a superficial level in so many relationships. The culture and ethics of the time, work hard, play hard and not consider the consequences. That fast life could not be lived on a deeper emotional level. And the deeper emotional level was always filled with alcohol and oblivion. The most important ingredient of life is love and being able to cherish. And during those years heading to rock bottom was more about endurance, and nothing much could survive the punishment. Complete loss of identity, and then loss of hope, and only oblivion and desolation. I do need to write this, because I feel everyone who has had this rock bottom, by saying it and expressing it, it is a hard truth. And the truth of those times makes it possible to realise that the twelve steps offer not only redemption, they offer a way forward in how to love, be loved back and find usefulness in our endeavours. As we start to cherish ourselves, it becomes possible to love and cherish without conditions…
I admit, step four, felt like a punishment. And a harsh reminder of the past and my part in it. And this was then tempered with the knowledge that not only was I doing the best I could at the time, the same was true for everyone else in my life. And when we realise that blame has no place moving forwards and that forgiveness of ourselves and other people is possible, our new life is enriched, and more deeply felt. Forgiveness is truly possible for anyone who can admit and accept their history. There will be things we do not like to admit and accept. And those deep secrets, and hurts, with only haunt us if we do not let them out. Some people say, "Secrets keep us sick." For me I knew that, "secrets kept me stuck!"
I was listening to an interview with an atheist, being challenged on their views. And they were very profound in their opinion that human beings were evolving and whether a person is an atheist, an agnostic, or a believer, there is always common ground. The common ground in fellowship is based on sharing experience, strength and hope. And the experience, strength and hope, improves with time for each individual. And we all live in the same day, where we hear the truth, love and wisdom of now. Sometimes when we hear the truth, love and wisdom of now, sometimes the person sharing is very persuasive with their selective truth, their selective wisdom and their particular brand of love. And in fellowship we need to hear all the versions of truth, which comes out as experience, strength and hope. We are all learners every day, and what the interview told me is that truth, love and wisdom works through people, and the truth improves as people improve and see life in a completely different way…
When it comes to personal beliefs and outlooks, I don't debate from any particular belief system. I am happier living in the moment, loving and cherishing people is good enough today. And through time relationships are deeper and more meaningful with those we come to love and cherish. Open, honest and willing is where we start every day. And when we are not open, honest and willing, the day may be very difficult indeed. When we clear the wreckage of the past, we see the brightness of life rather than its darkness. And we stop trying to fix ourselves and the world. We start to live and be ourselves in the world as it really is one day at a time…
Alcoholics Anonymous | April 2 2012 | DonInLondon | Step 4 "Fear Less Inventory" Today's AA daily reflection: "character building…" Everything we do in life offers the opportunity to learn new ways to live. When we were very young, we were able to learn without even thinking about it. Today I feel good when I remind myself that learning opens the door always to new ways of living and that is character building. Nothing is wasted, even when we are barking up the wrong tree!
Video For Today:
My first attempt at step four, my fearless moral inventory was full of truth, and also full of tall tales and escapades… Full of reasons and excuses and of course as I wandered off the truth into denial I was truly in a pickle. I had to go back to what I remembered as the bare facts and then work out what my feelings were which led to either extremes of fear, putting on a brave face and ego. And at the other extreme where I seemed to have courage faith and confidence which have no foundation in reality. Back then I could not cope if I could not match up to my own expectations, which were far higher than anyone else had of me…
I read my step 4 to myself, and thought it a pretty good attempt and ready to share with a counsellor in my case as a step five. I waited a week or two and then read it again. It was full of embellishments and near truth and not quite the truth of times past and my feelings about them. I was able to cross out a lot of instances which were imaginary and fabrications to impress another person. Less denial and less fabrication started to break through into truth and reality. Meetings kept me sane, or restored to sanity just for a day when doing this particular step…
Usually I love my life day-to-day. But I discovered over the weekend I had been taking the wrong medication for over a week. My repeat prescriptions had been stopped due to a medical doctor writing a new prescription without the repeats. And I opened the packet of statins, which actually cause me depression, instead of my usual medication sertraline for clinical depression. A double whammy and thank God for cherished friend who came to see me and feed me… This morning the medical practice continued to bugger up the prescriptions again leading to another appointment and another go in a week or so...
Fellowship provides me with certainty, a place where I can express all my feelings and without doubt sharing truth day-to-day, no matter how painful, no matter how personal it may be, that is why we have meetings. I would certainly have perished some years back if it had not been for our principles of open honest and willing, to share truth daily. And sometimes we hear things we do not like, or feel they may be too personal. I do not ever want people to feel they cannot share the truth because of the sensibilities of others. We really learn from the darkest moments, and the brightest moments of a person sharing and long may it be so…
DonInLondon 2005-2011
Who we were: that was then; who we are, this is now, changing everyday as life experience happens. How we respond today with an open honest and willing outlook helps us become our unique authentic selves. All on a journey of discovery, so similar, being who we are, as life offers. Acceptance and serenity are part of our spiritual progress...
Decisions made as we become more balanced, calm, confident, with faith and courage, offer better outcomes, not certainties ~ Henry David Thoreau "It is a characteristic of wisdom not to do desperate things" -/- Share to let go fears and resentments, to find clarity as it emerges, needs met, wants forgotten...
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AA Daily Reflection: Daily Reflections ~ CHARACTER BUILDING APRIL 2, Demands made upon other people for too much attention, protection, and love can only invite domination or revulsion…. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 44
When I uncovered my need for approval in the Fourth Step, I didn’t think it should rank as a character defect. I wanted to think of it more as an asset (that is, the desire to please people). It was quickly pointed out to me that this “need” can be very crippling. Today I still enjoy getting the approval of others, but I am not willing to pay the price I used to pay to get it. I will not bend myself into a pretzel to get others to like me. If I get your approval, that’s fine; but if I don’t, I will survive without it. I am responsible for speaking what I perceive to be the truth, not what I think others may want to hear. Similarly, my false pride always kept me overly concerned about my reputation. Since being enlightened in the A.A. program, my aim is to improve my character.
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As Bill Sees It ~ Out of the Dark Self-searching is the means by which we bring new vision, action, and grace to bear upon the dark and negative side of our natures. With it comes the development of that kind of humility that makes it possible for us to receive God's help. Yet it is only a step. We will want to go further. We will want the good that is in us all, even in the worst of us, to flower and to grow. But first of all we shall want sunlight; nothing much can grow in the dark. Meditation is our step out into the sun.
"A clear light seems to fall upon us all -- when we open our eyes. Since our blindness is caused by our own deficits
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Alcoholics Anonymous, 12 Steps AA, AA Step 4 Inventory, DonInLondon, Don Oddy,
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Just For Today, and every day cherish always...
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April 2013 | AA Big Book Playlist
http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLFF5F3EC98C6012A4
April 2013 | AA Twelve Step Playlist
http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL3BFA6062268A289D
April 2013 | AA Step Four Reading Video Link:
April 2013 | AA Video Reading How It Works:
April 2013 | AA Video Reading A Vision For You:
April 2013 | Video Daily Playlist Step Four:
http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLC9C8658CBFCF357E
AA Official Online Site: Daily Reflections
http://www.aa.org/lang/en/aareflections.cfm
AA Official Online Site: Big Book And Twelve And Twelve
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