Friday, 12 April 2013

Alcoholics Anonymous | April 12 2013 | DonInLondon | Step 4 "Fear Less Inventory"

Alcoholics Anonymous | April 12 2013 | DonInLondon | Step 4 "Fear Less Inventory" The living amend: what is the living amend to you? In my case, the living amend is to oneself, stop the blame, stop the guilt and shame and then forgive everything, every day. If we can understand our new direction, to be open, honest and willing, then we stop the blame game. And if we stop the blame game with ourselves and find forgiveness, then we can stop the blame game with everyone else and start to live life on life's terms…

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Alcoholics Anonymous DonInLondon "Courage To Change"


Step four: it may seem like a giant project if it is not broken down. My way of breaking down the fearless moral inventory was to divided up into five-year chunks, simply because I was quite old when I got to step four and when I stopped drinking. In each five-year chunk, there was plenty to be angry and resentful about. State of the nation, the state of my bank balance, the state of my romantic interludes, the state of my career, the fact that drink was always a recipe to take the edge off and fix my feelings, even though I did not realise I was truly fixing my feelings because they were so raw and unhappy with reality…


Step four: each five-year chunk of the who what when where how and why… I began to see my part in matters as much as anybody else's. There was a bit of the bad in the good times, and there was good in the bad times for each and everyone. It was not all my responsibility. And it was not all my fault. And when I started to see that just being there in those times meant I had a part to play, then I could see everyone was doing the best they could even when their behaviour was the worst for me. Of course I really didn't take account of how it looked for them back in the day, or I did more than that, I totally took their point of view, and accepted quite a lot of rubbish behaviour, because I needed connection and some sort of intimacy… And the same was true for people with me…


Step four: we begin to see the difference between the old life, where fear, pride and ego would keep us doing the same thing over and over again, and hoping that life would get better. We never did make life better, because pride, ego and fear kept us in a loop. And then the irony: stopping drinking, asking ourselves to have courage to change, faith in doing the next right thing and learning to be confident by making lots of mistakes and coming up with new solutions...


Step six and step seven: it took a long time for the penny to drop. Step six defects are all found in fear, pride and ego and on any day I can revisit fear, pride and ego. Step seven, my shortcomings, lack of courage to change, lack of faith and lack of confidence. On any given day, step six, can worm itself back in with fear, pride and ego, when people are particularly unpleasant. And then I need to remember, it's me who needs courage to change, faith in doing the next right thing and being confident enough to walk away or find a new path if that is appropriate today. We don't lose our personality traits, because we all have them, even if they are considered defects, it is because they are extreme, because we are in extreme circumstances or we behave in an extreme way, when there is no need to today…


When you see a parent smack a child on the backside in public, your reaction may be? Anger and resentment that a grown-up hits a child, that you got smacked when you were young and then you'd started doing the same thing? Or it could be a hundred other reactions taking the point of view of the child, taking the point of view of the parent, what led to that extreme behaviour? We may not know, but we can ask ourselves is that what we want to do, if we were in the same situation? I don't know the answers, because I am not actually aware of all the facts. Sometimes when we observe other people's behaviour, it will cause a deep reaction in us. We need to learn how triggers in other people and in ourselves causes extreme reactions so we can deal with them today…


Step four: we find our assets and liabilities, we start to understand why things happened, how we behaved, who did what and why. And always, no matter what we do, we were part of either the problem or the solution, or both. This self-help self appraisal can be so useful and becomes a real starting point to understand more about ourselves, what makes us tick and how we get things done. When I talk about or write about what makes us tick: its our drive, our emotions, our desires and needs and feeling loved above all. No amount of material gains will ever feel enough, ask anyone who has abundance, it is not the amount, it is usually the desire for more and more of something. Desire is an emotion, a part of being loved. And being able to love others...


How am I feeling this morning? I am hoping and feeling okay about this morning, at the same time I am not expecting anything, even though there are repairs scheduled to be done in my home. I have set my expectations to zero, when it comes to repairs over the recent weeks because each repair man seems to start from scratch, just like me, not knowing anything until they get here. I just realised it might have been a financial matter as new budgets would have been signed off last week, and my repair is quite costly. Anyway, I will never know that, unless I go digging into budget matters of the landlord which frankly are of no interest to me in the long-term. We can so easily get sidetracked and diverted from good purpose today. I feel tired, I don't feel angry, I'm not hungry, and I don't feel lonely. Three out of four is good, and at the same time I know that tiredness is not like it used to be because of other chronic conditions. So I need to be careful and make time to deal with health issues and be myself with anyone I may meet today. Be equal with everyone, no matter what, they too have a right to be here! Open, honest and willing, courage to change, faith in doing the next right thing and be confident enough to fail and try a new way today... I can only do one at a time, multitasking is not helpful to me today…


Alcoholics Anonymous | April 12 2012 | DonInLondon | Step 4 "Fear Less Inventory" Today's AA daily reflection: "giving up insanity…" Step four provides a clearer understanding of our attitudes and behaviour, some of our old ways are "liabilities" and every new day provides opportunity to improve our attitudes and behavioural "assets." People places and things may drive us bonkers at any time, rather than reacting we can respond with a pause to reflect…

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2009 - 2012

If the weather is cold, we put on a coat. If the weather improves and it is warm, we take the coat off. A natural response and reaction to our immediate situation. More difficult to respond and react in an open, honest and willing way with courage faith and confidence, when confronted with difficult people, difficult places and difficult things to do. We can change and not go into the old insanities which closes us down thinking angrily "here we go again!"


For a very long time in various industries my role was to challenge the status quo, looking at what worked with people and organisations and how to develop best ways to improve. And with some simple principles, being open, encouraging honesty, working to improve fair dealing and promote integrity in all relationships. Encountering business practice which was the very opposite caused me to break down when I realised I began to adopt behaviour encouraged day in day out. Smashed and broken by my own ethics and principles, a period of psychosis and breakdown followed when I realised everything I believed in was not wanted. The insanity of trying to do the right thing with the wrong people in the wrong places, helped me lose everything…


Sometimes our reasons and motives are not very clear when we have conflicting goals. Surviving and maintaining a certain way of living compromised me as a person, I simply wanted to fit in and be successful and live the dream. Unfortunately I had no clarity around the dream… And disappointment with myself and my way of life made me seek oblivion from the horror of what became not only a nightmare also a "day mare" and unrelenting pain. Ironically drink kept me alive and as a friend reminded me recently the last six months of drinking and the first six months of sobriety was like a Dickens novel A Tale Of Two Cities, "it was the worst of times, and the best of times..."


When I stop drinking with the help of fellowship, it was the worst of times leading up to that first sober day and then it became the best of times. And those first few months of the best of times were excruciatingly wonderful. And as each day starts I do remind myself of powerlessness and unmanageability. What it is to feel a touch of madness when life is difficult and I can ask the help these days to find some sanity and live it. Letting go trying to control, trying to be in charge of anything but my own outlook and behaviour. We may influence others; at the same time everyone has a right to their own outlook. Step four reinforced the serenity prayer and what it stands for, accepting the things I cannot change and courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference can help me achieve serenity just for today…


DonInLondon 2005-2011


Step Four assets and liabilities. Our emotional and spiritual programme, I found self-appraisal of my assets and liabilities not easy. Spiritual, finding the truth is always a challenge. Feelings at extremes cannot be sustained and become liabilities. Fear, a brave face and ego do not help. Courage, faith and confidence based on reality work well. A balance of all feelings makes life what it is today, real!


As we live step four, and learn daily inventory in step ten, we learn more about ourselves and our conduct. Two helpful steps in a twelve step package. Twelve principles of living, for ourselves and our conduct. Twelve steps useless and destructive when we apply them to, take inventory and judge others...


We need to drop the word "blame..." Step Four and Step ten are a reality check, how we were and how we are. We can improve our self-awareness. This does not make us expert counsel when supporting others in recovery. We remain one voice, sharing our experience strength and hope, our reality changes daily "I look at modern life and I see people not taking responsibility for their lives. The temptation to blame, to find external causes to one's own issues is something that is particularly modern. I know that personally I find that sense of responsibility interesting." Edward Zwick -/- Avoid Pedestals and Guru's


AA Daily Reflection: GIVING UP INSANITY... Where alcohol has been involved, we have been strangely insane. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 38


Alcoholism required me to drink, whether I wanted to or not. Insanity dominated my life and was the essence of my disease. It robbed me of the freedom of choice over drinking and, therefore, robbed me of all other choices. When I drank, I was unable to make effective choices in any part of my life and life became unmanageable. I ask God to help me understand and accept the full meaning of the disease of alcoholism.


As Bill Sees It ~ God-Given Instincts... Creation gave us instincts for a purpose. Without them we wouldn't be complete human beings. If men and women didn't exert themselves to be secure in their persons, made no effort to harvest food or construct shelter, there would be no survival. If they didn't reproduce, the earth wouldn't be populated. If there were no social instinct, there would be no society. Yet these instincts, so necessary for our existence, often far exceed their proper functions. Powerfully, blindly, many times subtly, they drive us, dominate us, and insist upon ruling our lives.


We tried to shape a sane ideal for our future sex life. We subjected each relation to this test: Was it selfish or not? We asked God to mold our ideals and help us to live up to them. We remembered always that our sex powers were God-given and therefore good, neither to be used lightly or selfishly nor to be despised and loathed. 1. TWELVE AND TWELVE, P. 42 1. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, P. 69


Alcoholics Anonymous, 12 Steps AA, AA Step 4 Inventory, DonInLondon, Don Oddy,



Alcoholics Anonymous, 12 Steps AA, AA Step 4 Inventory, DonInLondon, Don Oddy,


Just For Today, and every day cherish always...


April 2013 | AA Big Book Playlist

April 2013 | AA Twelve Step Playlist

April 2013 | AA Step Four Reading Video Link:

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April 2013 | AA Video Reading A Vision For You:    

April 2013 | Video Daily Playlist Step Four:

AA Official Online Site: Daily Reflections

AA Official Online Site: Big Book And Twelve And Twelve

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