Tuesday, 11 September 2012

September 11 2012 | AA 12 Steps In Action | Step 9 Amends In Action Alcoholics Anonymous

September 11 2012 | AA 12 Steps In Action | Step 9 Amends In Action Alcoholics Anonymous Today's AA daily reflection: "all about delay and procrastination because of fear shame and guilt…" Step nine and the promises, having the courage to change, to fear less than before, to learn to be truthful, to learn to be a human being making progress. Making amends without doing further harm does need consideration and discussion, but not analysis to the point of paralysis and no action today…

Video For Today:

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About Psychosis And Depression:

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In life we keep on learning. Sometimes we do find ourselves rushing to make good on bad situations and looking to repair and make amends for our old behaviour when we had lost the plot of life. In the rush to redemption we can cause a lot of harm by stirring up old situations which have no resolution beyond more hurt. So there needs to be a consideration about what restitution and amend means to the person we want to heal. Analysis yes and discussion does not necessarily mean procrastination today…

The word "empower" and other words in the AA daily reflections includes, dignity and humility. Dignity in sharing the truth of how and why we were hurtful and wrong, humility in the sense that we are making restitution without complaint and without expectation of forgiveness. Amends to self, forgiving ourselves and our humanness does not mean that others will be forgiving and it does not mean that we do not face consequences for actions in the past. We always face consequences for the way we behave past, present and future, the most important place to face our amends is now in what we do, and how we conduct ourselves as human beings...

Empowerment! How this word is used today suggests that each human has freedom of choice to make their way in life. In industry empowerment programmes suggest an individual can be a star and keep on rising. Empowerment is often about how to be open, honest, fair dealing and behaving with integrity, which is all about courage to change. Industry generally shouts about empowerment, then locks the person into procedures and process which are all about, "JFDI, just fucking do it!" And so empowerment which is about freedom, and JFDI leave a person trying to change from the old to the new way of life and many scientific studies show how it produces psychosis in humans who are told they are free, and yet most of the time have to, "just fucking do it today…"

Anyone in recovery is aware of psychosis, on the one hand, every fibre in the body whilst under the influence of alcohol or drugs says to keep on going and take more until oblivion and an unfortunate end. And then on the other hand, the programme of recovery whether it is Alcoholics Anonymous or some other form of recovery programme encourages the very opposite. From being completely indulgent and powerless, to abstinent and manageable, the very opposites of behaviour, this can cause psychosis as we switch from one to the other, trying to give up the addiction and then being pulled back and relapsing. No wonder it is that many do not make the change and transition. And no wonder we feel gratitude and live the change once the psychosis settles and we can see a new way of living. The caution is that the world of "JFDI, just fucking do it" prevails in many parts of society. Thank God we have a fellowship where we can iron out the opposites of life and situations and find serenity in the moment and one day at a time… The gift of learning who I am one day at a time continues as does my recovery in terms of the emotional and spiritual experience…

Even if we are living on the breadline, and even if society still stigmatises those who become dependent on something which starts with taking the edge off and leads into oblivion and early death, we can find our path in fellowship and in recovery programmes designed to help us keep on behaving in a new way even when society refuses or simply cannot comprehend or understand the nature of our mental affliction. A programme last night about old age and alcoholism highlighted why many find themselves seeking oblivion and solace from loneliness and a loss of love. As we know too well oblivion and solace from loneliness and heartbreak will drive anyone to drink. And those who know this start to cherish and love those who have lost the plot…

"The newcomer is the most important person in the meeting!" Newcomers are confused, often still under the influence of alcohol, and definitely shut down isolated and behaving horribly because of addiction. We were that person if we are still in fellowship and living to the principles of the fellowship. The worst form of prejudice to experience is that we can inflict on the newcomer. No longer suffering that stigmatisation of our condition in recovery, it is very easy to be judgemental and excluding the newcomer by our behaviour towards them. We forget tolerance and love, we forget to cherish, and we can become so judgemental with the newcomer that we employ the same tactics and behaviours of JFDI, just fucking do it! The nature of humans? We can so easily revert to past prejudices about ourselves and because we have found recovery and see how the struggle is shaping in others, that nasty trait of judgement can kill. The newcomer is always the most important person we will encounter today…

DonInLondon 2005-2011

Two wrongs can make us righteous and still we may not be right. Two rights can end up being wrong. Ten years after the "twin towers" and all the awful acts in that year the consequences are still unravelling. I could see what would happen over the next few years as did many others. I am sober today; looking back at those intemperate times, there is hope locally and globally. Just for today, I need remember and cherish everyone always...

Why were others less hard working than me? I always thought I worked harder, strove harder to prove I was a worthwhile individual. Fear of not being good enough was always there in the back of my mind. And resentful when others were less hard working and what I thought was less committed. Driven to work hard and needing self-worth and always fear pushing me to deliver. I had no clue about balance in life, full steam ahead in every direction, squeeze the last drop out and be the life and soul of anything and everything. Did I have a zest for life? Hiding a great big misunderstanding about most of life and living. Which made me able to see all the faults and festering others did not really get to see in their own lives. So if I could not sort my own life, I got good helping others sort theirs. Living by proxy, feeling right by helping anyone and everyone feel right about their chosen path.

Work hard and play hard, booze hard, party hard. Happy? Hardly, as I looked for the next right action, next right work, next right relationship, on and on...

Self-development: striving all the way to the extreme of self-harm and self-destruction. Some of us many of us learned how to strive as we grew up and followed the dream. I never knew quite what the dream was... Spiritual? Yes a quick study in spiritual got that and missed the point entirely, for years and years... Emotional? Yes got that, and lived the happy side of life for years and years, and never dealt with the sad elements of life for the same number of years and more years.

When I worked myself into the ground and a breakdown to die for with a great enabler at the time, the breakdown which followed change my life forever. Two years in an anxiety state, followed by vain attempts to return to my former self, and then a habit to fill the horror my life had become, so quick I could not believe it was me, an alcoholic!

We do cross a line, from fun, to self-medicating, to habit, to alcoholic. Unpredictable, different for everyone, it depends on our spiritual, emotional and physical make up. And life experiences shaping our next precarious steps. A combination unpredictable which shifts the balance from take it or leave, to need it, want it and cannot do without it...

Balance in my life?

From all the way to the top [as far as I could go] and all the way to rock bottom, and then more rock bottoms, I persevered long in the rocks and hard places as they became familiar friends to me. Self-hate shuts out the love of anyone we may know and loves us without conditions. Self-hate, a slow or quick end to any form of worthwhile existence as providence takes us to the ultimate and untimely end.

To now... living and learning as I go along in sobriety, one day to live, and this one. Spiritual? Yes living in reality, with help and love as all humans do. Emotional? As we experience life, we feel life, and sometimes it is warm and cuddly and sometimes empty and desolate, most of the time lots of both happy and sad. Physical? Yes, but given my extreme age, some things take longer than before...

I am still making progress, at living and feeling, less judging me and others. What Next? Just for today...

Consequences, sometimes life works, some of life works, and then nothing works. In the insanity of drink back then, everyone most likely felt harm done. Amends are made to acknowledge harm done and where possible make restitution without causing further harm. A new beginning, open honest and willing...

Experiencing truth, love and wisdom of others is what our open, honest and willing outlook offers. Extremes of fear, brave facing, brittle ego was a cover in the past. Extremes of faith, courage and false confidence can be equally self-deluding. Faith without works is dead, no work no progress, we need work hard today


AA Daily Reflections ~ "making amends... above all, we should try to be absolutely sure that we are not delaying because we are afraid. [12&12]

To have courage, to be unafraid, are gifts of my recovery. They empower me to ask for help and to go forth in making my amends with a sense of dignity and humility. Making amends may require a certain amount of honesty that I feel I lack, yet with the help of God and the wisdom of others, I can reach within and find the strength to act. My amends may be accepted, or they may not, but after they are completed I can walk with a sense of freedom and know that, for today, I am responsible."


From My diary in 2001 DonInLondon - A Day In the Life

War on Terror and 9/11

Seven weeks ago terrorists, fighting in the name of their faith and their God managed a very public act of destruction of life. They managed to shock the whole of the world by killing themselves and thousands of others to make a religious point. The United States of America is the enemy of all the Muslim world and Muslims are at war with America.

The idea feels and logically seems to be flawed. I was shocked by the actions of the terrorists. I did not and still do not know how we should have dealt with the aftermath. I know the first instinct to me is revenge, when a burning and deep hurt is inflicted.

And I am told we are sure who is responsible. And I am sure Bin Laden being a terrorist will be happy to accept responsibility even if he were not the one behind the action. Terrorism has achieved its goal, to inflict fear and narrow freedoms in our societies. And the reaction, where the richest nations bomb the poorest to flush out the terrorists hiding behind a barbaric regime of repression, stirs moderate Muslim Nations and Western liberals to horror and consternation. Me too, war rarely achieves anything but more war and tragedy.

I wrote recently: how can you negotiate with a fanatic? How can you change the mind of another pledged to martyrdom in the name of their cause? The view of America is clear and potent, a war on mass terror. If we sat in the ruins of Kabul, a child or a woman what would we make of this world and the sense of all the bombs falling? If we were a Taliban warrior how would we feel about the creation of so many martyrs in the eyes of God?

I do not know what is right or wrong for others who have experienced first hand terrorist acts. I do know as bombs fall and winter draws in millions may die if we continue action unchanged. Who will stand to account for these deaths, who will claim their moral code is secure? Everyone of course. The lessons of history teach us clearly, modernity, the growth of prosperity and knowledge liberalises secular life and frees religion to take care of faith and not be the controller of mankind.

It is easy for me to draw many comparisons from history. The bombing of London by the IRA, where I lived and still live, did not lead to the British Government going to war on terrorism by bombing Dublin or Eire, it would be seen as barbaric. We should take care how we proceed and think with care and prudence. We should think hard how we move nations forward together especially when we go to war.

I still don't know how we should go forward, is there anyone we should consult or ask? Is there anyone we have left out when listening, and through who’s eyes are we viewing these moments in history? The answers are obvious of course. The answers are unacceptable for they would lead to amelioration and a recognition that blame lies at no particular door and certainly not at one door. Have we as nation states lost our maturity of government and in particular our compassion as United Nations? Time will tell and history will reflect on current actions.

Writing a diary. I am still not sure in my own thoughts why I feel the need to write. I don't know if this will turn into a daily event or a sporadic and undisciplined addition to my website. I like to think I have the determination to put down my thoughts about what is happening in my world and the world in general.

This is a time of turmoil and a worldwide threat of violence caused by recent anarchic and barbaric activities of a handful of individuals. We now have events of terror, taking away fragile stability. Nation states split by religion and differences, hard to comprehend to modern minds and democracy. A huge misunderstanding by secular political thinking, driving a wedge between capitalism and religious fundamentalism.

Wars for decades waged in the poorest of countries, Afghanistan its epicentre this time. Bin Laden and Taliban, the so called terrorists, and the focus for revenge of the most powerful nation on the planet. Thousands dead at ground zero, the Twin Towers

September 11th 2001

Amongst the Rhetoric and the shouting and the media, we in the west form a view which lends support to a war on terror. Most, if asked "to bomb or to feed?" We would be hard pressed to say other than feed. I find it hard to sit still and accept seven million starving to satisfy revenge, I need to see my government explain how it will support and nurture post Taliban and Laden and not hurt the innocents who suffer by accident of birth.

And as the war on terror is progressed, so too large nations are destabilising as religious fundamentalist groups gain support as we in the west trample full tilt over the civil rights of innocents in the name of justice and righteous thinking.

I am appalled at the events sparked off by ill conceived and immature postures struck out of grief, or out of national pride? There is little doubt about the pain inflicted on America, it is not right. Nor is it right to hold ground zero as a separate and unique event to justify the prosecution of the current war. It did not happen in isolation and was a result of history which cannot be revised. I forget who said "revenge is a meal best eaten cold". To beat a country to a pulp and then reward who is left with support, and what kind of support is yet to be determined...

September 11th 2006

Peace, Harmony and Good Conscience

What an odd day. Its been glorious weather so I am told. Mind, as I keep odd hours here and there, I did fall asleep for an hour this afternoon. Rested and calm. As you know by the now I usually write my stuff in the early hours, but have some time now. it’s a while before the new series of Dalziel and Pascoe is on the Beeb at 9:00pm. But then I was interrupted and now its just after 4:00AM, a call from a friend with much to say and do. So I am amending this as I go. It may be a little disjointed.

Written last night

I have just come back from a local meeting and declined to go for a coffee with two other fellows. They were sort of enjoying a flirt with each other and I felt they didn’t need a gooseberry. I may be wrong but is ok, smiles here.

This morning (Sunday)

Yes sun and warmth at last as the weather is good. And I finished writing sometime before seven so had plenty of time to wash and spruce up to get to my meeting down in Chelsea for nine. I was late, the tube was slow and so was I getting ready. Its odd walking into a full room of chatting happy alcoholics, there were I would guess about sixty people. All still Sunday dozy.

A happy dozy bunch of sober people. Cor’ blimey! Where else would you find such a gathering? In a church? And all sober without hangovers, I think not. After all its Chelsea. Mind you we have a ritual and go round the room and share our name and our malady. And as usual I just say, "Don, alcoholic". I suppose I could say more like alcoholic addict, which is a favourite, or anything which informs to more addictions than one. Like I said of yesterday we have more things we can own up to if we look long and deep enough into our "fixing" behaviour, like chocolate or food and gym and etc.

Unusual at this hour we did have a newcomer, who not aware of protocol and still quite shocked to be there, just gave their name. A sort of open question left in them as to their status and it may be a day or week or months before they make their minds up if they belong in our fellowship. Like me for example who took years to accept it.

Topic of the Morning - Isolation

And we need pick a topic of the day, and with some reluctance we get to a subject. This caused the person who suggested it a minor upheaval and pounding heart as nerves kick in, as they prefer to isolate a lot and not share at meetings. So they shared about their isolation and their general behaviour in relation to isolating, something we can all do too well.

I was half concentrating and thinking of other things. The journey on the tube and the people I had seen. We see everything first thing on the tube, from those on their best behaviour in their Sunday outfits, to others just making their way home from last nights debauchery. All mixed together, some squeaky clean, others a little shiny from dancing the night to now. And my tube had been bound for Barking many stops after mine at Sloane Sq.

Clean smells and older smells of people and their doings, and fag ends and disinfectant..


The isolating thing I could relate to. Like our ‘chair’, all my life I have found my own company more than adequate, but unlike the chair they had felt great bouts of lonely along the way. And it struck me as I listened I was not too different actually, for lonely I have been when loves have been lost.

Isolating and most likely licking my wounds when I have ended relationships or the other way round. I suspect I was best in a partnership, with love flowing in and out of me as it would when living together. And those lonely times of missing company and shared times as men and women do. Or don’t. Well actually I suspect we are all programmed for love and family, and miss what we yearn for, but times seem to have changed me more to the singular as time has gone by.

And as to times past for me isolating was often so necessary as I felt exhausted from work and career and being with people. A chronic workaholic and then alcoholic, time was always filled up, and now what do I find?

Confidence and Esteem

Yes indeedy, when we are confident and full of esteem we seem to get our balance right, where we can be in company or out of it. But of us so driven to drink, its pretty obvious we are not as happy as most people seem to be. And its something akin to being alone in a crowd and not being able to join in the party of life, and drink fills the gap. Or like me, keep drink moderated while out with acquaintances back them and then get hammered at home alone.. Old times, not now

As to now and isolation

Like so many in the fellowship we feel better when connected, so we make the effort we need to get and get out. And we use solidarity, and yet we can still be quiet and isolate unless we make the effort and try to join in. And this is difficult when we are so shy of life, and life has taught us caution rather than freedom.

One or two angry voices

About how some in our fellowship are whimps I guess. Winging can be unpleasant when we feel really low, but its part of the process of dealing with our stuff. And some fellows with time served realise the true nature of the fellowship and feel that some take the God thing too far. As was suggested by this humorous fellow, that handing everything over to the care of God once we have stopped our drinking is a failure to understand the programme and the fellowship. The dissenting voice which argued that the programme and fellowship works because we work it, not because of some divine intervention.

And to a great extent I understand his point of view. The fellowship works for people because it has a set of steps to make life work and a set of traditions which makes the fellowship work. Between the steps and the traditions of AA, the programme of fellowship works by creating a safe environment for people to learn to live well and to their abilities without any divine intervention. The God bit is actually superfluous if anyone follows the suggestions. The God bit is indeed a red herring, for some to believe in and some to be distracted long enough and be able to argue about, as they get well, forgetting their obsessions and addictive behaviour. I have to smile as the fellowship is a mixture of believers and non believers. A secular programme for anyone it has whatever magic we may inject into it to make life work well and build our spiritual connection to just one thing, living well in the moment.

My view

While I have no anger about the programme at all, it took me a while to understand the simple programme for complicated people. The person who dissented in the morning meeting had been faced with major upheavals in their life and had learned to walk and talk again after a major brain operation. They are somehow immune to the God of their understanding as their human frailty has made them aware, that anyone in our fellowship is still subject to ordinary things and illness like me too with diabetes and clinical depression.

What is not overlooked by the angry dissenter is if we work the programme and utilise what we have to keep as well as we can, we are making use of what nature provides, and that is certainly providence. Providence is what we get from nature and so is from the deity of our choice or from nature.

And with the benefit of greater awareness than those who have not understood the traditions and principles of the fellowship, they believe in higher power like God. Those who go deeper recognise the programme and fellowship is a loose and tight community. Loose because we all come from different walks of life and belief, tight because we have one common purpose, not to drink and make the best of just one day, today.

So in truth with a strong spiritual foundation of the fellowship, to the moment of now and being able to utilise all our best qualities in this present day, we make good our spiritual capacity. This is where our confidence for living and our esteem is made to the good.

I would not undermine any belief system connected with our fellowship for indeed it is faith in our very humanness which makes the programme work. Strength in unity and not isolation, strength with a process to help ourselves and a common purpose to develop our best way of living soberly. And around all that, every element to make community work in a disparate body of people without any other link than sobriety. And a very equal understanding of our common purpose and support for one another.


I am smiling for once, and feel like I do get what the fellowship is there to do. To help people make the best of whatever they have, through thick and thin of living. Whether we are cured, or recovered, or facing all the other ailments known to mankind, we still all pull together and help each other as best we can. And that is the simple nature of the fellowship.

And my "dogs are barking"

Again, its still a bit of a rum do. As many will share, when we have faced our worst demon, still we get ill with all the usual human complaints. Like me and my feet. But for me, I don’t despair, simply because I am allowed to share and be honest when I get fed up and need some help, I can share my woe, even though there is no cure. Can share my happy moments and others are genuinely pleased. We make good use of friendship and good use of time alone. And know we need balance.

As to the problem of isolation, it is always there, and we know it and know where it leads, to unhappy and downward spirals which inevitably arrive in gloom and despondent behaviour and most likely back to our addiction. Which is why we are in recovery and never recovered.

God or Good Conscience?

This strange thing in the modern world. When AA first got going the God thing was accepted as God featured large in mainstream life. As God has been somewhat left to one side, and most often by disbelievers driven bonkers and to drink, the idea that God has much to do with anything can be a bit of a problem.

And for me, the debate of God is not helpful. What is more helpful is the combined good conscience of a bunch of people who collectively know better than me about how to keep sane and keep as well as can be. And with a bit of luck I tap into the collective wisdom of the fellowship through regular meetings and a sponsor and just plain living to the good and living as well as I can within my needs and not my wants. And this helps my confidence and esteem. Each living to their aptitudes and capacity. Not to their wants and desires, which quite frankly leave us all dissatisfied, fed up and thirsty!

The day rolls on...

I am still knick knacked in my head. But its glorious out and I sit on a bench in Sloane sq, watching the world go by and rest my aching feet. You know its great to see people in the sunshine and now its late enough to see the beautiful people going by. Warm and scratchy noisy air with laughter blowing on the breeze of life. All that stuff. And beauty all around for any inclination or preference. We all have our "eye candy" and whatever you might prefer, its all around us when we can see. Not that there is any harm in looking, smiles unless you have some quaint and old fundamentalism in touch with the puritans of old!


For a while and about last night and meetings and discussion

I got home and after doing all the usual checks and insulin/blood sugars etc had lunch, watched some TV, did nought much and had forty winks. I am doing better a total of about two to three hours sleep per twenty four. Which on balance is better than fitful and restless dreaming its been for months. Whatever there seems a better balance for this day at least.

Last night as per usual, I am never sure if I turn left or right out of the door as meetings are close in either direction. And end up at the "old curiosity shop."

Wilful Planning and Wants Vs Freedom and Letting go

[it’s a kinda Magic]

Yes we fellowship people are so up ourselves, we get philosophical often, once we have restored ourselves to sanity of course. And here is one of these things which seems to have a kinda magic. I don’t know about you, but these days we often find we are set goals and objectives, we are given things we think we need be doing at work and even at home. All the self help books tend to lean towards things like goal setting, and being focussed on particular things we want to achieve.

The problem we know though, is we focus on something, make it our goal, and drive at it full pelt, and so get it often and then find it wasn’t what we thought, or it was and we are pleased and do it again. Somewhere though we have limited ourselves to that goal and single purpose. It is in fact limiting. And it can be obsessive and compulsive.

And some of us feel it better to be more loose in our approach, to let go and see what happens and so don’t have limits and only have possibilities. Which means we can be very happy at anything, or unhappy because we feel unfulfilled and have no actual goal or ambition.

Somewhere in the middle

Yes somewhere in the middle we can be confident to have a good orderly direction to good and good conscience. To making the best of what we have, covering our daily needs and not getting hung up too much on our wants and goals. For indeed we will never achieve our full potential or possibilities if we introduce our own limits. Our vision is only as good as our own. So sometimes self help limits us, and more open ways to live affords more opportunities to get to know ourselves and others.

Not knowing the final destination is often better than a limited vision we develop on our own. And so we are often better off going with the flow of life and where it leads. As long as we take care of ourselves and get along meeting needs, and to a large extent not being driven by transitory wants.

Wants limit us, needs met, we get on and find anything possible! Now that is a confident way to approach life, and build esteem in being open and not closed down.

Good News and Bad News

We are always going to hear the good of living. We focus on experience, strength and hope when we gather. And most of this is to our continued recovery. The good news is we utilise everything we have. The bad news is we are human and get other ailments along the way.

So again another fellow has just had bad news on diagnosis of cancer. Yet as they share its not worth drinking on, and that would smash any chance of recovery. Its all about how to stop their slide back into the pit of clinical depression (my unfortunate diagnosis as you know by now), by using our tool kit of survival as best we can. Our meetings for fellowship, our networking for friendships in and out of fellowship, our family and not hiding the truth, our attitudes to make the best of what we have a day at a time. And of course our health service and what they can do. And their spiritual well being? Is conditional on their sobriety and not going down into that mire where self pity and self destruction lurk all to easily to undermine our day.

Being Human

And though its not all good news, we know and share as things happen. We know we are human above all things we do. And as humans we can be distressed that even when we live a good life, bad things happen and frankly its just our lot! And we are able to be depressed and we are able to make the most of what we have, whatever that may be. And when we have bad days, or good days, we make of it what we can. I realise as I write it seems we accept the fates we have. And its not always like this because we do get very, very distressed often as depression does its worst. If we keep to the fellowship we can make the most of what there is. And sometimes that’s not as long as we may have hoped.

And it’s a reminder of last Friday

Yes the chap who said if he was to get run over by a bus that day, on balance he had made best use of his time and living to that moment, and really that’s all he could ever have done. And we never know what’s around the corner in life, good or often to our bad. Its just life!

Baby and my Neighbour

Its just after five and my neighbour is up as her baby cries for the morning feed. And the trains are firing up on the underground, it’s another week in recovery.

End of "a month in recovery Posts"

Just a couple of days to go and the posting of a month in recovery. Which is basically where I began on my fiftieth birthday. On reflection I guess the week of being 50 was quite awful in some respects. I did not have a party, I had no champagne. The week got ugly with wrong information and bad assessment to my health and if things might go wrong they most likely did. And at the end of the week I had been broken inside and was pretty fed up. And a letter from my significant other of the past was quite sharp and no less than I expected. Smiles it was just a typical week in recovery and as in all things we shift as we let go and try move on.

On balance though, and as I see my progress looking back over these short weeks, there has been much progress and acceptance of life and things. And in accepting where things are, be they people, places or things and health, I have let go my sadness and made room for new chances. Understood I have some limits as depression and diabetes dictate. I know if my clinical depression is not managed, all bets are off and I will surely expire. And know if I keep with my fellowship whatever is left is made possible with a more confident air. Not easy to achieve, yet somehow I’m still standing (just, smiles) even when my "dogs are barking."

What next and the future?

I have no clue overall, smiles. But for today, well I do actually, but just for today, an assessment of my back at the health centre and then a trip to the Soho Treatment Service where I discuss my contribution to a conference on helping people in recovery in the NHS. That is if I am worthy and allowed to contribute. Do I have anything to say? Well I guess I may, and all good on this occasion, as the NHS made life possible in my case and the gratitude for so many parts of it is beyond measure, indeed I was a hopeless case...

Just for today...


AA Official Online Site: Daily Reflections

AA Official Online Site: Big Book And Twelve And Twelve


Step 9 "If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves." Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us…sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them." AA Promises

Step 9 Amends In Action Alcoholics Anonymous Anonymous Reading Video Link:

Step Nine Reading

“How It Works” Reading Video Link:

Chapter Five How Fellowship And Recovery Works

“Into Action" Reading Video Link:


I do not speak for Alcoholics Anonymous I speak for myself. Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of unique and authentic people who speak for themselves where they will to share experience, strength and hope about recovery on a daily basis. Anonymity affords sanctuary to find how to live sober and be open, honest and willing to learn life day by day. For me "truth," "love" and "wisdom" offer the best spiritual experience by living reality today. Into the fabric of recovery from alcoholism are woven the Twelve Steps and the Traditions: steps to be open, honest and willing to learn, traditions to live unity, service and recovery.


Spiritual principles ~ Forgiveness Acceptance Surrender Faith Open-mindedness Honesty Willingness Moral-inventory Amends Humility Persistence Spiritual-growth Service


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