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Wednesday, 31 December 2014

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog December 31 2014 "Freedom To Choose”

Video December 31

Year-end, 2014 has been a remarkable year on a personal level. Sober one day at a time and then the rest of life is possible. Actually sober one day at a time means a great deal more than life is just possible, life remains possible depending on the current conditions today. But the good news is that I cannot change the past, and there have been incidents in the last year which have been exceptionally wonderful personally, and also events which do mean that there has been both joy and sadness on a regular basis. Being sober, at least I can tell the difference between the good events, the bad events and the ugly events and experience them as they are.

To thine own self be true, a good friend said how difficult it was going to be to practice this principle because being true to themselves meant that a lot of people would not like their truth. Throughout the years of my life, whenever I have deviated from the truth, first I'm lying to myself, and then I'm lying to everyone else. I can always tell when I've not been truthful to myself and to other people, trying to control people places and things, trying to control feelings and thoughts of others always leads to disagreeable personal conduct. And to be true to myself, I need to practice step ten and gratitude, and check with people around me that I am telling the truth. Denial of truth is very easy when we don't like it, the truth that is.

If I don't tell you the truth of how I feel and what I am thinking, I am stunting my emotional and spiritual value and worse taking away your free choices to make free decisions based on the person I am. If I promote myself as something different to the real person, you may never find out who I am, and even worse, I take away your free choices and decision-making to include me in what is going on or to exclude me from what is going on. It's taken years and years to recognise the real me! Actually I am a human being learning my choices day by day, hopefully based on truth about me and the truth you share with me about you.

I don't expect anyone else is any better telling the truth than me, and I don't expect that I am any better at telling the truth to you. It's something we all learning all the time. And there needs to be truth, especially in personal relationships that we have with the world and everyone we encounter. If someone tells me that they like me, I don't need to be suspicious, and people don't need to be suspicious when I tell them I like them. Love people, and recognise that we are all learning together how to relate. And when we don't know how to relate, we can share this truthfully and work it out together.

Expectations of other people, to relate well with us means we need to be ourselves as best we can or we are leading others on. And if we lead people to believe that we like them and love them, when we are not sure, or we have changed our minds in some way, this is where truth about how we are changing our outlooks is most difficult. Be in a relationship romantically, realise it's a mistake is best done soonest rather than later, or we end up married with children and then, and even then only after we have got married and had children, we might wonder why we did it in the first place. Unfortunately for me, I never got married and I have never had children, or rather fortunately for the female population of the world, by the time I might have been capable, it is too late. I smile writing this, I'm not putting myself down, but it took me a long time to realise the difference between reality and fantasy. Reality is better even if it takes a long time to get there.

Taking away the freedom of others to make free choices based on truth, it is a horrible and profoundly unfortunate deception. If we do not learn that truth is based on understandings as we go, and the more truthful we can be living together, the better the options are all round. And it is really okay to share the truth as we go, because the horrible calamity of saving up our profound and unfortunate deceptions often leads to horrible heartbreak. And even when we know the truth, love of another person and a desire to be with them, we cannot make other people be the way or feel the way that we do. And most often if we are learning the truth as we go along, those horrible cliff-hangers of denial and shock and grief are less profound and devastating. Not easy to be human.

One of my feelings about the world and everyone in it, "forgive everyone everything every day." And if you are finding it difficult to forgive either yourself for having got yourself into hot water, still keep forgiving yourself and you can forgive others for the same misfortune. Forgiveness is an action which cannot happen just because we say it, and sometimes forgiveness takes a long, long time, because we have spent a long long time doing things which need forgiving to ourselves and other people. One day at a time we can make progress into good solutions, or we can regress or standstill and feel that pain of fear ego and pride causing denial. We do need denial, we do need forgiveness, or we do not learn about love and cherishing. I always recognise that I am still learning how to be human one day at a time, and hope for forgiveness every single day because I do not know the answers to life until I am in that life situation in the moment of now.

Step Twelve Reading 12 & 12

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Tuesday, 30 December 2014

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog December 30 2014 "Freedom To Choose”

Video December 30

Fellowship meetings! Listening to the experience strength and hope of other people in the same boat as me, being sober one day at a time, this one day. Listening, so I have identification and can relate. How often do I go to a meeting and miss what is being said? It really does depend on what is going on in my own head and whether or not I can relate and hear the words being said by my fellows.

This morning, very cold and bitter out. Quite a big meeting of people in a holiday season where transport is sparse even though it's a working day, most people are still in festive mood. Today was really good, I was hearing the words of many, and not tuning out to think about me! Sharing a message of experience strength and hope, I can always detect just how I am doing, because when I hear others and their story, it means I am tuned into what is going on right now and not into a dream world of escape or a dread world of fear. I really heard a lot about my story and what broke me down today, and it makes me smile, I am no longer angry or upset by what happened to me in the past.

And recently a good reminder about not digging into the past, the person who triggered my attention to past events and past romance, reminded me that sometimes the best thing to do, no matter how much a desire might be to be in contact with another, most likely no good would come from interfering in another person's life after all this time. To love under these circumstances is to leave a happy person to their own devices and their new complete life. It really isn't about me, it is about honouring the present and the truth of now.

All past experience, the good times, the bad times, the really devastating times. All these times and experience are part of who we are and who we can be today. And sometimes the most obvious thing to do is to examine the can do and cannot do today. And to be very considerate of those we have loved in the past who are no longer in our lives. It's not just my life in sobriety, it is about honouring other people and where they are in their lives now. I appreciate that someone else reminded me of exactly where temptation and sometimes unwanted contact puts others I have known into uncomfortable reminders. Always good to cherish and to love times past and although nostalgia is really good, not so good to be tempted back into stormy waters by natural curiosity.

Step Twelve Reading 12 & 12

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Monday, 29 December 2014

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog December 29 2014 "Freedom To Choose”

Video December 29

Monday morning and I started the day with a great meeting, seeing people I know and am getting to know better. A great friend sat next to me, we have a few years between us and yet we learn just what it is like to be a newcomer in recovery pretty much every single day. And the gratitude for newcomers is absolutely true. We need every single person from the first moment we encounter them, it is always the many voices in Fellowship from day one to infinity that keeps me sober one day at a time.

The venue for the meeting had moved just a short distance from its usual location. And we were quite unprepared, but as luck would have it, people had literature and bits and pieces to keep the meeting on track and sharing about step ten. And everyone, or nearly everyone shared their experience strength and hope, of Christmas and what is happening towards New Year. Step ten, and the spot check inventory, coupled with gratitude for our new outlook one day at a time; we may not always be free and joyful, and at the same time, those painful moments are less painful as we learn all the lessons of life experience in the moment of now.

So beautifully shared, by everyone having a go at reading, and I stumbled over some words because I am out of practice speaking aloud over the last week. Brain going a bit too fast to read aloud, I needed to stop take a breath and start again. I am never ashamed when I cannot read out loud, because there is no shame in trying, and there is no shame in stumbling over words which I know so well and yet find it difficult to speak them out. A good lesson in slowing down to speaking pace in the moment of now. I could blame my dyslexia, I tend not to blame anything, simply take a breath and read more slowly from the page to fit the pace at which I speak. Understanding the text is what counts and it is very therapeutic to listen to others reading the words from step ten.

I've been cooking this morning, and posted a video of cooking in recovery, and at the same time pondering on step ten. My five-day stew is now in the oven, on a slow cook for a couple of hours. Experimentation in recovery, from cooking to dealing with the hardest problems in life, always brings me to a place of gratitude when I can have gratitude, and even when life is difficult, the serenity prayer: what I can do, and what I cannot do always leads to wisdom if I am open honest and willing to accept reality as it is. And sometimes reality is so difficult, denial is necessary until balance can be restored through time. This Christmas has been good, in contact with family, sometimes daily and also with the good fortune of another in the family in recovery, so it's not only me, one day at a time.

Step Twelve Reading 12 & 12

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Wednesday, 24 December 2014

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog December 24 2014 "Freedom To Choose”

Video December 24

Early morning meeting where we share on a given topic as suggested by one person. Today the suggestion was powerlessness, and that turned out to be exactly the right topic for the meeting. How to contend with Christmas and the holidays with the help of step one. And what a lot of sharing! Apart from me, because I left it too late! Step one: admitted that we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable. The step reads as past tense, and yet remains completely relevant in the moment of now.

From the beginning, I do believe that these words were true for a person like me, unhappy with reality and unhappy with myself. Powerlessness over anything is probably a good starting point to approach life. When I believe I can control things, the world and reality teaches that I might be in control for a little while, and then reality keeps changing the goalposts with people, places and things which are totally unmanageable and better not managed at all in my world.

Listening throughout the meeting, step one reminds me what the difference can be between an understanding of denial and acceptance. Denial of reality, and judging reality badly as unacceptable, and judging my behaviour and outlook as damaged in some way. And acceptance of reality just the way it is, and then finding out how I fit with what is going on by being included and participating and learning to be me in the moment of now. Denial and judgement will keep me detached, acceptance of life on life's terms offered is the possibility to be included and participate equally in whatever is going on.

And so many examples were share this morning about what it is to keep on judging the world and our place in it. Judging the world and where we fit is being right or wrong suggests control over what's going on rather than being in it and having a part in events. When I go with the flow, like this morning, and just listen, I get a great insight into what is going on for other people being the same as what is going on for me. Different events and different circumstances causing expectations which truly get in the way of being a participant in the moment of now. Making decisions in the moment of now about what to do next is probably the best it can be for anyone trying to go with the flow and accept life on life's terms.

I was a bit worried about going to the early meeting just in case the delivery man came early. The good news with modern technology, I know that the deliveryman is not due until mid-day and an hour afterwards. Now that I know I have the morning free, and having gone to a meeting, gave me time to write these words. I had no clue whether I would write anything this morning, and now I have. If I had tried to push myself into writing something just for the sake of it, it would not happen or be relevant to my current experience today. And being at that meeting this morning and being with people I know, and being with people I have not seen for a long time was an absolute pleasure. Wishing everyone a very happy day today.

Step Twelve Reading 12 & 12

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Tuesday, 23 December 2014

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog December 23 2014 "Freedom To Choose”

Video December 23

A great share this morning in a meeting. Inspiring and this helped a lot of people start their Tuesday morning, with experience, strength and hope. Even though this time of year can cause a great deal of turmoil, sticking close to people who are like-minded over the holidays feels like the best solution one day at a time.

It can be very difficult to cope with numerous difficulties. And even though I have my issues, many more face even more difficult challenges. For one reason or another, many people perished this year and the stark reality that anyone of us can be afflicted at any time in our lives, brings home the importance to me of living in the moment as much as possible. I am very grateful that the 24-hour suggestion helps to keep me in the moment and not worrying about the possibilities which might cut me short. I'm not immune to fear, and at the same time as anyone else, I do feel the more we are in the moment, we can cherish every experience for what it is.

Step ten helps immensely to keep my side of the Street clean, simply because it stops the build up of unwanted feelings linked to pride, ego and fear. And the balance comes in gratitude, gratitude to have experienced another day. I feel deeply when there is upset for others and unfortunate certainty that their ailments are terminal. If you had asked me ten years ago about the preferences I would have for the future, I don't feel that I would have been able to cope with what happened to me over the years. There were times before recovery that I never wanted to wake up, and these days I wake up with gratitude rather than the horror of that past existence. When we hear hard news from our friends about their situation, all I can do is ask them to let me know what I may do and share what's going on and if I can help in any way. There is a revolution in medicine which will help many, but not soon enough.

I mention something about denial and acceptance this morning. My denial before recovery, it kept me looking at the world and judging it badly, because even though there have been romance and finance all through my life to the good, addiction made possible the most abject fear of living. On the road to acceptance, I stopped judging and got back into participating and simply loving people for who they are, very human, human beings experiencing life in the moment and when denial comes, sometimes we can help each other even in the most difficult circumstances.

Hearing a newcomer share and then more newcomers, and what they do and how quickly some become involved in Fellowship because they want to, that inclusion and participation can be very very helpful. I hear the answers to my situation today from many people new to the notion that total abstinence is the solution. And I am humbled very often by their wisdom of life, because most people have great wisdom on the road to recovery.

This time of year, step ten and gratitude help me towards courage, faith and confidence. Step eleven helps me focus and gain perspective to find and surrender to the truth of now, I'm still learning every single day about how to love people and sometimes more difficult to deal with is when people express their love of me. Wisdom comes moment to moment, not on my own, in the company of the many who share their truth, their love and their wisdom in the moment of now. Gratitude indeed just for today.

Step Twelve Reading 12 & 12

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Sunday, 21 December 2014

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog December 21 2014 "Freedom To Choose”

Video December 21

The kind of love that has no price-tag on it. Very appropriate reminder for me in the first paragraph in the twelve and twelve, twelfth step. Without conditions, that is love. Without regard to personal gain. People are often overwhelmed by generosity, and those who give without conditions are often overwhelmed when it happens to them.

A simple hello, a handshake, taking account of another person's presence, and being present in the moment will make all the difference. Sometimes we can get bogged down and worry about what is the right thing to do. And in those agonising moments of trying to work out what is right, that moment has passed completely. Kindness and a loving outlook comes with time and confidence. There will be many a cold shoulder in life, worry not, we are not everybody's cup of tea.

When we are uncertain how to help another human being, we really don't need to work it out, why not ask them what we can do and then see if we can or not in the moment of now. And very often, the simple answer is that we are not the right person in that moment, somebody else is the right person and if they are about, why not ask them to help instead?

Step Twelve Reading 12 & 12

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Friday, 19 December 2014

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog December 19 2014 "Freedom To Choose”

Video December 19

Wild winds in the night, rain and I dressed appropriately in my waterproofs to get to a meeting. And then the rain stopped and I could have gone smart casual. Sharing a message of experience strength and hope, in my waterproofs, made me smile. Somebody else shared that it doesn't matter what we look like, and I smiled inside because it doesn't matter what we look like, it's okay just to be the way we are today.

Somebody sitting next to me asked me how I was, he's a good man and my quirky reply made him laugh, after a bit of thought I said, "I am morbidly happy." And I do get a chance to share my morbidly happy situation. Morbidly, as a result of a doctors appointment and filling in questionnaires, which most people would evaluate me as being almost suicidal. Happily I am not suicidal, I am just dealing with life on life's terms. Maybe the questionnaire needs to be adjusted for people in recovery like me, who can be morbidly happy.

What is so important to me in sharing a message of experience, strength and hope is that I am open, honest and willing to do so. In the past before recovery, I would control what I shared about me, and that was always to my detriment because I would not get the feedback from other people so I might develop a more rounded outlook on life.

It is so easy to fall back into bad habits of trying to control myself and what I share. If I don't share honestly, honestly the feedback I get is probably useless. What on earth would people think if I told them the truth? That was always a question in my own mind back in the day, what do people think of me? Well the truth back in the day, it would have been limited generally and only a few people might see through the mask I wore, I would say I was fine, and most of the time I was far from fine, I was hurting inside.

These days it's easier to be truthful, no matter what people might make of me in my truthful state, it gives them the opportunity to tell me the truth about me. And sometimes the truth hurts, simply because I haven't heard it before until now. It hurts less and less as time goes by, not because I dismiss the truth, I embrace the truth as shared by other people. Because most of us are experiencing life in similar ways, in similar situations. And then again, even though we are experiencing similar events, the way we cope can be completely different and very valuable to know so that we can grow and learn new ways to live.

I feel good, even though morbidly happy might seem to be at opposite ends of feelings, the way life is, means from moment to moment, conflicting feelings and conflicting emotions can happen almost simultaneously. Which is why we can laugh and cry almost in the same moment of now. I'm not morbid right now, and for the last few hours since the meeting, I feel happy.

Step Twelve Reading 12 & 12

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Wednesday, 17 December 2014

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog December 17 2014 "Freedom To Choose”

Video December 17

Only a week to go to Christmas Eve, and London seems to be full of shoppers, shopping as if there were no tomorrow. Fortunately for me, not because I am a Scrooge, but because I can say that my needs are met, and any wants that manifest from all the advertising are unnecessary, life is good. I wouldn't mind some extra finance, but that is unimportant, I would like some romance, and yet I wonder if I might fear it should anything happen.

Fear and faith came up in our meeting. A good topic for just before Christmas. Romance and finance can make life difficult. And yet it seems we all want to work out the answers to our needs in advance of some sort of mutual discussion with those who might be involved. Always there will be fear of the unknown to an extent, it is a natural occurring part of life no matter what the age we have attained physically. A healthy respect or fearful worry?

If we don't share what is going on with those closest to us, if we don't develop trusting relationships with friends, life will feel lonely and somehow fearful because we cannot control what happens next?

Control of events, especially this time of year, in my world I don't try to control anything which involves other people, because until I consult other people, there are no agreements and there are no negotiations. Expectations at this time of year, a holiday season where everyone has something going on, well, how to be included is one thing, how to be excluded is another.

If we are part of something, if we have connections, working out what to do next does require some understanding between all parties. No need to try work out the best way forward other than to be open honest and willing about what we need to live and be happy when the world seems to be celebrating and utilising something we do not do any more. Mind you, a large proportion of the world does not indulge in addictive substances or behaviours. And their lives are not interrupted due to headaches which are self-inflicted. Often the solution is to turn up and be ready to be part of something, without expectations and without entitlements. Life can be happy and difficult all at the same time. Joyful, even like this morning!

Step Twelve Reading 12 & 12

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Saturday, 13 December 2014

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog December 13 2014 "Freedom To Choose”

Video December 13

A fabulous morning, two good meetings, and in between a chat with a friend about, "can do, cannot do and judge not." The rational brain, the thinking part, can deny anything and produce emotional torment. Denial of the truth in the moment of now can be awkward.

In between meetings, a wedding on the Kings road, at the old town hall. As the wedding party leaves, men running along the road with just the smallest of tight bathing suits, having fun on a charity run. Very funny and appreciated by the wedding guests.

Our spiritual Saturday lunch meeting, where we read out the spiritual experience is always good and today it seemed like the number of people had almost doubled since last week. Wherever I go I meet people I know. And the beauty of the spiritual experience is living in the moment of now, and trying to be in the moment of now. The last sentence of the reading, we can be in everlasting ignorance if we have contempt prior to investigation. How we respond in the moment of now is an emotional, always emotional response and then we think about it, hopefully to see how we fit in, or don't as we choose.

Twelve steps to encourage us to utilise all our senses and wits as best we can. We always have changing circumstances all day long, and we learn as we go, or we don't depending on how well our senses are put to use. Not easy when we have a grumbling head full of things we don't like. And a meeting can bring is back into this one moment which counts as long as we don't count the moments until our next expedition into the future. Living in the moment is where everything happens and everything can be lost.

It's been very humorous today, seeing friends and new people in recovery. What a lovely and delicious day so far. And now it's time for rest and relaxation! Can do, relax. Cannot do, predict anything or change anything except me and my attitudes. And don't judge anything? Of course I do, I'm human. And becoming more human and forgiving moment to moment today.

Step Twelve Reading 12 & 12

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Friday, 12 December 2014

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog December 12 2014 "Freedom To Choose”

Video December 12

A good start to the day! All the AA meetings and any fellowship meetings seemed to clash with my dentist appointment. All my bones ache, its age and neuropathy caused by diabetes, type I diabetes and insulin injecting dependent. I was alive long enough to get diabetes in recovery, which might seem a bit harsh in recovery, but I was alive long enough to get it and cope with it on the emotional and spiritual journey one day at a time.

Having a filling, rather than a crown or worse having the tooth out, it's a good dentist that keeps me on track or all my teeth could fall out! Only lost two teeth at the back, in forty odd years. Not so bad then one day at a time, and my dentist reminded me that life is best lived in the moment and one day at a time. I have an ethical dentist, not in it for the money, so that's why he is so popular and has looked after me and my teeth for many years. My dentist, he knows my mum and sent his love to her for her eighty-third birthday.

So now I have a half numbed mouth and a new filling, no pain at all and I was happy. Then a trip up the Kings road, and the world especially the Kings road is full of beautiful people, and even on this gloomy day they seem to be happy. I went into the great big department store, Peter Jones, and chatted with staff, I am an awful flirt, and one or two of the female staff gave me some extra gifts as a result. I love complementing all women, especially my age, is just the way I am and I like making anyone happy as I go along.

Life in general just seems to get better, the lighter we are, the gentler we are with ourselves makes it possible to be gentle with everyone we encounter. Even the angry people I encounter seemed to calm down, I don't get in the way, at the same time if I can help them I do. Sharing experience, strength and hope in the big wide world and not being afraid of who I am or any disabilities I have. What a beautiful way to live.

Listening to people recently in fellowship meetings I realise just how important it is to treat ourselves as we would a best friend. What advice would a best friend give us when we encounter the world? "Go placidly amidst the noise and haste," is the first line of Desiderata, and any best friend would suggest that a starting point. It does not mean to go into the world and pretend, it means that if we can take the advice of a best friend, we are likely to see the wonder of life rather than the worst of life. Even in the most difficult of circumstances, we can stand tall, have faith and have confidence to be ourselves as we get to know who we are in recovery.

Recovery is one day at a time, finding out who I am happens one day at a time in every moment of now. All life is spiritual, and how we cope is by learning as we go. We are not meant to find the answers until we get into that moment, and we may know our path or need to ask for help. What prevents our learning is most often fear, pride and ego, and these three elements that everyone has, can impact adversely in any moment. Courage, faith, building confidence and being open honest and willing. We experience more than we ever imagined.

And I was sharing with friends not long ago that a mantra like: "can do, can't do, judge not and wisdom comes from the most unlikely places we never knew existed until that moment occurs." The mantra of course need be shortened to "can do, cannot do, judge not."

Step Twelve Reading 12 & 12

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Thursday, 11 December 2014

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog December 11 2014 "Freedom To Choose”

Video December 11

Sharing a message: experience, strength and hope today. Every person in the world broadcasts a message of experience strength and hope. And sometimes it feels good, sometimes bad and sometimes ugly. It can be sad, it can be happy, I always feel happier hearing the truth as is for other people and hopefully I can be truthful as well. What is the point of pretending to be okay?

Phrases which undermine the truth, or maybe only reflect part of the truth, for example, "put your best foot forward," "put on a brave face and suck it up," "happy to be here, thank you for asking." Small things said to cover up the big things we don't wish to share about. When we are selective about the truth, we are ignoring what is going on inside, because we might be seen as weak?

Listening to other people, I often pick up on the years I spent unaware of my own feelings going on inside. Fear, fear of being found out. Pride, not wishing to be seen as weak. Ego, cover up to pretend that nothing was wrong. What is wrong with being vulnerable and saying so?

The learning in recent years about vulnerability has been a bit of a torment, and only because I had let a lot of feelings be pushed away, because I thought that if I shared the real truth of me back in the day, ridicule and bullying would result. And it took a long time to realise that vulnerability is an imperative, vulnerability to share true feelings with other people who we care about, it is one of the most important and powerful tools in recovery. Do I need to cover up anything today?

Sharing experience strength and hope, I love the meetings in fellowship where we can truly express what is going on. And when we are vulnerable, we find people able to share similar experiences from which we can learn. We can get feedback from those who have wisdom in areas we don't. At the same time some people will be very irritating and we can see them casting eyes upon others about our sharing in a derogatory way. Life is not about cover up or sniggering at the expense of other people, and when others do this to me, the anger and resentment boils up. And then I need forgive them, because in my own twisted way before recovery, even though I was an honest person, there was much dishonesty in the way I treated myself and other people. So when people enrage me, and this happens because I am human, I need to forgive those feelings I have, and I am very happy that in the UK nobody is allowed to have a gun, or we would be a very lawless country.

In the heat of any moment, people, places and things can bring back big memories and horrible feelings. These horrible feelings I have inside me from time to time help me understand my life and the torment others feel in life. Fortunately, these enraging moments, often are about my lack of awareness about myself and what I covered up because of fear, pride and ego. So when we hear sniggering, laughter and people glued to their telephones in meetings, that is exactly where they are meant to be. Sadly, some of those who came to Fellowship for a fix, they are now dead. And sometimes I realise whatever we do, although our message is one alcoholic talking to another alcoholic, no single alcoholic can mend and fix another alcoholic on their own.

Over the last few weeks I've been very privileged, my mother is surviving, she still has all her mental faculties, but her body is not so well. And it was her eighty-third birthday last week, and the flowers I was able to send are still alive and thriving. This is good, but there is always that nagging feeling and the worry, because I love her. So being in touch with her each day, simply to chat and be challenged on what seem to be even more difficult crossword clues, simply makes me smile.

I am also very privileged to be hearing the experience strength and hope of many people, and going to as many meetings as I can get to. Sometimes I feel I do over share, at the same time though, experience strength and hope changes every single day. People share different aspects of their recovery and their challenges, some of which are truly difficult. The more difficult these challenges may be, we realise that experience strength and hope and the wisdom we learn is vital in all aspects of life. Life continues, and it will always be difficult?

People in some of my meetings, newcomers and old-timers are still wondering what spiritual is. People talk about spirituality as if they know what it is, they may know what it is for themselves, but it does not mean that they understand spiritual the way I do or other people do. I try to keep it simple, if other people feel they are building a bigger spiritual understanding beyond reality and coping with it, I look forward to that enlightenment which continues to elude me on a daily basis. My sister's late partner, she reminded that he commented that I would be an excellent religious person in any religion, the only problem being that I don't believe in God as other people do. And thankfully my outlook prevents me from suggesting what belief is right or wrong for me or anyone else in this world.

Twelve Reading 12 & 12

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