Alcoholics Anonymous Blog & Video September 7 2014
September 7 Video
Time out! Even I need time out to regroup and look at what is important to me. That's what the steps do for me. The steps are living principles which are timeless based on a philosophy of good living. And when the world seems hell-bent on delivering less than perfect results, even then they can really undermine the imperfectly perfect moment of now.
A good friendship went haywire. My mum back in hospital. Finding myself with nothing to say which could improve anything meant that silence was indeed a golden and opportune way to get back on track. I can cope with just about anything, and not need or even feel like drinking alcohol. I'm careful about clinical depression and where it may lead, type I diabetes and being vigilant on a daily basis, and the number one reason why I can cope is because of Fellowship and not drinking one day at a time. And even in Fellowship sometimes, we need find like-minded individuals to help when life is full of difficulties and not much respite.
To thine own self be true. A desire to live in an open, honest and willing manner. To experience every moment of life and understand the can do and cannot do and the wisdom to know the difference. I have been forgetful in recent days about saying the serenity prayer when I wake up, mainly because I felt numb and unable to fathom a solution out of broken parts. Some say, if it ain't broke don't fix it, I say, sometimes things have been breaking down for a while and a bit of denial can go a long way to becoming closed down, dishonest and unwilling to face the truth. Fortunately getting back on track is quite easy by going to a few meetings and seeing what happens when we don't face what is going on, and the real truth of now.
An acquaintance from thirty years ago, and a former life, invited themselves back into my life, and truthfully I had no intention of going down that memory road. People do mellow over the years and do change, but the acquaintanceship was always based on an unequal relationship of influence and power. I really don't like exerting power or having power exerted over me, and that I suppose was the tipping point of letting go a haywire relationship in the present day. Some things we cannot change, not in other people, but we can change ourselves and what we do as a result. And sometimes what other people do is simply not for us in any shape or form. The only judgement is about what I can do positively without impacting in any way on the doings of others.
Even if we see the danger, the fear, the pride and ego that may be erupting in other people, we do not have to follow blindly, and we do not have to accept lies and deceptions which will lead into further disruptive and unhelpful behaviour. In other words, sometimes we do have to let go and be silent, regroup, take a timeout and get on with what is important and how we wish to live our own lives.
I have often suggested it is better to have a mini breakdown every day, rather than save it all up for a major breakdown further down the line. A major breakdown can be very disruptive and take quite a while to get over, if we ever do. And yet we still learn something whichever way these things happen. And it's really important not to be too nosy about what else is going on with other people, not to be an ostrich sticking my head in the sand, more to be clear on what I stand for, and get on with what is important to me. This may seem a little bit harsh or even prideful if I were to be intervening or wishing to undermine another person or people who have their own paths to lead.
Easy does it? Not blinking likely. I am concerned about my mum, she is in hospital with a heart condition and she is eighty-two. One of the nurses asked whether she would like to be resuscitated if her heart failed, which made her cross and indignant. I have been asked that question before now, about DNR, and I certainly wasn't in my right mind when I gave them a very curt reply. Asking a patient about DNR in the emergency department is not very clever behaviour under any circumstances. Our national health service is sick.
In this world… Now that I am sober I recall the program on TV where one person used to say, "I didn't get where I am today by being…" And I didn't get where I am today in my life after a decade of sobriety to be screwed over or screwed up by other people. Which is vital and needs to be based on that darned serenity prayer: "to God or in good conscience, or in my case surrendering to the truth of now; grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference." Or I might find myself living in a world which is not only difficult, it will be impossible to live with any sort of serenity in the moment of now.
And now for the mice which might trip me over and ignore the elephant. The repair to my abode was undertaken recently, and I had to wait a while to work out what I want to do about it. Although the repairs were made with good intent, the overall quality has been somewhat shoddy. You would imagine that replacing a walk-in shower floor which was leaking into the apartment below would be done efficiently. On the third attempt in the last few weeks, after considerable effort by workmen, the floor is uneven and traps water creating puddles. The replacement of the kitchen sink is off true, one end out of line with the other. The mouse proofing has been undone as part of the repair processes, and other waterproofing matters have been done in a way which leaves rough edges and visible cracks. All these things could make a person feel very unhappy. Especially as some of these matters were first reported in 2009 and it's now coming up to 2015. These are mice, not elephants. The elephants are about the emotional and spiritual welfare of me and those I care for, those I love and wish to cherish one day at a time. And thankfully the elephants are being looked after by a set of timeless principles and the fellowship which helps me live to these principles and make the best choices, and be free to live life well, one day at a time.
Step nine Reading 12 & 12
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