Alcoholics Anonymous Nov 30 DonInLondon Step 11 "Truth Love Wisdom"

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog/Video Nov 30 DonInLondon Step 11 "Truth Love Wisdom"

 

"Love, forgiveness, harmony, truth, faith, hope, light, and joy to every human being."

 

Step 11 "Truth Love Wisdom"

 

November 30, 2013 Step Eleven Month: "sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood him, praying only for knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry that out." Dear God, the truth of now, love in the moment of now and wisdom in the moment of now can be quite rare when we are confused and uncertain. Sometimes it does take time for the truth love and wisdom to surface when we are feeling the extremes of life. We all need perspective.

 

I can remember when I was just into manhood being quite a self-conscious and unaware person when it came to matters of the heart. A body raging with hormones and desires and uncertainty is not a very useful vessel in which to find serenity. And in my ignorance of life, I look back and can see the humour of feelings which often remained unrequited simply because I did not understand romance, love and that the desires of women my age were very similar to mine. It didn't last long, and then the confusion of desire, mistaken for love lead to all sorts of consequences of the most human kind.

 

Indeed looking over the last forty years of being an adult, there has been a great deal of progress in me as an individual. At the same time, younger generations seem to be more tuned into what life might be all about. I do say tuned in and might be, because being tuned in was not the problem, it was how to behave and how to be oneself that was so confusing and still remains confusing today. All the usual battles reside within every individual, the struggle between vice and virtue, the struggle of natural instincts to emerge, the struggle that society has with people growing up and maturing and taking no notice of the older generation. Or worse following the older generation into excessive and extreme behaviour society tolerates and yet in many instances keeps a guilty secret. Public virtue and private vice still prevail everywhere. I'm not a moralist, at the same time if we were able to share the truth, understand what most behaviour has left behind it in some form or other, the wisdom would be more accessible and more developed one day at a time.

 

Step changes! In Fellowship we know all about step change, we learn about twelve steps and how twelve steps can change our old behaviour into new behaviour, our old attitudes into new attitudes and old actions into new actions. From the 1990s, step change became part of the language used in advanced organisations undergoing huge and difficult changes. And now politicians talk about step change being a necessary element in managing a country and its economy. If they really knew how step change works, they would stop using the phrase and start utilising smart talk of a different kind. Just because somebody says "step change is necessary to change a nation" they really don't understand that change is happening on the individual level and those talking about step change have not changed at all. That's the trouble with people who think they know best, they are self-righteous cuntibolloxbastard's usually. So if in Fellowship somebody says to you, "you have not done the steps properly, or have you considered a particular step to help you, or you need to do the steps again," I feel it is okay to tell them to fuck off a mind their own business. And the same applies to any particular individual who tries to control you or manipulate you into a particular outlook focusing only on joy and why you don't have it.

 

Dear God and Fellowship thank you very much for helping me find all my feelings on a daily basis. And when I mention all my feelings, all my feelings are relevant because half of them seem to be missing or suppressed over a great deal of my lifetime. I need all my feelings today, which help me determine whether my current situation feels good bad or ugly. Ugly moments can produce ugly feelings, at the same time I learn what they mean and why I have them. And knowing and understanding my feelings helps me cope and understand what actions might be appropriate for me at any given time of day. Just because I have an ugly feeling does not mean that I will be ugly in my behaviour. It means something ugly is going on and maybe I can do something about it if it’s my responsibility. Every feeling educates and can be thought through to actions. The emotional and spiritual, understanding feelings and living in the moment of now and coping with reality is by far the best way forward. Sometimes it might be a big change or usually it is a step change incrementally of the educational variety that most people have most days. Just because we are sober and in recovery it does not mean we are better than anybody else on the planet, most often it simply means we are playing catch up with our contemporaries.

 

What seems like a bright fantastic emotional and spiritual experience in recovery for the individual in recovery, can lead to arrogance ego and pride rather than humility, courage to change, faith and confidence. What can seem like a revelation in recovery is simply a return to what other people experience every day and they see the experience as normal living. Of course, enlightenment truly is experienced in recovery. It does not mean that your enlightenment has propelled you into being more knowledgeable about anything other than your own experience. And mistaking a return to normality as a superior spiritual event is truly a mistake. We are only playing catch up with the normal humans on the planet most likely today. A bit like the song: "I've got a brand-new pair of roller skates and you've got a brand-new key…" This is something which is applicable in all aspects of life from romance to finance to understanding normal life whatever age we have attained as we are living in the day. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ml1696pN-yE

 

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Alcoholics Anonymous Nov 29 DonInLondon Step 11 "Truth Love Wisdom"

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog/Video Nov 29 DonInLondon Step 11 "Truth Love Wisdom"

 

"Love, forgiveness, harmony, truth, faith, hope, light, and joy to every human being."

 

Step 11 "Truth Love Wisdom"

 

November 29, 2013 Step Eleven Month: "sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood him, praying only for knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry that out." "Dear God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference." Can do, cannot do and accept the wisdom to know the difference. Of course if I cannot do something, I need to ask for help and guidance from somewhere today.

 

Yesterday, sad news about John, a friend of mine who died yesterday. John was in Fellowship for quite a few years, faced all the difficulties of life sober, and still vulnerable to any ailment anyone can get in life. Even though we knew that John was ill and was not going to get better, his closest friend supported him with courage and love. Life is precious, and John made an impact on many people and helped friends in Fellowship. I will miss him and I am sorry he is gone. There are good memories to cherish: his humour, his stories of maritime adventures and tragedies, everything he was will be missed.

 

Hearing about John before going to the hospital for the results of some of my tests, reminds me somehow we compartmentalise events and give time to those we mourn when there are quieter moments to reflect. My hospital visit was full of humour and a good distraction whilst the news about John was sinking in. My tests were okay, at the same time the results did not identify what to do about various matters. Ongoing investigations will follow in a timely way. And it was only later watching something on TV which showed the birth of a new life that I was upset and overcome by the loss. The start of life and the end of life, tears flow. Thank God I can feel life today, even if the feelings are somehow delayed and events need to sink in, emotional and spiritual life is worth every moment.

 

Can do: be of help and support to people closer to loss. Cannot do: I can't make things better or change reality. When we are close and see reality, every life that starts is precious, and then the world happens. Since I've been in sobriety, emotional and spiritual experience of learning to cherish and love as nature intended and a restoration of natural instincts, feelings fit reality most of the time. And still any human will be overwhelmed by circumstances which are overwhelming and it takes time to cherish where we are today. Feelings can be very painful and we feel it physically when we are overwhelmed. And the same is true of joy when joy is experienced, overwhelming beyond belief, until we believe the experience of now.

 

As usual and on a daily basis I have a conversation with my mum or my sister who live quite a way off down in Bath Spa, my sister up in London, so my mum answered the phone. I shared about John, and the nature of his illness which was the same as my dad's. And then of course we had a conversation about the sadness with John and then a conversation about my father and how my mother nursed dad through his last days over twenty-two years ago. And there is goodness in this because we learn how to cherish over time all the good and although we don't forget the other elements every human has, cherishing and love is where the memories are if we are fortunate. This is all part of life, I was completely overwhelmed twenty-two years ago and lost the plot for a while, and happy I did and somehow survived through the most difficult times any human need endure. Human today, one day at a time. And like any human, any human can go whichever way events shape them over a lifetime.

 

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Alcoholics Anonymous Nov 28 DonInLondon Step 11 "Truth Love Wisdom"

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog/Video Nov 28 DonInLondon Step 11 "Truth Love Wisdom"

 

"Love, forgiveness, harmony, truth, faith, hope, light, and joy to every human being."

 

Step 11 "Truth Love Wisdom"

 

November 28, 2013 Step Eleven Month: "sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood him, praying only for knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry that out." Dear God, I don't know if many people will agree with this particular situation, I am very happy to be powerless over alcohol, and after that I learned the strength and freedom of being powerless over people places and things. Freedom in my choices and direction happened as a consequence of recovery."

 

I am free! Just as nature intended, and gaining freedom to be me, which meant I did not have to fit in to other people's rules and regulations, their laws on a personal basis, has made me a better citizen today. I do believe in the rights and responsibilities we all have in society, at the same time I do not have to join anything which is wrong for me today. I do not belong to a cult, an organisation which dictates anything, I belong in a Fellowship where freedom is on offer one day at a time. I'm grateful for being civilised and a more balanced person today. If my feelings are hurt, I will probably show it and explain it, and if you tread on my toes I will say ouch quite loudly! I do good things when I can do good things, and try not to be bad and ugly to anyone today, including myself.

 

There was a documentary on the TV by a BBC team about Amazon and how they treat their workers. It reminded me what it was like to be a cog in the wheel in an industry which had no feelings and had no compromise about productivity. What might seem like a positive and productive means of getting the best out of individual workers, was seriously undermining their mental and physical health every minute of every working day. Mental and physical torture take many forms in society. And I realise that self-medication leading to self-harm is something which can happen in all walks of life. The TV programme highlights the problem, often the solution is very hard, and it requires acceptance and effort beyond a single human to change. If I were able, and available to work, I would not choose Amazon as a means to earning a living. And with the benefit of hindsight, I would have been better placed working in many different industries than the industry I chose because it paid the most money. At least I got my marbles back, even if I only got one marble back a day at a time in recovery.

 

Today is a day which includes hospital and a consultation. And also a day when the gas boiler man is coming. And there will also be other news which may be sad. I can cope with these realities and be helpful to myself and more importantly because I understand and can cope, I am able to be available if asked to be helpful to others. And yesterday was interesting, a friend asked me about information I was holding on to for them and whether or not it was safe. They were concerned about anything getting out, and had forgotten an agreement for me not to look at it and actually to make sure there were no copies. I checked and assured them, all files no longer existed. And I can understand the fear behind it. Nobody wants stuff lying about which they don't want to share and that is a good thing. Freedom of choice and trust are absolutely earned in this life. And when we break trust, we often break ourselves in the process. These days I prefer being trustworthy, and even then if I'm not careful I can break it without knowing and then the consequences are horrible. At least they were in the past.

 

So quite a lot to do today. It is a mad mad world with insane things going on in it. I may not be able to restore the world to sanity, in my backyard however, where I live and who I meet and what goes on? Step two: insanity can be defined as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result according to Einstein. And who am I to argue with him? Part of me does not want to go to the hospital and have a consultation, but that is old behaviour so I will go today. If I do my part in trying to look after myself, even though I might have the best of medical care, the results cannot be influenced by anything. But as a consequence of knowing something, I can change something. And so often in the past, fear would keep me from finding out the truth.

 

I can remember being trusted with information which was personal and about a career, it was a good news story which had not yet broken within the organisation. My particular department, the keeper of the secrets, in secret safekeeping we were a group of four. And we all need to trust somebody? It's a hard learning exercise, I told another colleague also imbued as a keeper of secrets because I felt they needed to know. My fellow keeper of the secrets did not keep this one secret and trust was broken all round as a consequence. Even with the best will in the world for the right reasons, wrong things happen. And even though the person with the good news had forgiveness for me, that trust was broken. How else do we learn? Every principle of life is learned one way or another and I have gratitude that I was forgiven and I still work on forgiving myself in what I do today. And sometimes the only way to do this is to forgive everyone everything every single day. No matter what is going on today, good bad or ugly, we are all doing the best we can do in the moment of now. And the best we can do sometimes is not as good as we might have wished on any given day. Step ten, amends in the moment of now can be very difficult, ultimately however worthwhile on the day and every day thereon.

 

There are many bad things going on in this world, we don't have to join in with them. The temptation to break rules laws and regulations which harm people, which corrupt people are very often done because something is being done to you. Very easy to join in the badness when bad things are happening. In Fellowship, whoever decided, or whatever group decided it was better to have no rules laws or regulations, simply suggestions up for discussion at any time probably came to a very wise conclusion. If there are no written laws rules or regulations, no single person can control another person or tell them what to do. A Fellowship which works because people prefer to work rather than to fail. A Fellowship which works to a group conscience, bigger than anything one person might feel is right for another let alone themselves. And for this I have gratitude today and every day, powerless over everything apart from the freedom to choose my path one day at a time.

 

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Alcoholics Anonymous Nov 27 DonInLondon Step 11 "Truth Love Wisdom"

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog/Video Nov 27 DonInLondon Step 11 "Truth Love Wisdom"

 

"Love, forgiveness, harmony, truth, faith, hope, light, and joy to every human being."

 

Step 11 "Truth Love Wisdom"

 

November 27, 2013 Step Eleven Month: "sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood him, praying only for knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry that out." "Always look on the bright side of life?" I suppose if we are optimistic about life, for whatever reason then we can look on the bright side and seek through prayer and meditation to find a way forward which might make it happen. On the other hand, pessimism: "always look on the dark side of life!" I know which I prefer.

 

Coping with reality is difficult. I have friends who are having the best of times and friends who are having the worst of times. Life is what it is, be it good bad or ugly. Life is not a battle in my view, I am not trying to overcome things, and I prefer to deal with things as they are. It doesn't mean I am immune to the bad ugly and difficult of life, it just means that if I cannot cope, I can do something very practical: ask for help.

 

I just had a summary of notes taken delivered by post and suggestions made by my specialist at the hospital. It reads like advice is being given to me, and there is commentary which I find unhelpful. And there is nothing I can do about the attitudes and behaviour? A recent case of a Minister of the Crown being misquoted and misrepresented highlights the way some people report on others as if they were superior in some way in their outlook and their conduct. If a Minister of the Crown can be misrepresented, and they feel angry about it, no wonder I feel angry when a cuntibolloxbastard misrepresents me in a report about me to another medical person. Of course the words "alcohol abuse," in relation to my diabetes, in my case the two are not connected and yet the report suggests that they might be. Clean and sober for a number of years, a minor surgical procedure caused type I diabetes and that is a fact I wish to find to be true or not. Or there is prejudice afoot! I just thought I wanted to clarify that point and now I feel better.

 

I was thinking of a friend yesterday, indeed many friends. And it is very strange how life works, we might be thinking and feel concerned about a friend and then out of the blue they contact us. Very odd and I shall try get in touch. At the same time another friend is in need in a different way and another friend is coping with a mutual friend. We are all connected in some way, and prayer and meditation helps to prioritise and make us aware of what we can do and what we cannot do. We need enough time and depth to ensure a helpful response. And if we spread ourselves too thinly, the danger of being useless to everyone becomes apparent. Life keeps on going and we need all the friends we can get even if we cannot spend equal amounts of time with each other, it is always the quality of we can do, and knowing what we cannot do which makes the difference one day at a time. Over promise and under deliver is very easy and accomplished with the best of intent.

 

My mum was feeling every moment of her eighty-second year on the planet. Arthritis, and a myriad of other ailments we are all likely to experience as life progresses into being ancient. And after a conversation about how two paracetamol tablets take the edge off the pain we got onto the subject of Buddhism. And part of the Buddhist philosophy is to reflect on the good items and elements of life through "gratitude." It can be difficult to find gratitude when we start to collate the negatives that everyone experiences, the bad and the ugly and the emotions caused and felt by disability and becoming ancient. However we did agree, another day above ground is good, the weather is good and sunshine even though it's cold. That we are able to share our outlooks and see where gratitude resides in every moment. The primary element of gratitude for both of us yesterday, still above ground, able to appreciate the simple things in life, accept what we can and cannot do and that we keep on learning the difference some refer to as "wisdom."

 

And how do I feel this morning? I woke up at silly o'clock, yesterday had been rather unpleasant from a medical standpoint in terms of reports and also coping with a particular aspect of my ailments which was quite debilitating. At the same time I was able to enjoy quite a lot of things. To be there for a friend in need, and sadly not be there for other friends who called when I was on the bog and did not know they had called until this morning. I was on the bog quite a lot yesterday! And it makes me laugh to relate this rather tragic and non-descript event. Anyway the good news is that since silly o'clock this morning, normal bowel conditions have been restored as has my sanity around the issue. Always look on the bright side of life? Sometimes it takes a little time, and sometimes it is a lifetime.

 

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Alcoholics Anonymous Nov 26 DonInLondon Step 11 "Truth Love Wisdom"

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog/Video Nov 26 DonInLondon Step 11 "Truth Love Wisdom"

 

"Love, forgiveness, harmony, truth, faith, hope, light, and joy to every human being."

 

Step 11 "Truth Love Wisdom"

 

November 26, 2013 Step Eleven Month: "sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood him, praying only for knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry that out." Eastern philosophers: mind body and breath in the moment of now? I'm sure we all conclude that what we see in this world is reality in the moment of now. Often we don't like it, often we do like it and I guess with mind body and breath in the moment of now, we get to choose the next step with the wisdom we have. And so often, we may know what works as much as what does not work and we can need help working out what to do.

 

Some principles which work for me and are constantly challenged: as an individual, to be open, honest and willing to learn life today. As part of any community, to work in unity, be of service and try see the world with clarity. Sometimes it is difficult to cope with reality when times are at extremes, extreme states of feeling lead to those moments of, "I cannot believe it!" When we cannot believe something is happening to us or people or the world, denial is all part of the process of understanding. Every human has two processes going on at the same time when we are perceiving reality: our emotions and our thinking. Emotions drive everything, thinking and understanding leads to action. Denial often suppresses the heightened emotions and thinking drives our actions. If we get stuck and cannot cope with our feelings, our thinking often takes over and our actions become those which are expected, or we keep on doing the same thing over and over again and don't get a different result until we sort our feelings out and live them and experience them as they are.

 

Capt Kirk, all about feelings and emotions, Dr Spock all about logic and thinking. Amplified, these two characters in science fiction are two halves of one individual's personality. And of course some of the time we are Capt Kirk, emotions driving everything, and other times we are Dr Spock with thinking and logic driving everything. I suppose if we evolve long enough we might become "Admiral Spirk!" And our feelings and thinking operate in unison guiding our actions with clarity of purpose today. Most often when we have been through extreme endeavours, we value thinking and logic and reactions which follow because it is easier to deal with actions? The truth is emotional and spiritual living is all about our feelings and thinking and actions in the moment of now.

 

Whenever I meet newcomers, which is very frequent, imprisoned by drink, understanding powerlessness over alcohol is seen as taking away the icing on the cake, the cake and all its ingredients and the means to make the cake. Admitting defeat and not being able to stop drinking on my own, surrendering completely and asking for help did not feel very liberating of the time, it made me feel extremely happy to give up trying to give up on my own. And then the cold reality of no drink anymore left me with the jitters. Cold sweats and nightmares and fear without substance and without any respite. As the number of sober days increased, powerlessness seemed more like salvation and freedom. And yet the utter tedium of filling the hours of sobriety seemed only possible in the company of like-minded people. The few like-minded humans who made sense of reality one day at a time. And then I learned what it was to be happy and ordinary just like other like-minded souls on the planet, without the addictions which had blurred my freedoms and my choices by night and by day.

 

As time goes on in recovery, it is a frustrating business if we forget just how difficult early days of recovery can be for anybody. We can hear the words we used over and over again, the torment being suffered and if we are not careful we forget and lose our patience and tolerance because we now have a plan of living today. I can still remember a fellow traveller in early years suggesting that my recovery was easier because I had no choice with other complications physically. They were very irritating, and yet I persisted to be their friend all through the trials and tribulations caused by defiance and a desire to be in control of everything. I have not heard from them in quite a while, I did not abandon them, they moved away and are following whatever path they have chosen. It would be good to know how they are, maybe I will know one day.

 

Clean house: letting go the old ways and starting over is quite a stark outlook. Letting go old attitudes and behaviour, and having no clue and no rules, laws or regulations of governance in Fellowship felt like an impossible proposition in recovery. A licence to make mistakes within Fellowship, learning the emotional and spiritual path. And all that people seemed to talk about were practicalities without the mention of the emotional and spiritual living. Prayer meditation, whether we believe, are agnostic or atheist, we need the practicalities first and then the emotional and spiritual can develop.

 

Wisdom is available in all sorts of places, there are books and there is media beyond the comprehension of one single human being. And recovery can seem to be a labouring job because we have to have a clean start before the wisdom comes along. Anybody can buy the best software in the world, the right books with all the answers and find media anywhere which enlightens us humans. Without a platform and firm foundation none of the software of life can work. Recovery requires a clean reboot of the physical and emotional components for there to be any progress one day at a time. And as you write your book of life, some bits are let go, some bits become redundant and some bits we defiantly hold onto because we think the answers are there. A clean reboot physically is a starting point for the emotional and spiritual journey to continue with well-being one day at a time. And of course we can be stricken by anything in recovery, the funny thing is we most often do cope today, and if we cannot we can often ask for help along the way.

 

 

 

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Alcoholics Anonymous Nov 25 DonInLondon Step 11 "Truth Love Wisdom"

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog/Video Nov 25 DonInLondon Step 11 "Truth Love Wisdom"

 

"Love, forgiveness, harmony, truth, faith, hope, light, and joy to every human being."

 

Step 11 "Truth Love Wisdom"

 

November 25, 2013 Step Eleven Month: "sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood him, praying only for knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry that out." Every single human being on the planet is having a spiritual experience: living in the moment of now and trying to cope with reality. We all have a spiritual identity, even when we may be suffering and we are not aware that we do have a spiritual identity no matter what is going on in our lives today.

 

I do have a "spiritual identity," and I do have a spiritual experience every single day. And the same is true for everyone. Believer, Agnostic or Atheist, living and coping with the reality of now is difficult. People talk about the quality of life, the cost of living, and so many different measures to explain what is going on one day at a time. When I was active in my addiction to alcohol, the quantity of alcohol taken diminished the spiritual experience considerably, the more I drank, the less I was able to cope with the reality of now. The quality of my spiritual experience is contingent on my ability to perceive the world and how it is and how I am in it, right now. The greater the clarity, the more precise my experience in the moment, even when life is good, bad or ugly, or any combination of these conditions today.

 

So no matter what is going on in my life, any combination of good bad or ugly conditions, the quality of my spiritual experience is more precise, the more I am able to perceive reality in its true state. And my spiritual experience is not contingent upon being a believer, an agnostic or atheist. If I were part of a religious organisation with particular beliefs, particular ways of doing things, this would be part of my spiritual identity. Whatever one's beliefs are, it does not make our own spiritual identity superior or inferior to that of another the human being. The quality of the spiritual experience and spiritual identity we have is contingent upon the current conditions of the day. A person is neither less spiritual nor more spiritual than any other person, at the same time each and every person may have more clarity or less clarity in the moment of now. That is why it is a very good idea to ask for help when life is confusing. Because a confusing spiritual experience is very difficult to deal with on any given day.

 

So the quality of anyone's life could be measured by their clarity and their understanding of the moment of now. And depending on what people are doing and what you are doing, you can measure the quality of your spiritual experience using clarity and coping in the moment of now. What about the quantity of spiritual experience?

 

Can we have more spirituality than another person? Can we become more imbued and better than others at the spiritual way of life? The quantity of spiritual we can absorb is what we see, and what we get. So the quantity of spirituality is as big as life is in the moment of now. Aware and being able to perceive reality and cope with it and understand it, I suppose this is the highest volume of spirituality we can have one day at a time. If this is true, if I were to drink alcohol again, the quality of my experience, the experience of spiritual now would go down equal to the amount of alcohol I might have consumed. Every drink I took in the past diminished the clarity and perception of my spiritual experience by dulling my senses. I might have felt better back in the day with a drink inside me, as a celebration or a way of blotting out the world, it just meant the quality of the experience of then was less than it is now. So I don't believe one person's spiritual identity is bigger or better than another person's, or that one person has a superior spiritual experience. We cannot compare or judge another person's spiritual experience as bigger and better, smaller and worse, because the quality and quantity of experience is never bigger than what is perceived in the moment of now.

 

Serenity and spirituality can often be mistaken. Everyone is spiritual and not everyone experiences serenity in this present moment of now. So the serenity prayer works on serenity and is a request to a power greater than us about clarity about what we can and what we cannot do today. Somebody mentioned to me on Saturday, at the end of the meeting that I had looked as if I was feeling very "spiritual." I did reply that I felt happy to be in the meeting and quite content with life. I guess I could measure my spiritual condition on any given day and it would be affected by the current conditions of good bad and ugly and any combination of good bad or ugly events. Mistaking serenity with spiritual is often done. When we feel very serene, content and happy, it is the clarity and current conditions of the day which make it possible. I could be having a miserable spiritual experience on any given day which will impact on my spiritual identity on that day. Emotional and spiritual: emotions altered, heightened or diminished by substances dull our ability to cope with reality and thus impact on the quality of spiritual we might have. At the same time you cannot have a bigger spiritual experience than another person sharing the moment of now, unless of course you are God and not mortal like me.

 

I guess what I'm trying to say my own clumsy way, is that nobody I have met on this planet has a superior spiritual experience to another person having their spiritual experience of the moment of now. And no matter how much prayer and meditation is done, how much effort is put into it, it will not make your reality bigger and better than anybody else's in the moment of now. Prayer meditation and any kind of psychological training will improve clarity in the moment of now, and contingent on the current conditions of today your experience will be good bad and ugly depending upon your encounters with humanity in the moment of now. Sometimes we feel like we need to pass an exam, demonstrate and share our awareness and that in some way we accumulate wisdom in a spiritual context. We do actually, our spiritual bigness is as big as the moment right now. My spiritual experience is no bigger or better than anybody else's, at the same time I can be serene, I can be frightened, I can be happy or sad, and everything else and it's the same for you wherever you are in the moment of now.

 

Experience and spiritual, all contingent on clarity and truth, love and wisdom as we are able to live it in the moment of now. And the reason why I felt serenity which was mistakenly expressed as a "spiritual state," was contingent on every person in that meeting on that day. And then the next day was not quite so serene, at the same time I was able to cope with it and have clarity as best I could under those conditions on that day. Every day my spiritual identity is impacted by everything, good bad and ugly. Sometimes I get wisdom, sometimes I just feel tired out and exhausted and yet the experience of now continues from moment to moment. And thankfully I can hear the wisdom of the universe, more clearly just for today.

 

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Alcoholics Anonymous Nov 24 DonInLondon Step 11 "Truth Love Wisdom"

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog/Video Nov 24 DonInLondon Step 11 "Truth Love Wisdom"

"Love, forgiveness, harmony, truth, faith, hope, light, and joy to every human being."

 

Step 11 "Truth Love Wisdom"

 

November 24, 2013 Step Eleven Month: "sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood him, praying only for knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry that out." Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labours and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy." Max Ehrmann

 

Prayer, as commonly understood, is a petition to God. For those right things of which we and others are in greatest need. The common good. Very difficult! How on earth do we know how to petition for the right things and not the wrong things? Trying to think it out on our own will always reflect our personal outlook unless we are open, to see the big picture with willingness and honesty. I generally have a chat about emotional and spiritual in a very simple way: "how am I feeling, why and what may I do in the moment of now?" Once I understand my mood, the need and urgency of tasks can be prioritised. If my mood is good bad or ugly, I still need to know what it is and what may be driving me to particular conclusions about myself and the world today.

 

Meditation, on my emotional and spiritual condition opens me up to understanding motivations, what is driving me one way or another, if I feel fear pride and ego on the one hand and courage faith and confidence on the other. Or all my emotions may be scattered and disparate and my thinking simply jumps around until I stop and reflect. Sometimes when I go to sleep there is a conversation with my inner voice about the world, the harshness and the beauty of everything going on in the moment of now. I was perturbed about one conversation yesterday, with someone I don't know too well, and I fear I might have made assumptions about the good of their experience when they feel less positive about them or judged by me.

 

And sometimes I get feelings of not liking the silence of the night, usually there is something up and I don't know what it is. And a message just now by text about a friend on their final moments. Their best friend is with them and all I can do is be there and offer help, so that when help is needed I will. There will call me shortly. I don't think and I don't feel that this phenomena is unusual, where we have a doubt and fear that something is wrong or that there is a deep sadness somewhere that we just can't pin down. We find out what we can do as the situation emerges and hopefully we are there when asked.

 

I felt like there was something up last night and I was just very uncertain, and because they are quite a lot of people who I know who are not so well, I make sure my telephone is on, the computer has the email on and I am available. When asked I can answer, but with a lot of connections, trying to find out where the feelings are coming from when people are in distress is extremely difficult. Even though it can be quite disturbing, I have learned to be patient and be available. And sometimes nothing happens and nobody asks for help, the help came from elsewhere and that is always good, because it's not about me. In recovery we can become very human human beings, and our emotional and spiritual sensitivity develops in the moment of now and all the moments that follow.

 

Yesterday's meeting was wonderful, apart from the one conversation which left me feeling dislocated. Share a few moments with many people, thanking them, greeting them, being a part of something far bigger than me, and the humility and sometimes the courage to keep on offering the hand of friendship. Sometimes we get up the noses of those we care for most, and sometimes we just put size twelve boots on and tread all over another person’s sensitivities. So easy to do and it hurts when we do it, hopefully I am wrong, but the good news is I am probably wrong and any one of us can be as contrary as can be in the moment of now.

 

There was mention of some things people have done in recovery, with regard to writing a list of things which are important to them in recovery. For example, getting a job, getting a husband or wife, setting up the family, making a baby, getting the car, getting this that and the other. And having made these lists, put them in a box and look at them sometime in the future in recovery and see whether these things have happened. And for some these lists have proved to be harbingers of good news, or bad news and ugly news if they have not been achieved. If I had made a list, the list would have one element in it, item 1 sober one day at a time. End of the list. Sober one day at a time, anything is possible if I am open, the opportunity occurs and if I like it I can go for it and the opposite if I don't like it. One day at a time sober what is beyond my wildest dreams and now just for today it is reality.

 

We are all different, diversity is what works in recovery. And with this one similarity, "a desire to be sober," somehow even though we are so different and we never see each other outside meetings, our common purpose makes it possible to learn life all over again. The younger we find this out, the better and I love it when I see younger people, far younger people than me start a journey into reality, free of the bondage and learning how to make freedom the best choice one day at a time. And of course with hindsight, it can be a little bit distressing if we have not come up to the standards and aspirations of other people. And then I remember that aspirations are quite different as we get older, the aspirations of now and my aspirations of now serve me well and open to anything that might happen in the next twenty-four hours!

 

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Alcoholics Anonymous Nov 23 DonInLondon Step 11 "Truth Love Wisdom"

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog/Video Nov 23 DonInLondon Step 11 "Truth Love Wisdom"

 

"Love, forgiveness, harmony, truth, faith, hope, light, and joy to every human being."

 

Step 11 "Truth Love Wisdom"

 

November 23, 2013 Step Eleven Month: "sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood him, praying only for knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry that out." Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labours and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy." Max Ehrmann

 

Therefore, we have peace with God whatever you conceive him to be. Prayer meditation: an understanding with oneself about the possible, the can do, and the cannot do on a daily basis. Alone with our own thoughts can be a very difficult situation. Opening up our own internal debate to the scrutiny of a power greater than us? This is a personal journey of understanding the big picture of living, where we fit one day at a time, how to change just a little bit to meet the changes of the day or simply stop doing something which is bad or ugly and find a better path today.

 

Just because you see a lot of people joining in a particular way of life, it does not mean that you have to alter your opinions and beliefs which work for you. Unless of course your opinions and beliefs are self-harming and harming other people. Sometimes we don't know where we are or how we feel about life and trying to work out all of this on our own is desperately difficult. The Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous does not ask you to adopt a belief in something which is alien to you. When I read appendix I I; "the spiritual experience," it opened up the door to living a spiritual existence of the educational variety. I can clearly state the educational variety of spiritual experience always worked in the moment of now, providing you have an understanding of what spiritual can be or is today. Fellowship is all about emotional and spiritual experiences, living in the moment of now, living and coping with the reality of now and asking for help as we go along and need it. The big picture is not our single outlook, it is the outlook of those we live with today.

 

I don't know why, over twenty years ago, my father in his last days was desperately unwell. My mother was looking after him at home. My brother and sister and me, we were working far away and travelling to see them as often as we could. Each of us found it very difficult to cope with the situation, and we all did what we could to help. My dad had been a bit of a curmudgeon, a truly difficult individual and yet in those last days we realised just how much we loved him. I can remember arriving late one evening, or morning I can't quite recall day or night back then. When I saw my father in his room, my brother was shaving his beard, and trying to make dad more comfortable. My brother and my father, a cherishing moment in time. Twenty years later, if I get the chance today, I will call my brother and remind him of that moment in time.

 

Most days I get to chat with both my sister and my mother who live together in another city. I was talking to my mum yesterday, and she was still pondering about my brother asking her if she believed in God. It wasn't really an emphatic no, she simply stated that she did not believe in the bearded depiction of a man on a cloud surrounded by angels and cherubs. And I guess that's why desiderata by Max Ehrmann always comes into my mind. "The God of our understanding?" What matters is what each person considers to be a higher power, aware of the big picture and the possibilities. For me as an individual, the word God is all about: "truth, love and wisdom." And the bigger picture is always illuminated through people. And people can be good bad and ugly depending on the current conditions of the day. We can always find the big picture and ask for help, and of course the devil is always in the details.

 

My mum had a check-up on Wednesday relating to on-going cancer treatment. She is not one to dwell, but the days before the check-up, the check-up itself and then being told that there would be an appointment in four weeks for the results to be a bit of an anti-climax. I relate with this a lot at the moment, having had many check-up’s to various parts of my anatomy, and in my case nothing sinister has come up yet. Technicians take a quick look and if anything is untoward an appointment will be made immediately. Even though we do not recognise what is going on at the time, no matter how much one lives in the day, it is always a nagging doubt and stressful. My mum, at the age of eighty-two is doing well considering everything. And my sister is there for her in person, my brother on the iPad and me on the telephone, no wonder she gets stressed! Her way of dealing with us is usually to throw a crossword clue our way, and they are usually bloody hard! Mum has all her marbles, marvellous one day at a time.

 

I am smiling, writing some words each day is a form of prayer and meditation for yours truly. I never know quite what can to come out of me until I start reflecting. Sometimes it feels like there is a lot going on in my head all the time and I just don't know until I stop and pause, reflect and meditate. That moment about my brother and my father so long ago could have been lost to time if I had not paused long enough to really understand the love my brother showed and demonstrated for my dad. It gives me good reason to feel right and be happy. Sometimes we lose touch with what life is all about. Life is about love, and we don't know what love is very often until it is lost in the trivia of life. Cherish the good, forgive everything and happiness and serenity can be found in the moment of now.

 

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Alcoholics Anonymous Nov 22 DonInLondon Step 11 "Truth Love Wisdom"

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog/Video Nov 22 DonInLondon Step 11 "Truth Love Wisdom"

"Love, forgiveness, harmony, truth, faith, hope, light, and joy to every human being."

 

Step 11 "Truth Love Wisdom"

 

November 22, 2013 Step Eleven Month: "sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood him, praying only for knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry that out." What is the foundation of emotional and spiritual living? The answer for me is very simple: "truth love and wisdom in the moment of now." "Yesterday’s emotional and spiritual: "truth love and wisdom yesterday." The emotional and spiritual path is evolution one day at a time.

 

One man’s foundation for emotional and spiritual living may not be the same understanding as another. Which does make life difficult. So each and every person on the planet is making progress one way or another on their emotional and spiritual path. Wise words: "judge not," come to mind because emotional and spiritual life is often included in religious beliefs which have been held by generations and doctrine which forces inclusion to a particular outlook and a particular cult, sect, organisation, society which can distort "truth, love and wisdom," to fit a particular belief system. I hope you have your own beliefs and opinions and keep on forming your beliefs and opinions based on your truth, love and wisdom of humanity. Simply we are best served when we don't judge other people and their outlooks.

 

And I don't want to judge what is right for you, it is difficult enough to keep on learning the truth love and wisdom of now without interfering with other people and what is working for them. Alone, I only have one outlook and I would not have come to any conclusions about the collective truth, love and wisdom of humanity. Without Fellowship I would not have been able to consider anything remotely in terms of developing an emotional and spiritual outlook, I would have expired long ago.

 

Anonymity in Fellowship provides opportunity to find a new way of living, find truth love and wisdom in the moment of now and the on a journey of recovery and be on a path of emotional and spiritual living. A safe place within Fellowship to understand the strength of powerlessness, being restored to sanity, letting go old ways and asking for help, understanding our natural instincts and clarifying truth with another human being, what it is to be drifting backward and how to move forward, willing to make amends and then make them without doing further harm, admitting when we make mistakes, seeking clarity and assistance, and finally having the humility to share experience, strength and hope to the good of life today. Developing our own personal values, beliefs and opinions to the good of living today.

 

Revelations about the way leaders within our society congregate together, how they are vulnerable to every human frailty, how they become vulnerable to corruption, lose sight of the truth, love and wisdom of now is really important. Exclusion at the top, hidden vices and public virtue serves no one in society. The more the truth is hidden, the more corruptible the big ideas of life become. Anonymity and secrecy is not helpful in society, it is a means of control over truth love and wisdom today. Which is why I share for myself and not for anyone else. And common sense can be the rarest commodity on the planet when the agenda is hidden and the prospects limited.

 

Maybe I feel fortunate to be able to find out how to live to the truth love and wisdom of now, it was not always the case, to survive and be successful, to be part of something and have fun often undermined and stopped me from learning. Learning what was right for me as an individual and as a member of society. I did not have clarity and purpose beyond what others aspired to, to be successful. A good day, a bad day and ugly days do not have to divert me from my principles and values on my emotional and spiritual path in life. I don't want to have to hide away from the truth of now, where love is now and wisdom grows moment to moment. Open, honest and willing, truth love and wisdom become clearer one day at a time.

 

Anonymity: "the quality or state of being unknown to most people: the quality or state of being anonymous." In the context of what happens within Fellowship anonymity works and serves everyone, equalising and supporting open decision-making, keeping people level and out of harm’s way. Anonymity otherwise can promote suspicion, control by edict, manipulation and distortion. And the truth these days always comes out. Transparency and truth always prevails, the problem being any one of us can deny it because we don't like it. I am a recovering alcoholic one day at a time and I like being in recovery today.

 

 

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Alcoholics Anonymous Nov 21 DonInLondon Step 11 "Truth Love Wisdom"

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog/Video Nov 21 DonInLondon Step 11 "Truth Love Wisdom"

"Love, forgiveness, harmony, truth, faith, hope, light, and joy to every human being."

 

Step 11 "Truth Love Wisdom"

 

November 21, 2013 Step Eleven Month: "sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood him, praying only for knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry that out." Our emotional barometer: knowing our feelings in the moment of now. A bit like the weather, feelings can be very varied any time of day, or they can be very moribund and stuck when we ignore them or we cannot find a way out of a particular mood. Feelings are very real and factual indicators of our wellbeing, we tend to ignore them at our peril.

 

Courage to change, faith in doing the next right thing and confidence to keep on changing as life is changing are all about our motivations and our emotions. Often conventions and expectations about what we ought to be, these are thinking constructs we adopt and try to emulate. Trying to be conventional, trying to fit in, trying to be something we have yet to achieve can be expectations we cannot fulfil and entitlements we have not earned. The resulting resentments stimulate pride, ego and fear within us and we find ourselves stuck in thinking about what we ought to be and what we are entitled to. When I set my expectations to zero, every morning, it does not mean I'm giving up, it means I am opening up to the possibilities of life rather than trying to contrive something or manipulate something.

 

Sometimes we have ambition without a clue. This means we have a rough idea about what we like about a situation, a person, a place or something in particular. Sometimes we have desire for something and there is no reasonable idea about the outcome. We have hopes and dreams which can be divided into fantasy and a possible reality. A fantasy is good, and probably unachievable. The possible reality, where we see the first steps on a new path is wonderful. And sometimes we need ask for help and guidance to start our new journey one day at a time.

 

Feelings are real and feelings are facts and often feelings do not reflect our real situation, that is why there is a word we utilise from fantasy to fantastic. Our thinking can distort our outlook as well as our personal beliefs and opinions. All our opinions and beliefs, our expectations from life and our entitlement to a particular way of living can thwart anyone anywhere today. Family, community, society, "the American dream," "religion," "Empire days." All these attitudes, opinions and behaviour can be used to cover up feelings we have which may be inappropriate in reality, yet the feelings are there because of our upbringing. These real feelings are factual, and they drive and motivate us either to be open honest and willing, or often fettered, with pride fear and ego gnawing away at our soul. Of course there is middle ground!

 

I don't know who it was, said something like, "with all these years of wisdom, however it has turned out, it might have been useful to have this wisdom at the beginning of life rather than at the end or even in the middle!" And that is the gift, realising eventually what it is to be an emotional and spiritual being. It has nothing to do with Materialism per se, a good life is contingent on our understanding of conditions of the day, how we feel about it and understanding the can do and cannot do. And of course aiming high enough to make progress without trying the extreme of perfection which cripples the perfectionist’s life. Prayer and meditation: all about learning and living an emotional and spiritual life in the moment of now.

 

Many feelings we have do not fit reality. Prayer and meditation helps us discover the origin of our feelings if we choose to examine our conscience which may be operating to the good, bad or ugly. And there's the rub in all this, what is good bad or ugly for one person, might be quite alien to another person, family, community, society. It would be very difficult to be a vegetarian if all there was to eat was meat. Which is why it is very difficult to join in a Fellowship which has a desire to stop drinking on a daily basis, when drinking was the very basis of living. The newcomer is the most important person in the meeting, or there would be no Fellowship at all?

 

 

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