Alcoholics Anonymous | April 13 2013 | DonInLondon | Step 4 "Fear Less Inventory" In the moment of now: awareness of your emotions and considering how they might influence your decision-making in a given situation is important in your approach to life. How am I feeling, why and what to do, means we can be assertive in expressing how we feel. "How are we feeling?" Offers the opportunity to be assertive with each other and have empathy or least try to develop empathy in any situation in life…
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What about fear and anxiety? Often when we are fearful there is a good reason, something is happening now, which triggers our emotions and is obvious. What is less obvious, can be a profound recollection. Often we might find ourselves caught in a lie when we are trying to be agreeable, and find common ground and then suddenly we feel caught out. That sensation when the lie is discovered… Anger at ourselves and resentment; followed by cover up in some way. Why did I do that!?
Step four highlights the fear, pride and ego which we used to protect ourselves in the past. And at the same time it highlights what we can do in the future, be truthful and have the courage to change. Some of us need to develop courage, faith and confidence to start from scratch every day, and say to people that we really don't know the answers, we don't have the experience that they are sharing, and thank goodness we have a fellowship where it's okay not to know anything and start over at any time…
I can remember discussing my situation with a Professor of psychiatry, about writing my CV after I had a nervous breakdown. His suggestion was to lie through my teeth, and not tell anyone what had happened to me because he saw I still had potential to go back to an old life which had burnt me out. I did try with some success, but the outcome was I used alcohol as a barrier between me and what I used to do, alcohol kept me doing the same old same old, to the point where I could not stop drinking. It was a disaster to lie about the nervous breakdown because it kept me in denial, kept me fearful of being found out, and my egg shell ego cracked in no time at all. And a five-year struggle into another rock bottom and complete mental breakdown…
Fear, pride and ego often keep as going doing things which will inevitably cause major problems down the line. In the United Kingdom, people might have called it, "the Dunkirk spirit." The point about the Dunkirk spirit was a true fight for life, in the firing line, and for freedom and democracy. Applying the same principle to things we do, which are bad for us, whether it is material gain, or romantic extremes, is madness and insanity. Very often some of us were encouraged to do things we were good at, and although we were good at doing these things, and we thought it was a good idea because of the success and the opportunity offered, it was entirely the wrong thing for us to be doing and entirely wrong and against our own interests. Work hard and play hard. Back in the day, I did work hard and play hard, because I thought, playing hard was the reward for doing the work I was good at, and ended up burning out as a result… Fear, pride and ego, I didn't even know that was driving me, I thought it was ambition. Actually it was fear of failure…
Some of the things we learn in the safe self appraisal. The fearless moral inventory, can be very upsetting because we understand suddenly that we have been driven to do things because we thought we ought to do them, we thought we should be successful. And we found things we were good at, and we found things other people appreciated. We became chameleons, we could blend in, we could be the life and soul of the party, and the loneliest person on the planet. One of the worst and most horrible experiences which happened over and over again, was waking up with someone we hardly knew, yearning for love and yet the cold touch of dawn could be the loneliest moment in the company of a stranger. And sometimes the stranger was me, lost without any idea of my identity…
How am I today? I bought a new telephone two months ago, a mobile phone and today, two months later I discovered I can speak into the phone rather than write texts. I'm really pleased because the touchscreen letters are so small, and my fingertips seem too big. The problem is when I find something I like, for example being able to speak into my telephone and write a text, I get excited and might send out lots of texts which are completely meaningless, just because I can and its new… I'm laughing at myself, having sent a really long text to somebody, they simply replied with an "x" and I don't think they know about voice to text on their mobile? And I've been up all night, blood sugars all over the place, has a really bad impact on the old body, and I'm still waiting for my shower to be fixed. Why am I not angry? Simple, repairs were on schedule and somebody was sick. And I only found out having waited all day, I just haven't got the energy to berate and belittle the repair people in some way. And it would not be right to be angry and resentful, trying to impose and assert my right to have things fixed right now. I am powerless over people, places and things and if I imagine I can jump the queue for my repair to be done, I will get nowhere and simply feel angry and resentful, all day long. The sky is blue right now, I feel good having learned something this morning about voice texting, so bugger the repairs and I hope the guy gets well enough to get back on schedule sometime soon. I feel good, I feel happy and learning something new, its just great. Courage, faith and confidence that things will come right. Eventually, and maybe not today, indeed certainly not today, and I'm still laughing…
April 13 2012 | AA 12 Steps In Action | Step 4 "Inventory" | Alcoholics Anonymous Today's AA daily reflection: "the false comfort of self-pity" it took me a while to understand what self-pity meant. Old ideas and thinking, "what have I done to deserve this!" "Why me?" "I work as hard as they do and yet they have more." "Why can't I take the edge off with a drink, it's not fair!"
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Just because I work harder, do more than them, have the right qualifications, have all the experience in the world… Why didn't you pick me, I want you and I need you and I want you! I can forget so easily that what might suit me in all respects does not suit you at all no matter how good a candidate I might be as a worker, a partner or anything else. As I have choices today, you have choices today too and we are equal to saying yes and to saying no as we choose and feel right in the moment of now…
It is easy to create rejections and easy to create resentments in ourselves and other people. The spot-check inventory helps me every day to take a helicopter view not only of my needs and wants, it also helps me to take account of the needs and wants of everyone around me. Step four including my grudge list helped me stop fearing like I deserved anything and even if I worked as hard as I could there would be no guarantee, simply the opportunity to be on the journey and not worry about the destination…
I can recollect feeling horrible about my situation in work and personal relationships. There was always a feeling tomorrow would be a better day and I would work hard and with every ounce of energy to be successful. I didn't know where I was going and I really didn't understand success. I was successful over and over again and failed to see or understand. Like an athlete we can train and work for years to be the best and still fail to enjoy the journey. And when we set a target investing everything in the destination, we are blinkered beyond belief and miss living in the day where we can change and make new decisions and new choices in the moment of now…
Step four, highlighting my fears, pretending to be okay with everything and the prideful ego making me cover up my failings. Covering up meant more often than not, I could not develop courage to change, faith in doing the next right thing and the confidence to move ahead, move sideways or simply completely change direction. Step four, part of the journey and freedom to start again, ask the help and be happy and flexible just for today…
Only when I write these words, about step four and spot check inventories and actually do spot check inventories do I get the benefit of seeing the difference in what we call defects, my defects being extremes where fear, pretending and prideful ego keep me in the dark, and what we call shortcomings where I lack the courage to change, faith in doing the next right thing with help if needed and the confidence to keep on trying new ways and learn from my mistakes.
DonInLondon 2005-2011
"AA Spiritual Twelve Pack": Acceptance, Surrender, Faith, Open Mindedness, Honesty, Willingness, Moral Inventory, Amends, Humility, Persistence, Spiritual Growth & Service.. All about progress and good for today. To be included, make choices and live in harmony as life situations offer in the moment of now...
As we develop our: faith, courage and confidence, we let go; fear, brave facing and ego. Less doubt, less self-pity ~ Maya Angelou "Self-pity in its early stages is as snug as a feather mattress. Only when it hardens does it become uncomfortable" -/- Acceptance of today and choices as they may be...
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AA Daily Reflection: THE FALSE COMFORT OF SELF-PITY... Self-pity is one of the most unhappy and consuming defects that we know. It is a bar to all spiritual progress and can cut off all effective communication with our fellows because of its inordinate demands for attention and sympathy. It is a maudlin form of martyrdom, which we can ill afford. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 238
The false comfort of self-pity screens me from reality only momentarily and then demands, like a drug, that I take an ever bigger dose. If I succumb to this it could lead to a relapse into drinking. What can I do? One certain antidote is to turn my attention, however slightly at first, toward others who are genuinely less fortunate than I, preferably other alcoholics. In the same degree that I actively demonstrate my empathy with them, I will lessen my own exaggerated suffering.
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As Bill Sees It ~ Blind Trust..? "Most surely, there can be no trust where there is no love, nor can be real love where distrust holds malign sway. "But does trust require that we be blind to other people's motives or, indeed, to our own? Not at all; this would be folly. Most certainly, we should assess the capacity for harm as well as the capability for good in every person that we would trust. Such a private inventory can reveal the degree of confidence we should extend in any given situation.
"However, this inventory needs to be taken in a spirit of understanding and love. Nothing can so much bias our judgment as the negative emotions of suspicion, jealousy, or anger. "Having vested our confidence in another person, we ought to let him know of our full support. Because of this, more often than not he will respond magnificently, and far beyond our first expectations." LETTER, 1966
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Alcoholics Anonymous, 12 Steps AA, AA Step 4 Inventory, DonInLondon, Don Oddy,
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Just For Today, and every day cherish always...
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April 2013 | AA Big Book Playlist
http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLFF5F3EC98C6012A4
April 2013 | AA Twelve Step Playlist
http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL3BFA6062268A289D
April 2013 | AA Step Four Reading Video Link:
April 2013 | AA Video Reading How It Works:
April 2013 | AA Video Reading A Vision For You:
April 2013 | Video Daily Playlist Step Four:
http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLC9C8658CBFCF357E
AA Official Online Site: Daily Reflections
http://www.aa.org/lang/en/aareflections.cfm
AA Official Online Site: Big Book And Twelve And Twelve
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