September 14 2012 | AA 12 Steps In Action | Step 9 Amends In Action Alcoholics Anonymous Today's AA daily reflection: "peace of mind…" How on Earth did I ever get to a place where I could be still, feel peaceful and that in the moment of now, there is no fear and there is calm and serenity? Learning the emotional and spiritual path is acceptance of all human feelings we have working inside of us, even when feelings can be good, bad and ugly, we know what we are feeling and coping with them moment by moment. When I found myself in recovery, I was also very troubled, grieving the life I had and finding it unbelievable to have lost everything, making me angry, frustrated and very depressed, frightened of my own shadow and it took time to accept a new way of life…
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Who am I? I am developing a new identity in recovery. I thought life had ended and at that moment of complete surrender I suddenly realised if it can get no worse and I don't know what the answer is to make a new life I can let go trying to be able to sort myself out and ask for help. Realising completely I had no clue, no amount of self will working to improve my situation, I made a call and asked for help. Then surrender and help came in so many ways from every direction. I had to learn to trust of the people, move from danger, to a safe place and learn who I can be one day at a time. I learn every day the emotional and spiritual path, "feelings understood in the moment of now…"
Often I would walk away from situations, not realising what was going on and only seeing the truth later. And this was true all my life. The beautiful girl, who made it clear she would like to go out with me, I was so shy I could not imagine me with her on my arm… A trouble-shooter in careers, always saying yes to the tough assignments, difficult work and only realising having said yes, I did not know how and had to learn very quickly. Often angry and frustrated with my own misunderstandings about feelings and what to say yes to even when it was obvious, and what to say no to just because I did not feel like doing it. As Gandhi said, "an emphatic no is better than a half-hearted yes," and sometimes courage to change, so yes and no, and it is okay to learn what I would like to do. And learning a new way of living with new people, new places and different things going on in the world of yes, and letting go the world of no…
Courage to change delivers peace of mind on a daily basis. We find work we like to do, and it's not work anymore, it simply fun to be in the thick of challenge and endeavour. And courage to change in emotional and spiritual terms means that we feel right about what we are doing today. All the feelings, working in the moment even at extremes and when they are temperate are best felt now. No more walking away after the event saying to myself, "why did I say yes to that when it was an obvious no?" Courage to change means we can do what we feel like most of the time, and sorting out the no from the yes is always helped by the serenity prayer, "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
And of course when it comes to peace of mind, the most important areas we can focus on are all about romance and finance. I am still learning how to love unconditionally, harder is receiving unconditional love in my case and being useful and being able to endeavour and make ends meet. To be in love with life, to let life in and work at whatever the next step may be, if I can "let go" with love and "let in" with love, and choose next steps, I can see that trudging the road of destiny will be fruitful through all the seasons of life…
DonInLondon 2005-2011
Peace and serenity seem to be contingent on my spiritual condition. My spiritual condition is the ability to cope with reality as it is today. I still hope, and I still see the funny in tragic. Reality does not disable me when I live it, it enables me to have freedom of choice based on life as it may be today…
Peace of mind? Most people would be glad to have some peace of mind in their life. They would be happy to forget their troubles, problems and worries, and enjoy a few moments of inner calmness and freedom from obsessing thoughts. What is peace of mind? It is a state of inner calmness and tranquillity, together with a sense of freedom, when thoughts and worries cease, and there is no stress, strain or fear. Such moments are not so rare these days...
I can recall years of obsession, people places and things, especially when in love and especially with career. I would tie myself in knots, doing the right thing when the wrong situation occurred. And then, I was seeking oblivion from everything, only to wake in the night with cold sweats, any sound disturbing me, driving me to find the right answers. And always thinking it was up to me to solve the issue and conundrum. No more!
There was harm done along the way? Every time I solved the problem for another with my own view, harm might have been done. I may have thought I knew better, but really, how could I? These days life is about choices, freedom and suggestions, no edicts from knowing the right path, I learn my path daily, and with less harm done to me or others. We all have our path; it is unique and authentic to us. One similarity in recovery, sober today, everything else is different as providence and nature require, or progress is hindered rather than helped.
Peace of mind: powerless over people places and things, no more insanity, let the world help, thorough review, share truth, admit faults, find faith, list amends. Make amends and live differently, daily review, reflect and listen, live life open honest and willing, share with humility daily. Just for a moment or all day... peace
I used to be in control and give people a piece of my mind, always thought it was helpful to share? Nowadays I realise we are all learning, we can suggest, and in crisis we pull people from harm’s way. We all need freedom to understand our choices. If asked for help, I suggest if I know, interdependence is key just for today...
AA Daily Reflections ~ "a new life... Yes, there is a substitute and it is vastly more than that. It is a fellowship in Alcoholics Anonymous... Life will mean something at last. [Big book]
Life is better without alcohol. A.A. and the presence of a Higher Power keep me sober, but the grace of God does even better; it brings service into my life. Contact with the A.A. program teaches me a new and greater understanding of what Alcoholics Anonymous is and what it does, but most importantly, it helps to show me who I am: an alcoholic who needs the constant experience of the Alcoholics Anonymous program so that I may live a life given to me by my Higher Power."
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September 14 2007
DonInLondon - ‘Day In the Life’ Integrity Can Be Painful
Integrity
It’s just a word, which means so much to most of us. We have an internal sets of mental processes which help us. Part of this is our conscience, part of this is preference for how we want to live in this world.
Needs and Wants
Needs
We are lucky if we meet our basic needs in a day. We can be hungry, angry, lonely and tired. These simple needs can impact on our physical, emotional and spiritual wellbeing.
Wants
We prefer not to be hungry, not angry, not lonely and not tired. We also have more desires than the imagine can generate in a single sentence on any given situation involving people, places and things.
In this complicated world for us affected by the disease of addiction and living in recovery, the choices we have make us think long and hard, feel what may be the best path, and still make as many mistakes any human may, a day at a time.
How So?
Simply what we share, what we say, it is good if we actually express honesty, yet we often say half the truth and miss half out of the truth, because we fear outcomes and we fear hurting ourselves and others.
We Don’t Know What we Don’t Know
Sometimes we hope for the best and don’t know what the outcomes will be. And on one level we keep the doors open to possibilities and then we realise keeping the door open is hurting as much as closing and moving along.
Let Go
We fear letting go, and we want and desire the world to be fair and for us rather than against our feelings and intentions. We often stop saying what we feel in the hope that eventually things will come good and it will all work out as the dream we had in our imagination.
Life is Life
We are best letting go and meaning it, even though it hurts more in the short run and then we realise the danger we face as we keep faith with an idea in our imagination which will not happen. We end up in denial and in all sorts of internal chaos and cannot make sense of the dream and worse the reality.
Boundaries and understanding. I guess, and it is a guess, we are all like this, we have feelings and we feel they may one day be reciprocated. And this truly can be helpful to have as change occurs naturally and we either let go and move along or something happens to make letting go preferable than hanging on just in case things will turn out to the good.
Tenacity and Vision
Sometimes tenacity and resilience will make us hang in there till the world changes to our view. And as we have a clear vision of what may be, we feel it will come about if we keep influence and keep being patient. Yet in our patience we are dishonest with reality and dishonest with our connections as we wait and hope.
Truth
Truth is far clearer, far more potent, and can help us with our resilient selves and our dreams.
Wildest Dreams
My wildest dreams, to have a roof over my head, to be and have friendships. To get along and find myself happy in daily living, as it may be with all the constraints and outlooks we can have.
Simply
To exist and be motivated to live, to have a life. And while my wildest dreams are predicated on truth, I have a good day and not a day full of fear or imagined worries about being or looking right to myself or others…
A small mantra and exhortation to God or Good Conscience or The Universe
“Grant me the serenity,
To accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can
And Wisdom to know the difference”
More Later if time affords…
September 14th 2006 [ all about last year]
Next Steps
Well now, I am pretty relaxed today. For the last month I have been posting my daily "in recovery" activities to highlight what we do in the AA fellowship to keep ourselves well, a day at a time. And it seems there are a lot of words out there about recovery and now we have my views and actions as well. It was quite difficult to maintain the right balance in truth, and try my best not break any traditions or suggestions for conduct within the fellowship. I hope I have been able to keep to the suggestions and guidelines of the fellowship. And I have been very cautious in my work, I hope the balance to make the story informative and not exploitative in any way. This is my sincere hope. And at the same time make more clear what it means to be in recovery. That actually it’s not a passive exercise and we all have to work hard to keep ourselves well and as happy as most people can be in this complicated world.
I know my recovery is dependent on many things and as you will know from my posts, I must be active in my life. And now I have finished the project set, " a month in recovery," the next steps are equally important.
I am very, very fatigued. And it may be for a number of reasons. Writing the posts, just a month, it seems its 80,000 words or so. I just checked, it is too many words for the subject, and too much to digest I realise now. And yet I feel I have merely scratched the surface. So there is more to learn in writing for me. And hope to keep the message of recovery going. I have time to reflect and ponder on that, as hopefully a day at a time, I can keep to gentle living and be as well as I can in recovery.
Next Steps
Smiles here, we never have a holiday in our fellowship. It’s just the way it needs to be. And my needs also mean deciding what next to get back to some form of work and make a living. This I see as a prime need. And although I am not fit for much at the moment, I can make steps towards the future and work, modestly and carefully.
I know where I have become a burnt out case in the past. And so this needs to be taken into account as I go. And I am now cautious with some activities to do with helping people and not taking account of how this impacts on me.
With three elements of health, Type 1 diabetes, Clinical Depression and being a Recovering Alcoholic, the employability factor is an issue. And as it happens I am 50 too. So I have plenty of time, a day at a time to get busy with work. And make a difference wherever this will be. By the time I get to 70, should I be that lucky, and this is me being optimistic, that will be the new 60! And with medical advances, who knows, some of my current on-going health problems may have been made easier.
So what next?
I need to get some advice, on employment. And will start this Monday next. How this shapes up really depends on me keeping as well as can be, and being open to anything. This I endeavour to do.
If anyone has suggestions, let me know. I appreciate help and guidance. I learned a long time ago, my world needs advice and support and we never know where it may manifest.
Just for today...
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AA Official Online Site: Daily Reflections
AA Official Online Site: Big Book And Twelve And Twelve
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Step 9 "If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves." Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us…sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them." AA Promises
Step 9 Amends In Action Alcoholics Anonymous Anonymous Reading Video Link:
“How It Works” Reading Video Link:
“Into Action" Reading Video Link:
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I do not speak for Alcoholics Anonymous I speak for myself. Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of unique and authentic people who speak for themselves where they will to share experience, strength and hope about recovery on a daily basis. Anonymity affords sanctuary to find how to live sober and be open, honest and willing to learn life day by day. For me "truth," "love" and "wisdom" offer the best spiritual experience by living reality today. Into the fabric of recovery from alcoholism are woven the Twelve Steps and the Traditions: steps to be open, honest and willing to learn, traditions to live unity, service and recovery.
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Spiritual principles ~ Forgiveness Acceptance Surrender Faith Open-mindedness Honesty Willingness Moral-inventory Amends Humility Persistence Spiritual-growth Service
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