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Alcoholics Anonymous | February 1 2013 | AA 12 Steps In Action | Step 2 "Sanity" | tomorrow never seemed to be the right day to stop, no matter how many times I promised myself I would stop drinking. Clearing out any remnants of alcohol from the house: usually on a Sunday afternoon, swearing off a drink during the week. And yet I drank. The madness of doing the same thing: drinking, over and over again. And no matter what I did, I could not stop, and did not want to stop living with my best friend in a bottle…

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There Is No Tomorrow

The second step in the twelve step principles, "I came to believe that a power greater than me, could restore me to sanity," although it is written as, "came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity." I did come to believe something, but I certainly did not have any answers to my problem with alcohol. From being convivial and joyful, and with subtle changes, drink was always there to take the edge off whatever I was doing. And what I thought, a friendly relationship, turned into a dependent relationship for a long, long time. And by the time I thought I ought to quit, I was hooked and couldn't stop drinking safely... And even when I realised the addiction, I thought my self-will would win through in the end, my self-will failed, I am as human as the next. And anyone can become addicted to anything, and then what to do? Me? I ran away from life and everyone who knew me…

So what do I believe today, the few years around in the fellowship and sober one day at a time? Whether there are powers which are earthly or whether there are powers way beyond my comprehension could keep me in debate for the rest of my life. And still there may be no answer, because I don't have the power of a higher power. And in all these years, the foundation of living remains and is living to the truth, learning to love and developing wisdom every single day. Gandhi when I listened to an old tape of him speaking suggested that God is truth and God is love. And every day, truth and love about life today, keeps on growing. When I ask for help, wisdom comes from other people, often the truth as they see it, and often love comes my way, even when I am unsure what love may be. If I try to define it, I tend to lose the plot. So what works in my life is the combined wisdom of the universe, which comes to me through other people and so I keep on learning the wisdom of now, in the moment of now... I'm happy to understand just for today, that the God in my life is enlightenment, which comes as truth, love and wisdom in the moment of now. Enlightenment, courtesy of the experience, strength and hope of people close and people who share far away about life today…

The insanity of doing the same thing over and over again: drinking myself into oblivion and hoping not to wake up. And the blocks, I had, my stubbornness and my defiance, based on what I thought were good qualities: putting on a brave face, so people could not pull me down and could not hurt me, covering up fearful feelings when life was ordinary, and also very tough. And my ego, covering up my lack of self-esteem, and any shame or guilt I felt about feeling less than other people. In other words, the good qualities of the previous years: pretending to be okay and coping by self-medication which then became self-harm and addiction. Are these horrible admissions? Not for me, because I am an alcoholic in recovery one day at a time, and in order to keep on track and be open, honest and willing to change, I need help on a daily basis. Within the fellowship, so much wisdom, experience strength and hope is shared to help me and anyone anywhere one day at a time…

Being restored to sanity is contingent on my spiritual condition. And so far as I can make out and this is just a personal view, which is based on wisdom of others, "spiritual: knowing and experiencing my feelings in the moment of now and able to cope with reality, and if I cannot cope, find help inside or outside fellowship, depending on the issues." Sanity in the moment of now! If life was always good, probably sanity can be achieved and maintained. However, life is good, bad and ugly, and all the same time we can have a whole host of issues which can unhinge any sane individual. So my restoration to sanity is contingent on me being aware of my feelings, how they impact on my thinking and the actions that follow in the moment of now…

Even though this is February and about step two, in my daily reflections, all the steps and living principles only work as well, as we can work with them. And I don't want to hurry anyone along and suggest you can start experiencing all the steps, all at once, the sooner you have a handle on the twelve steps and what they are, the sooner you are able to understand how life will work better with these twelve principles in mind. They are not difficult to live, unless you have the same traits as me, tendency to try solve everything on my own, over self-reliance, self-will, which tends to fail in extreme circumstances. When somebody says, "I feel like I'm losing it," it simply means losing a sense of reality and unable to cope in the moment of now. And what is wrong with asking for help? The reason why we don't ask the help is a lot to do with our upbringing and the values that society have adopted over the centuries. All about control! And the good news is if we relinquish our desire to control the world, and be the person we think we ought to be, by letting go, and asking for help, the possibilities are infinite in some ways and practical most days… Truth, love and wisdom become our guide and way of life and can be enhanced by asking and listening to an enlightened universe around you…

I never thought I was God, at the same time I wanted and desired life to be a certain way. The only problem I had, I just wasn't certain about the way I wanted things… And thank God, good or whatever the higher power may be, that I am not: He She or It...

In my life. God has moved in mysterious ways, enlightening me with your truth, your love and your wisdom, one day at a time…

Alcoholics Anonymous | February 1 2012 | AA 12 Steps In Action | Step 2 "Sanity" | Step 2 "Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity" Admitting and accepting that I am powerless over alcohol and if I drink again life will be unmanageable. That is step one, and I remind myself of this choice every day. Our whole program of recovery is simply one day long. If I do not remind myself, I can be very forgetful and find myself in a problem, rather than living in the solution today…

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2009 - 2012

And step two, I now realise that just for today a higher power can restore me to sanity. How so? When I have a problem, usually it happens when I cannot see a solution or there are so many blocks to resolution I get angry, frustrated and depressed. A surge of anger is not helpful. My higher power: another person, a group of people, a source of knowledge and wisdom…

I do believe that there are powers greater than me, "higher power wisdom" all around me and better I find help rather than drive myself mad trying to work it out alone. However you describe your higher power, it is what works for you in the moment and just for today…

We all use the word God, as believers, as atheists and agnostics. And wherever you fit in the spectrum of belief, non-belief or simply don't know, we all have an inner voice of conscious conscience. That inner voice: of conscience and disturbance and even serenity is a lifelong companion. Usually and most often the inner voice is all about our emotional state, how we are feeling in the moment of now…

Our "fellowship" is not religious by nature; many in fellowship have religious beliefs and choose God as their higher power. And many simply follow what works for them. There is a phrase, "we don't know what we don't know" and we can only find out as we continue to live sober just for today…

Always "just for today" means we keep on learning who we are, what we are and where we are in the moment of now. There is no need for rigorous certainty, we learn our freedoms and choices as we live, what we can do and cannot do, the wisdom comes as life evolves…

-/-

DonInLondon 2005-2011

Fear of anything we may imagine is often greater than fear in reality, leaning on fellowship, we develop courage as we learn and share our truth ~ Maya Angelou "History, despite its wrenching pain, cannot be unlived, but if faced with courage, need not be lived again." -/- Fear is part of living...

AA Daily: GOAL: SANITY FEBRUARY 1, step two gently and very gradually began to infiltrate my life. I can’t say upon what occasion or on what day I came to believe in a power greater than myself, but I certainly have that belief now. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 27

“Came to believe!” I gave lip service to my belief when I felt like it or when I thought it would look good. I didn’t really trust God. I didn’t believe He cared for me. I kept trying to change things I couldn’t change. Gradually, in disgust, I began to turn it all over, saying: “You’re so omnipotent, you take care of it.” He did. I began to receive answers to my deepest problems, sometimes at the most unusual times: driving to work, eating lunch, or when I was sound asleep. I realized that I hadn’t thought of those solutions-a Power greater than myself had given them to me. I came to believe.

-/-

Just For Today, and every day cherish always...

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AA Official Online Site: Daily Reflections

http://www.aa.org/lang/en/aareflections.cfm

AA Official Online Site: Big Book And Twelve And Twelve

http://www.aa.org/lang/en/subpage.cfm?page=359

January 2013 | Step One Reading Video Link: