Alcoholics Anonymous Videos DonInLondon

Monday, 22 September 2014

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog Video September 22 2014

September 22 Video

Amends and letting go. Making amends without doing further harm is really important. In my own life, owning up and telling the truth always gave freedom and choice back to everyone involved. And being truthful about my own beliefs and opinions, attitudes and behaviour opens the door to engaging with like-minded people in the right place and at the right time, in the imperfectly perfect moment of now. And the better news is, an understanding and acceptance that often my own beliefs and opinions, attitudes and behaviour may be right for me and wrong for you. And this is a two-way street, sharing beliefs and opinions is not about confrontation most of the time, it is finding common ground and the real truth of now: "emotional and spiritual, where it can only exist in the ever present, present moment."

Wrongdoing and bad choices are usually made when people have no understanding or access to doing the right thing and making good choices. It is so simple to write that statement and recognise immediately how difficult it can be for me or anyone to make good choices not only for ourselves, good choices for everyone. And so the importance of step nine is about a personal journey into what anyone can do to follow their path, their emotional and spiritual path based on truth. Just living to truth does not stop people doing bad things, and that is a matter of conscience. Each person develops and experiences life in their own particular way and the steps alone will not make a person honest with themselves, or the rest of humanity, steps offer a way forward to freedom of the spirit in the moment of now.

I feel better when I can be myself, have nothing to hide, have no reason to fear anybody for any reason that I might be found out to have done something wrong or just feel inadequate. One of the old hazards covered up by my drinking was the feeling of inadequacy, that I was not good enough in some way. And as a consequence of not feeling good enough, I would work harder and harder, become more and more successful and the more successful, the more isolated I felt. Isolation is not a good way to be as a human being, and any sort of success which isolates rather than celebrates can undermine any person. The good fortune of fellowship and the twelve steps and the twelve traditions is a complete understanding that it is okay to learn, to make the same mistakes as many times as needed and find our esteem through endeavour. Courage faith and confidence to ask for help is a great amends. And even when we don't get an answer when we ask the first time, the answer can be to stop barking up the wrong tree, and find another tree with better fruit.

Life is full of automated threats, letters, emails, bills, and worst of all challenges to our way of life which may not appeal to others. Our automatic reaction, or my automatic reaction in the past was probably trepidation and fear, which came out in interactions of anger and irritable and fruitless endeavours to put my point of view to customer service departments wherever they may be. The complete waste of time involved in these processes, derived to create silence still irritate today, only momentarily and then I change what I can about me and my behaviour. If I were a legal person, I would have a lifetime’s work, in recovery it may take only a few minutes, and then I get onto the real business of living, caring about what matters to me and the people I love. Amends to self, avoid hitting my head against brick walls and expecting other people, places and things to change to fall in line with me, because they won't.

A couple of meetings over the weekend, one the spiritual experience on a Saturday afternoon, and another being a step meeting for "men only" last night. Both remind me just how much I learn by listening to the experience strength and hope of other people. As usual I can't say who was there, but I can say I was there. And of course I cannot share the particulars of what other people said, because it is confidential. What I learned though, is that I am just an average human being learning how to live life and I am not alone. And the sharing helped me understand the difference in how I live my life today, and how inadequate an ocean of alcohol was in providing any sort of solution of the emotional and spiritual kind. Personal amends to self: learning wisdom every day is far better than isolation and personal destruction. I guess the most important part of this is learning how to cope and be there for other people when needed, and also knowing when I'm not needed.

My favourite pastime is being able to get about and photograph London and people living their lives. And getting about is difficult, at the same time I am energised by human beings. Just popping out, I bump into people from Fellowship and this is all part of living in a community of vast diversity. I revel in diversity, and the similarities and the challenges of understanding how we all get on together. I love people. And most of the time I love their behaviour.

Step nine Reading 12 & 12

Alcoholics Anonymous Videos, AA is for Alcoholics, AA 12 Steps, Addiction And Recovery, DonInLondon, Don Oddy,

Thursday, 18 September 2014

Alcoholics Anonymous September 18 2014

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog Video September 18 2014

September 18 Video

Thank you very much for all the best wishes for my mother, who is home and recuperating. And especially for those who commented about their losses and how important it was just to be there in some form or other. Learning about love and cherishing is something which is empowering, deeper emotional connections and understanding nature, humanity and the endless capacities we have to be a part of life. We never know until we get to that point of inclusion and deeper connection through experience of life, just how vulnerable and powerful it is to be human.

The endless saga regarding repairs and renovations to my home! The "mice" in my life I guess, which can hide the elephants trampling through my emotional and spiritual well-being. Repairs rendered to my kitchen, the outcome is to progress the options to a complete new kitchen according to the surveyor who attended a couple of days ago. He is thinking about what can be done with the wet room floor, version number five which now has pooling and uneven parts but no longer leaks into my neighbour downstairs. And he has recommended that my carpets are cleaned thoroughly following various wet room floor installations leaving some sort of bitumen on the carpet surface in recent times. I await the outcome. And of course it's getting colder, and the real mice will be back! Because when my abode was rewired, all the mouse proofing came out.

So the real elephants for me are the well-being of people I know and love and being there for them. Making sure I keep an eye on the mice, which could get in the way of facing each and every challenge we have in sobriety. Amends to self, no longer finding anger and resentment regarding the quality of work carried out to my abode and rolling with decisions which need to be made by other people. Just because I know the answers and the solutions, it makes no sense these days to offer them when other people have to make their own deliberations. And the quality of their deliberations can only get better through their own personal experience. I don't rule the world, and thankfully in my case, I'm grateful that step one has taught me so much about personal conduct beyond sobriety.

How am I feeling today? In myself quite happy, and I am hoping that family are alright. Simply to keep safe, be in contact with friends and go to one or two meetings today. I don't feel lonely, hungry, angry or tired. I feel content. And I also know this is not the case for everyone. Because that is how life is today, sometimes good, sometimes bad and sometimes ugly.

It could be Independence Day for Scotland, and who would blame them? The narrative from "career politicians" is self-serving and without real substance. I can hope for unity and at the same time realise that if I were a Scot, I would seriously consider independence worthy of consideration. And people forget that unity of 300 years was forged and built on monarchy. Real democracy has been downgraded by career politicians who put self-interest above unity, fairness and integrity. And political self-interest either side of the border is clouding the issues of self-determination, true democracy and enabling everyone to achieve their personal potential. And this political vote, it is not just for a generation, it is forever. Our political class are fickle, for their own self-importance and driven by personal agendas rather than democratic agendas. Bonkers either way based on the "political arguments", of the self-interested and self-absorbed career politicians. And there are no winners in the future? Who am I to judge, because if I do, I would be wrong?

Step nine Reading 12 & 12

Alcoholics Anonymous Videos, AA is for Alcoholics, AA 12 Steps, Addiction And Recovery, DonInLondon, Don Oddy,

Tuesday, 16 September 2014

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog Video September 16 2014

September 16 Video

A very difficult few weeks. My mother has been unwell with time in hospital to work out what's going on with her heart condition. Ventricular fibrillation: not so good and not too treatable for a lady who is eighty-two. Mum is home thankfully with drugs to regulate her heart beat, drugs post breast cancer, drugs for her eyes, and on and on. The good news is my mother has all her mental marbles, and being home with my sister means she can get back to regular patterns. I just spoke to my mum, we had a good chat for about an hour, or just a bit less because her arm was aching from holding the phone. Thank God she is alive and mentally in control of her faculties.

When we love people, and they cannot be seen every day, and they are unwell, there is always some anxiety and anxiousness in the back of our minds about how they are and what we can do to be helpful. Because I have limitations and am not always able to travel, being helpful is being there at the end of the phone. A certain amount of powerlessness, and difficulty with acceptance of the status quo would lead to more anxiety. The key is always knowing and accepting the can do and cannot do one day at a time. And the other part of being sober today, is that I can be there within a couple of hours if I am needed to help in any way I can. Being there by telephone is part of what I can do, and not cause anxiety like I used to in the past.

I am very fortunate where I live in the heart of Chelsea, in London England. I fear that I will have to remind myself that I live in England, without the union with Scotland. I do hope that Scotland votes for unity, and yet I can fully understand why they may vote to separate from the United Kingdom. Anyway the reason why its important where I live, there are many people in recovery who I bump into almost daily and Fellowship is strong and vibrant and always on my doorstep, and I my mother and my sister are just a couple of hours away. Without Fellowship handy, it would be easy to become isolated and lonely. So much gratitude for how the dice fell for me. Amends to self, sober today, amends to family sober today and not causing them any worry above the usual we all have for people we love.

September is amends month in my calendar. Many of the amends needed, to nearest and dearest, to anyone else, is all part of what we try to do without causing further harm. Do no harm can be difficult when we are asked to do things which are erroneous and beyond fellowship and friendship. And just because we used to, we are likely to find danger in doing things to please others when there is no pleasure or any good reason to do them at all. We don't need further resentments building up by pleasing others to our detriment. And it can be a harsh lesson for ourselves, and no lesson for those we let go.

Amends are not about expecting anything from anyone anywhere, simply we are offering our amends, be they emotional, physical, or material. Emotional, being truthful, surrendering to the truth and our part in all matters. Sharing the truth as we see it and then finding out what the truth is for other people. An ongoing process. Physical amends: maybe to let go and not be about or around those who might be harmed, have been harmed and we need not make it worse by trying to hold on to things which are not ours to have. Material amends and financial amends: without doing further harm, pay back in whatever way we can. Most of all to accept the consequences of our past actions no matter what. And this is part of learning forgiveness for other people and forgiveness by living differently, in an open honest and willing manner.

"To forgive is divine?" I feel the best we can do is surrendering to the truth of now, where reality exists and we are present, and behaving the best we can is part of the process. And sometimes the best we can be in the moment of now, will reveal our strengths and weaknesses. Strengths in terms of courage faith and confidence being developed as we learn. Defects of fear, pride and ego creating a storm within and our nature whatever it may be in the moment of now. Nobody is perfect, definitely not. So living a sober life, surrendering to the truth that everyone agrees, and being open honest and willing to change makes for a better life. Even if you are behind bars, which some of us are within Fellowship Try prison service, it is very humbling.

How am I feeling today? Happy my mum is home, happy that I can chat with her on the phone and try help with those darned crossword clues, happy I am sober, less lingering anxiety and more clarity about what I can and cannot do and fit in with what is going on by being included just one day at a time.

Step nine Reading 12 & 12

Alcoholics Anonymous Videos, AA is for Alcoholics, AA 12 Steps, Addiction And Recovery, DonInLondon, Don Oddy,

Sunday, 7 September 2014

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog September 7 2014

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog & Video September 7 2014

September 7 Video

Time out! Even I need time out to regroup and look at what is important to me. That's what the steps do for me. The steps are living principles which are timeless based on a philosophy of good living. And when the world seems hell-bent on delivering less than perfect results, even then they can really undermine the imperfectly perfect moment of now.

A good friendship went haywire. My mum back in hospital. Finding myself with nothing to say which could improve anything meant that silence was indeed a golden and opportune way to get back on track. I can cope with just about anything, and not need or even feel like drinking alcohol. I'm careful about clinical depression and where it may lead, type I diabetes and being vigilant on a daily basis, and the number one reason why I can cope is because of Fellowship and not drinking one day at a time. And even in Fellowship sometimes, we need find like-minded individuals to help when life is full of difficulties and not much respite.

To thine own self be true. A desire to live in an open, honest and willing manner. To experience every moment of life and understand the can do and cannot do and the wisdom to know the difference. I have been forgetful in recent days about saying the serenity prayer when I wake up, mainly because I felt numb and unable to fathom a solution out of broken parts. Some say, if it ain't broke don't fix it, I say, sometimes things have been breaking down for a while and a bit of denial can go a long way to becoming closed down, dishonest and unwilling to face the truth. Fortunately getting back on track is quite easy by going to a few meetings and seeing what happens when we don't face what is going on, and the real truth of now.

An acquaintance from thirty years ago, and a former life, invited themselves back into my life, and truthfully I had no intention of going down that memory road. People do mellow over the years and do change, but the acquaintanceship was always based on an unequal relationship of influence and power. I really don't like exerting power or having power exerted over me, and that I suppose was the tipping point of letting go a haywire relationship in the present day. Some things we cannot change, not in other people, but we can change ourselves and what we do as a result. And sometimes what other people do is simply not for us in any shape or form. The only judgement is about what I can do positively without impacting in any way on the doings of others.

Even if we see the danger, the fear, the pride and ego that may be erupting in other people, we do not have to follow blindly, and we do not have to accept lies and deceptions which will lead into further disruptive and unhelpful behaviour. In other words, sometimes we do have to let go and be silent, regroup, take a timeout and get on with what is important and how we wish to live our own lives.

I have often suggested it is better to have a mini breakdown every day, rather than save it all up for a major breakdown further down the line. A major breakdown can be very disruptive and take quite a while to get over, if we ever do. And yet we still learn something whichever way these things happen. And it's really important not to be too nosy about what else is going on with other people, not to be an ostrich sticking my head in the sand, more to be clear on what I stand for, and get on with what is important to me. This may seem a little bit harsh or even prideful if I were to be intervening or wishing to undermine another person or people who have their own paths to lead.

Easy does it? Not blinking likely. I am concerned about my mum, she is in hospital with a heart condition and she is eighty-two. One of the nurses asked whether she would like to be resuscitated if her heart failed, which made her cross and indignant. I have been asked that question before now, about DNR, and I certainly wasn't in my right mind when I gave them a very curt reply. Asking a patient about DNR in the emergency department is not very clever behaviour under any circumstances. Our national health service is sick.

In this world… Now that I am sober I recall the program on TV where one person used to say, "I didn't get where I am today by being…" And I didn't get where I am today in my life after a decade of sobriety to be screwed over or screwed up by other people. Which is vital and needs to be based on that darned serenity prayer: "to God or in good conscience, or in my case surrendering to the truth of now; grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference." Or I might find myself living in a world which is not only difficult, it will be impossible to live with any sort of serenity in the moment of now.

And now for the mice which might trip me over and ignore the elephant. The repair to my abode was undertaken recently, and I had to wait a while to work out what I want to do about it. Although the repairs were made with good intent, the overall quality has been somewhat shoddy. You would imagine that replacing a walk-in shower floor which was leaking into the apartment below would be done efficiently. On the third attempt in the last few weeks, after considerable effort by workmen, the floor is uneven and traps water creating puddles. The replacement of the kitchen sink is off true, one end out of line with the other. The mouse proofing has been undone as part of the repair processes, and other waterproofing matters have been done in a way which leaves rough edges and visible cracks. All these things could make a person feel very unhappy. Especially as some of these matters were first reported in 2009 and it's now coming up to 2015. These are mice, not elephants. The elephants are about the emotional and spiritual welfare of me and those I care for, those I love and wish to cherish one day at a time. And thankfully the elephants are being looked after by a set of timeless principles and the fellowship which helps me live to these principles and make the best choices, and be free to live life well, one day at a time.

Step nine Reading 12 & 12

Alcoholics Anonymous Videos, AA is for Alcoholics, AA 12 Steps, Addiction And Recovery, DonInLondon, Don Oddy,