Alcoholics Anonymous Blog December 24 2014 "Freedom To Choose”
Early morning meeting where we share on a given topic as suggested by one person. Today the suggestion was powerlessness, and that turned out to be exactly the right topic for the meeting. How to contend with Christmas and the holidays with the help of step one. And what a lot of sharing! Apart from me, because I left it too late! Step one: admitted that we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable. The step reads as past tense, and yet remains completely relevant in the moment of now.
From the beginning, I do believe that these words were true for a person like me, unhappy with reality and unhappy with myself. Powerlessness over anything is probably a good starting point to approach life. When I believe I can control things, the world and reality teaches that I might be in control for a little while, and then reality keeps changing the goalposts with people, places and things which are totally unmanageable and better not managed at all in my world.
Listening throughout the meeting, step one reminds me what the difference can be between an understanding of denial and acceptance. Denial of reality, and judging reality badly as unacceptable, and judging my behaviour and outlook as damaged in some way. And acceptance of reality just the way it is, and then finding out how I fit with what is going on by being included and participating and learning to be me in the moment of now. Denial and judgement will keep me detached, acceptance of life on life's terms offered is the possibility to be included and participate equally in whatever is going on.
And so many examples were share this morning about what it is to keep on judging the world and our place in it. Judging the world and where we fit is being right or wrong suggests control over what's going on rather than being in it and having a part in events. When I go with the flow, like this morning, and just listen, I get a great insight into what is going on for other people being the same as what is going on for me. Different events and different circumstances causing expectations which truly get in the way of being a participant in the moment of now. Making decisions in the moment of now about what to do next is probably the best it can be for anyone trying to go with the flow and accept life on life's terms.
I was a bit worried about going to the early meeting just in case the delivery man came early. The good news with modern technology, I know that the deliveryman is not due until mid-day and an hour afterwards. Now that I know I have the morning free, and having gone to a meeting, gave me time to write these words. I had no clue whether I would write anything this morning, and now I have. If I had tried to push myself into writing something just for the sake of it, it would not happen or be relevant to my current experience today. And being at that meeting this morning and being with people I know, and being with people I have not seen for a long time was an absolute pleasure. Wishing everyone a very happy day today.
Step Twelve Reading 12 & 12
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