Alcoholics Anonymous | February 28 2013 | AA 12 Steps In Action | Step 2 "Sanity"

Alcoholics Anonymous | February 28 2013 | AA 12 Steps In Action | Step 2 "Sanity"  "tolerance and love in fellowship, tolerance and love outside fellowship?" What is tolerance and love mean to me? Sometimes I sum it up like this, "I love you, and at the same time, I hate your behaviour!" Inside fellowship, or outside fellowship, we can love people and really detest their behaviour. And similarly, I don't want you to agree with me for the sake of a peaceful life, I need you to thoroughly follow your own path in sobriety, or I am doomed as well...

Video For Today:

"Fellowship Rocks"

Fellowship is a place of safety, anonymity, providing a sanctuary to find out how to live life sober, open, willing and honest to seek out the truth, love and wisdom in the moment of now. We can be attracted to bright shiny stories, of romance and finance and where wealth leads to excess and excess leads to addiction. And sometimes people mistake self-esteem for ego, self-esteem where growing confidence helps find the truth, and ego makes the truth unmanageable and a wallow in the mud and murk of old glories. Sometimes people do geographical moves to find peace, fall in and out of relationships, hoping to be saved, and sometimes see the weakness in another and prey on them, and it is all part of learning life in the moment of now…

 

I often say the same things over and over again, not to expect a different result in my own life, to share how it works in fellowship. And sometimes I hear and sometimes I sense the animosity from other people and I am really okay when others exude their disapproval. How often do I hear the same old same old said by other people? The pursuit of happiness contingent on getting down on your knees and praying for something you cannot have? And I will be okay, when I get to that place of golden serenity? It's not like that in the real world, the real world which God created, the real world where God offers some an expectation beyond their ability to achieve. And if you are asking God for your entitlements or a softer easier way, not only do you let God down, you let down yourself and live in fear of failure. God-Given: truth, love and wisdom in the moment of now, and sometimes we need ask for help to understand the truth, love and wisdom of now…

 

I do believe the serenity prayer is one of the best meditations. But the problem, its serenity and how we understand it, which always seems to leave people wanting and not experiencing serenity. Serenity is not hanging on to the last breath in the company of people, places and things which are bad for us, nor is it hanging on to something we cannot control, namely people, places and things! Serenity is acceptance of the status quo, the good, bad and ugly of it, truly understanding what we can do and what we cannot do, and if there are things we cannot do ask for help. And having asked for help if we still cannot achieve those entitlements and expectations that you have in your head about life, is it not time to let them go?

 

Fellowship is a mixture of many different beliefs in many different people, many different opinions in many different people, many different affiliations in many different people, and many different alliances in many different people. Fellowship is not about a herd mentality, where you have to believe certain things in order to be sober. If that were the case we would have a herd of sober people in sobriety. If anything, what makes our fellowship strong is the diversity and difference, and one simple common purpose to be sober. And because there are so many different ways of being sober and living sober with twelve step principles and freedom to choose your life and your path, whatever you do, do not follow my path, because it is mine. And you can fuck off to your own path if you don't mind. Every single day! I don't want you to be like me, I need you to be you, above all, and if you disagree with me, I am so pleased and respectful, but don't expect me to follow your path either...

 

Recovering alcoholics are not sheep, but there are people in fellowship who would like you to be a sheep. Some however, do have outstanding characteristics around following the bright and shiny, but the bright and shiny often are shallow and just thoroughly following somebody else. When I listen to people who are awaiting serenity and expecting serenity, to have a deep glow, probably golden, if you're waiting for it, it isn't going to happen. Serenity and acceptance are active in the moment of now, and if you are in active awaiting the arrival, you might as well wait for hell to freeze over. Because that's where you are in hell awaiting the arrival of serenity. Serenity is a state of mind in the moment of now, and if you don't have it, some work needs to be applied, and preferably not by getting on your knees to pray about it, or falling flat on the floor anticipating that God has spotted your deference. The reason why people used to get on their knees to pray, or fall flat, was to stop them killing each other in difficult times. And the notion you might feel better on the floor is to do with fear of not being heard and not being seen to defer to someone else's idea of prayer and meditation. Prayer and meditation is happening now inside you: whether you like it or not, or however you describe it or not in the moment and all day long…

 

I don't want you to agree with me, I need you to examine what is working and what is not working in your life. If you are putting off doing something hoping that something else will do it for you, you might be wasting a bit of time. If you are in a bad situation, and not putting any action into it, it is unlikely to change and will continue to be a bad situation. Defiance and being stubborn, outstanding characteristics of alcoholics who are active or who are in recovery. Impatient on the one hand, to be somewhere, and then absolutely devastated that we are in the wrong place with the wrong person or people and then we persist in staying there, not just for a day, more likely a month or two and even a year or two, because we simply do not accept serenity in the moment of now is about what we can and cannot do. And most often we mistake desire and lust for love… Me included! Until of course you really are on your spiritual path, one step at a time and not on your knees today…

 

Alcoholics Anonymous | February 28 2012 | AA 12 Steps In Action | Step 2 "Sanity"  Today's AA daily reflection: "what? No president?" Not only was I sick and tired of being sick and tired when it came to alcohol, I was sick and tired of everybody's opinion of me and sick and tired of people telling me what to do when it came to my drinking and my life. Indeed my life would have ended if I got any more advice from people who didn't understand and looked down on me as a hopeless failure…

 

Video For Today:

 

2009 - 2012

 

And coming into Fellowship, absolutely confused and bamboozled and not able to cope with reality in any shape or form it was touch and go whether I could listen long enough to realise there was a solution to my alcoholism. People did not trip over themselves to offer me advice or tell me what to do. They simply said I might benefit from listening, ask questions and stop beating myself up for being a failure. But there are many who with good intention become ingrained in telling others what to do, and wanting to lead in our society. We are but trusted servants…

 

Rarely have I seen a person fail who has thoroughly understood the true nature of Fellowship and Alcoholics Anonymous. And it takes time to realise the whole message and the suggestions are about liberating and freeing us from our addiction to alcohol. And helping us make free choices and good decisions about how to live life. With humility we learn how to be open, honest and willing to change as life changes and in the Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous, work together in unity service and recovery… No rules, no laws and no regulations, and no president!

 

I may disagree with decisions my home group makes or in my case the many home group's I belong to. But if the decision is made by the group conscience I can abide by that decision or move along to another group. I will have my right to challenge any decision and call a group conscience. But if I cannot persuade my fellows, I need let go to my view of the group process and activities. And I need ask myself why I am out of touch with my fellows…

 

I like this quote in the AA daily reflection, "no treasurer can compel the payment of dues" and so often I see an attempt by the "committee" to cover the rent religiously each week, the regulars feel aggrieved, the newcomer fears being ripped off, and I just feel pissed off. When the group's finances are in recession, nothing kills off the economy faster than bad news and deficits. Five loaves and two fishes, fed the five thousand with an attitude of gratitude…

 

DonInLondon 2005-2011

 

When told that our Society has no president having authority to govern it, no treasurer who can compel the payment of any dues... our friends gasp and exclaim, “This simply can’t be ...” A weekend where tradition two was discussed, "we are trusted servants" I smile at myself, my outlook is simply one of many...

 

Into the fabric of recovery from alcoholism are woven the Twelve Steps and the Twelve Traditions, steps to be open honest and willing to learn, traditions to live unity service and recovery...

 

Old Timers support Newcomers - Newcomers support Old Timers ~ Jim Rohn "A good objective of leadership is to help those who are doing poorly to do well and to help those who are doing well to do even better." -/- Same size humans, veterans or greenhorns, making progress on day at a time..

 

In Fellowship we are interdependent - not co-dependent, lead as needed ~ Nelson Mandela "It is better to lead from behind and to put others in front, especially when you celebrate victory when nice things occur. We take the front line when there is danger. Then people will appreciate our leadership." -/- We lead when asked, we share as we may, hope always for a sober day..

 

We - Unique and Authentic, not special and different? Peter Drucker "No institution can possibly survive if it needs geniuses to lead it. It must be organized in such a way as to be able to get along under a leadership of average human beings." Real people living and making Spiritual and Emotional Progress in Fellowship

 

Honest - Open - Willing - sober works leading by example ~ Dwight D. Eisenhower "The supreme quality for leadership is unquestionably integrity. Without it, no real success is possible, no matter whether it is in an army, or in an office." -/- In fellowship we are all leaders and equal in experience, strength and hope...

 

AA Daily Reflection: WHAT? NO PRESIDENT? ~ FEBRUARY 28, When told that our Society has no president having authority to govern it, no treasurer who can compel the payment of any dues. . . . our friends gasp and exclaim, “This simply can’t be . . .” TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 132

 

When I finally made my way to A.A., I could not believe that there was no treasurer to “compel the payment of dues.” I could not imagine an organization that didn’t require monetary contributions in return for a service. It was my first and, thus far, only experience with getting “something for nothing.” Because I did not feel used or conned by those in A.A., I was able to approach the program free from bias and with an open mind. They wanted nothing from me. What could I lose? I thank God for the wisdom of the early founders who knew so well the alcoholic’s disdain for being manipulated.

 

"Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity"

-/-

Just For Today, and every day cherish always...

-----------------------------------------

AA Official Online Site: Daily Reflections

http://www.aa.org/lang/en/aareflections.cfm

AA Official Online Site: Big Book And Twelve And Twelve

http://www.aa.org/lang/en/subpage.cfm?page=359

January 2013 | Step One Reading Video Link:

Step One Alcoholics Anonymous Reading

January 2013 | Video Reading How It Works:

How The Twelve Steps Work

January 2013 | Video Reading A Vision For You:

January 2013 | Playlist About Step One:

http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLD1355CD80542DBFC

don@doninlondon.com |

"music for airports" By Brian Eno | http://www.enoshop.co.uk/ |

Alcoholics Anonymous | February 27 2013 | AA 12 Steps In Action | Step 2 "Sanity"

Alcoholics Anonymous | February 27 2013 | AA 12 Steps In Action | Step 2 "Sanity"  "what is fellowship to me?" I never wanted to join anything in my life, I liked to be on the outside and I liked to be included, just enough to understand why I didn't want to join in. Our fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous, not an organisation, not an institution. And certainly for many a year, it was the last place I would ever go. And when I learned that I could not quit drink on my own, I was surprised to find that the fellowship of AA is always what you see today, what you see is what you get, today it is always a mixture of good, bad and ugly experiences shared as the truth comes out. I was lucky, I realised I had finally found a place of sanctuary where I could find out the truth of me, and I only find out the truth of me on a daily basis…

Video For Today:

"Our Contrary Fellowship"

I found I could join a fellowship which had no rules or regulations and no laws to violate and was based on one principal: "love." Emotional and spiritual, love is the absolute foundation of living and I found people in the fellowship of AA, who were all about love. How people express love, how people help each other and how it works with raw people is profound. In the last chance saloon, love seems to be the only currency which works one day at a time. On arrival, the initiation process into the fellowship was a complete let-down based on my old ideas: I turned up and nobody bothered me, that was because I didn't speak. I went to another meeting, and had to say my name or so I thought and I said, "my name is Don and I am an alcoholic," and everyone in the meeting, said, "hello Don." I also said I had been to one or two meetings, and still had no clue what it was all about. And people shook my hand and said don't worry, it will be all right, just try to keep coming back…

 

There was no fanfare, no one gave me the rule book, they gave me a pamphlet of where to find meetings. They gave me tea and biscuits. And I was so desperate, sitting there, and looking at two scrolls on the wall, one entitled the twelve steps and the other entitled the twelve traditions, above the head of the person speaking at the beginning of those meetings. I didn't have to pay any money, and people were freely expressing their opinions, sharing about their beliefs, sharing about politics and sharing about the truth that was troubling them today. And everyone seemed to have their own opinion about everything, especially the truth of now. It was all very confusing, the truth the people spoke, well some of it seemed to be lies. I thought what an odd place where people share their experience, strength and hope and nobody seems to care what people say. At last! A place where I could just spill the beans of me, listen to funny stories, listen to the tragedy and the horror others were feeling and my horror was no worse than theirs…

 

Being in fellowship, a society of people who were just rubbing along and getting on with life. And the only thing in common, which they kept on saying was that all I needed was a desire to stop drinking and keep on coming back. So nobody was trying to convert me into anything, and although there were a lot of religious people about, and they talked about God freely, nobody was asking me to believe in anything, least of all God, and they kept on sharing about a higher power, which some said, was God, but many didn't believe in God and they said the higher power came in the form of the experience, strength and hope shared by everyone. And by listening to everyone we could piece together the jigsaw of how sober works for different people, and we will bonded by this similarity of addiction to alcohol and all that entails…

 

There were lots of fancy words, and psychology words which I had known from my previous life in business and commerce and personal development. All these fancy words being bandied about, and I thought how misguided and how difficult it could be to judge the people who seemed as confused as me. And then somebody said, "judge not lest you be judged," and I was not too keen on the biblical reference, and at the same time it seem right to me. Listen to the similarities, said the secretary and you will hear all the differences as well, and then he joked, "a lot of people seemed to off load all their beliefs and opinions in the meetings," which in their opinion was quite right, because inside all of that stuff, the person speaking and sharing was sober just for today, and then he said, "well, as sober as you can be today. In our emotional and spiritual fellowship."

 

Very often, and very confusing to the newcomer, is the basis of the fellowship. A fellowship founded in love, all about emotional and spiritual well-being for people who need and have a desire to be sober one day at a time. And those who are confused by this are those looking for an organisation which might fix them and get them back on track. So they can be the person they used to be. And the answer is with addiction, there is no going back to a place of freedom and drinking. When drinking requires control and we have to control the amount we drink, we will never have that freedom to drink like it used to be before we crossed that line. And then, amazingly, I realised that the fellowship of AA, once I started going to meetings and stopped drinking, I was part of AA, by just being there and I didn't have to do anything else, or prove anything to anyone else. The fellowship of AA is as good as it gets today, there is no secrecy behind the scenes, no leaders, you can complain at. And certainly there are no rules, laws or regulations about what you can or cannot do. You have the right and the freedom to be yourself, inside meetings in the sanctuary of anonymity, just for today. And if you are lucky and find through experience, the wisdom to be yourself anywhere, the freedom to be yourself as best you can, under any circumstances, surely that is the best freedom for anyone on the planet today? And with that freedom comes life, good bad and ugly, and always we find a little bit more truth, developing and growing in the moment of now...

 

I had no clue about freedom, how to love and be loved back at the end of my drinking. And the journey in recovery is remarkable, we make huge mistakes on the way to rock bottom, and we make huge mistakes on the way out of rock bottom too. That's life. The biggest freedom, free of addiction, one day at a time to open the doors to any kind of life that may be open to us today. We have to work hard, that's life. And we do work hard. Emotional and spiritual: the fellowship offers a way to find out what feelings are in the moment of now, based on my feelings, I can then think clearly and see how my feelings impact on my thinking. I always thought that, intellect and thinking put me in control, it might seem that it did, but it did not in my case. Knowing my mood and feelings, that they come first, and shape my thinking and shape my actions was a bit of a revelation to me. Before recovery, I'd suppressed all my feelings and sought oblivion: into recovery, I now realise emotional and spiritual lead to clear thinking and actions as best they can be today…

 

So what is fellowship? A place to learn about love: how to love, how it is to be loved back and how it is to find our useful endeavours. One day at a time. There are twelve steps to help me to be open, honest and willing, to find my higher power enshrined in "truth, love and wisdom being learned in the moment of now." And there are twelve traditions, which hold us altogether. In unity, service and recovery. Humility to keep on learning, humility to keep on changing and the humility to be able to speak the truth as we find day by day. The group conscience works to define and understand the scope and how meetings work in practice. And the more people engage in the traditions and the group conscience, the more we define how we work together in fellowship. Fellowship is not about agreeing, and it is not about accepting other people's beliefs and opinions, it is about working together, despite and because of our differences. The fellowship of AA is always moving forward as each day unfolds. And as new people find their way into sobriety. We are all fractious people and we are argumentative and we might shout at each other from time to time, we all have diverse opinions and beliefs, and we all have affiliations which might be disagreeable to others, we are rich or poor or somewhere in the middle, we belong to different sects, read different newspapers, see the world differently and share about it incessantly all day long. And yet we are together, we learn how to love each other, even when we hate each other's behaviour, and we rally around a desire to be sober one day at a time…

 

How am I feeling today? I am still out of sorts, for some reason my blood sugars went all over the place and had been four times higher than what they ought to be. It makes me feel unwell and physically It's not so good. Emotionally and spiritually? Having written about what is fellowship to me, I feel better and more stable and right with a desire to keep on being sober one day at a time. Having to stop and be still is all I could do in the last twenty-four hours, type I diabetes, measuring blood sugars and injecting insulin of different types to find the balance… I smile here, I'm sure it's nothing like injecting illicit drugs, and I have to do insulin injections a number of times a day, depending on how I eat. And my general health, if I fall ill with colds or flu, the calculation for insulin is extraordinarily difficult, so I have to do more checks and injections as the hours pass. And there are the complications as well, too many to mention. For me, what helps most in all these complicated procedures is the simplicity of the twelve steps as principles of living which make anything possible today. Five years into recovery, and then I developed type I diabetes. And because fellowship, love: learning the emotional and spiritual journey of now, my daily meditations, together with my daily medications keep me on track one day at a time. In early days, somebody said when they were reading out step eleven, "sought through prayer and medication," instead of "sought through prayer and meditation," I laughed because I do both out of necessity, one day at a time…

 

And today I have gratitude and can reflect that I'm alive, much longer than ever I thought I would be, and each day is filled with promise, sometimes things work out sometimes they don't, and I don't have to set myself up for failure on any given day. Progress not perfect, and simply living in the moment, and having plans as a weather changes and hopefully the onset of spring will improve as I start my wanderings and photography as circumstances permit. And the serenity prayer embodies the can do and cannot do and the wisdom to know the difference in the moment, minute, hour and just for a day…

 

 

 

Alcoholics Anonymous | February 27 2012 | AA 12 Steps In Action | Step 2 "Sanity “Today’s AA daily reflection: "no single leader, we are trusted servants working together in fellowship." The readable quote in AA daily reflections says, "a loving God as he may express himself in the group conscience." Experience, strength and hope is key in the group conscience. Decision-making is by vote on matters to do with how the group works within fellowship. Democratic and difficult, just as life is day by day in recovery…

 

Video For Today:

 

2009 - 2012

 

Sometimes we might want our own way when it comes to how a group works and operates. We have the right to express our view, and to put forward our suggestions which can then be voted in or out. Good ideas which are voted in become part of the group's process and ideas which do not have support are let go. As trusted servants, we do not lay down rules, laws or regulations. We abide to groups coming into existence for people with a desire to stop drinking. Trusted servants working together and everyone with the opportunity to contribute as they may and can on a daily basis…

 

If there had been rules, laws and regulations to impose on people who have a desire to stop drinking, the wisdom is the fellowship would have disappeared long ago. Which built on tradition one, no one in Alcoholics Anonymous can tell another what to do and at the same time we do work in unity, service and recovery to keep sober day by day. I have deep gratitude for these traditions, traditions one and two and how they not only work within the fellowship, they work in my day-to-day living, the application changing as life changes in the moment of now…

 

With step two, a higher power working through people and tradition two again based on the wisdom of the many being applicable in all conditions of life makes it possible for me to keep right sized on a daily basis. I don't need to know the answers, because often I don't even know what the questions are until life happens. All the twelve steps and all the twelve traditions work as we experience life day by day…

 

DonInLondon 2005-2011

 

Into the fabric of recovery from alcoholism are woven the Twelve Steps and the Twelve Traditions, steps to be open honest and willing to learn, traditions to live unity service and recovery...

 

Let go fantasy, live in reality has been the key message for me today in both meetings, one at "the hut" in Chelsea this lunchtime, and "after nines" in Belgravia tonight. And to see people I love okay with life today. Sober every feeling is real, balanced or at extremes fitting the experience we are having...

 

What is spiritual? As each of us comes to understand spiritual today. Some say, the ability to cope with life [an Archbishop said this] and what matters for me is we do find our spiritual connection, whatever it may be to the good for everyone. I feel it need be a personal understanding similar enough so we may keep learning from each other... and we can love, be loved back and useful in the ever present imperfectly perfect moment of now, where everything happens always...

 

No pulpits in fellowship, simply chairs ~ Mary Douglas "The natural response of the bleeding deacons is to build a strong moral wall against the outside. This is where the world starts to be painted in black and white, saints inside, and sinners outside the wall." -/- Old timers know there are no moral walls…

 

A bridge to spiritual living, needs met, wants forgotten ~ Mohandas Gandhi "Man falls from the pursuit of the ideal of plan living and high thinking the moment he wants to multiply his daily wants. Man's happiness really lies in contentment." From deserving a life, into acceptance of life on life's terms...

 

Sponsorship requires fidelity and adhering to our primary purpose, sobriety ~ Helen Keller "Many persons have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification but through fidelity to a worthy purpose." All about inclusion freedom of choice and love...

 

Sponsors are humble and in service as listening posts, sounding boards, step guides to emotional and spiritual sobriety. Sponsors don't want to control you, want your money, to be bought dinner, to be known, or want their washing done. Sponsors are equal and need be awake when hearing step five, and never judge your faith...

 

As a sponsor can I conduct myself with humility, share experience, strength and hope of how the steps and traditions work in life, listen without judging, be a listening post, a sounding board? As a sponsor do I know what I can and cannot do. Do I foster or hinder spiritual growth today?

 

AA Daily Reflection: A UNIQUE STABILITY FEBRUARY 27, Where does A.A. get its direction? . . . These practical folk then read Tradition Two, and learn that the sole authority in A.A. is a loving God as He may express Himself in the group conscience. . . The elder statesman is the one who sees the wisdom of the group’s decision, who holds no resentment over his reduced status, whose judgment, fortified by considerable experience, is sound, and who is willing to sit quietly on the side-lines patiently awaiting developments. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, pp. 132, 135

 

Into the fabric of recovery from alcoholism are woven the Twelve Steps and the Twelve Traditions. As my recovery progressed, I realized that the new mantle was tailor made for me. The elders of the group gently offered suggestions when change seemed impossible. Everyone’s shared experiences became the substance for treasured friendships. I know that the Fellowship is ready and equipped to aid each suffering alcoholic at all crossroads in life. In a world beset by many problems, I find this assurance a unique stability. I cherish the gift of sobriety. I offer my gratitude for the strength I receive in a Fellowship that truly exists for the good of all members.

 

"Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity"

-/-

Just For Today, and every day cherish always...

-----------------------------------------

AA Official Online Site: Daily Reflections

http://www.aa.org/lang/en/aareflections.cfm

AA Official Online Site: Big Book And Twelve And Twelve

http://www.aa.org/lang/en/subpage.cfm?page=359

January 2013 | Step One Reading Video Link:

Step One Alcoholics Anonymous Reading

January 2013 | Video Reading How It Works:

How The Twelve Steps Work

January 2013 | Video Reading A Vision For You:

January 2013 | Playlist About Step One:

http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLD1355CD80542DBFC

don@doninlondon.com |

"music for airports" By Brian Eno | http://www.enoshop.co.uk/ |

Alcoholics Anonymous | February 26 2013 | AA 12 Steps In Action | Step 2 "Sanity"

Alcoholics Anonymous | February 26 2013 | AA 12 Steps In Action | Step 2 "Sanity"  "insanity seemed to be a rite of passage in the olden days when I was young…" Sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll! In my case, sex, alcohol and rock 'n' roll! I didn't like the idea of drugs because all it expanded was my inner world. Alcohol made the outer world much more interesting, drinking with girls, dancing with girls and enjoying rock 'n' roll as much is possible! That rite of passage, into adulthood and wanting to do everything that everyone else was doing…

Video For Today:

"Sex Drugs Rock n Roll"

I know why I drank, it was a family thing, it was a cultural thing, and I wanted to be included. The 60s the 70s the 80s and 90s and the good times used to roll. John was song titles like, "only the good die young." Social life was always about drink, after work was all about drink, or was it? Most of the time it was about fun and connection and inclusion. If we worked hard we played hard. And you might ask what is wrong with that? Nothing, absolutely nothing is wrong with that. If there is an imbalance which it certainly was for me, I kept on partying when other people were getting married and having families. And I often fell in love with the right girl, at the wrong time and in the wrong place, and only in hindsight I can see a pattern of choosing like-minded souls to party on till doomsday… Sensible girls left me, found love and family life? Some did, some were like me and some are not here anymore…

 

The insanity of drink becoming my best friend, a relationship and a love affair all of its own. A heavy drinker for decades, equal in my addiction to work and my addiction and quest for love. And when I fell in love, it was a celebration and then in no time, because I didn't have the understanding of how love grows, it was always infatuation, followed by utter misery when it all went wrong. When love failed and I was bereft the work addiction and drink addiction took hold in the end. Alcoholics are sensitive, intelligent and driven. Alcoholics usually have deep feelings about everything which they are unable to express, me included, and there is an underlying disappointment with the real world of now. The insanity we see in the world is often a reasonable excuse until we are hooked and unable to stop and driven mad ourselves day after day. In the end we know just how addicted we are. And if we are lucky, finding rock bottom and it can get no worse, we realise maybe we can ask for help. Many never find help or assistance. Many are urged to find treatment, and yet the insanity of drinking prevails…

 

The insanity of doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result is really painful. Trying to be perfect, for the perfect girl, working harder than anyone to make that career the best it can be, work harder and drink harder. And it'll all be okay. It doesn't work out, the same thing over and over again, and how we let ourselves down and our disappointment with life. Of course, it was all my fault… I was not good enough… That was my assessment of me…

 

Getting to that rock bottom took a long time, fortunately, many people today have more awareness and more gumption than I had. Common sense prevails with many who find themselves in addiction early in life. And the good news for those with the common sense and gumption can find recovery much sooner than later, later as in my case. And I relish their company and their understanding of life. We all share experience, strength and hope, and often given my age and maturity, I find those younger with greater maturity than me. The sanity restored by a higher power greater than me and always around me. The collective wisdom in fellowship, the collective wisdom outside fellowship one day at a time...

 

Listening to the news today, scandals in the political arena about sexual conduct, which is inappropriate and unlawful. And the political class what do they do? Plausible deniability is where they start, more facts are revealed and their deniability is tenuous. And then more deniability wrecking the future of those who are fresh in the fray of elections. It is easy to point the finger and reveal what goes on, and then the problem of making it stick and doing something about the misbehaviour of those who have the power and misuse it and then get found out. Deniability, trying to cover up and trying to appease or simply deny the truth. And it is those in power, who feel they can do what they like, doing the same things over and over, and never expecting to be found out. In recovery, the twelve steps give back the truth of what we did, and the why of it and the wrong of it as much as for some of us, who were on the wrong end of these abuses of power. We learn our part in all matters, the good, the bad and the ugly. And we make restitution wherever we can without doing further harm. Unlawful behaviour, misbehaviour and antisocial behaviour needs to be resolved as we move forward in recovery… There is insanity in trying to excuse the inexcusable…

 

How am I feeling today? Like every day there is good, bad and ugly. Matters which don't relate to me directly have been weighing heavily on me. My quick meditations in the morning, powerless over alcohol, people places and things and if I try to manage or control the unmanageable life will turn to torment, not just for one day. The greater powers than me, all of you in the world and your wisdom keep me safe and on track and especially a dear friend helping me last night. And let go the idea I might fix the feelings of others with words, when the truth prevails, I cannot soften the blows that truth delivers. I can be there with love, support and wisdom learned from many who help me one day at a time. And still waking up with historical wrongdoing of others and the impact it had takes time to work through. There is good in what has happened and relief that the truth will out. It just makes the grief worse for some in the moment of now and then the cherishing will come later as truth settles and time permits. And I'm still baffled by some social networks which seem to have turned off and have not been informing me of messages over the last few months. I will endeavour to catch up if I can. Meanwhile, apologies if I seem distant and have not communicated back to anything you've sent me since August last year…

 

Alcoholics Anonymous | February 26 2012 | AA 12 Steps In Action | Step 2 "Sanity"  Today's AA daily reflection: "no ordinary success story." Fellowship: all about unity, service and recovery for everyone with a desire to stop drinking. A desire to stop drinking became the only criteria for including ourselves in fellowship. No rules, laws or regulations and there are no leaders who govern, we are all trusted servants with equal voice. Each group is autonomous within Fellowship and making decisions for themselves through group conscience and always in service, and with acceptance.

 

Video For Today:

 

2009 - 2012

 

Unity, service and recovery works for us in the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous and in my life, having family, community and society values, which are consistent with fellowship values keeps me level headed and even handed contingent on my spiritual condition. The twelve steps help me daily with my spiritual condition: to be open and truthful, honest as best I can and willing to keep changing as life changes. I need to heed and listen to the wisdom of everyone around me so I may keep learning how to live and be a part of life...

 

Who wants to be a "one trick pony" only able to excel at one element in life? I know people talk about life balance yet we exult those who drive themselves toward one element of life, the most obvious being famous for one thing. I was talking to my sister a few moments ago about family matters, and the need to cherish and be kind. And how important it is for each person in the family to have their own identity and their own interests. Being good at one thing and driven addictively easily cuts a person off from the richness of our existence and the bigger world of now...

 

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. What can I change today, and where is my serenity? It starts with being able to cope with reality and see and be interested in everything and being able to pick and choose interests and activities. All of which for me is rolled into unity, service and recovery. Plus life in general, family and friends and community and sharing a message and writing and photography and news and TV, the list is what it is ever-changing… Always with unconditional love, to love be loved back and useful in the moment of now…

 

DonInLondon 2005-2011

 

Courage to change, the theme this evening. From being stuck in the malady, to finding our solution one day at a time. I am thankful to be alive and part of a fellowship where we help each other as best we can. Sober we have a chance to live life as it is, real and deal with life on life's terms... change the things we can and wisdom to know the difference.

 

Step 2 "Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity"

 

AA Daily Reflection: NO ORDINARY SUCCESS STORY ~ FEBRUARY 26, A.A. is no success story in the ordinary sense of the word. It is a story of suffering transmuted, under grace, into spiritual progress. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 35

 

Upon entering A.A. I listened to others talk about the reality of their drinking: loneliness, terror and pain. As I listened further, I soon heard a description of a very different kind-the reality of sobriety. It is a reality of freedom and happiness, of purpose and direction, and of serenity and peace with God, ourselves and others. By attending meetings, I am reintroduced to that reality, over and over. I see it in the eyes and hear it in the voices of those around me. By working the program I find the direction and strength with which to make it mine. The joy of A.A. is that this new reality is available to me.

 

"Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity"

-/-

Just For Today, and every day cherish always...

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AA Official Online Site: Daily Reflections

http://www.aa.org/lang/en/aareflections.cfm

AA Official Online Site: Big Book And Twelve And Twelve

http://www.aa.org/lang/en/subpage.cfm?page=359

January 2013 | Step One Reading Video Link:

Step One Alcoholics Anonymous Reading

January 2013 | Video Reading How It Works:

How The Twelve Steps Work

January 2013 | Video Reading A Vision For You:

January 2013 | Playlist About Step One:

http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLD1355CD80542DBFC

don@doninlondon.com |

"music for airports" By Brian Eno | http://www.enoshop.co.uk/ |